AITA for saying no to a dog? Last night my husband texted me we were getting a dog next week. My husband was at the bar he frequents often, and said his friend’s son is rehoming one of his pit-bulls because they just had a baby. I firmly said no.
Our initial plan was to get dogs when he purchase a home. We already have a Maine coon and live in a small 1BR apartment. I also work nights and my husband works days, so I would have to take care of the dog while he’s at work. My husband said “I’m not asking. I’m telling you we’re getting a dog.” He also said I’m unfit to be a mother if I can’t take care of a dog. He called me selfish because he allowed me to get a cat 3 years ago, and now I’m saying no to a dog. AITA for not wanting a dog?
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AITA for saying no to a dog? Last night my husband texted me we were getting a dog next week. My husband was at the bar he frequents often, and said his friend’s son is rehoming one of his pit-bulls because they just had a baby. I firmly said no.
Our initial plan was to get dogs when he purchase a home. We already have a Maine coon and live in a small 1BR apartment. I also work nights and my husband works days, so I would have to take care of the dog while he’s at work. My husband said “I’m not asking. I’m telling you we’re getting a dog.” He also said I’m unfit to be a mother if I can’t take care of a dog. He called me selfish because he allowed me to get a cat 3 years ago, and now I’m saying no to a dog. AITA for not wanting a dog?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said no to getting a dog, when my husband said yes to a cat when he didn’t want one.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You know you’re NTA for having a reasonable argument against something you don’t want. You couldn’t have painted your husband as more of a villain if you tried though.
NTA. Pets are a 2 yes situation. It’s particularly concerning because 1. your husband is not listening to you, 2. is insulting you, and 3. should not be doing tit for tat regarding getting pets. Quite frankly, in that living situation, 1br apartment and a Maine Coon, I wouldn’t want another animal in there, especially a dog. Is that dog even cat safe??
To add to your arguments if they don’t trust the dog around the baby, I wouldn’t trust them in my home 🤷♀️
NTA. A dog is a BIG responsibility, and if you don’t have the time/space to train and care for a dog, it’s abuse. And that’s the LAST breed that needs more stigmatization because it was taken in by unprepared owners.
Nta is also be worried about your main coin and the dog being alone.
Oh wow, NTA, but you have a HUGE husband problem. A pet requires a mutual agreement between both of you. Him telling you that you are getting a dog and dismissing your thoughts on it is not ok, but worse is his comment that you are “unfit to be a mother” if you cant take care of a dog. What the hell?
Please don’t have babies with this man. Is he always controlling like this? Does he have a habit of talking down to you?
Nope. But that’s coming from someone who isn’t a dog person
Absolutely NTA. This is absolutely a situation where both people need to agree. It sounds like your husband expects you to do all of the work and I’ll bet dimes to dollars that his plans for being a father will similarly have you doing all of the work, especially given his shitty comment about your fitness to be a mother.
This subreddit is lousy with people who scream “get a divorce” in response to almost anything posted here, but this is extremely concerning, and I would suggest that, at a minimum, you double up on birth control unless and until he has a massive change of attitude.
NTA. Also, pit bulls are the worst type of dog you could bring into a home. It’s like playing Russian roulette with your life. Show your husband this: https://people.com/oklahoma-woman-attacked-by-dogs-loses-all-limbs-11816265
NAH. A cat practically takes care of itself. A dog is like having a stupid 2yo child for 10+ years. Nooe, you bring it home and I’m letting it out the door.
just look at the titles of your post history and there you have your answer. your ex-friend was always right.
Unless you want a perpetual 2 year old fur baby who should be walked no less than 2 times a day and not crated during the day don’t get a dog. Too many people don’t treat their dogs properly and this is unfortunate. I’ll probably get A LOT of push back on this buts its a humane opinion.
NTA. He would learn what it feels like to be divorced if he spoke to me like that.
Nta. And does your husband often talk to you like that?
Do. Not. Have. Kids. With. Him. If he acts like this over a dog that’s a huge red flag. I wish I would not have had kids with my husband. I am stuck with him now and he got so much worse after having kids. He now talks down to my kids in this way and simultaneously if I leave I am the one causing the huge problem. I’m miserable. Oh and NTA. If they can’t trust the dog with their baby there is NO CHANCE I would let it near my cat.
NTA. And you may want to rethink the idea of having children with him.
He “allowed” you to get a cat? “I’m not asking, I’m telling you”? That man sees you as property not an equal partner. NTA. I don’t know the whole situation but those red flags really stick out to me.
Do not get coerced into getting a dog if you don’t want one.
NTA. And you probably shouldn’t keep him as a husband any more either. That kind of disrespectful talk shouldn’t be tolerated by you. Editing to ask: what do you mean by “when he purchases a home”? Wouldn’t that be a joint purchase? Or did you just make a typo?
NTA. Do they even know if the dog is good with cats? A lot of dogs, especially pit bulls, have a high prey drive which wouldn’t be a good thing for your cat. Has your cat been around dogs? What happens if your cat has issues, how are you guys going to deal with it?
Also are you planning on having kids? If so, why are they giving up this dog because they had a baby? Lack of time or was the dog acting inappropriately with the baby?
*I’m not against pit bulls. Just bringing up simple points that need to be thought of before even considering bringing ANY dog into your home.
NTA. Rehome husband if this is how he treats you.
NTA
Pets are two yes’s or a no. If you bring a large dog being rehomed due to concerns over a baby what
do you think is going to happen to your cat in a one bedroom apartment?
Also your husband is a tool and I’d start looking into getting my own apartment if he talked to me like that.
NTA. He can take care of the dog & adapt them to his schedule then. Not your choice? Not your responsibility. Make that clear to your husband whom you should second guess either being with or at least getting couples’ counseling with due to his “I’m not asking” attitude.
How long has your husband been an abusive alcoholic?
I’m a dog person, not a cat person.
We have a cat, and not a dog, and I consented to that (and am happy with it).
NTA.
NTA – the first problem with this is him telling you that you are getting a dog without having a discussion about it. I would take a long look at this relationship. If this is a pattern, I would run, unless you want him dictating things like when you’re going to have kids and how many you’re allowed to have. Nah sis, you deserve better than this.
You may not even be able to have this breed in your apt per your lease. I
You are already in a terrible place….don’t add a dog to it.
NTA, a dog is a big responsibility as it needs walks, affection, mental stimulation, plus a big enough space inside. A pitbull will be too big for a small apartment, plus has it even been raised with a cat? If it’s never lived with a cat before, then your husband is the AH as he’s putting your cat at risk.
I was going to post a scathing comment about your husband, but everyone else beat me to it.
What hasn’t been said (I don’t think), is that you’d better check your apartment’s lease and local ordinances about what breeds are allowed. Some just don’t allow pits…apartments or the surrounding areas. If they aren’t allowed, that might help.
Get the dog and throw away the man.
Nope NTA. That’s a joint decision. Always.
Nta and you’re husbands friend is an asshole
NTA. It absolutely SUCKS BALLS having to be the caretaker of a pet you didn’t want, especially a dog because of all the going outside and picking up poo and walks. Your husband is completely out of line with the “I’m not asking I’m telling”. That is not a thing that is ever said in a healthy marriage.
Do not have children with this man.
This dude is a child
NTA. I’d also strongly suggest you get yourself into counseling because your husband is controlling you. Control is a form of abuse. You deserve better.
‘I’m not asking you, I’m telling you’. And you put up with this? You’ll be TA if stay with this abusive bum
Not an excuse but was he drunk when he spoke those words? Has he ever said something like this before?
The concerning facts regarding the breed aside, this should be a discussion not what appears to be an ultimatum.
Absolutely NTA. Dogs are a 2 yes situation and as you already have a cat, a pitbull would be the worse breed to get. They were bred for blood sport so aggression and mailing is in their genes. No amount of training will fix that. Just look at the statistics.