I feel like this is a stupid question but I have to ask. I (23M) am blessed enough to travel a decent amount throughout the year. My friend (23F) who I’ve known for about 8 years now, is 4 months pregnant. To skip all the filler, the baby father is no longer in the picture, and she’s been now trying to get closer to me. Texting me more, asking if she can move in with me (I live alone in my house), and now I’m planning a vacation to Belize and she’s adamant on joining. However her pregnancy has made her quite sick on multiple occasions to the point to where she’s had to go to the ER. She just got healthy again and is now trying to plan an itinerary for a trip I didn’t even invite her on. I personally am not too fond of children, nor would I want to have to worry about her health on vacation. AITA for telling her I don’t want to travel with her because she’s pregnant?
AITA for not wanting to go on vacation with my friend who’s pregnant?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA but you need to talk to her about this now. You should have nipped it in the bud before now, but she’s trying to make you into her baby’s father.
Tell her that she wasn’t invited on the trip and that you’re going alone (or with whoever else). Do not let her move in with you either. You’re not the father and the sooner she realizes she can’t make you into one, the better for her.
Just tell her you want this to be a solo vacation, or better yet, you’ve invited along a girl you’re interested in. And slowly distance yourself if she’s trying to get closer and it’s making you uncomfy. You can still care about her and provide support at a distance.
You got a bigger issue than the cruise
NTA. She is trying to suck you in because she wants a daddy for her baby, a roof over her head, and your bank account.
>the baby father is no longer in the picture, and she’s been now trying to get closer to me. Texting me more, asking if she can move in with me (I live alone in my house), and now I’m planning a vacation to Belize and she’s adamant on joining.
Translation: She is trying to turn into no-sex stepfather in charge of caring for her and the baby. 23F preggo should go on a vacation with the baby daddy or BF. Not you.
nta. it’s your trip, you didn’t invite her, and you’re not responsible for her or the pregnancy. it’s okay to set boundaries, especially when it comes to your peace and plans
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NTA and set some iron clad boundaries, she’s coming after you and your good life
NTA, but…. Borderline.
Do you still want to be friends with this person?
You’re annoyed at her being sick.
You’re annoyed at her potentially having a baby.
You’re annoyed that she wants to join you on the trip.
Her life is going to dramatically change in a few months. She needs all the support she can get. Assuming she’s done nothing wrong other than try to get closer to you as a friend, it seems rather callous to cast her aside since you’ve been friends with her since you were 16.
If you still want a friendship, my advice is to sit down and discuss your fears. If she’s a true friend, you’ll work through it together.
If you want to end the friendship, be direct.
NTA Go enjoy your solo vacation. When you get home enjoy that peaceful sanctuary that you live in. Don’t allow her and her circumstances destroy your peace.
NTA.
NTA. No way in the world should you let her join you. She is trying to move in with you… she is trying to enmesh herself with you and get it so you are in a sudo “daddy” role. The answer is NO. No on traveling with you, no on moving in, just no. In your case I would also point blank tell her you are not available and mute her so you no longer see her texts, social media posts, etc. Just fade out of her life.
In no way does it make you anything other than decent to put proper boundaries in place, you are not a replacement to this child’s father, neither do you want to be, this needs making clear to her. Nta.
NTA, but I think you need to lower contact fast. Sounds like you are being eyed for a future baby daddy.
NTA- but set those firm boundaries now – you are not interested in a roommate – and it’s a solo vacation. You’re trying to do things that are simply unsafe for a pregnant woman and you’re looking out for her safety. You’ll show her pictures when you get back. You don’t owe her your time or your vacation and you certainly don’t know her staying at your house. She chose to get pregnant. It does not mean that you have to be involved or be around it.
NTA, but you got to be smart, dude. This girl is trying to make you her new dude/father of her kid. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you want, and frankly, her motives don’t seem great lol. You need distance asap
NTA, but don’t tell her you don’t want to travel with her because she’s pregnant. That’s just going to cause drama. Instead, just tell her it’s your trip and you’re going alone. If she protests, make it about your travel preferences, not her. You can say something along the lines of you prefer to travel alone so you can do things on your own schedule. That way, she really can’t push back against your reasons and she can’t accuse you of mistreating her.
NTA
Tell her that she can take any vacation she wants with a support person and that you are not that person.
It kinda sounds like she is trying to force her way into your life and you aren’t pushing back in a way that is getting the point across. You don’t need to be a dick for her to get it, but you definitely need to be firm and clear with any boundaries you have about your time and space.
NTA… but she is shopping for a baby daddy. BE CLEAR.
No travel, no room mates. No relationship other than friendship if she can stop pressuring you.
You don’t have to put up with someone who invites themselves on your vacation. Don’t broadcast the dates, your itinerary, where you are staying. She can’t come with you if she doesn’t know.
She wants you to be daddy. To both her and the baby. You are going to need to step away, far away, from this friendship. Otherwise she is going to do all sorts of manipulative shit to pull you in.
Tell her no….and then update us 😁
NTA – obviously you don’t want to travel with someone who’s going to totally jack your plans, but the bigger problem is she’s trying to jack your life. You need to shut that sh*t down now.
NTA she’s wanting you to step in and be responsible for her and this baby. You’d better set some clear boundaries now. Also, I live in Belize and the health care is sub par and while, yes, people have babies here every day, they are ill equipped for emergencies, there are few hospitals and you have to pay out of pocket at the time of treatment. It’s not a place for a pregnant woman to travel
In my opinion
There is no way her doctor is going to think that this trip is a good idea. I don’t know how soon you’re going, but if it’s soon and she’s just gotten healthy, that’s too big a risk; if she’ll be in her third trimester by the time you go, then that’s a whole different set of risks. Regardless, you cannot accept this risk!
Just no. No, no, no. Tell her it’s not happening, period.
NTA.
NTA. You don’t need to tell her why, you just need to say she’s not welcome on your trip, AND she’s not moving in with you. SHe sounds like quite the boundary buster, so get used to saying no to her.
NTA Dude, she’s trying to make you Daddy…
She shouldn’t want to have a complication at a resort in Belize, while pregnant but that certainly seems to be an outcome she is setting herself up for, during your vacation.
Just go without her and have fun.
Is it just my idea or is she trying to make you the father of that baby?
Just say no. You don’t want her to come as you don’t think it’s a good idea she travels with all the associated risks. Also point out that Zika virus is present in Belize. Something she really wants to avoid while pregnant.
NTA. Speak up or you’re going to be stuck with her moving in and a child she’s going to make you the father of. She’s decided since the father bailed but you’re a good replacement. That’s why she’s pushing to get you on this trip, probably to have sex with you, and for she to somehow get her to live with you so she has no expenses and for you to take care of her. Then somehow you’ll end up married to her and adopting her child. Speak up or this will be your life.
Oh also make sure your place is locked up tight, having the alarm system before you go on your vacation cuz she might decide to move in while you’re gone and you’ll come home to a squatter. Then you’re going to have a heck of a time getting her out of there
NTA
You need to be more of a dick to this chick.
She’s putting you into that ” he’s my good male friend that does EVERYTHING for me, my kid, my life except have sex with me and I reciprocate nothing” zone.
Meanwhile, you’re going to baby sitting and paying bills while she’s meeting Mr.Right. Start distancing and being more of a toxic person.
Nta does she think you’re a simp. Dont play someone’s saved game.
Go enjoy your solo vacation
You don’t have to give her a reason, and I wouldn’t. Just tell her you planned this trip as a solo trip and you’re going in your own. And don’t let her move in. NTA
Tell her to use her travel money to secure a place to live. She’s trying to force herself on you. Be firm and tell her no, tell her you didn’t invite her. Nor will she be moving in with you. She’s gonna need support and if you not willing to do that. Tell her no!
Should she even be traveling with so many ER trips!? NTA. You don’t want to be in an ambulance in a foreign country after all…
It would be a good idea to look her in the eye and tell her you don’t like children. Don’t let her glom on to you. That would be a disaster. NTA
I like chilling with my friends who are childless more. Its human.
Belize is not safe for a pregnant women, Zika virus is there which can cause microcephaly
Man I wish abortion is normalised. She’s gonna mess that kid up because of her abandonment issues
NTA. But her being pregnant AND ill (at times), pales in comparison to her trying to insert herself into your life by trying to encroach on your space and life.
You need to make it ABUNDANTLY clear that you don’t want or need a pair of roommates 😉 OR a travel partner.
Nta. She’s trying to glob onto for attention and love now that she is alone and pregnant. That needs to be a discussion on it’s own. I’m your friend, not your partner or person raising your kid with you.
Send her info on Zika virus, tell her the beaches have sand fleas
Perhaps I am an old cynic, but….
How long do you need to share a house with someone before you are considered de-facto/common law wherever you are from?
Holidays together are a good form of “proof of relationship”
I’m not saying she IS trying to find a baby daddy, but sure looks like a precursor hunt for a bank account and alimony.
Not too mention the ultimate C-block for any future relationships for you, your “housemate + 1” will most definitely not be laying out the welcome mat for anyone with partner potential for you!!!
Send a final text that she is not welcome to go on holidays with you, and is definitely not moving in, mute and screenshot so you have a record of replies for future legal references, rig the house with cameras and secure locks, and enjoy your Holiday.
NTA.
But the bigger issue is her setting her sights on you filling the role of baby daddy. Don’t let her move in, and don’t allow her to entertain the notion you’ll be anything but a friend.
NTA but if you don’t talk to her about boundaries and your desires for friendship/not, then you’ll be TA
She sounds entitled and if she’s running your life when she isn’t even in that role, imagine what she would do with your house. Fortify yourself king.
NTA, and you need to draw some serious lines in the sand.
It sounds like since she doesn’t have a baby daddy, she’s trying to get someone to fill the role, and she chose you.
NTA. In case you don’t know, in some states, assuming a parental role will make you liable for child support. This includes letting her live with you (even while pregnant), paying for baby necessities, going to doctor appointments.
You need to set boundaries with her. She’s trying to make you be her back up baby dad.
She’s trying to hook you.
NTA
No NTA, it seriously sounds like she’s trying push her way into your life as more than just a friend.
NTA. Do NOT let her house sit for you. Hopefully you have a security system.