I just want to be clear that this woman has been nothing but sweet to me. But I am very off put by what her intentions are.
I am a mom of 5 and I live on the same property as my landlord. Separate houses with a shared yard. My landlords sister Hannah parks her camper here during the summer months and stays here with all of her foster kids every weekend. She has 7 kids under her care currently. 2 that she adopted and the rest are fosters that have been with her for a year or less.
To cut right to the chase, she started dropping little “im just joking” comments a few weeks back. Basically she would start harassing me at like 10am for me and my kids to come hang out with her and her fosters and then say things like “sure hope you dont mess up, I might have to swoop in and take your kids” or “if you ever fuck up and your kids get taken, I will fight for them”. Tries getting my youngest to kiss her on the mouth (shes 2). And then there’s been other things, like blatantly telling me that she hopes that “her sons” mom keeps fucking up so she can adopt the boys (ages 2 and 4, only been with her for 3 months). Actively tries getting people to stalk her oldest foster kids mom on tiktok (ages 14 and 9), saying she’s a “waste of space” (lost her kids due to lack of food because she was working 2 jobs and simply struggling as a single mom – no physical abuse).
Im just super off put. The comments keep intensifying and its almost like shes trying to manifest me losing my kids so she can take them at this point with how much she comments on the “if you ever fuck up” or “hope you dont fuck up cause I will have to steal your kids” talk.
But, let it be absolutely clear, this woman is also sweat as pie. Invites us down for dinner all the time, loves my kids, loves me, invites me to her house when I dont even have my kids. Im just not sure what to think. AITA?
Comments
NTA. You should consider moving elsewhere!
NTA I wouldn’t if I had kids want them around her. Have you said anything to your landlord about her sister’s comments?
Yeah, Ted Bundy was sweet as pie too. Till he wasn’t. Keep your kids away from her. Tell your landlord that due to her erratic comments, you may be looking at moving when your lease is up.
Everything you have said is problematic. Especially her trying to kiss a 2 year old on the mouth. I think you need to tell her directly, that her comments are not appropriate and you would appreciate her not making them. I would start creating distance with her ASAP. Trust your gut here OP. Something is definitely off, with a person who’s doing the shit she’s doing.
NTA. Anonymously report her to CPS for stalking the kid’s biomom. And start looking for a new place before she reports you so she can try to get your kids.
NTA, this is creepy af. It’s NOT sweet of her to invite you to dinner if her goal is to ingratiate herself with your kids, or if she’s looking for ways to take advantage. I mean sure, it’s possible she’s sincere and if so I owe her an apology, but she keeps a sinister running commentary that’s against your best interests. Who does that?
Trust your instincts.
NTA. Those “jokes” are super weird. Consider a new place to live.
Nope keep her away
NTA – I wouldn’t want anything to do with her for how she talks about the foster kids parent alone, let alone her making the comments she makes about your own kids or the kissing on the mouth. I understand your apprehension on not wanting to alienate your landlords sister by drawing a hard line. Maybe ask the landlord how she feels about you having a conversation with be sister about your concerns and to give fair warning the sister may find it offensive as you plan to be very honest and put boundaries in place.
I also suggest following the advice of those who said anonymously put in a confidential tip to CPS. Outline that she stalks/harasses the foster kids mom, the comments she makes about hoping that parent fucks up so she can adopt the kid. I can’t help but think she alienates the foster kids from bio parents. Despite what people think, the courts always want to see kids reunited with their bio parents when possible. Alienating those kids is a huge issue.
This needs to be reported to CPS. If she’s making comments about kids’ “bad” parents to y’all, she’s done it around the kids. Even if they are POS, and not just in fixable situation, a child will internalize that bad parent = their bad, non-deserving. It’s emotional abuse. SIL sounds like she needs to affirm her self worth with kids being dependent on her- not ok, narcissistic really.
6 fosters already? By herself? What kind of a circus is that agency running. I know of some people that have 4-5 fosters at a time but they have a small farm, added additional section to home and also have 2 “parents” and their older children (17-22yo) that assist with care/ running around for activities.
She’s NOT “sweet as pie” she sounds like a psychopath, I’d cut all dinners & extra visiting & limit contact as much as possible
NTA. That woman has issues
Report her to CPS for the stalking and parental alienation. Check your state’s recording laws.
Also, having seven kids means she is not taking adequate care of any of them.
That’s not a normal joke to make, especially more than once
NTA, but find somewhere else to live ASAP. Once you give notice, tell your landlord why you’re moving. I’d also contact whatever agency she fosters through and tell them these things she’s saying.
Those comments are not funny. They are borderline threats and she’s getting way too close to your kids and involved in your business for my comfort. I’m incapable of listening to things like that and not responding so I don’t know how you just let this slide to be honest. She has enough kids to worry about and her comments about wanting the birth parents to screw up so she can hoard more children are completely contrary to the goal of foster parenting. The goal should be reunification whenever possible. I have to wonder how much money she takes in from the state to care for these children. I’ve witnessed people who made this their full time job and it’s creepy. I think you’d be smart to limit time with this woman. Her motives are suspect to me. NTA.
Lack of adequate food is child abuse. Be clear about that. Shocking to hear a mother minimize it
Maybe stop and talk to her. Tell her you are not comfortable with your children kissing anyone on the mouth. Tell her you know she means no harm but you don’t like her joking about you losing your kids.
She sounds big hearted and kind. If you’re that concerned, start turning down her invitations, but don’t bad mouth her behind her back and then enjoy her friendship and kindness.
Record her. Document everything you see. Even better, get a security camera and point it toward where she hangs out with the kids. Just make sure that it’s pointed in a direction that you can argue is for home security, not just to spy on her. Multiple cameras makes that easier.
Then you share it with CPS. Ideally right after you move away.
It may not even be legal for her to park a camper in the yard and live there.
None of that is appropriate or normal. And I would find out who handles the fosters in your area and make an anonymous complaint.
She sounds like a “collector” of kids. And that’s not a good thing.
And frankly, if you are in a one party state, I would be recording some of this.
7 fosters? Living in arc camper? Wtf? This is nuts but you are seeing those red flags she’s waving! NTA
Someone who says and does those things is NOT sweet as pie!
Forcing a child to kiss her on the lips is a form of molestation. Not because she means it sexually, but because she’s taking the child’s choice away. Hell, I wouldn’t want my child kissing anyone on the lips, particularly an acquaintance!
Get to documenting. Turn her in. Protect your children, yourself, and the children she’s “caring” for.
Start with making sweet but firm comments being clear you are not comfortable.
‘I am not comfortable with your trying to kiss her on the mouth.’
‘I am not comfortable with you talking about me losing my kids. I assume you are making a joke, but we both know that kids needing foster care is not a laughing matter.’
If she still pushes, distance yourself from her. Don’t go for dinner. If there is a push for a reason, explain that you were uncomfortable and she doesn’t agree so best not to keep pushing.
Start documenting every interaction with her. Date, time, quote her words as precisely as possible. While it’s possible that her personality is plain off putting, it’s more than likely she’s getting substantial monetary benefits for having that many foster kids at the same time. And her not so subtle threats about trying to get your kids away from you is scary AF. I’m betting that she’s documenting stuff about you too, and she’s probably pretty good at it, since she has a gaggle of foster kids already.
UpdateMe!
You could call CPS and yell them what she has said without telling them her name. Then ask if that is normal or if they need to know which of their foster parents said it.
Not the AH. Call children’s services and report this whack job. She’s living high off the hog on taxpayer’s dime and harassing you.
NTA and she’s not sweet as pie, stop saying that. What she is is fake nice and vicious underneath. Don’t trust her and don’t let your kids anywhere near her. Kissing kids on the mouth is REVOLTING.
She is not sweet. She’s crazy and she is trouble.
No. You are so very, very wrong. That woman is not “sweet as pie”. She’s a “wolf in sheep’s clothing”.
Awful people will tell on themselves. She is actually plotting to take your kids- believe her. There is nothing light-hearted or funny about “joking” about taking someone’s kids.
She’s a predator.
Avoid her like the plague. No dinner dates, no visits. She’s made her intentions clear. Not a good situation.
I’m fairly sure that she can’t live in a camper with foster kids. There are regulations about privacy, bedrooms, and square footage of space per child.
I would report ALL of this to CPS!!! She should not be stalking the children’s mother or any bio family, that is way over the line. You say she is sweet — honey wake UP!!! she is “sweet” so that you will let her be close enough to you & your kids to bite you like the viper that she is. She is just like Kaa (jungle book).
Who told you she was sweet as pie? She’s not. She is an episode of dateline waiting to happen. I’m genuinely terrified for you and your children.
I really disagree with a lot of the advice that you have been given. I do agree that you need to pull back from this woman, and likely need to move as soon as your lease is up. The point is to separate yourself as thoroughly and cleanly as you can, in a reasonable amount of time. However, I do not think it would be wise to start hostilities with her, nor to start a CPS battle. She is a foster mom, therefore has been vetted by CPS and the powers that be, and is therefore going to have more clout than you do. It is unlikely that she is actually trying to steal your children, but you still don’t want to get hostilities going. Reporting her to CPS would seriously get hostilities going.
When you do move, get a PO Box so that you do not have to give your landlord any other forwarding address. You don’t want this women to end up knowing where you live once you move.
If she’s really trying to get people to harass these kids biological mothers, she should be reported to cps.
Updateme
Document everything you can and keep contact “professional” if you need to keep contact, otherwise I would personally go for no contact at all.
I get the impression of her waiting to stab ypu in the back.
from the description given, something feels “off” and definitely question the situation more.
I just feel creeped out about her trying to kiss a child at all.
She appears to have confused children with Pokémon. ‘Gotta catch them all’
Girl report that piece of garbage to CPS. And get a restraining order/move out
You have to trust your instincts! If something feels off, trust that you’re picking up on something weird. You can tell her to stop trying to wake you up, and that you and your kids have other plans.
You don’t need to talk to her if you don’t want to, it’s one of the best privileges of being an adult.
I’d be contacting child services in your area and filing a complaint against her. That is wildly inappropriate trying to get your child to kiss her in general, never mind on the mouth. And her comments are not acceptable no matter how you try and explain it
She should not be fostering anyone. She gives me the ick
And I’d be looking for a new place if possible, that woman isn’t right in the head
I’d start wearing a body cam. NTA
How can she live in a camper and be a foster Mum?
Get away from her. creepy stuff there
I would NEVER and I mean NEVER interact with her again. That is crazy ish to say. And to say it several times is so suspicious.
NTA and you need to report her behavior. Trying to get your child to kiss her and stalking a bio mom is incredibly inappropriate.
NTA. Words of advice here for you DTA Don’t trust anybody.
I’d be recording her and then filing a report with CPS. This isn’t safe or healthy for the kids.
How can she be “sweet as pie” when she says such horrible things? Those are contradictory. NTA, stay far as possible from her. I don’t even know how it’s legal to travel around in a camper as a foster parent, it doesn’t provide the stability that foster children need.
AHT AHT. NTA. That’s all completely inappropriate for a foster parent and hella fucking rude thing to say to any parent. Removing a child from their family is NOT a joke. The type of shit that gets kids removed permanently is some of the worst abuse and neglect, she is wishing that upon those kids. You need to stop spending time with this woman, especially if your own kids can hear her bullshit.
You need to find somewhere else to be for the weekend. Run from this woman. Saying this as someone who’s been through the fostercare process. If you know how to report her to CPS/DCF do it. She’s unfit to foster.
ESH. Why would you spend 2 minutes around someone who has questioned your parenting and threatened to take your kids away? She‘s a piece of work for saying those things and you are as well for putting up with it.
She tried to get your kid to kiss her? Major red flag. Even trying to get a kid to hug her would make me feel ick. Agreed she’s not to be trusted around your children, ever. And FYI someone doesn’t have to be blatantly not nice in order to decide you don’t want to be around her. Decline all invitations. When your gut feels off around someone with your kids, trust it because that’s your instincts telling you something is wrong.
No, she’s not “as sweet as pie”. She’s a manipulative horror and a loser. MOVE OUT.
I would also instruct your children she is not family and if she tries to tell them to do anything they need to not listen to her and come get you immediately. Sorry but she really could be a predator who will try to cozy up to your kids so they will think she’s a trustworthy person. Teach them who “tricky” people are like anyone who asks you to keep secrets for example even if you know them, you can always refuse anything they ask you to do and run and tell mom immediately.
Anytime she’s around conveniently be gone with your family doing things elsewhere. MOVE ASAP. Totally red flags 🚩
She’s passing it of as a joke but she seems to have some malicious intentions. She is getting some good money for the other kids she’s fostering and she wants more.
I don’t know if there is a limit to how many one can foster as a single parent but don’t leave your kids with her alone.
N T A
YIKES…
I’d be out every morning. And twice on Sunday. We’d be spending ZERO time with her.
She isn’t sweet. She toxic AF.
Wake up and stop making excuses just because she smiles nicely and looks after kids.
She loves NO ONE. Not even those kids. She loves herself and what she can get.
Stealing people’s kids. and getting more money for them than the mother could get for survival.
I’d be reporting her to CPS – because you can be damned sure she is going to report YOU as soon as she can.
NTA
NTA
First off… I’d have immediately shut down her kissing my kids AT ALL.
I don’t give a crap how sweet they are.
Hard NO.
Tell your kids she’s not to be listened to either
The comments aren’t funny and are in fact disgusting.
I’d be on guard around her at all times.
She’s shown you the kind of person she is by the things she’s said so no… she’s not sweet.
I’d start setting boundaries and slowly start being too busy for her and her pack of kids.
You’re renting from her father, not her and you owe her nothing.
When she says that shit again I’d look right at her and tell her its not funny to threaten to take my kids away so you need to stop.
I’d have told her to fck off with that the first time though. Ugh.
NTA, she is in it for the money not the kids. I would tell her when she starts calling that you have plans and go do something with your children.