I (18f) don’t wear bras. I don’t own any either, because of my cup size i don’t need them for support and i find them uncomfortable. I also have hypermobile ehlers danlos, and my bras tend to make my ribs press in or move in a painful way.
My boyfriend (25m, who i’ve been with since high school, works at the same souvenir store i do. That might sound odd, but it’s a small town and he goes to college the next town over, so there isn’t too many job options during summer for him.
Its usually not too obvious i don’t wear a bra unless you’re looking really close to find straps or something on my shoulders, and most people don’t seem to care too much if they can’t essentially prove it. My boyfriend, however, thinks it’s indecent of me and has bought me bras on more than one occasion and demanded i wear them, to avoid being “inappropriate.”
Yesterday, i wore a white tank top because it gets hot and stuffy in the store (no air conditioning in most buildings here). It wasn’t sheer, it didn’t show anything but my arms and shoulders. But you could see a small bump of my nipples if you were looking at the right angle, and that’s what my boyfriend got mad about. He said i was being inappropriately sexual in public, and i said i didn’t understand. He wears tank tops where his nipples are more prominent, so why can’t i wear a tank top just this once?
He stormed off and told our manager, and he hasn’t spoken to me since. Our manager, a nice older woman, didn’t care and said it was his issue, not mine, but i still feel guilty and I’m worried i might be making everyone uncomfortable because of my body. AITA?
Comments
Ugh, god, I was wondering who is even making you ask this and of course it’s an insecure boyfriend.
NTA
>He stormed off and told our manager
LOL what?! Please ditch this jackass.
I think your problem is that a grown man groomed you in high school.
So your creepy 25 year old boyfriend dates high school girls huh?
NTA
NTA
Be careful if you switch jobs though. Different work places may expect more coverage.
If your manager doesn’t care, it’s not a workplace problem.
It’s a relationship problem.
NTA, extra asshole points for ur pedo bf tho – 25 and 18?? Since hs??
He is 7 years older than you and sounds a bit controlling. Find another boyfriend.
NTA. Ditch that perv who “seduces“ children and then sexualizes them before blaming them.
NOT THE ASSHOLE! This boy you call your boyfriend is so immature. If he was more concerned about your safety that’s one thing, but he makes it seem like you’re trying to show yourself in an inappropriate manner. If there’s no need for a bra then don’t wear one. That’s your choice because that’s your body. If he doesn’t like it he can go kick it out on the curb.
If he doesn’t have the respect to let you make your own choices then he shouldn’t be someone in your life. I would understand his point if you were a bigger size because society hates seeing a woman be comfortable in her own skin. It’s just a matter of safety because nasty men love to look, but if you really don’t need one then don’t wear one.
EDIT: those who are claiming grooming.. she’s asking for advice, not to tell her the relationship is invalid. That’s her business so focus on what she’s asking. You don’t know the situation.
NTA ever for something like this. Let them free.
Holy shit girl escape this literal pedo please
NTA. Now is the perfect time to break up with him. Tell your manager he is sexually harrassing you and get him fired from your job (after he bitches and moans and threatens dumb shit about you leaving I mean).
I just think your boyfriend is pissed that you don’t look like a 12 year old girl anymore
OP. Your child grooming bf doesn’t want you to attract a sugar daddy.
There are tank tops that have coverage built in. If you get the right size it’s not uncomfortable.
NTA.
Your boyfriend is controlling. He’s likely dating someone so much younger because he hopes to groom you to be what he wants. Likely women his own are aren’t willing to put up with his control and overall toxic attitude towards them.
Throw the bras he bought you in the trash, and him with them.
OP, with certain conditions, you know that even a girl wearing a bra will have nipples protruding so that argument goes out the window. Find a better person to associate with.
NTA your body your choice. Sounds to me as if he wants to control you. Change partner, town or both.
NTA
Listen to your manager, it’s your bf issue, don’t get a bra, get a better quality bf, whose your own age not 7 years your senior, who probably did groom you in high school.
Long ago I worked with woman who never wore a bra and I suspect for the same reasons. It was not obvious and frankly none of us cared. I didn’t even know until she mentioned it at an after work party when somehow underwear got brought up.
I never noticed but I also wasn’t staring or even interested one way or another. I don’t spend any time contemplating other people’s underwear but I tend to mind my own business just like we were all taught in kindergarten.
Do you see his nipples when he’s swimming or does the wear a tee shirt and shirt when swimming.
Tmi.. but no old male advice ,below a certain cup size there no reason as far as I know to “demand “ girlfriend or wife wear a bra other then his insecurities.. I will assume you are not wearing a white tee shirt to wash cars??
Obviously fake post with the age gap specific created to generate outrage
There is no way you are a redditor and don’t know exactly what everyone is going to say to this post.
There is no way you are a redditor and don’t know exactly what everyone is going to say to this post.
Does he also think you should wear a corset? Maybe a hoop skirt so your ankles don’t show? Time to give that boy the heave-ho and find someone living in this century.
NTA. Not only is this guy controlling, and a snitch, he also is a major creep to have been dating you since you were a child. Kick this guy to the curb fast.
Im a 33 year old woman and let me just say. Its ok to cover up your nips if it makes your man uncomfortable. Just put a padding of sorts. In our culture its not normal to have your nips showing anyways, especially at work. Just because everyone wants to say its natural men have nips too. Its not sexualizing it. As women we need to respect our bodies. I do think its weird. Imagine if men started walking around with tight pants like legginbgs showing off their bulges how women show off their butt and boobs in tight clothing…that would be weird AF and disgusting.
I mean girl even if you started dating when you were a 14 year old high school freshman he still would’ve been 21 and a senior in college. You’ve been groomed. Never dress for anyone but yourself. I do have to say though that it’s important to look professional at work and you’re very brave to wear a white tank top without a bra.
Do what makes you comfortable. If the bras hurt maybe nipple pasties? I don’t like when I can see other women’s nipples even if they are wearing a bra but it’s padless.
NTA, your boyfriend is over-sexualizing things.
If you are concerned with your nipples poking out, look into silicone pasties. I have an A cup friend who does that on the regular.
Edit: Girly, please get away from him. Just saw the large age gap and how long y’all have been dating and my heart sank.
Hypermobile and I also CAN NOT wear bras. It seriously feels like torture. NTA , but I’m sorry to say in addition to being a dick your boyfriend is a pervert. No good 25 yo would EVER date a higschooler.
I would say “sorry it has to end like this I can’t wear a bra Good luck in your next relationship” quit the job and the pedo
Been bra free for the last 6 years! Best decision ever
NTA. Get rid of him & move onto someone better. I’m 26 with large breasts & have a problem with bras, so I don’t wear them. It’s our bodies, our choices. If someone else has a problem, that’s their problem. This “bf” is trying to make his problem, your problem. Don’t let it get to ya, girl. Protect yourself and your comfort.
NTA. What you describe is several red flags that are trying to tell you he is a supercreep and that you should run from him.
NTA. You will get too much unintended attention. Sports bras are the answer.
Your BF is waaaaay too old for you and controlling.
You have a right not to wear a bra but you may be showing more than you realize in a white tank top.
NTA
There is nothing indecent about it. Your only concern should be your comfort, not the approval of others.
Hell, my boyfriend prefers when I don’t wear one because A) boobies and B) he cares about my comfort. I have DD’s, though, so I usually wear one when I go out, but never at home. For me, it’s about containing the girls when I’m moving around a lot, but that shit comes right off the second I’m home.
Nta but your pedo bf should be in jail.
Your bf is 7 years older than you started dating you while you were in high school and he was a full grown man, so yeah, he’s going to be controlling. That’s how groomers usually are. NTA.
Get nipple covers. If you don’t need a bra, then you might need some coverage that isn’t uncomfortable. Cakes is a good brand.
I do not own any bras either, I do have slightly larger boobs but they sit nice and don’t cause me bother therefore I have no need for bras. I also have my nipples pierced meaning you can see them in near enough any top I wear, do I care? No I do not, my boyfriend doesn’t either and I’m sure many people will but boohoo. NTA.
NTA. OP you need to ditch the boyfriend and date someone closer to your age.
Keep not wearing bras, to avoid the nipple issue, nipple covers will be best. I also don’t wear bras often but will wear nipple covers when needed.
What you put on should be your business especially when you’re comfortable in it
Does your boyfriend wear a bra. If not why not?
Get rid of the asshole boyfriend along with all the bras he bought you that you don’t need.
>18f/25m been with since high school
Fucking disgusting.
You should wear a bra to work if the dress code requires it. There are ton of options these days. Get a seamless wireless thing that’s just existing there for a padding over your nipples. Or get pasties to cover your nipples. However your manager doesn’t care, your BF was of age and dated a minor and is, in general, a douchebag, so ditch him.
Your boyfriend is a pedophile.
Time to break up with your boyfriend. Also, how old were you when you started dating him? And how old was he?
Do not give your youth to this controlling asshole. His feels do not come before your comfort.
My wife and I are in our 30s. After years of her complaining about bras I started telling her it’s fine to stop. Who cares if someone isn’t wearing a bra and notices your nipples? They’re just nipples. NTA.
Tell him to stay in his own lane! Your clothing is your choice. Please rethink his BF status. Serious BF would protect and love you not try to control. For me I would be thrilled if my GF wore the clothes you are comfortable in. He is an immature, stupid and crass.
NTA for not wearing a bra—at work or anywhere else. If they’re not falling out when you bend over unless you’re wearing thick cups your nipples are going to show at some point. Plus, good bras are EXPENSIVE! Especially ones that fit properly if you’re not a standard size.
But who am I to talk. I’ve basically stopped wearing bras after a lumpectomy for breast cancer earlier this year. My old bras fit oddly and until things settle out I’m not going to figure out that problem. I’m usually wearing a tee shirt under a sleeveless dress and that’s mostly because my scar is still prominent.
It is almost impossible to understand how predatory your boyfriend is until you’re the 25 year old. You’ll look at teenagers and realize that they are children and it will creep you the fuck out.
Your condition is no joke. Don’t become reliant on someone who will eventually weaponize it against you in order to control you. NTA.
Your boyfriend is a creep and a groomer. This is the beginning of the issues not the end. Dump his ass and if possible turn him in to the police
NTA he doesn’t date women his own age since they are smarter and harder to control
> I (18f) ….
> My boyfriend (25m, who i’ve been with since high school…
Yeah the bra isn’t the problem here.
You’re dating a pedophile. He groomed you.
NTA
I don’t wear a bra due to fibromyalgia and cervical radiculopathy. Haven’t since I was 30 (now 55). I am not small – I’m a c-cup and my nipples are very lightly colored just a shade of slight pink over my very white Irish heritage ginger skin, so very hard to see unless you’re specifically looking,p for them.
I used to wear a lot of halter tops that had built in bras (essentially an extra layer of fabric with no structuring) with a button up shirt over that. When I was in my 40s, a girl who was all of 22 called me out for “showing the world my nipples” and said it was incredibly “rude” of me to not wear a proper bra.
You know what I said to her? “why the HELL are you staring are my breasts so hard you can see my nipples through three layers of clothing? YOU ARE THE RUDE ONE IN THIS EQUATION!” She turned beat red and turned around to walk away. Just because I wanted to show her how WRONG she was, I waited for a day when she was wearing yoga pants, marched up to her and said “how dare you wear such tight pants with NO underwear! how rude! you need to wear proper panties!” She burst into tears and ran off. r/traumatizethemback
It is nobody’s business what clothing you choose to wear or not to wear, and I would think your bf would not care knowing the reasons why you cannot wear one.
As others have said, this is your opportunity to dump this chode. He’s groomed you like a pony, girl.
Well first and foremost it’s not your bf’s business. He can either deal with it or break up. Anything else, like how he is currently acting, is controlling behavior and a red flag, as is the fact that a guy this much older than you started dating you in high school.
My wife and I have talked about this as it comes up on Reddit pretty often. Her opinion is that there are times you should wear one (like work for instance) and times when it doesn’t matter (like going out with friends or doing errands). It sounds like you have a medical condition, though I’m not familiar with it, though so I’d think that would take precedence. NTA.
Why does everyone on Reddit have some rare health condition Ive never heard of before to go along with an Ick relationship
You got no business dating a 25 year old as an 18 year old.
Dump the jerk since he can’t stay in his own lane!
By a bra with nipples built in. Only wear that one around your boyfriend.
Lose the BF. He seems controlling and, ahem, he was in his mid 20s when he hooked up with you in high school? The man is bad news.
Anyway, sports bras are a thing. Folks with smaller chests definitely prefer them over traditional bras. But I agree with you that it shouldn’t normally be needed.
It was never legal for him to date you. Thats dude is a sick man.
NTA, I wish more women would take a cue from you.
Dating a pedophile
If it was not appropriate, making people uncomfortable, causing customers or staff to talk, or revealing, I’m sure your manager would have said something.
Preds be predators.
OP. You are 18 years old with a medical condition that makes it painful to wear bras. Any person that LOVES you would care about your comfort over the perceived comfort of others. The body you live in is YOURS, and you are the only person that gets to decide what to wear and not to wear – not some hypocritical, sexist, controlling jerk. I understand you love him, but he is not showing that he loves you. Any person that tries to control your clothing is not a person worth having a relationship with. NTA.
NTA You’re fine. Wearing a bra isn’t necessary especially if you yourself are comfortable with it. Anyone else who’s uncomfortable with it needs to realize it’s really not a big deal
If you were in HS he had to be at least 21 when you were 14. He’s a child predator. Until you realize that, your problems with him will remain.
A 25 yo should never be dating an 18yo. Get out of this relationship now before it gets worse.
NTA
brassieres are support garments and from a puritan era in history.
If you’re comfy without them, then don’t wear them.
You’re dating a predator. That’s your problem, not what you’re wearing.
Saying you’re an AH is a bit much, but I certainly wouldn’t be ok with my wife blasting her nips in public, or at home for that matter if we had company over.
I find it very inappropriate and not something anyone but me should be seeing.
NTA. You need to dump the controlling man child.
NTA- some practical advice about the specific situation of your nipples showing: pasties will keep that from happening. Problem solved.
Other advice:
OP, seriously step back and look at this relationship. Don’t go “oh, but I love him!”, think of it like a friend or stranger was telling you about their relationship. There are two points here to consider;
At 25 he is pretty much who he’s going to be for the rest of his life. You still have growing and changing you will do over the next 7 years, do you think his behavior is really what you want in a partner for the rest of your life? This kind of thing only gets worse, not better.
He’s 25, why exactly is he dating an 18 year old? No offense to you OP, but you are a child in comparison and likely were a child legally when you started dating. (Based on what you’ve implied) Can he not find anyone his own age? Will they not tolerate his crap? Is he a pervert who only goes for girls and not women? These are serious things to consider. If he only likes teenagers, he’ll dump you when you get too old for him. If he can’t find someone his own age because of his immaturity, then you will eventually outgrow him. (See #1)
Don’t ask him, just think about what you know and have observed about him.
he doesn’t get the right to sexualize your body. that’s not up to him.
[Try these.]
(https://www.instyle.com/best-nipple-covers-7565192?kw=paidnoads&msclkid=27bd453a7cf21a1c8a302d99f93d7c1a)
Your bf is a creep
I, for one, will tell you the honest truth. Yes, you do need to wear a bra on public. It isn’t the same as a men’s nipple on a flat chest. It is inappropriate. I know you hate bras, I do too, but check out Abercrombie and Fitch and Hollister for comfortable bralettes
17m and 10f??? WTF????
You started dating an adult during high school and you were a child. The issue is he’s a pedo nothing else.
Hey! This isn’t ok! I dated a guy with a similar age gap when I was your age and we had arguments like this. Then he broke up with me for going to college and wearing a v neck shirt while I was there. He said he “didn’t appreciate other men looking at me in that way.” I now realize (due to that and other red flags) that he viewed me as something he owned. A lot of these comments here are very similar to things I was told at the time and their sentiments are valid. I felt very judged and invalidated when I talked about the relationship I was in. You should talk to people you trust about these things and listen to your loved one’s concerns about this man. You can DM me if you want to talk about it. You are not over reacting. You get to decide what you do with your body