I have a daughter, Ally (16) and my husband has a daughter, Mia (15). They go to the same school, but they aren’t close at all.
Ally had a crush on this kid Leo for about a year. She would talk about him to me a lot, and I would try and give her tips on how to get closer to him. Eventually they became friendly, and I encouraged her to ask him out on a date, which she did, in March, and they started dating. She brought Leo to our house eventually, and he was a sweet, quiet kid, kind of awkward but nice. I thought they were a good fit because Ally is similar. Leo spent a lot of time at our place over the few months he and ally were together, but in early July, he dumped Ally, seemingly out of the blue. Ally was devastated, and I did my best to help her through it.
Three weeks later, Ally finds out it wasn’t really “out of the blue”. According to the grape vine, Leo had a crush on Mia, and heard through friends that Mia also had a crush on him, so dumped Ally to have a chance with Mia, and they were now together. Ally was even more upset.
For the last month, Mia has been spending time at our house with Leo. She lives between here and her mother’s house but our place is closer to Leo’s and their other friends so they’re here more often. This has been really miserable for Ally, who I sometimes runs into them in the den or kitchen. To be clear, I don’t think Mia is doing this on purpose, the girls don’t have any conflict but aren’t close and we don’t force them to be. I don’t think Mia is thinking about Ally at all, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Ally has really been struggling and has been withdrawing more and more when she is home.
I brought up to my husband that I didn’t think it was fair for Mia to be bringing Leo over to the house, given the circumstances. My husband said it’s Mia’s house as much as Ally’s and that if Ally can have a boyfriend over Mia can too and he wasn’t going to tell his daughter she can’t spend time here. His other reason for wanting them over here is that he doesn’t want Mia to start hanging out at Leo’s, as Leo’s dad had some legal trouble a while back (not anything related to children or Leo) and is very permissive, so he prefers the kids hang out here than there.
I see his point but Ally is really having a hard time bumping into Leo. My husband thinks it’s teenage drama that needs to be got over, because in his words Leo will be onto the next girl in a few months and he’s not making his daughter feel pushed out over a boy no one will remember by Christmas. I understand his point, but in the meantime it’s my daughter that’s feeling pushed out and like no one cares about her feelings. I have full custody so it’s not like Ally can go anywhere else, while Mia has a whole other house if she could be bothered to drive there.
I know this is just teenage crap and maybe I’m being overprotective but my husband is acting like I’m off base for even suggesting there might be a compromise. He keeps saying I’m feeding into teen drama.
So AITA?
Comments
NTA
I get why you’d feel weird about it. That’s just super awkward for Ally and probably a bit much to deal with in her own house, especially at that age. It’s not like you’re saying Mia can’t date who she wants, but having her ex hanging around all the time would suck for anyone. I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to set some boundaries so Ally feels comfortable at home.
NTA. It’s not fair to make someone uncomfortable in their own home. Mia does have other places to hang out with her bf including school.
NTA. This is one of those cases where if they were blood sisters, he’d be banned from the house for life, and that would be fair.
I’d explain to Ally that although there is pain now time heals all those wounds and although fresh in the moment she will make it through. Leo wasn’t meant for her and that’s okay. She will find someone that loves her and won’t just ditch her like Leo did. Then take her shopping or out for a mother daughter day to get her mind off of it…. thats what I would do
Leo shouldn’t be allowed in your home, he is a stranger prancing around in your home after going from one step sister to another. I wouldn’t allow that type of disrespect in my house. They can go to Leo house or her mother’s home. Its ally house she shouldn’t be uncomfortable in her own home. Ally is the one getting the short end of the stick and basically being told her feelings or comfortability don’t matter. Im assuming she had to deal with gossip and the humiliation at school. Your husband is wrong. Put your foot down his putting his daughter first put your daughter first as well.
NTA. He wouldn’t be allowed in my home, they can go hang elsewhere. It’s not Mia’s fault but you need to protect your daughter. This is your daughter’s main home.
Your step daughter can take him to her mothers.
Your daughter will remember if you don’t stand up for her.
Ask her if she’d like you to keep Leo out of the house. Find out what her preference is.
Your daughter is your priority, this needs to be a dealbreaker for you.
Your daughter’s home should be her safe space.
Do NOT prioritise the step daughter who would willingly bring her new boyfriend who is her stepsisters ex into her stepsisters home with zero remorse or thought to her feelings.
NTA. This is very unfair on Ally. Time to tell Leo that he’s a little sh1t with an underage girlfriend and no longer allowed in your house.
NTA It’s natural wanting to protect your daughter. Ask your husband how he would feel seeing his ex in his own house almost every day and having no safe space anymore. As an adult I would be miserable too, that has nothing to do with teenage drama.
NTA
But has anyone spoken to Mia to let her know how this is really upsetting Ally? She might be completely clueless and might be a bit more considerate.
The thing is you are not saying Mia can’t come to the house you are just saying her boyfriend can’t !! You need to tell your husband and Mia this and stick to it !! Also explain if the tables were turned and he was now with Ally he would still be banned for the same reason to protect the feelings of the other girl . As a side note if they don’t get on how do you know she’s not bringing him round on purpose ??
Reevaluate your marriage. Your daughter should come first. It’s clear that step daughter is in competition with your daughter and wants to make her miserable. So do you like torturing your kid? Do you want her to grow to hate you? Do something about it. Your husband won’t because his priorities are with his own daughter and he doesn’t care about your daughter. Open your eyes!
Nta.
It is both the girls’ home. Hubby needs to remember that.
I’m sorry blood or not, you don’t shit on your own door step! What Leo did was cruel and husband’s daughter should have turned the little fickle fooker down out of respect for her stepsister. NTA.
The reality is that Leo never really liked Ally. He is doting on Mia because he always liked Mia. Honestly if Ally can make it through this situation in life then she can make it through a lot. What you and your husband need to realize is if he really likes Mia that the relationship might not end until Mia ends it. Two year relationships in high school are not uncommon. You need to limit the number of times the boy can come to the house. Tell your husband that if the boy is at the house all the time then he needs to deal with anything that has to do with him. That you will not be a parental chaperone. Tell your daughter that her feelings matter and that Leo is a scumbag. Don’t cater to him when he is in your house. Be respectful and distant. If he is staying for dinner don’t cook. Take your daughter out to eat. He is your husband’s responsibility not yours. The bigger question is who owns the house? If you own the house then tell everyone that he can come over only two days a week. Mainly on days when Ally already has plans.
Your daughter’s mental health comes first
Nat this little Twat used your daughter until the person he wanted came along he should not be welcome in your home and your husband should be backing you up
NAH
This is teeenage drama, and I do agree with your husband that if was fine for Ally to have a boyfriend over then it wouldn’t be fair to tell Mia that she can’t. Does it suck that it’s the same guy? Absolutely, yes, but it still Mia’s home as much as Ally’s
I agree that a conversation should be had with Ally that Leo is not her one and that’s okay, but also it wouldn’t be a bad idea to point it out to Mia how this is effecting Ally – but banning it outright wouldn’t be fair could truly end but making a mountain out of a molehill.
This is deeper than you are playing it out to be whether you want to admit it or not
Mia is ignoring the girl code, which is don’t date your friends or your sister’s exes. Maybe they’re not close and maybe they aren’t real sisters but the code still applies and she’s ignoring it. Leo should not be allowed in your house.
Op
tell your husband that his daughter will be despised by your daughter from now on. And she will have your full support.
It is also your house, and you have the right to kick the guy out.
I would have a convo with your daughter about how the ex was a user, and not a nice guy, the SS was using her to, to get close to him, so they’re Aholes kinda made for each other. And she can do way better than the both of them.
As far as the husband, you have just as much right to protect your daughter as he has. And how would he like it if the girls rules were reversed. And if he doesn’t feel comfortable with his daughter dating into the bfs family….tell him just think how you feel…with him, and maybe it’s time to reassess your relationship also
There’s no way that Mia isn’t doing this on purpose… Can we say “Regina George”??? This is bully behavior… No decent human being would do this (I don’t care if it is just teenage drama)… It’s bad enough Ally has to see them at school but your husband is giving the message that she’s not safe in her own home… Home is supposed to be your safe space and right now Ally doesn’t have one..
Nta. She can come over, her bf cant. Your husband and step daughter just showed you and your daughter they dont care about her at all.
NTA they’re making your daughter feel uncomfortable in her own home. In a place that is supposed to be safe. Your stepdaughter either knows exactly what she’s doing or she’s incredibly selfish. They might not be close but the girl code is you don’t date your families ex’s. He is not a good guy at all. I’d ban him from the house for his lack of morals.
NTA, every time Leo comes over, take your daughter out, go shopping, get ice cream, or maybe just go to a gym.do something with her for a couple of hours. Updateme
NTA – maybe it would be a good time to teach Mia that she should care about other people’s feelings? Especially if the only inconvenience for her would be to drive to her mom’s place.
Your daughter must be miserable, and I would be surprised if she’d feel resentful of everyone, including you, for letting this happen. It’s probably hard enough to just run into Mia, but both? That’s plain cruel.
Invite your ex over to watch his favorite movie. See if he’s ok in your daughter’s shoes
My question is, what if it were reversed? If Leo had dated Mia first, and then started dating Ally would you refuse to allow Ally to have him over to spare Mia’s feelings?
NTA
This is not just teenage drama. This is where long last resentment is built. This is your daughters home I assume. Your husband is being very dismissive. I don’t think he would be happy if Ally was parading Mia’s ex in “his” house.
YTA to your daughter for not stepping up and watching this. The boy toyed with your daughter to get with her step sister. He shouldn’t be allowed in your home in my opinion since it is so obvious how differently he treats them. Your husband cares about his daughter- not yours. Your daughter has one home where she now feels uncomfortable in. Mia has two while her dad makes excuses for her only to go to his house and not the boyfriend’s. This is so biased it’s absurd. Your husband has not made any effort to take care of your daughter in this and just wants her to suck it up while his daughter is the one happy. If it was the other way around, do you think he would tell his daughter to suck it up?
I’m a petty human so I’d subtly tell Ally that this is life sometimes. People will use you to get closer to what they want. Mia thinks she’s on top but she only got there because Ally did the ground work.
What’s his name may have never made it into Mia’s orbit if it weren’t directly for Ally.
It’s a a hard lesson but it’s a good one to learn now at 16 instead of at 26 or 36.
Ally will move past it but be certain that you don’t forget it. Make sure your husband KNOWS he better not rock up at any time with an expectation that you police Ally’s behaviour for Mia’s comfort.
Damn you are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Also scared for my kid to grow up now a little.
Only advice I got is to maybe the weeks Mia lives with you guys I would focus on Ally more. Get out of the house more, do spontaneous things( mom and daughter dinners, mom and daughter weekend away trips). Invite her own friends over at the same time. Just so your daughter feels like she has some support.
I do hope the drama passes and your daughter’s feelings will pass too. Most of us remember the heighten emotions of those highschool romances and can laugh at them now.
His daughter happiness is his priority your daughters happiness is your priority. Unfortunately, it’s a no win situation. She has just as much right as your daughter to invite her boyfriend to the house and I would be disappointed in your husband if he didn’t stick up for his daughter. NAH
IF this is true (since this is a new account) this is a damned if you do damned if you don’t.
Yes, you want to rightfully so protect your daughter and her emotions. Your husband is also right when he says it’s his daughter’s house too and she has the right to have people over like your daughter. Part of your argument is she can go to her mom’s house, but that same argument can be used back at you with your daughter can go to her father’s house. Just because you have full custody doesn’t mean he’s not in the picture at all.
Maybe you and your husband can come up with a compromise. Something like his daughter can have her boyfriend over on certain days up to a certain time. Your daughter when he’s there can either be at a friend’s house, work, etc.
Your douche of a husband might not be there for you after a certain point. Choose your daughter, if You don’t want to be one of those who asks reddit ”why did my daughter go NC and I can’t see my grandkids anymore”!
Your husband doesn’t care about ally. He would’ve banned leo if it was his daughter suffering let me tell you.
Mia is not a good person to do this to her stepsister.
NAH
I get where your coming from as a mom. You want to protect your kid. It does suck that she has to run into him and see him and Mia together.
But on the other side of it…consider how Mia might have felt seeing a guy she liked with her stepsister.
And your husband as her dad is also trying to protect and speak up for his child.
Just because Mia isn’t there full time doesn’t mean it isn’t also her home and she should be allowed to have her boyfriend over.
Honestly this is a HUGE life lesson for ally and instead of banning leo from the house maybe help your daughter navigate through this. She is going to have other relationships that won’t always work out and she will probably have situations where she might have to interact with an EX (granted not at home but)
Good Luck and just know this will pass.
NTA. Is the house yours? Or in both your names? I would suggest to your husband for Mia to see Leo at her mom’s house. To give your daughter a break.
NTA. I think your daughter should invite her father over to hang out in your home. It would be more convenient for her than going to his house. She should be able to hang out with whoever she wants, right? Would your husband be uncomfortable in is own home?
Eshhh I understand and feel for your girl but your husband is right it’s her house too. I also see your reply if the roles were reversed and how would you respond. I think I would do stuff with your daughter to take her mind off of things
So Mia respectfully watched her crush to date her stepsister in her own house but now she has to suffer because you don’t want your precious daughter to feel sorry.
YTA
NTA. The stepdaughter can be with the boyfriend some where other than your house. You can protect your daughter’s sanity by not having this in her face at home….
NTA but the way your husband doesn’t care that his daughter is hurting yours is a red flag. I’d be looking at your relationship and how you and your child are treated. Your husband is an AH and so is his daughter.
NTA. And Mia is only at your house because it’s more conveniently located to Leo, which is kind of rude. Start taking Ally out to do fun things and let your husband stay home and supervise his daughter and her boyfriend. It is rude that Leo is constantly in Ally’s safe space. And you say there is no animosity between the girls, but I’m betting there might be more going on between them than you know, but that’s just conjecture on my part.
You are not protecting your daughter,all i can read is you excusing your husband’s behaviour. He doesnt care about your daughter at all. He should be banned from the house. What example are you giving to your daughter?that cheating/monkey branching is ok?they are not sisters not even friends but they live under the same roof,i guess nowadays values and morals don’t exist anymore
Mia is selfish and honestly kinda bitchy for dating her stepsisters ex I’d tell her directly not to have that boy over anymore and if she has a problem she can go to her mom about it.
NAH your husband isn’t wrong, his reasons are actually solid. Your reasons are also reasonable but I think you have to look at the outcome. Maybe if you had this discussion before Mia brought him over this would have been easier to manage but he’s been over for a month and now you want to revoke it.
I think you need to focus on Ally and help her with this, give her extra love and attention and help her process it.
You guys should have talked to Mia sooner about empathy and not allowing Leo over from the jump.
Anything now comes off as punishment.
YTA
I get wanting to protect you daughter from pain. I would too, but you haven’t listed anything that indicates this situation is unusual in anyway. It doesn’t sound like Leo or Mia did anything particularly wrong that should result in Leo not being able to come over.
In short, you would be punishing your step daughter because your daughter is sad.
Sorry, but that’s going to happen in life and your daughter should start to learn to deal with it now. What happens when its her college roommate or someone at work?
As long as Leo and Mia aren’t doing anything objectively cruel to heart your daughter you’re the asshole in this situation.
Have you had a conversation with Mia and asked if she can understand why this would be uncomfortable for Ally? And if she can think of a compromise? Maybe she’ll say, or you can suggest, that he come on pre-set days and she go to her mother’s place more often. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, and if she’s not mean and can have some empathy, it shouldn’t be too hard of a sell. I know they’re not friends, but maybe if this is an imagine yourself in their shoes conversation, she’d be a little more inclined to reduce the frequency of his visits
And insist to your husband that both children should be comfortable in your shared home. Worth continuing to push for him to understand that Ally is there full time and has no option to live in a comfortable environment, whereas Mia can live in a comfortable environment in both homes, and moving the boyfriend to the mother’s more often won’t affect her comfort. He lacks empathy. So I wonder about the kid, but hopefully she can compromise without his influence
Are you on good terms with the mother? Like actually friendly and helpful? Maybe she’d act on a light mention that it’s a little uncomfortable for Ally to have the guy around all the time. Would hearing a bit about the situation prompt her to invite her daughter to spend more time there with the boyfriend? Obviously don’t attempt it unless you’re actually on very good terms
NTA! You are smart parent and don`t want to hurt your daughter.
I think you and Ally need more mom and daughter time at the mall when Mia has Leo over. Pretty rough to have to see the ex with stepsister.
Wow, so many saying that this is just teenage stuff. What if it’s not? Plenty people on Reddit have married their high school sweetheart. Even if it’s not long lasting, who doesn’t remember their first love? I would plan a family group meeting without boyfriend there. Everyone gets to express their feelings. This needs attention before Mia gets more involved. What if Leo was Ally’s first? Now Leo is targeting Mia to be her first. This could be deeper than anyone realizes. Even if nothing intimate is involved what if Leo starts comparing how step sisters kiss and tells all his friends? What happens now could have lasting effects for all four of you. Good luck.
Here is my take, and I guess it will be useful for your husband to hear.
Leo isn’t a good fit for Mia. He dated Ally to get closer to Mia, and now he got what he want. Mia needs to be told that guys that hurt someone to get to you will sooner or later but you. Mia needs to be told that what she is doing is not okay, and while she owes your kid nothing she needs to be aware of her behavior and think how it impacts others. Because it’s here Ally just quietly struggling, others will fight back or distance themselves. Limit number of days that he can be there. Try to establish days when he can be invited – and arrange activities for your kid elsewhere.
I bet your husband won’t be this dismissive if roles were reversed and his kid,for example, refused to come to his place because of Leo. NTA
NTA. Mia’s a kid and she’s being selfish and thoughtless. Your husband is a grown adult, and the fact that he can’t see how constantly having her ex around is bothering Ally – especially an ex who dumped her for her sister – is something else.
He’s a terrible father tbh.
NTA, there is NO WAY that boy would step foot in my home. Stepdaughter just created a rift between herself and your daughter. Your husband is an AH and so is his daughter.
I don’t understand your husband. Has he never heard of the bro code? Friends don’t date friend’s ex’s without permission, and it goes in spades for Mia’s situation. NTA but your husband and Mia are. Mia can see Leo at her mother’s house.
NTA.
Eh. YTA.
I’ll do one better. My ex boyfriend in high school started dating my twin sister a few months after we broke up. I had a terrible relationship with my sister already, and her getting with him made it feel like the world was ending.
My mom sat me down and told me candidly that my sister was being a jerk, but the only person who I had any control over was myself and my actions. And if I was right, and my sister was intentionally trying to hurt me by dating him, the best way to shove it back in her face would be to not give a shit, essentially.
It wasn’t a night and day difference, but I learned to regulate my emotions, busied myself with new hobbies and clubs, and eventually, I couldn’t have cared any less.
I get that your situation is different, since they’re step siblings and all, but if you’re saying there’s no real bad blood between them, Mia should be able to enjoy her high school relationship without having to tip toe around Ally, especially if Ally wouldn’t do the same for her if the situations were reversed, as you’ve hinted at yourself.
I don’t think Mia “having a whole other house to go to” really matters. Use this as a teaching moment for both of them, but don’t try to dictate their relationship or analyze this ‘Leo’ kid, who’s also growing and learning like your kids are.
UpdateMe
NTA, Leo is scum in training and Mia broke the girl code. This is so messy of them both and someone is going to be hurt
This is just a tough situation all around. I really see both sides. Bright side, the boy is the problem and he is more than likely a temporary fixture. Soon I am hoping the girls bond over talking about what a loser he is.
NAH except Leo!
I would maybe try again with husband and just ask if you can at least have a sit down talk with Mia to be a bit more considerate of Ally’s feelings as she’s still going through her heartbreak. Make it clear she is still welcome to spend time there with her bf but maybe discuss other alternatives to give Ally a little break from constantly being around her ex and watching seemingly treat Mia better (cause regardless of how young they are that does hurt and psychologically speaking can be damaging). Another option is if possible maybe take your daughter for a girls day every now and then when Mia is at the house with bf. Self care can be really good for confidence and mental wellbeing.
Since he had a crush on Mia, maybe Leo is in the wrong and used Ally as a reason to get closer to Mia.
We won’t know.
I would just encourage her to build self confidence. People do really lousy things. For their own self interest and unfortunately Ally got hurt.
I would help her build confidence and seeing the brighter side of things. I always do. Even the worst of situations, what can I learn from this?
Can or have you sat everyone down “like adults” and let Mia and Ally talk it out? Is there no girl code or honor code? She didn’t “steal” him but I would never date someone that my friend or family members dated.
You two haven’t forced them to be sisters but that doesn’t mean create a rift. I would emphasize that there’s still honor. No cross dating anymore. If things end with Leo, from now on they need to talk it out.
I think it’d be valuable for everyone to play devils advocate and just have an honest conversation.
Ask Mia if roles were reversed, what would she do?
Ask your husband the same.
No one seems to ever put others into consideration.
I think I would put my daughter first. I wouldn’t want to see her miserable either. And if no one sees the value of Ally’s feelings in this mess,.. then I would take that into account too.
Idk I just feel bad for you and your kid. That’s a rough spot.
Was Mia at the house when he was spending time with Allie? It just feels like maybe there’s more to the story, like Mia sabotage Allie’s relationship on purpose. I wouldn’t let him back at the house, you don’t hang out at your exes place, it’s just rude. NTA.
NAH, except for Leo, and let’s all hope he will indeed be on to the next girl by Christmas.
It’s okay to tell your daughter the same.
If he’s that easy with dumping and chasing, the chance that he’ll be around for very long is rather slim.
In the meantime, distract your daughter with other fun things.
While Mia has Leo over, the two of you can go have mani pedi’s, go see movies, dance classes, cooking or baking classes, whatever she and you are into.
When it’s time to study for exames, I assume Leo is not going to be over anyway, because Mia has to study too.
Encourage Ally to find a new social circle, so this doesn’t happen again.
And if (when, hopefully) Leo is out of the picture, have your husband talk to his daughter, that this ackward nonsense not going to happen again.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea, for her to pick one that doesn’t involve your house turning into a ‘keep it in the family’ porn plot.
Perhaps in the meantime, you can have a place where Mia can hang out, that’s not too secluded, but not ‘in Ally’s face’ all the time, like a canopy (? English is not my first language. Like a shed with one or more walls missing) in the backyard?
NTA. They can go to the mall instead or go outside and touch grass. If they can’t see the issue, then it’s time for Ally to invite people Mia doesn’t like over, see how fast your dickwad of a husband changes his tune
Just take your kid out on those days or do something together. Remind her that she’s loved even in the face of difficult circumstances. But this is life, so having the opportunity to build resilience now will serve her well in the future.
As for your husband, I think his real concern is not wanting his daughter alone at the bfs house where neither of you can see. Maybe he assumes that if he forces the more inconvenient, further away option, the kids will just lie and go to the bfs house. Given that this is a safety issue, I don’t really see him backing down on that point either. Probably for him safety trumps feelings. That said, I do think he could work on how he communicated that to you. Good luck, NTA
Breakups happen and your daughter is going to have future boyfriends that may go with other girl friends of hers, she needs to learn to cope with this type of issue and look to the future otherwise adulting will be hard. Two years from now she may be going to college and living in a dorm and have to deal with this same thing but by herself, so its best to not wall her off from it but assist her in understanding and coping.
What kind of person would date someone who crapped on their step-sibling? Guess the dad may be right, with Leo’s character, it won’t last long.
Updateme.
It’s going to be interesting when Ally turns 18, moves out and goes No Contact with you for not having her back in this.
Is there ANY other space you can create and secure as your daughter’s safe space?
NTA. Protect your daughter cuz your husband doesn’t give a shit about her.
You are NTA. Leo is a dog and he shouldn’t be allowed in the house.
Have you posted something similar to this before? I feel like I read a story very similar to this a few weeks/months ago and you were voted TA because your daughter was entitled or something over a boy preferring her stepsister over her.
Anyone else remember this?
Ally should sock Mia in the nose, I get them not being close but that doesn’t mean she can disrespect her and her feelings like that if anyone of my siblings did this to each other they would be disowned by the entire family they might not be siblings but they are two people that share a house and to be inconsiderate of the other people in the house is just self centered
NTA. Your husband and his bitchy daughter can’t have it both it ways, if it also his daughter’s house she broke the major sibling code. If not she is not a real sibling, it is not “her house” then. Tell your husband his precious child is a bitch, and she can play her mind games elsewhere away from your child.
ESH (except Ally)
Mia is a bad person for either going after her step sister’s boyfriend or agreeing to date him right after they broke up. Are you sure there wasn’t bad blood between the two girls before this? No decent person behaves the way Mia is.
Leo is a bad person for jumping between sisters and then continuing to come to his ex’s house and rubbing salt into her wounds.
Your husband is a bad person for trivializing Ally’s pain and only caring about his own kid. Why would your husband want their kid dating someone like Leo who could act like this?
OP you need to put your food down and protect your daughter. While it is true she will have to learn to deal with heartbreak her home should be a safe space for her. You need to tell your husband that Mia should either hang out with Leo at his place, outside or her mom’s place and limit how much they hang out at your house to once a week or two.
Updateme
Those kids will remember that for ever. The hurt, the betray.
I am surprised you two aren’t mad that she is dating her stepsisters ex.
That works be reason enough for me to not allow him in my home. You are taking your daughters safe space away.
If she wants to Gang out with that boy, she can do it at her mothers place or anywhere else.
What kind of shitty stepfather is he?
Your husband should be teaching his daughter that guys like that shouldn’t be around his daughter. The dad is a POS excuse for a father.
Why did you bother to write this post? In the comments you’ve done nothing but defend Mia & your husband, scared to rock the boat at home to protect your daughter.
Updateme
First off, TEENAGERS ARE HUMAN BEINGS WITH REAL FEELINGS! Calling it “teen drama” just plain sucks. These girls have real human emotions and one of them is being really hurt by the other. It’s just as real as if it happened to adults. I say this as a middle aged person.
Now, the main difference between these two saying situations is that when Ally brought Leo over, it didn’t hurt Mia. When Mia brings Leo over, it does hurt Ally. The two situations are different. Ally has no escape. Tell your husband to imagine that you left him for his brother. How would he feel seeing you at family functions? How would he feel towards his brother? I’m sure he’s going to say that it’s different because you’re married adults, but again, YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE REAL EMOTIONS TOO.
Your husband is creating a situation where you can either protect your daughter or protect your marriage. Choose carefully. Ignoring your daughter’s pain is going to affect your relationship with her permanently.
I feel bad for ally.
You’re making an awful lot of excuses as to why you cannot protect your daughter in this situation. I get it, your husband owns the house, Mia isn’t your daughter, you don’t want to sacrifice your financial stability. But you need to protect your daughter or when she gets out of the house you won’t have a relationship with her. Stop making excuses. Set boundaries. There has been a lot of really good advice given here that you keep brushing aside and giving excuses why you won’t do anything to actually help YOUR daughter who has no other parent and no where else she can go. Talk to your spouse and figure out a compromise. Talk to your step-daughter so she learns to be aware of how her actions affect other people and stops being so self-absorbed. I knew never to date an ex of someone in my circle (even if we weren’t close) by the time I was 13 (wasn’t dating then just knew it was a rule). Mia is definitely old enough to understand how that’s going to affect people and hurt them. It’s your and your husbands jobs to teach your kids these things. Leo sucks. But your job is to be your daughter’s protector and make sure her home is a safe space. You’re doing neither in this situation.
Poor Ally. Why would your husband be okay with any boy with a history of throwing girls away for another girl around his daughter? Your husband is the AH for allowing a scummy teenager around his daughter.
Your husband is absolutely terrible and so is daughter