M (30) F (26)
I’ve been together with my girlfriend for 3 years, and we’ve been living together for 2 years in a one-bedroom apartment. Out of the blue, my girlfriend told me that a friend of hers from the past is in trouble and has no place to stay. She said this friend was kicked out by her boyfriend because she didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. The house was in his name, not hers. For context, my girlfriend is Romanian, and so is her friend.
Then she said maybe we could help her and let her stay with us until she finds a place and gets her life back on track. I really didn’t want that and told her we don’t even have a second bedroom, so she’d have to sleep on the couch. My girlfriend suddenly started crying and got angry because I didn’t want to help her friend right away. It’s not that I don’t want to help, but we simply don’t have the space and who knows how long she’ll stay?
After many conversations, we eventually decided to help her, and she moved in with us. She doesn’t have a job or any income. She also has a 3-year-old daughter, but she rarely sees her because the child is with the father. It’s a strange story: before moving in with us, she was apparently in Italy for a year with another man she had a relationship with, but it turned out he was abusive, so she came back to Belgium and now she’s living with us.
We didn’t make any agreements about rent or her contribution for staying here. Every time I bring it up with my girlfriend, she gets angry and says her friend has no money and can’t pay. At first, I could tolerate her presence, but now it’s been a month and I’m losing my mind. This is not okay for my mental health. I do see that she’s trying to contribute by cooking, doing the dishes, and cleaning but still.
I’m starting to hate her more and more, especially because she and my girlfriend have become really close friends. They talk constantly and laugh and giggle all the time and I feel like she doesn’t like me and is trying to drive a wedge between me and my girlfriend. This is a really shitty situation, and I actually want her out of my apartment as soon as possible. Apparently, she has nowhere else to go, so if we kick her out, she might end up sleeping on the street and then I’m the bad guy.
Who can help me? What should I do in this situation?
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M (30) F (26)
I’ve been together with my girlfriend for 3 years, and we’ve been living together for 2 years in a one-bedroom apartment. Out of the blue, my girlfriend told me that a friend of hers from the past is in trouble and has no place to stay. She said this friend was kicked out by her boyfriend because she didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. The house was in his name, not hers. For context, my girlfriend is Romanian, and so is her friend.
Then she said maybe we could help her and let her stay with us until she finds a place and gets her life back on track. I really didn’t want that and told her we don’t even have a second bedroom, so she’d have to sleep on the couch. My girlfriend suddenly started crying and got angry because I didn’t want to help her friend right away. It’s not that I don’t want to help, but we simply don’t have the space and who knows how long she’ll stay?
After many conversations, we eventually decided to help her, and she moved in with us. She doesn’t have a job or any income. She also has a 3-year-old daughter, but she rarely sees her because the child is with the father. It’s a strange story: before moving in with us, she was apparently in Italy for a year with another man she had a relationship with, but it turned out he was abusive, so she came back to Belgium and now she’s living with us.
We didn’t make any agreements about rent or her contribution for staying here. Every time I bring it up with my girlfriend, she gets angry and says her friend has no money and can’t pay. At first, I could tolerate her presence, but now it’s been a month and I’m losing my mind. This is not okay for my mental health. I do see that she’s trying to contribute by cooking, doing the dishes, and cleaning but still.
I’m starting to hate her more and more, especially because she and my girlfriend have become really close friends. They talk constantly and laugh and giggle all the time and I feel like she doesn’t like me and is trying to drive a wedge between me and my girlfriend. This is a really shitty situation, and I actually want her out of my apartment as soon as possible. Apparently, she has nowhere else to go, so if we kick her out, she might end up sleeping on the street and then I’m the bad guy.
Who can help me? What should I do in this situation?
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> the action of me not wanting her in our appartment anymore and kicking her out
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA You have to be honest with your girlfriend and discuss a timeframe for her friend to move out. A month should be plenty of time for her to find a room or make arrangements to temporarily move back in with family. It is not your responsibility to take her on as a dependent.
From reading a bazillion posts like these, I feel like I can say your relationship is effectively over. You’re in a no-win situation.
NTA. This seems like hobosexual behavior, with strings attached.
The bigger red flag is not discussing it properly or giving 2 hoots about your partners comfort.
Have a sit down with her when the friend is not around. Share your concerns. If she seems dismissive, break up.
Subtlety tell your gf “I don’t know why she can’t find a nice guy, she’s really cool and cute, she’d be a steal for any guy”
She’ll kick her out herself.
NTA
Sounds like she’s a hobosexual. She just drifts from one guy to the next using them.
NTA – they are both taking advantage of you. Tell GF she has a month to get out.
If GF disagrees, then YOU move out, and they can figure out how to pay the bills between the two of them.
NTA!! Please dont consider a bigger apartment. She wont help with the rent. If you kick her out you’ll lose your gf. Buy a sofa bed because she’ll be staying for the long haul. No job, no plans, no goals. Just empty promises and a bunch of words. Im sorry man
NTA. A month of this and no plan or timeline for her moving out is not acceptable. Kicking her out would be an asshole move if she truly has no other options, but you all need to talk about this situation and find a solution that works for all of you.
I think you have to have a deep talk with your girlfriend and state that you’re giving her friend one more month to find new accommodations, because you just refuse to fully support her one more single day. If her friend doesn’t have a job, how on earth will she pay herself out?
Otherwise, your girlfriend and her friend can move out and rent a place together. I am sorry, but this might lead up to this
Tell the management of the apartment that she has an unregistered Tennant living in your apartment. Might get you both kicked out, but then you’ll be free of the lease and your awful soon to be ex. They’re both taking advantage of you.
NTA.. but in hindsight boundaries should have been set, for example, length of stay. You need to set boundaries for her length of stay and chores around the apartment now. Communication is important.
You are morally and financially being used. Communicate your feelings to your girlfriend and set clear boundaries of how you want to resolve this situation.
If your girlfriend gets angry or refuses to compromise I would move out and leave them with all the financial commitments of the apartment.
30 years of age is young and the world is yours get out there and live it instead of being stuck in a relationship where you are being used.
NTA. Your gf is waiting for you to move out and you should. She clearly doesn’t care how all of this affects you.
Make different choices OP.
The ones you’ve made to this point are the reason why you’re in the position you find yourself in.
NTA, you agreed to help short-term, not indefinitely. It’s your home too, and you deserve boundaries. Your girlfriend needs to respect that this situation can’t go on forever without a plan.
They are financially using you. Tell your gf from now on she is solely responsible for financially supporting her friend and you are giving her friend 1 months notice to get her affairs in order and move out. If gf gets angry then she can leave with her friend. Who’s name is on the lease?