Posting this from a throwaway. I (18f) was playing ps5 with my brother (12m) for a few hours and we were having lots of fun together, which was great because he’s being going through a rough time at school (I’ve caught him crying a couple times, and he’s only felt comfortable telling me, he’s been getting verbally bullied at school). Anyways, I went back to my room to study, and my mom came in.
Now, for context, my mom caught him masturbating recently, and got upset at him because she said we’re a catholic household so he needs to stop doing that. She told me (previously, before this) and I felt so embarrassed for him.
My mom came in my room and told me I needed to start wearing a bra again at home. I was wearing a t-shirt in my room and was wearing a sweatshirt next to my brother that time, and it’s painful and uncomfortable for me to wear a bra all day. My brother hasn’t even said anything and we hang out fine together.
And he literally hangs around the house in just a shirt, and sometimes just his boxer shorts.
She told me my brother’s going through puberty and I need to be more appropriate around him, and I told her it’s uncomfortable and she huffed and said I had to because he has hormones now.
I’m still not usually wearing a bra at home and she’s been passive aggressive around me. She was upset at me before because my bf picked me up and I wasn’t wearing a bra, but now she’s gone a step further and told me to wear a bra at home to be appropriate around my little brother. AITA here??
Comments
Nope, you’re NTA, but your mom is for clearly having double standards :/
What weird way to try and police both of her children by controlling your right to be comfortable in your own home.
Jesus didn’t ask for that.
Your mum is a nut.
Jerking off is normal. I think she can’t handle her baby is growing up.
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NTA. Your mom is quite frankly weird and gross for insisting your brother is an incestuous little freak who would sexualize you for not wearing a bra.
NTA.
You have the freedom to dress comfortably in your own home. Your body shouldn’t be sexualised simply for existing.
Even if your bother was attracted to you (his SISTER) that is not your fault. That is something he would need to discuss with a therapist.
Your mother is engaging in a victim blaming narrative that blames women and girls for the perversions of men and boys.
NTA, your mom is crazy. Does she have any siblings?? Maybe she needs to get her mind out of the gutter if she thinks of scenarios where you not wearing a bra is relevant
NTA, but Mom’s house, Mom’s rules. Buy a couple of more comfortable bras.
Your Mom and brother are the problem. JFC, please tell someone about what is happening.
Your mom needs therapy! NTA
I mean if your breast isn’t visible why is the need of a bra at home tshirt is fine right.
Or most woman wear camisole at home so you can try that
I think you are NTS. However, if it really does cause him to be aroused you could try silicone nipple covers. I got to the point that I just am too uncomfortable in a bra so that’s what I wear. I do think she’s overreacting but puberty can be rough!
Clearly you are NTAH. it’s ok not to wear bra in home because yeah, it’s ok to not wear bra all day as it’s uncomfortable
NTA. This isn’t the 1950s. Mom needs to get with the times. She sounds like she has sex problems.
NTA Having lived in a house with weird rules, it is easier to just comply until you can get out. As a compromise, maybe you could wear a crop top under your t-shirt, much more comfier than a bra. In saying that, your mum is weird with her rules.
Yes and no. It depends on the shirt you are wearing. Is what I was taught and what we taught our daughter now 20 who is 4 yrs older then her brother. If wearing a sweat shirt; sure go bra less. We have tank tops and comfortable house bras for around the house. It’s not just about being modest for little brothers but also dads ect and if someone like the mailman shows up at your door unexpectedly.
NTA
But FYI, wearing a bra shouldn’t be painful. Are you wearing the appropriate size? A style you feel comfortable in?
NTA… does make me wonder if she went through something in her own childhood with a relative.
NTA. I’m a mum to both a girl and a boy. They are grown. My daughter hates bras, and it doesn’t bother me whether she wears one or not around the house. Bras hurt if worn for too long.
Catholics don’t masturbate? Really? OK. How about you and your brother sing her this little song the next time she nipple shames you.
I’m a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is
They’ll take you as soon as you’re warm.
You don’t have to be a six-footer.
You don’t have to have a great brain.
You don’t have to have any clothes on.
You’re a Catholic the moment Dad came,
Because…
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Yes. Do you want your brother looking at you? Not that he wants too, but, well he’s a guy.
Forget your mom but ask yourself how it might be making your brother feel and see if his eyes are wandering which maybe you didn’t notice before. It sounds like the poor guy is going through a lot lately. Bullied at school, mom invading his privacy, etc. If your mom tells him not to hang out and play games with you, that would probably be hurtful for both of you. Do what you feel is the best thing for him and his mental health. He may not even be paying any attention at all since he has seen you in different stages of dress for years already. I hope I’m making sense.
NTA, sounds like the mom here needs to update her software and learn how to talk to her kid about puberty and relationships so that he can have a healthy perspective on sex.
Also, it’s right in the Bible, “If an eye offends thee, pluck it out”. Self control is about controlling the self, not policing others.
Absolutely you’re not your mom is being difficult, a large proportion of my family is Catholic and I know of none of them that would have an issue with not wearing a bra after work or when they’re in their own home. Yes your brother is absolutely going through a stage with hormones, no your brother does not see you as a sexual object which your mother seems to be doing and that’s a whole other level of ickiness.
As for your brother masturbating that is so completely normal it isn’t funny, from the time I knew how to do that until I was in a stable relationship I could not keep my hands off of that area. Catholic or not your brother is going to do that whether your mom likes him to or not. And honestly all she’s going to do is make him grow up with weird hang-ups about sex and push you away by sexualizing you to your brother.
NTA. Ask her why she feels your brother will find his sister attractive, ask her why she would assume your own brother will be turned on by you, his sister.
Your mom is crazy.
If you are not dressing skimply with t*ts hanging out infront of your brother, and are wearing a proper T Shirt, there is no issue.
Masturbation is a natural process. Would your mom like it better if your brother ejaculated inside a girl instead of his own hand?
Give the boy some privacy.
Your mom is a dirty pervert
Your mom’s creating a really unhealthy dynamic here. Instead of teaching your brother that women’s bodies aren’t inherently sexual, she’s reinforcing the exact opposite message. I dealt with this growing up with two younger brothers, and I refused to change my comfortable home habits. Stay firm on this one.
I gotta tell ya, I dont wear a bra anywhere
Someone with that attitude should probably not be around children nevermind be a parent
Absolutely not.
Your Mum is crazy.
NTA. It’s not your responsibility to do or not do anything because of how it might affect someone else. Even in your own home. People are responsible for their own feeling/actions and that is something your mom needs to deal with.
NTA. It sounds like your mom has some hang ups. It’s a her problem.
Please keep an eye on the bullying and your Brother too.
Nta. Typical. Blame women for men’s actions.
To appease your mom but not wear a bra, try wearing a big t shirt over a tank top. I have larger breasts and when I wear just a big t shirt they’re bouncing all around and my nips are super visible. When I’m visiting family and staying over, at night I’ll wear a tight tank under the big shirt to confine them and it helps.
Hahahaha is your mom insinuating that you’re turning your brother on? 🤮
Fucking nasty, I have 2 older sisters, the fact that she said that made me stomach turn. Your mom is disgusting. Wear what you want, the most puberty can impact in your brother is confuse him.
Be close and nurture him, sisters are the best influence at home for a young man.
Pretty much any time I see a post like this. I assume it’s some sort of OF thirst trap.
To be fair, there are 2 sides to this story and we only have one.
Has the mother had a conversation with the son where he expressed some concerning thoughts and the mother has genuine concerns?
Is OP actually showing through the shirt or at least hard and noticeable? Is this why bro is spending so much time with sis? Has the mother noticed the son looking? All things to consider.
Is the mother could just be weird or she knows how young boys act and wants to nip this in the bud before a problem arises.
NTA.
If it turns out your brother feels uncomfortable, your mom needs to educate her son, not you.
(And on the flip side, if you feel uncomfortable with your brother wearing boxer shorts, that’s a you-problem).
Your mother is crazy, but for your own sanity, just wear one
ah the classic, control womens bodies so boys dont misbehave. yep that totally works. . .
What’s your mom going to do next – tell you to wear a bra at the beach? While sleeping? This kind of backward thinking needs to stop. Your brother needs to learn to exist around women without making it weird. NTA and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Sorry but your mom is a bit of a religious nutcase here. NTA.
Mom’s house, mom’s rules. You need to work out a reasonable compromise with her without criticizing or challenging her “values”. It seems a sweat shirt, assuming a bulky one not some sort of form fitting one, should an achievable compromise but you will need to respect her viewpoint even if you don’t agree with it, in order to get there.
Your mom is seriously disturbed.
Sexualizing you, your 12 year old brother and the relationship between the two of you is gross.
Puberty and masturbation are completely normal things. What your mom is doing is the polar opposite of normal.
Nta put mom into therapy
NTA. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your mother’s obsession with religion, puberty, masturbation and sexuality is very concerning and unhealthy.
Errrr, next time she brings it up tell her she’s weird for thinking your bother would be thinking of you in that manner. Tell her incest thoughts about her children is sinful.
I went through a testosterone puberty. I’ve now gone through an estrogen one. If hormones are her concern, I have the scoop.
I have 2 sisters. Never once did their bodies nor anything about their existence have a single thing to do with my sexual development.
Unless given extreme proof otherwise, it is always safe to say your brother is sexually repulsed by you and always will be. You could give him all the testosterone in the world, that will never change.
Your mother has very dangerous attitudes. The idea boobs are innately sexual, and that a bra covers up this sexual nature, is absurd. (On a side note, I’ve always felt bras, if anything, are MORE sexualising. Many add shape and such. Idk, maybe that’s just me, but I feel sexier in a good bra than out of on) the idea your brother is just a biological event away from unrepentant criminal lust is flat out insane. And harmful. You need to make sure your brother does not grow up thinking he is a predator just because he’s a man.
Your mother has conflated his being as a man with sexual impurity and being uncontrollable. That’s not true. But if he internalises this message the way she likely would want him to, it would manifest the lie into truth.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your brother, and I’m sure given your mother’s shame oriented parenting style, this means more to him than either of you know. Keep that shit up. Let your tits hang. It’s really not that deep frfr
ew. why is she sexualising a sibling relationship? NTA obviously. and I hope the bullying (at school and from your mum) stops soon.
Nta. You genuinely dubs like a good sister who cares about your brother. I hope he’s able to get through his tough times
Your mom is a prudish, religiotard moron, projecting her own insecurities on you. I have been a teenager myself eons ago, and believe me, you wearing a bra is not going to stop him from masturbating. You wearing a hijab isn’t going to stop him from masturbating. All women on earth disappearing in to thin air isn’t going to stop him from masturbating.
All your mom is doing is piling guilt on her kids, like a good catholic woman is trained to do.
Nta at all. Honestly I’d talk to your brother and say something along the lines of “just so you know our mum gets weird about puberty stuff like masterbating. Don’t worry about what she says. I know it’s an awkward topic but you can ask me questions any time and I won’t judge you. Being a teenager is tough.” I wouldn’t say that your mum told you that he jerked off, make it sound more like you know all this is coming his way because of his age and you knowing your mum.
NTA
YOUR body, YOUR boobs, YOUR choice.
You should be allowed to be confortable in your own home, heck, anywhere for that matters.
If anyone sexualizes you and blames it on what you’re wearing, they are the problem NOT you.
The way your mother sees this situation gives incestuous background to be sure.
Keep vibing with your brother, puberty can definitely suck, especially in a household where masturbation is considered “evil” 🙄
And, speaking from experience, I’d get out of this house asap. So many red flags, you could see them from space.
NTA your mom is setting both of you up for some religious trauma though. I would say you can try to show her some studies on what she’s doing and how it’s harmful but i doubt she would listen and it would probably make her get very nasty towards you. Is there any chance she would be convinced to send brother and maybe you to a councilor? Not a councilor connected with her religion the thing about the maturating can cause a whole host of issues mentally for him both now and down the road.