I (29M) have a close friend from uni who’s expecting her first baby with her partner. We’ve stayed friends over the years, not super tight but definitely still in touch and supportive.
She messaged me last week saying they’d picked out a name for the baby — my name. I was a bit taken aback. She said I’d always been a “constant” and someone she admired for being grounded. It was meant as a compliment and a gesture.
But… it made me weirdly uncomfortable. I don’t hate my name or anything, but I’ve never loved it either. And the idea of a kid being named after me — especially when we’re not that close anymore — just felt a bit strange. I told her I was flattered but that I didn’t really feel comfortable with it. She seemed hurt and replied with something like “it’s not about you, it’s for my son.”
Now I feel like I’ve made a big deal out of something that was meant kindly. But at the same time, it feels weird having no say in someone using your name that way.
AITA?
Comments
Hey dear, it’s okay to feel strange about this, but remember, it’s a testament to your wonderful character—let it warm your heart and maybe talk with your friend more about how you feel!
Nah you’re not the a**hole, it’s your name you’re allowed to feel weird about it. It’s like someone naming their cat after you and being like “don’t worry, it’s a tribute.” Cool, but… why me??
Maybe she just likes the name and thought she’d let you know because many people would enjoy that. You don’t have to give your name up or anything.
I think it’s perfectly okay to speak your mind, and honesty is always the best policy—as long as you come from a place of kindness!
I wouldn’t say you’re an AH….. But why in the world wouldn’t you of just said “awww that’s so cool and sweet!” And let it go. Especially since you’re not super close anymore. Like just let it be knowing she thinks you’re grounded and stable as an individual and relates that to your name hoping her son would also take on those traits……..
She probably just has really good associations with your name because of your friendship. Not necessarily doing it in honor of you.
Not the asshole for feeling that way but kind of an asshole for not keeping it to yourself.
The harsh truth here is that she’s right. This isn’t about you and this baby’s name is entirely up to the parents.
NTA. It is ok to feel strange about it. It is a nice idea but when that person is naming their child after you it is not out of the world to be surprised or eve uncomfortable
She likes your name. She’s not calling the baby after you. You have been decent enough (up to now) that you haven’t ruined the name for her.
It wasn’t about you but you misunderstood so NAH.
She can’t say she’s naming the baby after you because she admires you and then get mad and say “it’s not about you” when you have a human reaction. She made it about you from the start.
NTA
You’re not the bad guy here, it’s okay to feel weird about it, but remember, her kid, her choice—she’s seeing it as a tribute, not a burden!
I mean, if you’ve got that close of a relationship with her, talk to her about it. Because, here’s the truth, if you’ve always been close and people know and see that, it’s entirely possible that this can be taken out of context like you’re the real father of the baby. With that in mind, maybe offer a compromise, where they choose a different first name and can honor you with the middle name and maybe you being the child’s godfather.
YTA – you don’t own the name. She gave you a compliment. She didn’t ask you to be the god parent or something. You could have just said, “that’s nice” and moved on with your life.
Not an asshole but it’s an opportunity to sort out living in alignment with your own name. You gotta walk around everyday figure out how to make it feel good to you.
NTA – being unwillingly turned into a namesake is like getting a product you didn’t review; it’s okay to feel uncomfortable about it.
I would be honored if someone asked me to name their baby after me.
I mean you don’t own your name. You probably share it with thousands if not more people already. I think you need to just let go a little bit. She likes the name, she decided to let you know in advance because otherwise it would’ve been weird, and then you made it really weird with your response.
Slight YTA. You don’t own your name. Odds are she chose it because she likes it and no other reason. Be glad she did not ask you to change your name so you will not have the same name as her baby.
YTA. Nobody has any say on what a parent can name their children. Your name is not your personal property, your friend doesn’t need your permission or approval. You ruined a gesture from someone who clearly respects you a lot, to be “true to your feelings” or whatever.
Ok, fine your choicebut that doesn’t mean I’m even the slightest bit interested in god parenting whatsoever.
End of conversation.
Ooof. Soft YTA. I’m sorry but nobody owns a name, and it sounds like your friend did someone pretty damn thoughtful. Maybe it made you feel uncomfortable bc you felt like it created a responsibility for you that you don’t want?
lmao “its not about you” she literally called to say it’s about OP.
NTA it is weird. if my bf wanted to name our kid after his girl close friend that isn’t even that close to him anymore is kinda weird.
When I was trying to name my son, I shot down so many names because of people with the name and not wanting to think of them. I would be flattered if someone wanted to name their kid after me because it means they see me as enough of a positive person to be constantly reminded of me. I get feeling a little weird about it, but she didn’t have to tell you and was kind enough to do so. NAH.
You don’t own your name. No, you don’t get to say whether or not people get to use the name.
Why didn’t you just accept the compliment and move on?
I mean, YTA in the way that so many other people are today, thinking everything you feel has to be blurted out to the world because it’s “true” and you’re being “authentic.”
Sometimes you can just feel a thing and keep it to yourself and that’s okay. That’s how the world works a lot. This isn’t going to hurt or actually affect you in any way shape or form, but you can cause hurt and resentment with your friend here.
This is kind of an opportunity to choose what sort of person you want to be – are you going to be someone obsessed with your own main character syndrome? Or will you be a decent human who lets other people live their own lives with some degree of grace? Your call here friend.
Google “namesake history,” and know that this is one of the biggest honors you could have been given.
Send the friend a sweet card and say thank you. It will fix any problems, and you won’t have to call or talk to the person, but the heartfelt warm wish for them will be felt. 😉😉
YTA!! It was very nice of them to alert you. You have no say in what they name their child. You should have stopped talking after saying you were flattered!!
In this case, yes, You ATA.
Did the two of you ever date? Hook up? Anything, ever?
Did she ever at any point in time express interest in you as more than a friend?
If a guy wrote in saying that he was uncomfortable, because his partner wants to name their son after a guy she was good friends with in university, everyone would be asking if they had ever hooked up and if she was still into him…
“it made me weirdly uncomfortable”
Maybe a part of that is because deep down, you know, that at one point, she had a thing for you.
And now you’re worried that she may still be carrying that, but it’s not like you can actually ask her…
At this point I would let it go.
It’s okay to feel uncomfortable, but as others have pointed out, the parents get to choose their baby’s name and it doesn’t matter whether other people like that or not.
You’re not very close anymore, and you don’t need to become closer again now just because she’s naming the kid for you.
“She said I’d always been a “constant” and someone she admired for being grounded. It was meant as a compliment and a gesture.”
And to everyone saying she just picked the name because she likes it.
No, she’s naming baby after him, and she admits that.
Fair enough! I can see why your friend’s suggestion might’ve made you squirm a bit. It’s flattering in its own way but not everyone feels comfortable being ‘namedropped’ for their kid.
Everyone’s personality is different. Myself, I might would find it slightly weird only because I would never name my kid after a friend lol. But I was literally named after a patient my mom met as a nurse lol. People find inspiration anywhere. You’re allowed to feel weird about it, but honestly it is kind of sweet that your friend cherishes you that much.
You can’t have a personal boundary about what other people name their kid… and it’s not lying to just thank them for the kind gesture and then shut your mouth. There was zero reason to speak up about this. These people naming their child what they want to name their child has zero negative effect on you, and your actions only served to offend this person.
This is like when people say, “I tell it like it is,” as an excuse for acting like a dick. Some things just don’t need to be said.
YTA. She’s paying you one of the greatest compliments a person can give to another and you shat all over it.
My son ( in his 30s) was named after my husband’s best friend.
With the many twists and turns of life- The name connection was lost in history. It was my son’s name. I recently made plans to see/ visit the friend – and was reminded of the name connection when a coworker commented. 🤣
“Now I feel like I’ve made a big deal out of something that was meant kindly.”
Yes, you did – though, if you still want to be friends, you can also apologize and just say you were surprised and reacted awkwardly.
“But at the same time, it feels weird having no say in someone using your name that way.’
It is not YOUR name alone – it is just a name that is likely shared by hundreds of thousands of people. It really isn’t all about you.
Upon reflection, I’m having trouble believing this post is real, since it is hard to imagine someone nearly 30 years old being this immature.
Yeah, YTA. She wasn’t asking permission, and you have no veto power over the name she chose. She wasn’t asking permission just letting you know.
She liked the name and she liked you being grounded and that’s what she wants her son to be. It’s not about you. My daughter wouldn’t pick certain names for her baby’s because she’s a school teacher and names that were suggested she said NO, I have a kid in my class with that name and she’s has behavior issues. She did pick a name from one of her old student because she was kind and sweet and that’s what she wanted her daughter to be.
It’s her baby, she’ll call him whatever she wants, whatever your opinion 😅
My childhood best friend’s granddaughter shares my name. It’s a great name – I’m not gatekeeping it. She told me beforehand. I said “Awww that’s great! Thank you! I love the name!”
YTA. There’s absolutely no reason for you to feel uncomfortable whatsoever. I suppose you can’t control that – although you should examine why and work on it – but regardless you should have kept it to yourself. Instead, you wrecked a friendship.
Go back and apologize and say that upon reflection you’d be honored.
It’s a name I’m sure you already share with hundreds of thousands of other people long before you were born and after you die.
NTA. You said you were uncomfortable with it, not that you wouldn’t allow her to.
It would be inappropriate for you to tell her she’s not allowed.
However, if she’s telling you she’s naming a baby after you as a gesture, it’s okay for you to inform her that it’s not what you want.
Sounds like she’s going to name the baby your name anyway. If you value the friendship, I’d tell her you will support her in naming her kid whatever she wants.
Why do you feel uncomfortable that the child gets the same name as you? Do you feel obligated to stay in their lives because of it or have a special role in the childs life that you are not sure you want?
I have to admit, I would feel really weird about it as well. Yes it’s flattering, but it seems like it would be very awkward to her partner to have the child named after you. I mean, if my wife said she wanted to name our child after her guy friend, I would probably have to veto that name.
She wasn’t asking for your permission. She was letting you know.