My parents divorced when I was a kid. My dad went off to a different part of the country to work at a well-paying job and have another family. He came back to town when I was in high school, and while he did try to call me when I was growing up, I still felt like he was a stranger.
He’s in his 70s, and he wants to spend time with me but the times I do go with him I come back angry due to his negative thoughts and his mistreatment of his wife and kids. I used to force myself to see him, but now that I’m older I couldn’t care less about visiting him. Granted, he could pass away at any moment and I might regret not spending time with him, but still, I don’t want to see this guy.
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My parents divorced when I was a kid. My dad went off to a different part of the country to work at a well-paying job and have another family. He came back to town when I was in high school, and while he did try to call me when I was growing up, I still felt like he was a stranger.
He’s in his 70s, and he wants to spend time with me but the times I do go with him I come back angry due to his negative thoughts and his mistreatment of his wife and kids. I used to force myself to see him, but now that I’m older I couldn’t care less about visiting him. Granted, he could pass away at any moment and I might regret not spending time with him, but still, I don’t want to see this guy.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t want to spend time with my dad, and that can be seen as a cruel decision.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Just cuz he’s your dad doesn’t mean you owe him your peace. If hanging out with him just leaves you pissed off, it’s not worth it. You’re allowed to protect your energy, even if he’s old.
NTA Listen to Cats in the Cradle
You are definitely NTA…. He is basically a stranger and a very negative one at that. He clearly drains your energy.
If he didn’t donate the sperm for your existence, would you still feel like this question needed to be asked??
Another take on this. Dad’s in his 70’s. Assume he lives to 80’s. If you visit him 1 time every couple of months you will only see him 10-15 more times. Ask yourself if you can do this. Also sit down with your dad and have a long heart to heart. As men get older they lose testosterone and gain estrogen which makes them softer and more gentle most of the time. Try to find that.
NTA. He chose to build a life away from you, and now he wants to reap the rewards of a relationship he never invested in? Hard pass. You don’t have to light yourself on fire to keep him warm.
NTA He abandoned his job as “dad” a long time ago. By doing so, he gave up any sort of child-to-parent tokens of respect. He hasn’t built an adult-to-adult friendship with you, either. If seeing him now leaves you angry, then it is okay to stop visiting.
NTA.
While he lived far away during your childhood did you see him frequently?
Distance alone shouldn’t have prevented time together during school vacation etc
When he came back to town was he with his “new family” or divorced again? I ask bc, at his age, your dad might be looking for a future caregiver. Hope I’m wrong.
You don’t owe him jack shit. He doesn’t get to basically abandon you and then expect you to be all “Oh Dad, you’re the best, luv u” when he’s old. Karma is a bitch, and he’s earned the bad karma.
NTA, you might feel regret if you cut him off and he dies, but if you do it’s based on internalized ideas about being a good child to the father he could have been, not the father he chose to be
you don’t owe him anything & it sounds like he has nothing good to offer you, don’t beat your head into a rock here
sorry your dad sucks