So, a bit of background: I (28F) am getting married to my fiancé (30M) in a few months. We’ve been together for 5 years, and everything has been great—until the wedding planning started.
My fiancé is really close with his mom. Like, uncomfortably close. She calls him multiple times a day, shows up uninvited to our house, and even tries to insert herself into major decisions in our relationship. I’ve spoken to him about how I feel, and he reassures me that he will set boundaries, but the behavior hasn’t stopped.
The wedding planning has been a whole other level. His mom has taken over nearly every aspect of the planning, from choosing the venue to picking out the guest list. When I try to have a say, she undermines me and tells me I’m being “too controlling.” I tried talking to my fiancé about it, but he just tells me to “let her be happy.”
So, here’s where the problem lies: I told my fiancé that I didn’t want his mom to attend our wedding. I explained that I felt like she was taking away from our special day and it was stressing me out. He got really upset, saying I was being unfair and trying to “separate him from his family.”
I feel bad, but at the same time, I don’t think I should have to tolerate his mom interfering in every aspect of our relationship. We’ve been planning this wedding for months, and it feels like it’s no longer about us as a couple, but about her.
So, Reddit, AITA for not wanting my partner’s mom at our wedding?
Comments
NTA reconsider the marriage
YTA for thinking he will marry you if his mother isn’t at the biggest day of his life. I wouldn’t marry you either. Yes, his mom is being unreasonable and needs boundaries but telling him to not invite his own mother is not a battle you want or will win.
You are marrying a mama’s boy. TLC even made a realty TV series based on this. It’s a disorder and you will not change him. You should think twice before marrying him. If you still accept to marry him, be prepared for ongoing intrusion from his mom until the day she dies.
https://www.tlc.com/shows/i-love-a-mamas-boy
I understand your frustrations, but this isn’t going to help anything. It is going to make it much worse.
You need to be a team on telling her to back down. If you cannot do that, then it will never get better and you should consider how comfortable you are with a future like that.
ESH. May be the unpopular opinion but Everyone is this situation is in the wrong. You cannot expect your partner to not invite his MOM to HIS wedding (yours too but to make the point) bc you feel she is being too controlling. You can and should set boundaries and expect them to be followed, but that is beyond a boundary.
Your partner needs to step up and reign his mother in and she needs to learn that your wedding is not about her. But you should probably realize at some point this isn’t going to change and reconsider this whole wedding.
What will raising kids be like?
NTA
And you still want to go through with the wedding?
Are you insane?
What do you think the rest of your life will be like?
EHS. (You less than everyone else though). You should allow his mom at your wedding. But, he should have set much stronger boundaries long before now. The fact that he hasn’t already means he’s probably not going to. I would reconsider being in this relationship.
He is not ready to leave the crib. He has failed to set boundaries on occasions and now gaslights you of separate him from his family.. if his mother is taking over every aspect now then get ready for all the mess he will put you in because of his mother.. NTA count your blessings and move on
NTA and reconsider the marriage, that woman will insert herself in every crevice in your life until the day she dies. not worth the hassle imo. mommas boys are immature af and incapable of setting boundaries.
NTA
It’s a lot to ask your future partner to not invite his mom.
But I think it’s gotten to the point where he values his mom’s opinion more than yours. I’d start by saying that IF there’s a wedding, either mom will be there or you will but that’s his call to make. He’s how he won’t stand up to his mommy, and if you marry him your married life is going to look similar.
If he hasn’t det boundaries yet, he won’t.
It is not your big day, it is theirs (eww)
I would reconsider this marriage
NTA
YTA. Who doesn’t have their own mother at their wedding? If you want to have boundaries that’s fine, but this is not the boundary to set, its quite normal for anyone who has even a decent relationship with their mother to have them at their wedding.
I’m rarely one of the “throw the whole man out” people on here, but honestly, I don’t think there should be a wedding for her to not be invited to.
Your future husband is showing you what your entire future holds. He will NEVER put you ahead of his mommy. The fact that you wrote three paragraphs of bullshit they’ve put you through, and only then said “here’s the problem”…like, girl. No. The problem was long before that.
>shows up uninvited to our house, and even tries to insert herself into major decisions in our relationship. I’ve spoken to him about how I feel, and he reassures me that he will set boundaries, but the behavior hasn’t stopped. […]
His mom has taken over nearly every aspect of the planning, from choosing the venue to picking out the guest list. When I try to have a say, she undermines me and tells me I’m being “too controlling.” I tried talking to my fiancé about it, but he just tells me to “let her be happy.”
You don’t matter to anyone here. Nobody is respecting your wants or needs, and you have no standing in this relationship.
If you still want to get married to him, accept the fact that you will NEVER be put in front of his mom. Ever. Simply accept that she is more important to him than you, because your entire life is about to be about “letting her be happy”, and usually at your own expense. You don’t get to be happy. If you can’t accept that, and you still marry him, you will be miserable and get a divorce within 10 years, I guarantee it.
Do not marry this man.
YWBTA to yourself if you marry him.
NTA, but I would suggest that you don’t bring your partner to the wedding, either. Your partner and his mother are waaaay too enmeshed for you to have a happy marriage.
If you marry this man after his mother had the final say on the entire wedding, you can be certain you will be sitting in the back seat your entire life. When you buy a house, it will have to be approved by her, with a mother in law apartment (where you will live, since it’s really Mother’s house). Any potential pets will have to be approved and named by Mother, and the training will be ruined if she wants to allow things that you don’t want (such as begging under the table).
You will never have children. You will give birth as a surrogate. Mother will name them and make all the parenting decisions while you act as a housekeeper and babysitter for the proud couple. Save your dignity and call it off before the financial hit of a divorce and find someone with healthier family dynamics.
When you marry someone you usually marry their family. Run, I married a mama boy and she treated me awful. We once when to visit her and they were out of toilet paper and instead of handing me some, she told me to go use a public toilet. I have IBS, I had to drive home fast.
You’ve put up with it for 5 years already. He’s not going to set any type of boundaries with her. Either get used to it or don’t get married.
NTA however is this the life you really want?
Let me be clear – the experience you have had with his Mom? That is how your entire life will be. He will defer to him on everything. Your experience with wedding planning is a glimpse into how every single major life event will be.
He will pressure you to have his Mom in the delivery room. He will pressure you into choosing the baby names his Mom wants. Mom cuts your child’s hair without your permission? Let Mom be happy. He will ALWAYS choose her.
Please, for your own sake, do not marry him. The engagement is supposed to be a period of time where you as a couple learn to make major life decisions together and he has shown you that he will never side with you. Do not hitch your horse to this wagon.
I’ve been married for 25 years. I will tell you this straight up. People do not change. NEVER marry someone hoping they will change. They issues you see now will become SO much worse once you guys are married. Some issues can be compromised on but he is literally asking you to build a future with a third party in your marriage because make no mistake – you are marrying his mother as much as you are marrying him.
Is this really the life you want?
NTA. If you went ahead with the wedding, you would be marrying his mom too.
Let her be happy? Why is he not concerned with your happiness when it comes to YOUR wedding? For me he would either have to tell her to back off and not interfere with your wedding planning unless you ask for her opinion on something or there would be no wedding.
He is always going to pick his mom. This marriage is doomed. I would not be surprised if he breaks up with you after you wanted to uninvite his mom.
NTA, end this relationship, you’re NEVER going to come first with him, she’s always going to be in control of him & his life. If he let her take over YOUR wedding that is a HUGE RED FLAG. Why would you want to live like that?
wtf is wrong with you? Honestly
If you can’t stand a member of his family being at the wedding, especially one as core as his mother, you you are not ready to be married to this individual. Cancel all the plans and get your money back now.
NTA but seriously think about what your life will be like with this man and his Mother. Imagine what it will be like if you two have kids…
I’d cut and run. He’s a momma’s boy and that’s not going to change. She should not be the one making the decisions. It is your wedding not hers. If fiancé won’t stand up to her and have your back, I’d say bye bye. This will not work out.
Please stop.
You KNOW you are getting into trouble.
The boy is still latched on and he’s not going to give up.
That wedding is your doom.
You can’t give him an ultimatum.
You should be walking away.
At this point you are desperately trying to make a “husband” out of a momma’s boy.
This only ends in tears..
YOU KNOW IT.
Get whatever money you can out of this fiasco and walk away before this woman is nursing your babies and keeping you locked in the basement so her precious boy can give her babies.
Yta. Instead of telling her to back off, your response is to uninvite her altogether? Seriously, did you actually think that was gonnna fly with stbh? The same guy that won’t even tell her to back off about planning it? Tbh that was a very dumb move on your part and I would bet he’s reconsidering the whole marriage now.
Why are you marrying his mother? Because you are, you arent marrying him, he’s just her little servant in your relationship, she is who you are marrying and it sounds like an abusive relationship already. NTA but you will if you don’t run far and run fast. I wouldn’t even give him the option to shut her down because he has had too many chances already. Just leave
YTA for not just canceling the wedding. So is your fiancée for not putting a stop to this. If you go through with it she will need to be there, you can’t exclude her. I’d run the other way fast.
You should get very comfortable with her presence if you go through with this wedding, because she’ll probably expect to be in the room when you consummate your marriage. Is this the actual life you want for yourself?
I would not be marrying anyone who is happy to let someone override their partner over such an important day. It’s only going to get worse…
The fact his answer is “ just let her be happy “ tells you everything you need to know. It’s YOUR wedding day! This is a major red flag. Please heed it. Men like this rarely change. This if how awful it will be if you have children. Always being undermined and put last…. Please reconsider. You deserve more.
ESH. Your future MIL is overly controlling and meddles too much. Your fiancé needs to grow up and stop letting his mom control him. Telling your fiancé he cannot invite his mother is a gross overreaction.
Yes, you are the AH. As obnoxious as his mom clearly is, she’s his MOM! Your issue is both your fiancé, and your failure to set boundaries during wedding planning. Even if she’s paying for the whole thing, it’s still your wedding, and she should not be making all the decisions. Put your foot down—with both MIL and fiancé about her interfering. However, trying to ban her from the wedding is a bridge too far.
NTA. Are you sure you want 3 people in your marriage?
Girl, don’t marry him. I know we will tolerate a lot of things for the sake of love, but you are going to resent their relationship and her grip on him.
And if you decide to have kids, be prepared for her to be in the delivery room.
Holidays as just a couple or a couple with kids trying to make your own traditions? Don’t count on it.
Vacations as a family? MIL will cry until she gets to come along.
Do. Not. Marry. Him.
You may want to reconsider this whole deal, as it sounds like you’re gonna be marrying him and his mommy. NTA.
Do NOT marry him. Who he is before with his mom will only get worse after as she will feel like she’s “lost” him and try to exert more control.
He is not leaving her for you… he wants you on the side. Think about this… what you experience now will be forever more…having children..get ready to have to defer to her names, how to raise etc. your husband does not take your side…he takes hers…think ..you want this between now and dead? Call Dr Laura!!
She WILL show up in a white gown.
You know that, right?
RUN HE WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE HIS MOM OVER YOU
Do not marry this guy because you will be marrying his mother too. You will be a third wheel in your own marriage. He’s a mommas boy who will never set boundaries and let her stomp all over your lives. You’re in for a world of stress and misery if you marry him.
Holy shit OP. Asking you partner to not allow their mother to attend the wedding because she’s been so involved and controlling is not the answer here. Your partner is the problem, choosing his mother’s happiness over yours for your own wedding. If you marry him, his mother is going to be all up in your lives, all the time. And if you have kids, big yikes. If he’s not willing to stand up for you now, he never will. Run
NTA. Put the wedding on pause immediately. Tell him you’re not getting married until he starts setting boundaries with his mother. Otherwise you’re in for a life of misery.
YTA for having a wedding for her to attend. I support being close to his mom but this is over the top. Since when does she get any say in what your wedding is like? If he has an actual opinion beyond “whatever mommy wants”, you should work with that, but her taking over the wedding is a big no!
A “mamma’s boy” is a broken boy who will NEVER be a man without serious therapy.
I tried talking to my fiancé about it, but he just tells me to “let her be happy.”
This is the national anthem of “Mammasboyvania”. It’s okay with him that YOU aren’t happy as long as mommy is happy. He will NEVER set boundaries with her and will NEVER enforce yours. If you marry him you must accept that.
I’m going ESH because while he’s not ready for marriage it’s totally unreasonable to think that he’s going to marry you without his mother there.
Call off the wedding. Find a therapist who specializes in parental enmeshment issues. Based on that therapy decide if he is capable of being actually married to someone besides his mom. If so, start wedding planning from scratch with HARD boundaries firmly established.
Be aware that there is a 100% chance that his long term plans included moving mommy into your home at some point.
You’re stuck with her if you marry him.
Get out before you have kids. If you ever want to divorce him and have kids, this is going to be a nasty, nasty custody battle. His mom would most likely fund all his legal fees. If his mom is well off, this makes the situation even worse. You need to protect yourself from any momma boy that has a mom that not only enables bad behavior but encourages it. Women (moms) can be abusive, too. You need to protect yourself from this dynamic.
I made this mistake.
Message me if you want the gory details.
I believed him when he said he’d make boundaries. I guess he did, they were just with me, not them. He couldn’t say no to either mom or grandma.
Your whole life will be need to have her stamp of approval if you marry him.
The worst part, if you make her angry, she will make your life a living hell. If you’re nice to her and go along with things, she’s decent to you. But you can’t have any opinions of your own. Or as soon as she states hers you have to say something like, “Oh, I hadn’t thought of that, that’s a better idea” or “what was I thinking, of course diarrhea brown is a better color for the kitchen than blue”. You lie to keep the peace until the divorce.
NTA. But do you really want to deal with this momma’s boy for the rest of your life. He needs to take his balls out of his mothers hands, but that will never happen. Do yourself a favor and DO NOT marry this boy, he is not a man and may never be.
Why are you getting married? Picture your honeymoon, the 3 of you should have fun! First born, she’ll choose the name and insist on being in delivery. Arguments? She’s the tie breaker, Mom’s way is the only way. He already said it, “Let her be happy.” It is your new mantra!
You’d be TA here if you marry him at her wedding 🤷♀️
Run girl. If he lets his mum run the wedding, he’ll let her run the marriage to.
So you want this for life, especially with your kids? The wedding is the ultimate weeding process and how guys react to life. Girl run, and say that since they planned the wedding they can have it.
NTA. Sounds like this guy’s mom is a total psycho and you’re getting screwed over here. You shouldn’t have to deal with some crazy woman barging into your home, controlling every aspect of your life… it’s fucked up. Your dude needs to get his shit together or lose the crazy lady for good, but more importantly, what the hell are you doing still in this relationship? I mean, sure, he’s hot and all, but priorities here! Get out while you can, before you’re stuck with a husband and two kids wondering where the hell it all went wrong. Life’s too short to waste on someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries
Yta. You can not change him. You either accept that he is a mama’s boy and that his mom will come first and meddle in your relationship, or you go find someone who had their umbilical cord cut. If she’s this bad now, and your fiance isn’t setting boundaries, imagine how bad it will be if you have kids. How about buying a house? I bet she’ll have her own room. Either enjoy your thruple (3 person couple) or move on.
NTA. Hand him the engagement ring and tell him that either his mother does not attend or you never put the ring back on.
Honey, he ain’t gonna set any boundaries. What she is now is what she’s going to be from now on. Until he cuts the umbilical cord, you’re basically marrying her as well – at her wedding. If you want your own wedding with your own partner, shut this sh*t down before any more money is spent. At this point even if he does temporarily stop her crap, as soon as the wedding is done and he thinks you’re tied down, she’ll be right back decorating your home, deciding where your kitchen utensils belong, where you should go for date nights and vacations. You will never be free of her until she dies. Then she’ll become the perfect example of a wife that he’ll compare you to for the rest of your marriage.
Just cut your losses and find an adult to marry. This guy needs to stay with his Mommy until he’s full grown and ready to live his own life.
I don’t intentionally intend to be mean but somethings need to be blunt to be heard. Good luck with whatever you decide.
UpdateMe
This can’t be real. Why are you marrying this man????
Why do you let her treat you that way! Stop being a doormat!
First- you need to sit them down together and lay down the law. This stops now! Mother only comes over with an invitation, no more help with wedding unless asked for by bride. Yes I’m controlling – it’s MY wedding. Husband-to-be you will no longer discuss our personal lives with mil unless we have agreed together to share information. Add any other boundaries in now. Then say – if the two of you cannot respect these boundaries the wedding is off. Take the ring off leave it in the middle of the table and tell htb he can propose again if he chooses to show you some respect and love. Then quietly get up and leave giving them time to make their decision. If you don’t show that you’re serious htb isn’t going to take you seriously. Be prepared to end the relationship at that point.
For gods sake, run. Just throw the dress at her and let her march down the aisle to marry Sonny the way they’ve always wanted. Just get out.
He’s a mama’s boy and you will always be a lesser priority. You can see the future in his current behavior. Do you want to have this same issue, all day, every day, for the next 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 and more years?
To paraphrase what Princess Diana said about Camilla, there will be three of you in the marriage always so it will be pretty crowded.
And, if you have children, it will be even worse.
You know what you need to do. It’s the doing it that’s so difficult. Good luck. 🍀
NTA, but you’re not handling this well. The problem is that you let her plan the whole thing and then woke up and said “oh but now she can’t come.”
You definitely need to stand up for yourself, but you’re going about it the wrong way. Your partner really needs a wakeup call, and you probably need to break up or get counseling before he’ll understand. But your random line in the sand about her wedding attendance is not going to make any sense to this ass who lets her walk all over you.
First try to make partner understand that it’s **impossible** to be “too controlling” about planning one’s own wedding. If he can’t understand that, he might not be fixable.
Also? Imagine your future pregnancy. She’ll be impossible. Don’t sign up for that!
Painful as this is, you need to end it. This will never get better. There is a nothing less salvageable than a serious mamaboy.
UpdateMe
NTA, run away, my MIL was like that, she drove me insane until the day she died. It only gets worse.
This is probably just some karma farming bullshit, but if it’s actually true …. why are you marrying this guy? Seriously. You will be divorced within 5 years. If he hasn’t set boundaries by now, do you really think he’ll do it after the wedding? And if you think his mother’s intrusiveness is bad now, just wait until you have kids – that is, if you want them. If you don’t want kids or if you delay having them, this woman will develop an incurable case of Grandbaby Rabies and pester you and break you down with a barrage of demands and intrusive questions about your sex life – and your passive Mama’s Boy will allow it! You’re not this man’s priority, his mother is. Do you want to play second fiddle in your own marriage? Not inviting this woman to your wedding is just stupid because there shouldn’t even be a wedding in the first place. It’s a punitive measure that’s too little too late. If you marry this man, YTA to yourself.
NTA, but if it were me I would call off the wedding and tell him when he is ready to marry a woman without his mother also being a part of the marriage that I would reconsider. In the mean time if he can’t choose, then he has made a choice for all three of you. Mommy gets to keep her “son-hus-band all to herself. Why would you even consider marrying someone that lets their mother plan her own wedding to her son? A man that lets his mother run his life? If you don’t like it now, how do you think you are going to like having her included everywhere but the sex? I am being literal here. That will be the only part of your life that she won’t actively participate in. That will be the one thing she isn’t physically present for. Is that how you want to live your life until she dies? Please walk away.
Call all your wedding suppliers and cancel everything. Decide if you want to marry your mil and then start the wedding planning again. Or dump the spineless fiancé because he’ll never go against his mother. Think about it like this: 30 years of letting mil run your marriage – can you accept it? If not make a change now!
Why are you marrying this person?? She’s taken over planning YOUR WEDDING. ESH you for letting this go on too long and this man child for not cutting the cord.
NTA. But, make no mistake, it’s only going to get worse from here. You know there’s absolutely no way your husband will not include his mother in your wedding. He needs to have a talk with her. Maybe both of you together. I think it’s ultimatum time.
NTA but WHY are you marrying him? Run, girl, RUN. It’s your wedding, you have to choose everything, not her. But I still think marrying him it’s a huge mistake, it will get worse.
NTA
I don’t think your big problem is that his mother is coming to the wedding. I think the big problem is your fiancé and the fact that he’s not setting any boundaries. Her behavior won’t stop after the wedding and will only get worse once you have children. She will control your home, your marriage and your children and as soon as you fight back, he will be on her side and both will gaslight you.
The question is whether you should marry him or not. I also think you’ve put up with far too much. Neither of them respects you, and your wishes are completely irrelevant. You don’t even have the right to make decisions at your own wedding. Do you think that’s healthy? The current situation will destroy you psychologically.
How can you even think about going through with this wedding like this when it’s already clear that your wishes aren’t being respected? The moment she takes control and he doesn’t do anything about it, I would have already run away.
You need to tell him clearly again that this wedding won’t happen the way she envisions it, and if he tries to side with his mother, then this wedding shouldn’t happen at all. You don’t need a man who doesn’t respect you.
RUN!
There are 3 people in this relationship. And it sounds like you are the 3th wheel
Don’t marry him. He’s proving to you over and over that he’s not going to do anything about his overbearing mother. He’s not even going to stop her from showing up at your house.
If you marry him, you’ll always come in 2nd.
Right now you’re getting a taste of what the rest of your life will look like with this man. He’s going to let her walk all over you and he refuses to set boundaries for her. If you have kids she’s going to be up in your business about every parenting decision and he’s going to let her. I have a difficult mother in law, the difference is my husband has had my back the entire way. When she oversteps he’s there to step her back. He refuses to let me be railroaded. I don’t even have to ask, he sees it and responds. You have to ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Her stomping all over you and him letting her.
Yes, you are AITA. You are trying to marry a momma’s boy. Cancel the wedding for now at the minimum, go to couple’s counseling, and then decide if this is a good relationship.
NTA. You are settling for being the side-chick. He’s already married to his mom. If he wasn’t, he’d have shut all this down long, long ago. I have a bit of cold hard information for you.
This is him, at his best behavior for you, convincing you to marry him. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER THAN THIS. The interference from his mom and his encouragement of her as his main focus, and you as a secondary concern, is PERMANENT. Mama’s Boys do not outgrow this. Are you willing to spend your life as his side-chick? Pretty much just there for sex, while his emotional energy and time go elsewhere? Having kids only makes it worse.
FIND SOMEONE WHO IS SINGLE. Do not waste more time and more money on this boy. He is not, and possibly never will be, ready for marriage. Not until his mom dies. “Dead” serious there. You’ve wasted years hoping he’d start putting you first and it hasn’t happened and it will not happen. As long as you are with him, you aren’t out there meeting Mr. Right. Get your deposits back, separate out your finances, and start looking for an available man, not a boy married to his mom.
Your other alternative is blowing even MORE money on this, then getting pretty much completely emotionally dumped by him until he wants laid. Then ignored again. It’s eating alone almost every evening because he’s over at his mom’s house, and all SHE wants to know is when she’s getting a grandkid. It’s being in the ER with preterm labor, or appendicitis, or a broken ankle…and HE is helping his mom, who suddenly is having heart pains/muscle weakness/severe headache or something that obviously takes priority. And she’ll smirk at you every time it happens.
Shut up and accept that you are a distant second-place in his life and accept that this is your future, or ditch him. There is no third option.
Run Forest, run!
NTA I think you shouldn’t attend this wedding
NTA but seriously, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? You’re seriously committing to this quasi incestuous momma’s boy? and he had the balls to say “ler her be happy” for YOUR wedding? have you no self respect or spine? Picture yourself a year down the line, and think if this will get any way better. take the loss on the booking fees, separate your finances and run as fast as you can. YTA if you stay with this guy who hasn’t detached from the tit yet
lol you really think he’s gonna let her plan the whole thing then not invite her? Girl please stop living in delululand and take a hard look at your relationship, why is there still a wedding happening? “Let her be happy” what about you, you know the actual bride… that would have been it for me. YTA to yourself for this whole situation
YTA. picture this: 3 years after the wedding you’ll be here posting about his mother and her interference.
Why on earth would you do this to yourself.
NTA but girl you can’t marry him when he’s already married to his mother! If you go through with and have kids she’s going to try and take them over too.
He’s a momma’s boy OP, and he’ll forever be a momma’s boy. Oh no.
His mother interferes with every aspect of your life as it is. It is only going to get worse. Your BF is NEVER going to set boundaries. You need to end this relationship now. MILs like this never get better. I have one like this, but my husband set boundaries. My husband hasn’t talked to her in almost 30 years. Even after we went NC she still tried to contact us. You don’t deserve what your MIL and BF are puttimg you through
Your fiance is entitled to have his mother at his wedding. YTA to think a wedding ceremony will change her, or him. Good luck!
This is a preview of your potential marriage. Unless HE sets boundaries with his mother, she is going to insert herself into every aspect of your life. Think about whether you want this to be your life going forward.
NTA
Get an attorney so you can divide the assets I.e. house belonging. He still sleeps at mommy’s house which is creepy at best. Protect yourself first then break up with both of them. Get money back if you can from your vendors and get the hell out! You don’t need luck you need courage to do what you should have done years ago!
Are you sure, like absolutely 100%, that you want to be a third in this relationship that he has with his mom? It’s clear, to me at least, that he will never set the boundaries that you are hoping he will. If you say yes, how about I throw in another question… What if you decide to have kids with this man? You won’t get a single say in how your child/ren are raised because she will be adamant that she knows what’s best for your child(though I feel like she’d run around calling your child HER child) and will undermine how your child/ren are raised. Your partner clearly has no back home when it comes to his mother and you will never take priority. He’s a mamas boy and I don’t think you deserve that. My suggestion? Run. Run far and fast.
NTA
So your boyfriend has consistently disrespected and lied to you. Refuses to keep his mother in check and your first thought was “yeah this is the man I want to marry 🥰😍”
Girl bsffr. Stand up and grow a backbone. If you really love this man the least you can do is postpone the wedding until he can enact some ACTUAL change with his mother and not just give you lip service. But your best bet is to break it off and run far away from him because mama’s boys RARELY ever actually uphold boundaries. If you marry this man your life will get increasingly worse and it’ll be hell to divorce him.
He’s a mommas boy and that will trump your relationship.
He’s already telling you to let his mom run the show. I think you need to rethink things pdq! This is a glimpse into the rest of your life with him and the meddling mom. Decision time.
Wait till you have kids, that will be fun!
NTA. Run away right NOW!!! Cancel everything. If you think she’s controlling now, it will be a thousand times worse after the wedding. She’ll probably go on the honeymoon with you.
You will be the biggest AH to yourself if you marry this person. Break up and block. Your life will be hell. Do you also want her to take control of your children if you should have any??
RUN! RUN! RUN!
Get your stuff together and run. Run as fast as you possibly can anywhere cuz it’s never going to change. Trust me after 25 years of marriage and a divorce because of mommy
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! You don’t have a (future) MIL problem. You have a (hopefully ex) fiance problem.
“he reassures me that he will set boundaries” — NO HE WILL NOT. He hasn’t yet and he never will. In fact, his “let her be happy” is a massive insult TO YOU. What about YOUR happiness as his life partner? And YOU are his family (or that’s the current plan anyway). You need to step back and look at just how big of a doormat he is with Mommy Dearest and how absolutely little he respects you or cares about you.
If you marry this man your life is going to be an absolute living hell. You think it’s bad now? Wait until you’re trapped by that legal vow. And oh and it’ll be So Much Worse if you have kids.
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.
YTA for your fake posts. You posted separate fake stories at the same time – in this one you’re M.
https://www.reddit.com/user/Narrow-Helicopter668/comments/1jmp3mb/aita_for_breaking_up_with_my_girlfriend_after_i/
So your MIL planned her wedding to your fiancee?
Do not marry this man .
No that was not a typo.
Why would you want to marry a man who won’t stand up for you in anything, up to and including your wedding?!
You are being put in the position of being the odd person out in a 3 way relationship, this will really get much worse and your fiancé has no spine to set boundaries. If you want to live your life like this then stay. If not-reconsider because this will not end well
If you choose to go through with this wedding you should clearly understand your new husband will ALWAYS put his mommy first, she will ALWAYS interfere in your life and your relationship, and you CHOSE this because you married this mama’s boy. Just invite her to your honeymoon and put an extra cot in the room for her. It will be cozy and a preview of the rest of your life with this boy.
I wouldn’t even marry this dude.
Nta but get your priorities straight. He is never gonna put you first. If that’s something you can live with marry him. If not, run while you can.
ESH, I guess. Most people consider weddings to be family events. Are your family members also uninvited? That said, if he’s too close to his mother, that is unlikely to change just because you get married.
YTA. He has already shown that he will not set firm boundaries with her. Why do you want to marry someone like that? If you marry him this is what your marriage will be like. You’re the third wheel.
PS. Your boyfriend is NOT great! He’s a momma’s boy.
That’s never going to change and if you go through with the wedding, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Oh honey, marrying him isn’t going to change him. This is how your life will always be. Find someone else. Call off the wedding and run.
ETA NTA
Why do you want to marry someone who doesn’t put you first?
You realise, don’t you, that this will not get better after marriage?
Think about the nightmare she will be if you have kids. Is that what you want for your life?
Why do you expect to marry a man that is letting his mom overstep boundaries but believe that it will miraculously not happen around your wedding or afterwards? YTA for marrying him.
The key words here are your fiancés: Let HER be happy. He doesn’t care if YOU are happy about your wedding day. He only cares if his mother is happy. This is who he is and it will only get worse. If you have kids, she will tell you how to raise them. The red flags are waving.
Please, please do not marry him. He’s already told you, his MOTHER’S happiness on your wedding day, is more important than YOURS. Keep reading this over and over, until you understand, you are signing up for a life of misery, if you go through with the wedding.
Things will never change.
Even after you are married, she is always going to come first. He is always going to defer to her decision and he is always going to follow her wishes.
I know you are young, and have a child, but you need to find a way to leave that relationship. I know you might love him, but you are not getting just him. You are getting a controlling weirdly attached to her son, extra person in your marriage.
It will never just be the two of you. She will always be there, she will always be controlling everything you guys do.
NTA. I would not tolerate this. A wedding is YOUR celebration. Does he have siblings that have been through this?
I seriously recommend reconsidering the whole marriage. Do you want the rest of your life to be like this? Are you marrying him or his mother? Because it kind of sounds like they’re a package deal based on what you’ve shared so far.
Girl…his mother says you are being too controlling about YOUR wedding. She’s controlling the guest list, the venue, and probably a whole lot more. Tell her she’s already got her wedding and to leave yours alone.
Marrying this dude is going to be miserable. He refuses to set boundaries with her and throws a fit when you stand up for yourself.
Dump this mommy’s boy.
NTA but guuuurl, let’s be real. YWBTA if you get married. Your bf is happy with how close he is with his mom and doesn’t see it as a problem. You’re going to be fighting this for the rest. of. your. life. — so, if you aren’t okay with it then you can’t marry the guy. His mom does sound totally overbearing and way too involved but if he’s ok with it then he’s not going to set boundaries. And even if he did, you would absolutely take the blame. Then that will be the cross you’d have to bear. Don’t do it. Don’t get married!
You cannot exclude the mother of the groom from the wedding. Unless the wedding doesn’t happen, which is probably your best bet here.
NTA, why do you believe anything your partner is saying? He has done nothing to stop his mother and won’t do anything. This will be your life if you get married to this person. There will always be 3 people in the marriage. If you have children, it will just get worse because she knows best.
Do not marry this man.
Do not marry this man . Not if you don’t want to live being second to his “family “. Mommas boys have absolutely no business being married. This is what the rest of your life will be like.
Unless you want your entire life to be a competition with you MIL, I would seriously analyze getting married to this man.
Also NTAH, but seriously think about marrying into this family
You realize this will absolutely never change, right?
Wait till you have kids with him and they all have to be named after her.
Your life with be hell.
GTFO of there.
NTA, but do you really think he’s going to agree to that?
ESH.
You suck for trying to exclude his mom. He sucks for failing to set reasonable limits with her.
Cancel the damn wedding unless you’re willing to be married to his mom in a thrupple. This is not going to get better.
NTA but why you’re marrying him is baffling. Do you think it’ll change after?
ESH. It’s his wedding, you can’t uninvite his mother against his wishes, but on the other hand, you’re marrying a mummy’s boy. If he’s choosing her over and over again about your wedding, think how bad it is going to be if you have children. This is going to be your life, is this what you really want?
Don’t marry him, your wedding should be about the 2 of you and his mother should not be involved in the planning at all. Your partner has shown you that he will never put you first.
When you get married your husband/wife becomes your next of kin and he is not ready for anyone but his mother to take that position.
Think about it OP his Mom has taken over nearly every aspect of the planning of YOUR wedding. If you express an opinion you are called ‘controlling’ You are not allowed a say in your own wedding planning. ‘This wedding isn’t yours.’ Your fiancé doesn’t stand up for you-quite the opposite.
This won’t change. Walk away from him and this horrible situation.
NTA
ESH. Read the room – it’s not your wedding, it’s theirs.
Girl run, you in danger. Run, flee, get out now.
Welcome to the rest of your life with this man and his mama
YTA yo yourself and you know it
You said everything has been great. If you think you want to be with him for the rest of your life then you have to accept that his mother will be inserting herself into his life. You need to set the boundaries for yourself, like not allowing her to take over your decisions and choices. That can shift the balance, and she will eventually get the message. You can say thanks very much for your help this is how I want you to help. Take your power back, take your choices back.
And you want to get married to him? Are you insane? The time for him to set boundaries is right now and his response is “let her be happy”. What about your happiness on YOUR wedding day? That’s second to his mom’s, huh? Just letting you know that this will be your life with him. And if you have kids? She’s going to be worse with grandbabies than the wedding. Your fiance really needs to step up and enforce boundaries or else you’re going to be miserable.
OMG! This will not get better. You stayed with this mama’s boy for 5 years? You need to get back your self-esteem and leave this boy. He’s not the one.
YTA for not stopping this when making the wedding preparations, she should have been told no much sooner. Now you want him to uninvite the person who has made all the major decisions for this day???. She is a wagon but you brought it on yourself by not speaking up.
You have two choices let her come and get married or not allow her and not get married to him. Ps I would rather the last option but I would just cancel it all. I am not sure you or your partner are emotionally mature enough to be a team. I know I wasn’t at 25
His mom isn’t the person who shouldn’t attend the wedding.
Who is paying for this? Assuming you are paying yourselves? Why has she been given this level of control? If she’s paying – that’s the problem.
If he is as close to his mom as you say he is, keeping her from the wedding will not bode well for your relationship . If the wedding is already a point of contention , how do you think your marriage will be?
Also, if you can’t handle how overbearing she is now , what happens when you have children?
TBH- if you are even thinking about banning his mother from the wedding, based on the information provided, you shouldn’t be getting married . There’s a lot of things that you both need to work out before marrying anyone !
NTA but YTA to yourself if you marry this man. He is never going to put you above his mother. He let her get away with planning your entire wedding because her happiness is more important to him than yours. She has the gall to call you controlling. They only need you in the mix because it’s illegal for them to marry each other.
YTA. What’s happening right now shows you what will be the eventual cause of your divorce. It’s not just because of her. It’s because your man isn’t going to support you against her, and will always take her side.
Just imagine how your life is going to be if you actually marry this mama’s boy
It’s easier to not marry a mama’s boy than it is to divorce one.
Too many red flags here to list. Instead of uninviting MIL to the wedding, put yourself first and uninvite yourself.
Why are you still planning to marry this man-baby? YTA to yourself.
You think your wedding is all about her? It is… and so will your life be. The whole rest of your life. And go ahead and have a child with this Mommy’s boy and see how it works out for you. Since she took over the wedding planning let her have it and walk away while you still have the chance
So your future MIL says to you you’re being “too controlling” of the planning of your own wedding? 😳🥴 is she f*ck’n serious? 🤣🤣🤣 I understand your frustration but you cannot disinvite your future MIL to your own wedding. Have a discussion with her that it’s your wedding not hers so you’re allowed to be “too controlling” 😏
Omg… Ruuuun!!! 🚩🚩🚩
YTA to yourself if you get married to this Momma’s boy. Open your eyes! You are looking at your entire life right now. She is NEVER going to change. She will take over where you live, how you decorate the house, your pregnancy, be in the room when you give birth, name your baby with your husband, and raise your kids because she will be living with you. You obviously can’t even plan a wedding how can you raise a baby?
Tell him to marry his mum cause it’s now her wedding. Walk away op. He has chosen her as more important and you deserve better. NTA
Keeping MIL from attending your wedding won’t make your husband less of a mommy’s boy. It would make you TAH without improving your spousal relationship one bit.
If you have a baby together, you can expect the same interference, and you won’t be able to do anything because it is your husband’s child too.
I would not marry this guy until he gets a lot of therapy and you see a substantial change. After that, you need a detailed pre-nup. Live together if you want – but this guy is not marriage material.