My husband and I live abroad. Earlier this year, a mutual acquaintance (let’s call him “K”) reached out saying he’d been scammed with an apartment rental and had nowhere to stay. At first, we only offered a weekend, but he was polite, helped around the house, and seemed grateful, so we ended up letting him stay the full 20 days he’d asked for.
During that time, some things rubbed us the wrong way. He never bought groceries, and multiple times he pretended he was going to pay but “forgot his wallet” or claimed he could only use Apple Pay (not accepted at our local supermarket). He’d eat way more than his share (once my husband and I shared half a pizza and he ate the other pizza and a half without contributing). Still, we felt bad for him, so we let it go.
We stayed friendly, and a few months later we were planning a 17-day trip. Since he was struggling with rent, we offered him to stay at our place in exchange for taking care of our dog. I even wrote a Google Doc with instructions for the house, dog care, gym access, etc. I told him he could eat anything that was going to expire (fruit, veggies, yogurt, etc.).
When we came back… EVERYTHING was gone. And I mean everything. The entire fridge, freezer, pantry. He finished two jars of jam, a jar of peanut butter, a giant Costco bottle of olive oil, condiments, rice, snacks, cheese, even my husband’s supplements (creatine, protein, collagen). He completely destroyed a ceramic pan. He consumed things that usually last us six months in just 2 weeks. I honestly suspect he might have taken stuff with him because it’s insane how much was missing.
I didn’t confront him except to ask him to replace the pan, which he mocked me about (“it’s just a pan, why are you making it a big deal?”). I felt deeply disrespected. Now he keeps texting me, acting like nothing happened, and wants to hang out. I told my husband I don’t want him in our home ever again. My husband says I’m being too harsh, and if he wants to stay friends, that’s his choice, but I feel completely taken advantage of and disrespected.
So… AITA for not wanting to see this guy ever again and refusing to let him come back to our house?
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My husband and I live abroad. Earlier this year, a mutual acquaintance (let’s call him “K”) reached out saying he’d been scammed with an apartment rental and had nowhere to stay. At first, we only offered a weekend, but he was polite, helped around the house, and seemed grateful, so we ended up letting him stay the full 20 days he’d asked for.
During that time, some things rubbed us the wrong way. He never bought groceries, and multiple times he pretended he was going to pay but “forgot his wallet” or claimed he could only use Apple Pay (not accepted at our local supermarket). He’d eat way more than his share (once my husband and I shared half a pizza and he ate the other pizza and a half without contributing). Still, we felt bad for him, so we let it go.
We stayed friendly, and a few months later we were planning a 17-day trip. Since he was struggling with rent, we offered him to stay at our place in exchange for taking care of our dog. I even wrote a Google Doc with instructions for the house, dog care, gym access, etc. I told him he could eat anything that was going to expire (fruit, veggies, yogurt, etc.).
When we came back… EVERYTHING was gone. And I mean everything. The entire fridge, freezer, pantry. He finished two jars of jam, a jar of peanut butter, a giant Costco bottle of olive oil, condiments, rice, snacks, cheese, even my husband’s supplements (creatine, protein, collagen). He completely destroyed a ceramic pan. He consumed things that usually last us six months in just 2 weeks. I honestly suspect he might have taken stuff with him because it’s insane how much was missing.
I didn’t confront him except to ask him to replace the pan, which he mocked me about (“it’s just a pan, why are you making it a big deal?”). I felt deeply disrespected. Now he keeps texting me, acting like nothing happened, and wants to hang out. I told my husband I don’t want him in our home ever again. My husband says I’m being too harsh, and if he wants to stay friends, that’s his choice, but I feel completely taken advantage of and disrespected.
So… AITA for not wanting to see this guy ever again and refusing to let him come back to our house?
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> I might be the asshole because I cut him off completely and told my husband I don’t want him back in our house, even though he thinks I’m overreacting.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You graciously helped someone out in a time of need and they abused the privilege. I would have an open and honest convo with your husband about this friend, this is not what a friend should do.
He didn’t consume it all in that time, he emptied your place and took it back to his to last him a while. He stole from you like he was on a shopping spree.
There’s no excuse for literally eating everything in your house, ruining your pan, and then acting like nothing‘s wrong. You were trying to do him a favor and he took advantage. He sounds like a scammer. Makes me wonder if he ever had a place to stay in the first place or if that was his scam to get free lodgings. I mean, I’m pretty sure that is what happened. He lied to you upfront, got a free full 20 day stay where he barely paid for anything, and then ate you out of house and home and ruined your stuff on his second scam stay. NTA
NTA this person is not your friend and your husband needs to rethink anyone who mocks his wife over something that person destroyed.
This “friend” has little to no respect for either of you. If your husband wants to lessen himself by continuing this one-sided friendship with this guy – it’s on him. However, you do not let anyone who treated your home the way he did back in again.
You can decide if you’ll reconsider this if this guy apologizes, but he’s not allowed to be in your home alone again.
The guy stole from you, took everything to his house and abused your trust. If you ever let him back into your house you will be the AH. If you cut him out of your life and never let him in your house again, it’s understandable and you won’t be the AH. Stand firm with your husband on this.
NOPE. NTA.
Block him and never have anything to do with this parasite.
I bet he never had accommodation sorted.
He never intended on paying his way.
He always intended grifting off you.
Block Block block….
NTA. Why can’t your husband put two and two together and figure out that the guy stole all your food. After that he still wants to be the guys friend. Tell him he is welcome to stay friends with the guy but not to ever bring him into your home again. BTW, your hubby seems to care more about his friend than he does about your feelings, not sayin’ but, that ain’t right. It may be time to upgrade.
NTA this guy robbed you. Unless he was running bf a mukbang, there’s no way he could eat that much. He crossed a boundary when you were trying to help. Your hubby needs to stand up for you, you’re supposed to be a unit and you’re justifiably upset.
He’s not a friend. I’d bet he took the stuff in the cupboards, so he’s a thief as well. NTA
NTA
CHANGE THE LOCKS!!! He gets wind from your husband you have an over night stay elsewhere he will be restocking again (he made a duplicate).
Tell husband put on his big boy pants and smell the coffee. Mooch-Boy does NOT come in the door anymore. He can stay friends but hubby goes to his place. Time for cameras and door camera.
How’s the dog doing? I’d imagine the poor lovey was ignored that entire time as well 👿
NTA!!!! Tell that mooch to kick rocks.
He took advantage of your kindness. He stole from you. You are NTA.
Don’t let him in your house again. If your husband can’t see that, shame on him.
Hubby can go visit his “friend” anywhere else but your home.