This isn’t a major fight, but it’s something my husband and I don’t agree on.
My husband is a recently retired military veteran (20 years, Iraq). We’ve been together since before he enlisted, and I’m incredibly proud of his service. I even worked for the same branch as a civilian, so I have a lot of pride and respect for the military.
We recently moved to a new state and had to get new license plates. We technically both own both cars, but we mainly drive our own — I drive my SUV, and he drives his car, except on rare occasions.
He got a personalized plate for his car (think “ARMY1”) and wanted mine to match (like “ARMY2”). I told him I didn’t want a personalized plate. Then he found out we could get Disabled American Veteran plates or Iraq War Veteran plates, and now he wants to put one on my SUV.
Here’s the thing: I feel really uncomfortable driving a car with a veteran plate when I’ve never actually served. To me, it feels misleading or even disrespectful. He argues that since we both own the cars, it doesn’t matter.
My husband isn’t an asshole and won’t force me to drive with this plate.
So, AITA for refusing to have a veteran plate on my primary car when I’ve never served?
Comments
You’re like an anti Dependa.
NTA.
NTA, don’t do it.
It would be abundantly obvious to anyone that cared that you’re married to a veteran. Absolutely nobody assumes women served- they’ll assume it was him even if it wasn’t.
NTA. Your reasons are very respectful. I hope your husband appreciates that!
NAH. very mature behavior on both sides.
NTA but just to offer one upside: in Texas you get free tolls on a DV plate vehicle. My husband did not serve but I made sure to get the plates on both of our cars since we use both interchangeably and I don’t want to pay tolls if I don’t have to.
On the vehicle he drives primarily we ordered a border plate that covers up the “disabled veteran” line.
Even obnoxious angry wifes don’t do that, they put on ” lmy husband rank is captain” or “I got a medal for being an army wife”.
NTA (“that” I was refering to putting veteran licence plate on tour care when you’re not a veteran
NAH my dad his dad and his dad all served, my dad just retired. It fr does not matter I promise. Like genuinely ask yourself, how often do you actually think about someone’s license plate beyond the 2 seconds it takes to see it. It seriously doesn’t matter either way.
I don’t use a Vet’s plate. I served like millions of others, and I didn’t deploy overseas. Your husband has earned the right to his plate, but I understand your feelings.
If you and your husband are co-owners of each vehicle it isn’t a bad thing. We did that with ours but when she wanted to get her own vehicle (manner of personal pride) she went back to standard plates.
It depends on whether or not you outrank him.
You could offer a compromise and get regular disabled plates for when he may drive it. No one’s complained about a car with DIS plates parked in the middle of the lot that I know of.
You’re a good person & I agree with your position. 🙋🏻♀️
NTA. You have a very ethical mindset.
There’s often conversation (rightly so) that the spouse and family of a service member shares in their responsibility as a military person and should enjoy some privileges of that. I think you should feel very comfortable sharing the distinction of those personalized plates and not feel the least bit self-conscious about that decision.
NTA, but realize just because you have DV plates on your car, does not mean you ONLY must park in disabled spots. (As stated already you get tax benefits from having served.)
Many folks have handicapped plates and placards, for kids or family members who are disabled, but chose NOT to park in handicapped spots when they drive solo.
You are entitled to this benefit as his spouse. You don’t think you deserve it because you didn’t serve, but being a spouse to someone who is serving is also a big deal.
NAH at this. But someone in your position could become one later.
It’s not misleading, people will assume it was your husband who served and you’re diving his truck and etc.
Just don’t be taking advantage of any perks or special parking or anything like that unless your husband is there.
The moment you accept even one benefit then it becomes what you are afraid of, but until then nobody cares about a plate.
Note : I didn’t mean the free tolls, I mean shit like premium parking and whatnot.
If you had it on your car, that opens you up to accusations of stolen valor.
NTA! As a military wife, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that type of plate either.
NAH
I don’t thank him for his service. A million Iraqi civilians died because of that bullshit war. I consider him a terrorist.
Hope that helps.
Dont do it. I agree w you.
NTA. There are enough dickheads out there spouting about stolen valour for no reason. I saw a post the other day where a guy was wearing his late dads dog tags. His dad had been killed in Iraq. He wore them to honour his dad, but he got hounded by this asshole because they weren’t his, but his dads.
I don’t know how it works as a civilian worker for a branch, but your husband has the valour and he can put any damned plates he pleases on cars. I get where you are coming from though. nobody likes those military spouses cruising on their husbands rank as if it makes them something special. (Not that I’m saying you are one 😊)
Are they no cost plates? I live in Alaska and my disabled veteran plate is free. It’s the only reason I got it. It’s on the car my wife drives most often because our truck has a permanent plate. Saves us $100 or so a year. If it’s something you have to pay for then yeah, I get it. As a veteran I don’t mind spouses or kids that have vet plates though. Most people won’t notice or think anything about it.
NAH My husband was a retired Navy officer. I was not married to him while he served.
We had base stickers on both cars so we could drive either to the Navy Exchange. When I went by myself, the gate guards saluted me as if I were a service member. It always made me feel uncomfortable.
BUT – in your case, you DID serve. The spouses of career service members make enormous sacrifices so that their partners can serve. Some, too many, make the ultimate sacrifice.
You earned the plates, but if you don’t want them, that’s okay too.
I’m an Army (Officer) vet who qualifies for five military awards that my state allows on our plates. My wife is an Army (Enlisted) vet and Navy (Officer) current who qualifies for two. We have none of them as plates, and wouldn’t think of getting them. We are both proud of our service, but we never thought for a second about making our cars a billboard for military service.
If that’s how a couple who both served feels, you should not have a shred of concern over not doing so even when your spouse otherwise qualifies.
NTA. You shouldn’t And especially if you don’t want to. I am thankful for everyone who ever served, but man, some people want to make it their *entire* personality. Some spouses of those who served jump right into it with them.
What about a plate ARMY WIF or similar?
I would feel uncomfortable with that also
NAH
You’re the opposite of a dependa, good for you.
Good for your husband on not forcing it.
I am a retired veteran and both cars are technically his and available to drive. I dont think it is an issue. no NORMAL person would judge your for having disabled veteran plates…if anything they will be sexist (but correct) and assumed that your husband served. I do NOT have veteran or disabled plates on my car, even though I qualify, because I just dont want them and the judgmental looks I get for being a female veteran. NAH
I was thinking of putting a “spouse” bumper sticker on mine. Wife served army and af, i did not. Then i would get people looking at me weird for the spouse tags on top of the vet tags heh
NTA. In this context, it makes sense since you didn’t serve
NTA – but if he EVER drives or rides in your car, and he’s truly disabled, it benefits him as a DV. Since he is part owner of the vehicle, it makes sense.
The way you’d abuse the use of the plate is to park in disabled parking without your husband with you; or if someone noticed and gave you a discount as a service member and not a spouse. Frankly, I’ve seen more DV plates in non-disabled parking over disabled parking, so that’s not so far fetched for you to do.
NTA. It seems like the more respectful choice but also, I don’t want to drive around with a plate advertising my husband’s job. That’s just kinda weird…
NTA – you are doing the right thing.
There are plates that don’t say anything, get one of those; you can look at it online and find the ones you want
Nah, however there is something you really should consider.
You’ve stated that he qualifies for DISABLED veteran plates.
Is it a physical disability and/or is a physical accommodation such as parking close to entrances beneficial as an aid to him?
Or to the contrary, if he borrowed your car, or you were out together in your car, could parking further away from the entrance cause a problem for him?
And I’m talking about a bad day that he has 10% or even 5% of the time, not the 20 days of the month where he might be fine.
Basically, does he just want them because it’s cool, or would it be a worthwhile accommodation to help with real issues caused by a disability that he has picked up during his service?
Because if it’s the latter, quite frankly your personal discomfort shouldn’t even factor into the question.
You don’t need to take advantage of them when he’s not around, but you should have them just in case.