I’m a hairstylist and have loved doing hair ever since I was little. So growing up, I would do my friend’s hair for school dances, weddings, birthdays, etc.
I know doing hair is my job, but I’ve been getting annoyed that a close friend of mine will always ask me to curl or style her hair before we go out or if there’s an event or something.
It was fun when we were younger but now I feel like she expects it (cause I always say yes even though I’m irritated). When I’ve been unavailable to help her, I’ll tell her to look on Tiktok for easy updo tutorials so she could do her own hair- before I was a pro, I learned everything I knew from YouTube videos! So I was trying to encourage her to do the same since I can’t always help her out, but it seems like she doesn’t want to learn.
I should also mention that this friend used to see me at the salon for her hair, but would always complain about the price. I got sick of being stressed that I might go over her budget so now I just do her hair at home. Which I don’t like doing either cause if you’ve ever done hair color at home as a professional, you know how inconvenient that actually is.
So… ATIA for being unwilling to curl her hair every time she asks me? Or should I just try to have a better attitude about it since she’s my friend?
Edited to say that she does pay me for her color services, it’s just HEAVILY discounted
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I’m a hairstylist and have loved doing hair ever since I was little. So growing up, I would do my friend’s hair for school dances, weddings, birthdays, etc.
I know doing hair is my job, but I’ve been getting annoyed that a close friend of mine will always ask me to curl or style her hair before we go out or if there’s an event or something.
It was fun when we were younger but now I feel like she expects it (cause I always say yes even though I’m irritated). When I’ve been unavailable to help her, I’ll tell her to look on Tiktok for easy updo tutorials so she could do her own hair- before I was a pro, I learned everything I knew from YouTube videos! So I was trying to encourage her to do the same since I can’t always help her out, but it seems like she doesn’t want to learn.
I should also mention that this friend used to see me at the salon for her hair, but would always complain about the price. I got sick of being stressed that I might go over her budget so now I just do her hair at home. Which I don’t like doing either cause if you’ve ever done hair color at home as a professional, you know how inconvenient that actually is.
So… ATIA for being unwilling to curl her hair every time she asks me? Or should I just try to have a better attitude about it since she’s my friend?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t want to do my friend’s hair when she asks me. I might be the asshole because I’m a hairstylist and have been doing her hair since we were kids.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
She’s using you – her behavior isn’t what friends do.
You set yourself up for this problem when you started doing her hair at home and for free.
NTA, but you need to have a difficult conversation…”This is my job now; I can’t be your at-home stylist for free any longer. You need to come to my salon and pay the same prices as everyone else.” If you’re feeling generous, you could add something like, “As a friend, I’ll teach you how to do some things yourself, but that’s it.”
NTA
Stop doing this person’s hair outside of the salon. She can look up YouTube videos to learn how to do her hair or learn some other way – not your problem anymore.
NTA
Most friends won’t take advantage and f a friends ability. My closest friend when I moved away from where I live now was a pediatrician. I’m still went to her office when my child needed to be looked at.
It’s fine for a small emergency, and you happen to have time. As any friend would help. Not as regular way of her lifestyle.
You need to tell her you have appointments if paying customers so won’t have time ooo r just say you’re busy doing your own stuff. I can’t even think of a time I would call a friend and ask them to stop what they are doing and come do my hair.
I might ask a long time friend to help me move if I were broke and alone. That would be a once in years type of thing. Maybe a ride to the airport. Again, not f I could afford it, I would just pay for a ride.
NTA. She can make an appointment and pay like anytime else. You are now a professional and she is using up the time that you could be earning a living. I am a seamstress, but the only person I don’t charge is my husband.
This friend is taking advantage of your skills. Pick a time when you’re both calm and explain that you can no longer do her hair away from the salon. You need this draw a line between your personal and professional life and make it stick.
NTA – Tell her the truth, nicely. Tell her you’ve decided it’s just too much to work at home and you are keeping your work strictly at the salon. I like the other person’s suggestion of offering to show her how the tools work or a style or two. Maybe recommend a particular stylist for her to follow on TikTok instead of just “look for videos”. That could be intimidating. Good luck. I hope she understands and doesn’t get upset.
NTA. What is her profession or near professional hobby, and does she provide you with free services. If the answer is no then you need to start saying no as well. This will become a life long obligation if keep undervaluing yourself like this.
NAH for now. You’re absolutely not the AH. Your relationship to hairstyling has changed since it’s become your profession—that’s totally valid. Giving hours and hours of free work is not reasonable. For now, I wouldn’t call your friend an AH. It sounds like growing up you did a lot of free hairstyling for her and I think it’s possible she just doesn’t get that things have changed for you. I think it’s time to explain that styling her hair is work for you, not just fun. Lay down new boundaries (e.g. you’ll give her one free hair styling session a year or you’ll only style her hair if she pays or even no hairstyling for her; it all depends on what boundary is reasonable for you). If after this discussion she keeps asking and pushing your boundaries then she’ll enter AH territory. I think this situation just requires clear communication.
NTA Unfortunately, now she has settled into feeling entitled to your services she will probably have a bad reaction when you say something, but I still think you should rip the bandaid off. The longer you wait the worse the reaction will be and the more time you will have spent doing this. She won’t appreciate it nearly enough as she should anyway and you will just be building up resentment. Sooner is better than later, unless you plan to do it forever.
She should really be grateful for what you’ve done for her to this point, but it almost never works out that way. She will probably be disappointed and upset and justify those emotions by coming up with a rationalization for why you’re selfish, cold, or whatever for wanting to stop. If instead she is understanding I think that will be proof that you’ve both slipped into this situation and she is not just selfishly entitled.
Still, even with a bad reaction you have to put a stop to this at some point because unless you move or have some great life event there is no clear end point to this. She will only settle in deeper and think of it all as normal and just what you do, not even thinking of how it is actually real work to you — after all, from where she sits it’s a lovely experience where she is pampered.
LOL just do a terrible job and wait until she sees herself in the mirror whilst out swanning around
Give her some big curls at the back of her head or something like one of the ugly stepsisters
Salon owner here. You can charge what you want for her color, but you need to put your foot down about doing hair at home. I fell into this trap for a long time. When I finally bought my salon, I told my friend that I would only do her hair there and she stopped calling or texting me. It became clear that she was using me because I would come to her home and do her hair. I wasn’t going to charge her more at the salon, she just didn’t want to come there. That was when I decided that any friends that want service can come to the salon. If they don’t, then they must not want the service that bad. Remind your friend that you spent a lot of time and money to learn your craft and that her just expecting you to give free style services every time you go out A) makes you feel like that’s all you are to her and B) feels like she’s taking advantage of you. If she can’t respect that, then maybe this season of friendship is over?
Does she reciprocate by doing something for you as regularly as she asks you? IF not simply say I can’t. NTA. One must get up off the floor in order not to be walked all over.
Helping out once for an occasion/similar would have been ok. Always expecting you to do her hair is not ok. You should have stopped this long ago, but it’s not too late. Now, you can suggest she find someone else to do her hair as you have had enough and want her to go enjoy someone else’s talents. Soft NTA