I’m 25F, my sister is 24F. Our parents split years ago, and we’re no-contact with my dad. My mom owns our current house, but now she wants to renovate it, sell it, rent somewhere big enough for all of us (including my very old grandparents), then buy a new house with a loan despite her bad credit.
Her plan is for my sister and me to each pay a “fair share” of the mortgage for the next 6 years until she retires. She gets angry whenever we push back, but I don’t want to be tied down financially when I’ve been planning to move out and build my own life (possibly out of state).
If I lose my job, what then? Am I stuck paying for her house forever? I feel like I should be able to focus on my own future instead of her retirement plan.
AITA for refusing to go along with this?
TL;DR: Mom wants me (25F) and my sister (24F) to help pay for her new house for 6 years until she retires, but I want to move out and start my own life. She gets mad when we push back. AITA for saying no?
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I’m 25F, my sister is 24F. Our parents split years ago, and we’re no-contact with my dad. My mom owns our current house, but now she wants to renovate it, sell it, rent somewhere big enough for all of us (including my very old grandparents), then buy a new house with a loan despite her bad credit.
Her plan is for my sister and me to each pay a “fair share” of the mortgage for the next 6 years until she retires. She gets angry whenever we push back, but I don’t want to be tied down financially when I’ve been planning to move out and build my own life (possibly out of state).
If I lose my job, what then? Am I stuck paying for her house forever? I feel like I should be able to focus on my own future instead of her retirement plan.
AITA for refusing to go along with this?
TL;DR: Mom wants me (25F) and my sister (24F) to help pay for her new house for 6 years until she retires, but I want to move out and start my own life. She gets mad when we push back. AITA for saying no?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i want to know if i push back and say no to selling the house with my sister and my mom would i be the asshole?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. This is a pretty bad plan with lots of family-entanglements that it would be wise to stay clear of. Don´t feel bad for saying no, you cannot afford to be tied down with this house.
NTA. At 25 it would be absurd for you to tie yourself to someone else’s mortgage. It would be fair for you to pay rent for whatever time you live in her home, but not for you to be committed to her mortgage.
NTA, is your name going to be on the mortgage alone and not the house deed ? If you aren’t on the deed then definitely don’t do it. If you have no plans on sticking around it’s best you start looking for somewhere to rent from now because she will start to get hostile and guilt trip you …. It will become very toxic for you … and it’s best you remove yourself from the situation and save yourself the stress ……
NTA just be honest and tell mom sorry but no. If I live with you then I will pay rent but I will not be responsible for a mortgage or a set time frame of paying rent. I plan on moving into my own place soon.
Mom sounds like a narcissist. RUN while you can.
>but now she wants to renovate it, sell it, rent somewhere big enough for all of us (including my very old grandparents), then buy a new house with a loan despite her bad credit.
Your mum likes to burn money lol. Renovate and sell, rent rather than live in own house and then buying a new house which likely needs renovation.
NTA. Just push back and say no. Don’t put up with insane ideas.
Your mom is selling her home; she needs to invest the proceeds so she has a healthy down payment on the next house. You and your sister are young and should be out on your own living your best lives. Experiencing new things, etc.
NTA. I mean, if you and your sister are working, you should be contributing in some way while you are living there, but not to the point that you are obligated to pay for that house for six years.
What happens in six years if your mom’s credit is still terrible and she can’t get a loan for another home? The whole plan sounds wrong. If she has bad credit now, how is she going to get a loan when she also doesn’t have a job? Is she magically going to clean up her bad spending habits at (I suspect) 60 years old?
NTA. You are 25 and have your own life to build. Being expected to fund your mom’s retirement plan is too much of a responsibility, especially with her bad credit and risky financial plan. You cannot be tied to a mortgage that jeopardizes your future or freedom. Boundaries are not optional and anyone who gets mad at you for protecting your own financial stability is being unreasonable. Focus on your life first.
NTA. Your mother has no right to demand this of you. You are all adults and entitled to do what you want with your money.
If she wants to buy a bigger house, then she should do it by herself. It’s what SHE WANTS.
You should suggest you’ll start paying rent for living in her home if that makes it better, so she’ll leave you alone. But honestly? She can get as mad as she wants, you do not and should not get into such a huge economic commitment if you don’t want to. NEVER. Especially not by your mother guilt tripping you into it.
NTA at all
You and your sister want independence and you have every single right to it. Your mother seems to live this fantasy where she gets all she wants, and if she doesn’t, she gets mad. So I think you have to have a realty- check talk with her: it’s very possible you and your sister marry before reaching 30, so what happens? You have to take your spouse to the new house or live independently but pay a mortgage?
Please don’t compromise your plans for other person’s plans. You’re not selfish, you just want to live your life and have every single right to do it
NTA. This is your mom’s decision, and home, not yours. Sure, you might inherit it, but why would you want to if you want to start your life?
NTA – but all kinds of land mines to consider. 1) the financial aspects you mention – if you do this you need to get legal agreements. What is your share of cost? are you going to be named on the mortgage? what happens if you want to leave or she wants you to leave? do you get a share of the proceeds if she sells? etc etc.
If she already owns the house she’d be better off staying where she is. Selling it and going into debt just before retirement would be nuts! She can’t expect her 2 kids to live with her forever, you need to go and live your own life. Tell your sister to stand up to her as well.
NTA – don’t do it! You do not want to put your whole life on hold for the next 6 yrs for her “retirement” plan. Tell her to keep the house she has, you and your sister move out and get your own place to live and she can take in your grandparents and they can help with any money for repairs. If you and your sister stay you will become responsible for taking care of your grandparents as well as your mom. Move out!!
Do not put your name on that mortgage, tell your sister the same, & get out of there. You’re ntah.
I highly, highly recommend moving out of state. Changed my life. Learning self-sufficiency and taking risks is a huge part of adulthood. And it’s way scarier in your mind than in real life. Definitely NTA, your mom’s job was to provide for you, not the other way around. Its nice to help our parents where we can but lighting yourself and future on fire to keep her warm (so she can retire??) is not good. Also how can she retire if she doesn’t have the money?
No. Just no. Definitely NTA.
NTA. Make plans. Live your life. Contribute toward household expenses while you live in your mom’s house. Beyond that, do not be financially entangled.
NTA. She didn’t plan correctly to have her dream house, and if you do help her, it will just become your nightmare. Also, why would it change in 6 years when she retires? If she doesn’t have the means to buy a house now, she won’t in 6 years be able to pay it without continued assistance. She is selling house A, great, use those funds to purchase house B.
Parents should look forward to the day their children leave the house, not lock them down with a shared mortgage.
NTA! Your mother needs to budget within her own means. You will most probably be wanting to move out soon and you need to budget for yourself,not for your mothers dream house. Maybe if she does want to sell then you could spend some time helping her get the property ready for a sale but do not move with her,use this opportunity to get your own place! Good luck.❤️
NTA! Your mom has a house a place to live rent free. I understand wanting more room but that is on her. Do not tie yourself down to a house as a co-signer. Anything happens you are fully responsible for that mortgage until it’s paid off. You don’t say it but your mother sounds like a financial train wreck. There is a reason people have low credit scores and it has nothing to do with your much money you make. It’s making bad choices. Your in the right mind set. Go build your life. Let your mother handle her stuff without ruining your financial future. Your mom can get a mortgage with the house as collateral, rent or the old house, to pay the new house mortgage without involving you or your sister. She just wants to do to much at once.
Don’t do this. It’s a horrible idea. You’ll be on the hook and your credit will suffer. Your mom needs a place she can afford. If she has to get non-family roommates so be it. But don’t tie yourself to her financially you will be pulled under.
Why does she want to sell her house and get a new one??? NTA you don’t have to do what you don’t want to. IMO seeing the way the economy is going it’s better to live in a multi generational home. I’d think it over and present her with terms more favorable to you. If mom accepts then good if not then go your own way. Hopefully, she won’t let this ruin your relationship.
y’all should speak with a mortgage professional about options. Maybe even a real estate lawyer as well. One person or couple owing a home is only one form of ownership. It’s possible to do things like joint tenancy etc. The point is there’s no sense in y’all making a decision on this plan without knowledge of all the possibilities.
NTA. That would be a pass for me.
our job, as older people, and to carefully arrange our lives as well as we can, so we can take care of ourselves because it isn’t 1950 and the economy isn’t 1950 anywhere and when we really love our kids, since it isn’t the 1800s,we just want them to do anything that means a lot to them to focus on building their own precious lives. And that does not include being indebted to us. So don’t let her manipulate or gaslight or guilt you. She needs to take the options she has it hand and see what she can do to fix her credit and see what she can do to maybe rent a place for her and her parents. And that’s it.
NTA!
NTA. Your mother’s life is a direct consequence of her own decisions and actions. You don’t owe her the next 6 years of yours. It’s time to cut loose. While you’re living under her roof she will always consider that you have financial obligations to her.
NTA – Don’t do this! It’s time for you to live your own life and have your own goal. Do not tie your money up with others.
Tell her you want equity on those 6 years of payments
NTA, but if your sister joins in and you don’t, I wouldn’t consider it totally unreasonable to be reflected in inheritance one day (assuming this whole thing pans out at all and your Mom dies with any wealth despite currently having bad credit…)
NTA
Nor are anyone’s children their retirement plan. Move out, asap. Forge your own life. You do not owe her anything for her giving birth and doing the minimum as a parent. Her expectations are wrong, and not your responsibility.
DONT get wrapped up in your mom’s scheme. You and your sister need to move out! She wants you both to be on the hook for a mortgage for 30 YEARS! Absolutely do not do this! With that mortgage on your back you will never be able to get loans! For anything! It’s pretty stupid of her to want to sell a home she owns. When you move out your grandparents can take your room. She’s just wants to anchor you both down so you never get away!
NTA
She’d be better off renovating or upgrading the house to fit what she wants or add an in-law suite and stay
As a parent of adults your age, NTA. It is totally reasonable to expect kids to support their parents. The goal is for adult kids to take care of themselves and live on their own. You move out and do your thing. Let your mom take care of herself and her parents.
Could she just not renovate this house? It would be a lot less costly and she would still have a place to live. If you a ND your sister aren’t paying rent and helping with utilities you should be.
A parent’s job is to try and put their kids on a good footing for adulthood. Your mum is attempting to do the opposite for her own selfish ends. That’s not how a good parent acts. Absolutely do not agree to this.
NTA
NTA. Your mom is just looking to avoid responsibility when she inevitably loses the new place. Run. Live your own life.
No. She needs to make plans for herself and her parents if need be. If anything, I would plan on moving out ASAP in general if you can.
If she wants you to have a successful life, she needs to plan on what she can sustain herself.