I (18F) live with my mom (40F) and stepdad (36M) while attending community college. I originally planned to go out of state for university, but my parents changed their mind and refused to co-sign loans and my dad could not, so I missed deadlines and had to attend the local community college for two years. The family rule has always been that if I am in school and trying, I do not pay rent, just cover my own gas, clothes, and fun expenses.
I worked two jobs this summer. I quit the first because they wanted me to skip classes to work. After a month of job hunting, I got a flexible job that pays above minimum wage, but my stepdad insists I get a second job because he worked two jobs in school. We are studying very different things, as he dropped out of an electrician program while I am pre-law and working on a business degree. I do not have a car payment, debt, or major expenses, and my family is financially stable, so there is no practical reason for me to work two jobs besides teaching me responsibility.
This has spilled over into other things. For my 18th birthday, all I wanted was room décor instead of dorm items since I could not go to a dorm. My mom told me to buy it myself because I am an adult and only got me new sheets after I reminded her it was supposed to be a gift. I was very grateful as I had been asking for years for new sheets. I am in physical therapy for scoliosis. They initially agreed to cover my copays, but I have received no reimbursement, and my stepdad claims my diagnoses such as scoliosis, bee allergy, and autism are fake.
He also thinks I should start paying for things my grandma has always covered, like hair appointments and shoes. My grandma said absolutely not when I told her he wanted me to cover it. When I asked my grandma for shoes before I started my job, since mine were falling apart, I was called an irresponsible brat.
The biggest argument is food. I am a picky eater, partly due to texture issues and an eating disorder. My parents know this, but one night when I did not eat dinner because I was not hungry, they told me they were done buying special food for me and I should start paying for my own groceries since I have a job. This felt harsh since it would not hurt them financially and I am saving for university which costs sixteen thousand a year.
I also do believe that they would eat the food that I buy, as anytime I get myself food it always seems to go missing.
When I brought it up with my mom, she doubled down and said I am too picky and it is not unreasonable. I cannot tell if I am being selfish or if this is genuinely unfair. AITA for thinking my parents are being unreasonable?
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I (18F) live with my mom (40F) and stepdad (36M) while attending community college. I originally planned to go out of state for university, but my parents changed their mind and refused to co-sign loans and my dad could not, so I missed deadlines and had to attend the local community college for two years. The family rule has always been that if I am in school and trying, I do not pay rent, just cover my own gas, clothes, and fun expenses.
I worked two jobs this summer. I quit the first because they wanted me to skip classes to work. After a month of job hunting, I got a flexible job that pays above minimum wage, but my stepdad insists I get a second job because he worked two jobs in school. We are studying very different things, as he dropped out of an electrician program while I am pre-law and working on a business degree. I do not have a car payment, debt, or major expenses, and my family is financially stable, so there is no practical reason for me to work two jobs besides teaching me responsibility.
This has spilled over into other things. For my 18th birthday, all I wanted was room décor instead of dorm items since I could not go to a dorm. My mom told me to buy it myself because I am an adult and only got me new sheets after I reminded her it was supposed to be a gift. I was very grateful as I had been asking for years for new sheets. I am in physical therapy for scoliosis. They initially agreed to cover my copays, but I have received no reimbursement, and my stepdad claims my diagnoses such as scoliosis, bee allergy, and autism are fake.
He also thinks I should start paying for things my grandma has always covered, like hair appointments and shoes. My grandma said absolutely not when I told her he wanted me to cover it. When I asked my grandma for shoes before I started my job, since mine were falling apart, I was called an irresponsible brat.
The biggest argument is food. I am a picky eater, partly due to texture issues and an eating disorder. My parents know this, but one night when I did not eat dinner because I was not hungry, they told me they were done buying special food for me and I should start paying for my own groceries since I have a job. This felt harsh since it would not hurt them financially and I am saving for university which costs sixteen thousand a year.
I also do believe that they would eat the food that I buy, as anytime I get myself food it always seems to go missing.
When I brought it up with my mom, she doubled down and said I am too picky and it is not unreasonable. I cannot tell if I am being selfish or if this is genuinely unfair. AITA for thinking my parents are being unreasonable?
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> 1) I refused to buy my own food after I was asked to 2) I am an adult with a job that can pay for food
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Absolutely unfair. Your mother is allowing your control-freak stepfather to try to control you to the point of abuse. Ask your grandparents if you can move in with them. Or aunts or uncles.
NTA. At 18, while there’s no legal obligation on their end, they should still understand you’re a new adult doing your best. Them going back on their word of support you how they can is manipulating and frankly selfish. Between refusing to co-sign a loan for you to go to (what I assume is a better) college elsewhere to now refusing to simply buy you food you can eat? That’s just sad. I’m sorry this is happening to you OP, and I wish you luck.
You’re 18, you work but you’re still taking from your grandmother. And being provided food that you then don’t eat. You don’t pay rent. So really you buy nothing and sponge off your parents and grandmother if we are being honest. Whilst working and earning your own money.
Your ‘autism and bee stings’ are irrelevant. Buy your own food if you are that picky
YTA
I don’t think it matters if you’re TA or not but they are telling you they will not be paying for any of these things so you need to figure out what your next move is. You can lock up some of your food in your room for now but you need to move out or find a way to pay for all these things on your own. I also think you should stop asking for things that aren’t necessities, it seems like you are very particular and also seems like your parents are sick of it and/or don’t want to pay for things.
Your next move is to figure out how you’re going to take care of yourself without them, not whether they should have bought you more things than the bedsheets.
YTA for having lots of problems that you seem to expect everyone else to accommodate you on while being utterly dependent upon them for support and contributing little or nothing to rent/housekeeping.
I also suspect that this convoluted, stream-of-consciousness post – a rambling mess of problems, grievances, excuses why you can’t do anything for yourself, expectations of support from other people – is an indication of how you manage your affairs in general, which clarifies why your family is losing patience with you. You’re an adult, you need to reevaluate your life priorities around your ability to support them.
NTA, and at the same time that doesn’t really matter here- you can be NTA and your mom/step dad still get to choose what they want to do with their money. They are being short sided. Supporting you now gets you closer to independence.
Could you “work” for your grandma by doing some extra chores or errands for her, in exchange for the hair/etc money? That would take care of the 2nd job.
NTA. Your mom and step dad have done everything but tell you to move out of the house. It’s time to plan your escape.
NTA: Suggesting you work not one but two jobs while you are in school (or even while on break between semesters) already sounds a little excessive. If I understood correctly, they wanted you to cover some expenses for your grandmother. If so, that IS Excessive. And if you are living at home with a deal that doesn’t involve “rent”, I would expect parents to pickup routine expenses such as food as well.
Your stepdad is likely behind all of this. He’s likely in your mom’s ear about you needing to bear the burden for anything financial. Every child is different in needs and capabilities and there should be no comparison between what he did and what you should be expected to do.
NTA bc your mom and SD are going back on everything they promised you. You should look into other options for housing
You’re an adult. Adults have expenses. Deal with it.
NTA
I agree with others saying that this is all your stepdad’s influence. He wants you out but doesn’t want any money to go towards it. I bet he even thinks if you don’t get gifts from grandma, then he would ge the benefit from that extra money going to your mom/his wife.
Ignore the mess about a second job. Ignore the mess about stopping your grandma from helping out. But do buy and keep track of your own food. Yes, they are overbearing about it. But until you can move out just do what you need to to keep them out of your business.
NTA! Isn’t law school hard enough? How would you have enough time to study while handling two jobs?while i see their intention, it just is not a good way of going about it.
Nta but it sounds like it’s time to leave and never talk to your mom (and stepdad) again. She’s choosing her man over her child which means she’s a terrible, useless mother. See if you can move in with your dad or grandma or some other family member and what you’ll have to do to support yourself. It’s only going to get worse believe me, I got out of a similar situation (thankfully before finding out the hard way). For school, apply for every single scholarship you can to help against debt and talk to the financial office for help with finding and applying for them. Depending on your school you can find housing resources (even for cc’s). If you want to tough it out with your ehm parents then invest in noise canceling head phones or earbuds and come home as little as possible, which is also what I did. Hope everything turns out fine
Edit: can’t find the comment but if you can’t find your birth certificate or social security card you can get replacements for both (but I recommend reporting the ss card stolen/lost so they’ll issue a new number that your mom can’t access). But you should be able to get them if you say that you got a second job and they need that for the onboarding process. Medical places like hospitals or even assisted living always require that type of documentation for all employees
YTA: you’re an adult refusing to work a second job because you don’t need the money, but the reason you don’t need the money is because your parents have been buying everything for you. Your parents shouldn’t be holding your hand as an adult. If you can’t afford tuition as well as other expenses on a single income, then do as your dad said and get a second job. You’re an adult and need to act like it.
No one is the a here. They are tired of wasting their money on special foods for you when you choose not to eat. I have a child with an “eating disorder”. Basically her intestines don’t work right. Because of that eating is hard and she doesn’t feel it’s worth it. She doesn’t want she physical pain eating costs her. But yet every day I make her food and put it out. 90% goes to waste. She lives more off of Kate’s farm more than food itself. But I’m still cooking her food and giving it to her. I still keep specialty foods for her that are high fat, high calorie, and gluten free.
Here is where the difference lies. She’s a kid. You’re an adult. They are tired of spending a lot on food and you throw it away. If I had to guess…their mindset is…if she wants to throw her food away she can pay for it and throw it away. Because every meal they pay for, prepare, and give you that you don’t eat…is money they are just throwing away. They are tired of it.
And I’m sorry but I agree. You’re an adult now. You need to buy your own shoes.