Im 31M..So my girlfriends mom moved in with us about a year ago for the second time. She had an issue with the person she was living with so I helped her move out and move in with us. I don’t mind her staying with us short term. I was thinking like one or two years. I thought that was generous so she could save up some money and get her own place. My girlfriend and I been together 10 years, in a two bedroom home. Its already small for the two of us. Her mom has a gambling and spending issue and she takes out loans as she’s currently be garnished for other debts. And even after taking out loans she struggles to pay a very small rent (she has a job and makes more than i do too). And im worried this short term situation might not end up being so short term. I don’t feel as free in my own home as I would like to be. When I bring It up to my girlfriend. She says its not a big deal and she’s basically just saving us money. But I rather pay more to have my own space with the person I love. So basically I just want to know AITA for wanting my own space, and to not live with any parents until they get to an age were they truly need the help.
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Im 31M..So my girlfriends mom moved in with us about a year ago for the second time. She had an issue with the person she was living with so I helped her move out and move in with us. I don’t mind her staying with us short term. I was thinking like one or two years. I thought that was generous so she could save up some money and get her own place. My girlfriend and I been together 10 years, in a two bedroom home. Its already small for the two of us. Her mom has a gambling and spending issue and she takes out loans as she’s currently be garnished for other debts. And even after taking out loans she struggles to pay a very small rent (she has a job and makes more than i do too). And im worried this short term situation might not end up being so short term. I don’t feel as free in my own home as I would like to be. When I bring It up to my girlfriend. She says its not a big deal and she’s basically just saving us money. But I rather pay more to have my own space with the person I love. So basically I just want to know AITA for wanting my own space, and to not live with any parents until they get to an age were they truly need the help.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Well i haven’t done anything. I just had an argument with my girlfriend about it. And she made me feel like an asshole because i dont want to live with her mom forever and she said i am making her choose between me and her mother.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You need to have a serous conversation with your girlfriend. You also need to decide if you are willing to breakup with your girlfriend if she is unwilling to set a move out date for her mom.
NTA, but dude, I’m not sure there’s a way out of this situation that will allow you to salvage your relationship with your GF. It’s going to be virtually impossible to get your MIL to move out without breaking up with your GF.
NAH. It seems that the girlfriend and the mom are a packaged deal. If you don’t want to package, move on.
You will be living with your girlfriend’s mother until she passes away, unless you leave this relationship. Mark my words.
You’ve already let her in the door, you and your gf are enabling her shitpile habits, and she will be going nowhere, ever.
NTA for wanting your own space obviously, but you’re not going to get it.
…& Momma will soon be using your credit, stealing your info etc. to gain access for more $.
Get her out! Even if she has to go to a homeless shelter. You are enabling her & she will bleed you dry!
Your gf is the ah.
NTA. 1-2 years is not what I’d call short term. If she’s not making any changes or seeking treatment then she’s never going to leave. You need to explain to your girlfriend exactly how you feel. Is it worth ending the relationship? Are you willing to move somewhere with more space and to continue living with her mom?
NTA. You and GF need to stop enabling her mother. Ask mother to move out & give her a firm date. GF’s mother is learning anything by you giving her a place to stay. She’s continuing with gambling. One would think mother would find a second job to pay off the garnishments quicker.
NTA. It may not be a big deal to your GF; but it is to you. Tell her and insist on making some changes in your lifestyle so that the two of you can live without her mother’s constant presence.
NTA of course. You didn’t agree to this being permanent and it seems clear your GF is in no rush to end this arrangement. The fact that she pretty much just dismissed your perspective is very annoying, and makes her an AH. Minimally, it is different for her to live with her mom because it’s HER MOM.
It might be that you need to re-raise the topic with your GF and do not accept being told it’s not a big deal. That’s simply not an appropriate response. It IS a big deal to you, and your voice matters JUST AS MUCH as hers. What it comes down to is that if your GF expects to support her mom indefinitely like this, you prob are not compatible. You aren’t ‘making her choose’. You aren’t asking her to cut contact with her mom, and the fact that she’s using inflammatory language like that is not a good sign – that language is very dramatic and over the top, and it seems intent on making you feel bad.
All you’re both doing now is enabling her mom to continue being irresponsible with money and you’re putting yourselves at risk in the process.
NTA. This is great for MIL and unfortunately there is no incentive for her to stop intruding. This will continue for as long as you allow it to.
NTA. You and your girlfriend need couples counseling and get in the same page or you will split over this. Next, mom will need help paying off her debts. Mom needs counseling for her gambling addiction or she needs to move out. Having her there is just enabling her.
Ntah how sweet it is to have someone take care of you forever. You are being used my man.
Not sure what anyone was thinking. People with “gambling and spending issues” rarely do a great job at “saving up.” Her living with you is actually doing nothing but enabling her.
NTA though.
NTA- you are enabling the enabler. GF’s mom has a gambling and spending addiction, she needs professional help. If the mom isn’t willing to get therapy or at the very least go to a support group to get help she will never get herself out of the hole she has dug. Your GF is enabling her mom by not having her be accountable and independent. If GF doesn’t recognize this and isn’t willing to take your feelings into consideration then you have to decide if you’re willing to live with her mother indefinitely. If you choose to continue in the relationship and allow mom to stay then you need to have a frank discussion about finances and what you are willing to accept when mom comes asking for help, cuz I can 100% guarantee that day is fast approaching.
Gf needs to have a serious chat with her mom about her gambling addiction and spending. She needs help and even so far as removing access to all money except for essentials. Something needs to be done as it doesn’t get better from here. I know you don’t want her living there, and I can’t blame you. But the bigger issue is that she needs help and it doesn’t sound like gf is doing to help her get it.
NTA This is your future
Sit Mom and girlfriend down and have a conversation with them. I understand mom love but this apparently is wearing on you. We had a situation that involved my older sister, 10 years older. Not only did she have a gambling problem but liked her liquor too. She pretty much stayed in her room as she had all the comforts, own bathroom, tv, Wi-Fi and so on. What ended it all was she would drink to oblivion and puke all over the side of the bed, and the gambling cut into paying her hundred dollar a month rent. She was a functional drunk and no one ever suspected least of all us. She worked full time. We had to sit her down and told her she had to move. We helped her find a place and helped her with everything else. We were gentle about it and everything worked out fine. I feel for you,but there is no easy way to do this and there is nothing wrong with wanting your life back. Good luck
NTA. Mom needs a reality check. Someone needs to take over her finances and get her some help.
NTA sadly until her mom gets help with her spending and gambling issues I don’t see changing.
That also means that your gf and you need to stop being her safety net and take steps to stop that. Not sure what that looks like as your gf doesn’t see any issues in the arrangement
INFO: Do you own or rent? Who is on the mortgage or rental docs?
NTA – but if your girlfriend doesn’t mind mom there, this is life with your girlfriend. You need to decide if you’re ok with that life