I was with my ex wife Amy for 4 years. We have a 18 month old daughter Wynne. We got divorced last year. Amy has a 6 year old daughter Ella whose dad isn’t involved. During our marriage I took on the the brunt of the money stuff because she was a SAHM our whole relationship.The whole time I treated Ella no different than I treated Wynne. I got her everything she needed and I cared for her as a parent should.
Once we split up we split 50/50 custody of Wynne. I pay insurance as well as pay her monthly payments by choice as I make more money than her. I want our daughter to have a comfortable life. My issue is my ex wife is feeling some type of way because I no longer want to fund Ella’s life.
When I pick up Wynne it’s not a secret we go off and do fun stuff like the zoo or what ever else we can get into. Wynne also often gets new clothes and shoes. Amy feels it’s not fair that I won’t maintain Ella’s life anymore after 4 years of doing it. That I’ve abandoned my “daughter”. I feel she’s no longer my responsibility. I know Amy cannot afford to give Ella the life we use to give her but why should i have to do it?
I talked to my mom about it and she thinks I’m a massive asshole as she sees Ella as her grand daughter just as much as she sees Wynne. So AITA? If so I’ll eat it and continue to help with Ella.
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I was with my ex wife Amy for 4 years. We have a 18 month old daughter Wynne. We got divorced last year. Amy has a 6 year old daughter Ella whose dad isn’t involved. During our marriage I took on the the brunt of the money stuff because she was a SAHM our whole relationship.The whole time I treated Ella no different than I treated Wynne. I got her everything she needed and I cared for her as a parent should.
Once we split up we split 50/50 custody of Wynne. I pay insurance as well as pay her monthly payments by choice as I make more money than her. I want our daughter to have a comfortable life. My issue is my ex wife is feeling some type of way because I no longer want to fund Ella’s life.
When I pick up Wynne it’s not a secret we go off and do fun stuff like the zoo or what ever else we can get into. Wynne also often gets new clothes and shoes. Amy feels it’s not fair that I won’t maintain Ella’s life anymore after 4 years of doing it. That I’ve abandoned my “daughter”. I feel she’s no longer my responsibility. I know Amy cannot afford to give Ella the life we use to give her but why should i have to do it?
I talked to my mom about it and she thinks I’m a massive asshole as she sees Ella as her grand daughter just as much as she sees Wynne. So AITA? If so I’ll eat it and continue to help with Ella.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I may be the asshole because I was a parent to Ella for 4 years of her life. I met her when she was 2. I solely provided for her and did the things a parent does. Once her mother and I divorced I completely prioritized my daughter and stopped being a parent to Ella especially.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA
You’ve been this kids dad for most of her life. You gave her a sister. But now that you’re not with her mother, she’s no longer your daughter?
I would say this is worse than the bio-dad not being involved because you chose to come into this childs life, and now you’re discarding her.
Do you really need to ask if YTA after you took away the only father your step daughter, who happens to be your daughter’s sister, had ever known?
Of course YTA, I can understand stepping back financially and even emotionally to some extent but how can you pick up one child and take her out for fun adventures and leave her sister behind?
Big shout out to your mum who whilst she didn’t do a great job with you seems to be trying to do the right thing as a grandma
NTA. Forget about your ex-wife, what do you want to do? I understand about the extra cost, and the cost will go up (thinking about college). Are you okay treating her that way? How does Ella feel? What sort of dynamic do you want for the future?
There is a certain problem here with blended families and divorces of blended.
I feel bad for Ella and your daughter it’s a terrible situation.
You arent the father but she probably looks at it like youre her actual dad given her biological father was never there for her life. You have no legal obligations and the mom shouldnt expect it but I couldn’t share this way of thought. You need to think about what Ella, not her mother, means to you and what Ella may also mean to Wynne or will mean to her given she is Wynnes sister.
That your own Mother is mad with you and says she views her as her grand daughter likely means that the child was very involved in your life despite being from a different man.
If Ella sees you as her father then thats likely all you need to know. And even little things like taking both on a trip can already mean the world to a child.
YTA.
This isn’t about money. You are abandoning a child you’ve been a father to for the last 4 years. A young child who only knows one father – you. Your mom is right. She understands that you don’t just choose that and then bail.
You’re also likely causing a lot of confusion for Wynne about her sister. Why isn’t her sister there? Why doesn’t her sister get the same presents?
NTA It’s an unfortunate situation but it’s a common dynamic in blended families after a divorce. You no longer have any obligation to your former stepdaughter. It may be nice if once and a while you asked this little girl to join you and her sister on an outing but it’s not your fault her father is a deadbeat. Your ex wife needs to file with child support enforcement. Too many parents don’t pursue the legal remedies available to them when some fails pay child support. Her daughter deserves it.
You define the reason that children should never trust a stepparent. Yeah, YTA
YTA. Maybe you don’t have to do everything for her exactly the same, I don’t know what the exact amount you should do is– with your time and money. But I know doing nothing is not okay. If you were dad to a kid from age 2-6, I would certainly hope you love that kid by now or at the very least that you know the kid deserves to be loved. It would be different if your wife had a new kid with someone else after your marriage and your support of your kid created the disparity. But that’s not what this is. Are you legally obligated? No, you sure aren’t. But you didn’t ask that. You asked AITA. So yes, YTA. You’re screwing over a litttle kid who likely gave you her whole heart for most of her life. And you’re creating a terrible dynamic for your daughter and her sister. Their relationship will never survive this. So even if you can’t do it as a decent human being, do it for the sake of your daughter’s relationship with her sibling.
YTA
This should have been discussed prior to the divorce but you treated Ella as if she as your daughter then you should continue to do so as long as it’s within your means to do so. If you don’t, you will create issues between Ella and Wynne. Ella will sew that you were her dad first and now the baby is getting all of the attention, that could end up playing out many different ways but Wynne will suffer for it. You can’t just stop being a parent to a child, it has long term consequences.
This will probably be an unpopular response, but yes, YTA. Whatever went on between you and your ex-wife, I’m sorry, that sucks. However, while you may not be the biological father of your elder daughter, you are the only father that girl has ever known or loved. She didn’t hurt you. None of this is her fault. You suddenly excluding her from your life, only showing your care and love to your biological daughter, is unbelievably cruel to that poor kid. She doesn’t understand. She’ll never understand. From her perspective, her mom and dad got divorced, which is already incredibly difficult for a young kid, and now her dad only loves her little sister. That must be so confusing for her, and so painful. Frankly, I don’t understand how can you do it.
I’m talking from experience here. My mom abandoned me too after she left my dad. She raised me from about 3 years old until I was thirteen. You think I gave a shit that she wasn’t my biological mom? You think I went, “oh, well, she isn’t technically related to me, so it’s okay.” I loved her with my whole heart and realizing I was just “her ex’s kid” to her was devastating in ways you’ll never understand without having gone through that yourself.
Man, that shit left wounds in me that still haven’t healed. You’re doing that to your daughter now. Please, God, talk to that poor girl and let her know you love her and you’re there for her. Tell her you were confused and didn’t know what to do, but that nothing’s gonna change the fact that you’re her dad and you’ll be there for her whenever she needs you. And then follow through, man. You CHOSE to be that kid’s dad, so please snap out of whatever spiteful funk you’re in and be there for her.
NTA might be unpopular but are you supposed to help support Ella for the rest of her life? Yeah you have helped raise her for the past 4 years but you chose to do that, manipulating you into financially supporting her child only benefits your ex because otherwise Ella will have an unhealthy attachment to you because she will think of you as dad her dad should be supporting her via child maintenance that should be dealt with by her mum definitely not on you to support someone else’s child, most couples who separate after a few years don’t get help from their ex to raise a kid that is not theirs
Nta
Its a tough spot you are un here, on the one hand you have been raising her as your daughter for years and she must feel like you abandoned her same as her bio dad did. This could really mess her up emotionally. Do you love her the same as your daughter or did your love for her stop when your relationship ship ended? Did you ever actually love her at all? On the other hand… you are not her dad you have 0 obligation to do anything for her at all. Her mom has chosen to not go after bio dad for anything? Why is that?
Im sorry your in a tight spot but at the same time it comes down tk this if you love her at least take her out with your bio daughter when you go. I dont think you need to pay more child support or anything like that but at least take her out show her shes still loved.
YTA aside from your long term emotional role as a father to Ella, which other posters have covered, youve saddled Ella’s mom with a new baby who will need care and limit moms ability to work for years to come. You have therefore put Ella in a financially worse position but you’re only willing to help your own child.
Yikes, poor Ella. YTA
My husband was married to his ex for a few years, 4 to 5 maybe idc. She had 2 kids from a previous marriage and they had 1 kid together. The father of the 2 kids isn’t around. They divorced maybe 8 years ago. He gets the one kid they share every other weekend and from the start, he has always picked up the other 2 kids as well. They come on every vacation. I buy them clothes, school supplies, gifts, hygiene items, i buy their mother birthday gifts for thrm to take home, and i treat them as if I had birthed them myself. They are his children, they are now my children as well. You are a huge asshole. Don’t marry people with kids if you don’t plan on staying around.
YTA. For years you were her father and now because you’re no longer with her mother she’s nothing to you? She’s just a kid and she doesn’t deserve to be punished for this, and that’s exactly what you’re doing. Not only are you being incredibly cruel, you’re also doing damage to the relationship between the two girls. Ella doesn’t understand why you’re doing this she just sees her sister is getting something and she is intentionally being left out. Your mother is right.
If this thread was “am i legally entitled to this” then i would be like yeah okay. Sure. You never discussed custody of Ella and youre divorced now.
But in this thread, categorically, YTA. Just because it an asshole move to raise a kid as your own and then dump them the second youre no longer with their mum. Especially because you play happy family with the other kid. Not Ella’s fault you guys divorced. She might be young but shes feeling the sting of parental abandonment whether youre legally responsible for her or not. Asshole move lol listen to your mum
Ok this is a rough one. Technically yeah your right. You have no legal responsibility to Ella at all. Legally and morally you are scot free. You also have no monetary obligation to Ella in any way shape or form. But this is a AITA forum not a legal one.
Whether you are the AH has to do with your relationship with Ella and how you forged or encouraged one with your family. If Ella’s father was never involved and you married her mother four years ago I presume you were with your ex-wife a little bit before then as well. If we go on the light side that means you walked into this little girls life when she was under two. You are the only father figure she has ever had. From the sounds of it you leaned completely into fatherhood and encouraged your parents to adopt her as their granddaughter which it sounds like they did.
Then you divorced and you walked away. And somehow you either never loved Ella (despite treating her well) like a daughter or you somehow were able to just switch that love off. I lean toward the former because if you really did see her as a daughter this post would have never been made.
Not everyone can stop loving someone that is a child. Some people love children with all of their hearts and blood does not matter. This seems to be the case with your parents. Now that little girl deserves love but she deserves real love not fake love. If you don’t love her then stand your ground. A man who doesn’t love her supporting her and treating her like a daughter will only hurt her in the long run. Your parents can buy clothes and toys for her if they still love her. Keep in mind that if your parents genuinely love that little girl this may impact your relationship with them and your daughter Wynne especially if Wynne grows up close to her sister and sees her sister getting less then she does.
This is why choosing to be a step parent is a tough decision that isn’t for everyone. Your walking into a child’s life and your involvement temporarily or not is going to impact them. Consider avoiding women with children in the future so it doesn’t happen again.
Edit: On second thought YTA for you agreeing to be a stepparent and pretending to love her, a commenter pointed out that your ex-wife could have genuinely thought you loved her daughter and I’m inclined to agree.
I think it is not your responsible to pay her money for Ella. But for Ella you are the only father she knows and you abondend her. You leave her alone at home to just take your younger child. You most likely broke this childs heart over and over again. And by doing that I fear you will create a hostil situation for your own child. As Ella might get to hate her sister who still has the dad she lost. And this can lead to bullying.
I don’t think there is an easy answer to your situation. Because yeah you split with your ex wife and if there wouldn’t be your child involved you would never see Ella (although I can’t quiet understand how you can rais a child for 4 years and don’t have any fatherly feelings for her).
This is now my idea, but it is just one option and I get if you want to do anything else. Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to your ex that you are willing to be still a fatherly figure for your ey-step child but you are not paying child support for her (and don’t include her in your will) – for that Amy should get after Ella’s father. But you don’t want to build resentment between the children so you will take Ella as well to do fun things so the siblings can be together. Not all the time, but most of it.
You are taking care of your responsibilities. Ella is not your responsibility. So you are NTA.
If mom of Ella wants more money she can get a job like any normal person. If other people want mom to have more money without working they are welcome to become the bank of Amy.
YTA
You have no obligation to support the older daughter. But jeez how callous to just remove yourself from this child’s life. Leaving her to be abandoned by two dads when you’re obviously not abandoning your own child.
Like do you have to? No.
But she’s just an innocent kid. She doesn’t understand.
You can financially support your own child and prioritise her and still show some love and compassion to this other child.
Jeez, did you even care about her at all? You don’t have to provide financial support but you sound really cold.
YTA. The only people youre *not* an asshole to is Ella`s many therapists she is going to have over the years as she unpacks the feelings of inadequacy she has due to having two dads leave her before she was old enough to ride a bike.
Legally, you’re entirely in the clear.
Morally, YTA without a doubt. Either you only pretended to love and care for this child for 4 years, or you’re beyond callous to cut off all contact just because you have no legal obligation.
YTA. You raised that little girl as your own for four years & now you’re all nah. She’s six ffs. Sad that a good woman like your mum ended up raising an asshole like you.
YTA. You signed up to be that kids parent, took on the role, are the only father she knows, and now you’re like haha just kidding? I get it. The marriage ended. That sucks. But that’s the problem with being with a parent- kids are fragile little beings with feelings too.
Financially, no, you have no obligation. I wouldn’t say you should pay child support or anything like that. But would it seriously kill you to include her at the zoo? An activity by the way that’s much more fun for the older kid than the 18 month old. You don’t have to buy her clothes, but an outfit sometimes is kind and thoughtful. You don’t have to include her on every outing but it’s weird that you don’t want to. How do you just turn off loving a kid you were a parent to for four years? Genuinely crazy to me.
I’ll never understand why people wanna be with people who have small kids and then pretend they’re an accessory versus a tiny person who comes to care about you. And I’ll never understand parents who willingly have relationships with people who aren’t invested in their kids. Wild.
NTA.
Mom needs to get support for Ella, it is not your responsibility to continue to fund Ella’s life. You can always keep the new stuff at your place if you’d feel better about it. Last item is maybe every once in awhile take Ella with you and your daughter. It doesn’t have to be every time or maybe just for a few hours and then return her to her mom. But honestly its really on her mother to handle Ella, it’s called life.
OMG, YTA, for sure…
Kid only knows you as her daddy and you abandon her, the cruelty
If you’re not willing to stand up and still even be a little part of a kids life you didn’t make. Then don’t get into a relationship when they have a child. You two were married. You raised Ella as your own for that time. Why can’t you take her to the zoo or park once in a while? As she grows older she will start to understand that you’re not her biological father but that you still loved her and cared about her mental health as well as your other child. You are definitely the AH.
YTA. You made a commitment to Ella when you decided to play the role of her father. I can’t fathom how you just switch that right back off because your marriage didn’t work out.
She’s a child. You’ve been her only father figure. You are her sister’s father. Simply ditching that role will create problems for Ella and Wynne and affect your relationship with your daughter and her relationship with her sister – forever. Not to mention the fact your mother loves her too.
My husband had 2 step children in his first marriage and continued to participate in their lives after they divorced and even after we married. They vacationed with us, and they spent weekends, weeks, parts of holidays, etc… with us just as if they were his biological children. He walked his step daughter down the aisle when she married, I danced with his step-son at his wedding after his mother tragically passed the year before he married.
That’s what you signed up for. You don’t have to honor it, but it affects a whole lot of people in pretty terrible ways not to.
NTA!
This is the exact reason not to get involved with a single mother. Certainly, should not have gotten involved with a single mother with a sketchy baby daddy. It’s just messy and causes a lot of problems as you have been finding out. Let this be a cautionary tale to other Redditors. Still, you are only responsible for your daughter. Who ended the marriage? If it was her, you definitely should not feel responsible. Take care of yours and learn from this. Good luck!
So what happens when Amy moves on to a new relationship? Whilst you’ll always have a right to contact with Wynne, the same will not be true for Ella.
I’ll go NTA here. Amy seems to have a baby with someone, feels that’s the end game and then wants to move on. Just be sure to be there for your child. Ella is not your concern anymore. I get the feeling that if you keep doing things for Ella, when Amy decides to have child number 3 with man number 3, she will expect you to add child number 3 to your outings and financial commitments. You’ll get the “but they’re siblings” guilt trip and you certianly want to avoid being her fallback daddy for all her children. Set the limits now.
100%. YTA.
YTA, all the replies i heavily agree with but also think about how you’re going to be affecting Ella’s and Wynne’s relationship, there will be so much resentment there.
I need to know to decide: did she call you dad, did you refer to her as your daughter/planned to adopt, and was her bio dad involved?
YTA. Being an AH isn’t about what you are legally obligated to do. It is about being a good person. It sounds like she is pretty entrenched in your life and likely views you as a father figure. You don’t have to be obligated to fullfil that and you certainly don’t have to but it is pretty cold and messed up to build that up with a child and then snatch it away like that and will leave her feeling abandoned. Do what you want but you’ll need to take accountability for the result and decide if you care about that.
On logical level you’re NTA because you’re not obligated by law. But on emotional level, it’s a bit scary to hear that you divorced a child too when you divorced her mom. I cannot imagine the pain and bewilderment that you’re causing on the little girl. You’re the only father she ever had, and she is your daughter’s sister. For those two reasons, please try to be kind.
NTA. I would not take responsibility for a child who has both parents alive. It’s unfortunate that the relationship didn’t work out but her mother should take the child’s father to court. OP is not financially responsible for his ex’s child. Next he will be expected to pay for college. NTA
Treating them equally will help them secure a better bond with each other in the future and your reputation with them as you age will be kinder as you’ll be seen as fair .
“i completely prioritized my daughter” Ella is your daughter too. She’s only 6. She doesn’t understand why the only Dad she’s ever known doesn’t love her and want to spend time with her anymore, especially considering you do have the time to spend with her little sister. YTA.
But maybe if you’re too cold-hearted that A. you apparently didn’t learn to love Ella in the four years you knew her and parented her, and B. don’t understand why you’re an asshole now, maybe it’s better for her if you stay out of her life
Nta
My step-dad helped raise me and divorced my mom when I was a teen. It shattered my heart into a million pieces that he never called me. I eventually reached out to him as an adult and we have a relationship now, but I will always be deeply hurt by this. Both my dads abandoned me, just like this innocent little girl’s dad both abandoned her. That shit hurts for life. I hope your mother is still able to see her and continue being grandma if she wants.
She doesn’t care about getting new clothes, she cares about you loving her! It’s basically no extra effort to take both kids out to do fun things together.
YTA, you’re literally the only father that little girl has ever known. Yeah, legally you don’t have to, but morally, you should. I feel so bad for that little girl, she must be so confused and heartbroken.
YTA
This is a package deal when you get in a relationship with a single parent. Your ex-step kid is also your responsibility. You coldly cut her off despite being warm and family in the relationship years.
YTA because you basically abandoned Ella. You’re her father as far as she’s concerned and you seeming don’t care about her at all.
Is that great? She was abandoned by her birth father and abandoned by her step-father. Way to screw up a poor, little girl’s life, OP.
First YTA for putting their names in your post!
Second YTA for abandoning a child who saw you as a father figure and who you supported as one of your own. You abandoned a little child who is unable to make any sense of what is happening. YTA for pretending to like/ love her, just as you pretended to like and love her mother! YTA for showing her that men abandon children bc and have zero remorse for it. Yes sir, YTA!
YTA, both you and the children’s mother, because you took on parental responsibility for 4 years even if Ella knows you aren’t her biological dad you’re the only consistent dad she’s known, when you wanted to be with her mother you loved her but it’s transactional now because you are no longer together. The children’s mother for bringing you into their lives without knowing if you would take responsibility for Ella before you had the new baby.
Eta- your ex shouldn’t expect you to be the sole financial provider for Ella too when your paying for everything anyways she needs to get off her lazy rear and get a job and support her kids.
You shouldn’t abandon Ella just because her mom is trash, I wouldn’t pay support for her but you could be spending time with her too and buy her bday gifts Christmas gifts take her out on Halloween too. If you get your bio daughter 2x a month then you should also take Ella once a month also. You deserve one on one time with bio daughter too but Ella should be included half the time.
My bio didn’t stick around when my mom announced her pregnancy and my step dad was all i knew he came in when I was 3. My parents divorced when I was 17 and I didn’t see my dad again until my late 20s or early 30s and I have abandonment issues. My dad passed last year after we had finally started repairing our relationship so its been a year and its very painful worst abandonment ever cause he will never come back now. Don’t do that to Ella she deserves better from you!
YTA. Sure-legally you have no obligation. But this is a child you took on and purported to love. Poor Ella.
And what a great example to set for your child. They gets a front row seat to witness your lack of empathy for a person they most likely considers a sister. Horrible situation, but you are also horrible. Your mother is right. Thankfully she isn’t abandoning her too.
You are right, you should have to do it. But life isn’t always fair . You end up doing things because it’s the right thing to do.
Seriously- how much effort would it be to take Ella on an outing or just stepping up and being a good human. ??
It really sucks to be Ella, who not only suddenly lost a father figure, but also have to see her sister Wynne gets two parents while she herself only had one. She’s gonna be so confused why suddenly you only love Wynne and not her.
I understand why you don’t want to financially support Ella. But.. you’ve raised Ella for 4 years – what kind of emotional bond do you have with her? Do you feel okay knowing the above?
Yes, you are a massive asshole.
NTA but it wouldn’t hurt to take her to the park or zoo occasionally (not every time you see your own kid). Buy her bday gifts still but don’t feel obligated to go above and beyond. She has a dad, not her fault he’s a dead beat and your ex doesn’t go after him
Yes you are, you where the father for years she sees you as her dad. Can you imagine the trauma she will experiance
INFO
Wow, what a shitty situation. Why hasn’t your ex-wife gone after Ella’s dad for child support? Do you want to continue to stay as a step-father to Ella?
What happens if Amy remarries? Would the new husband take over the role of Ella’s dad, or would you still stay in a fatherly role?
You have been this little girl’s father for 4 years. She literally cannot remember a time without you. She is looking up to you she is imagining you when she thinks about strength and safety… Probably, because that’s how most kids view their dad. And in her eyes you are her dad.
No you do not have a legal responsibility for her, but you have been gifted a child accepted her as your family and then decided to throw her away because your relationship to her mother ended.
Do you not love her? …how?
So yes YTA, and it’s not about money, it’s about abandoning a little girl who doesn’t understand why her dad doesn’t love her anymore while watching you spoil her sister
Do the best you can do by the child without being taken advantage of other taking sister that your daughter knows with you to the zoo or whatever is no big deal. paying for their private school probably a big deal
I mean anything you do is extra anyways in this situation so you’re the good guy no matter what but you’re kind of throwing inb the little girls face to prove a point to your ex…not so cool
NTA. Your responsibility is your child, not the child.of every woman you’ve ever dated
You divorce spouses, not children. It would be different if you hadn’t taken on the father role while married and she now expected you to step into it, but you did take it on. YTA
YTA because when you got married to your ex wife you decided to accept the kid as your own. You were the only father she ever had and when the two of you split up suddenly you don’t care about her? Then you shouldn’t have taken over the role of being her dad in the first place. Even if your ex finds someone else and gets married again, that girl is always going to see you as her father figure. You’re confusing the child. Poor girl, imagine you were a little kid with a person you look up to as a parent, someone who took care of you and gave you love. And then imagine that person suddenly leaves you and abandons you completely while your sibling isn’t abandoned. The kid should NEVER feel any different than your daughter, the two of them are sisters no matter if they share the same dad or not. And the fact that you took care of them BOTH with no differences and then now you decide she’s not your daughter anymore makes you a huge asshole. It makes you the biggest asshole of all assholes. Congratulations, you have successfully become a world class jackass.
YTA.
Do you have a legal obligation to Ella? No. Are you technically doing anything wrong? No. Is it the asshole move?? Absolutely.
This is a 6 year old girl you obviously never loved or actually thought of as a daughter because if you did, there would be no post about this. It’s not about the stuff or the money. It’s about the effort.
I just feel sorry for the girl because she thought you did love her and this is a truly heartbreaking situation.
Youre absolutely the asshole. You’ve far surpassed being the asshole, and your mama already told you what’s up but you don’t want to hear it. Dont know why you’d care what strangers have to say, but here’s we are.
Look, Nobody made you shack up with a woman with a kid, you chose that on your own. By choice, you raised your oldest from the time she was the age of your youngest. You made that kid love you, and now shit aint worked out with her mama so you’re throwing her away?
One day, your youngest is gonna be old enough to ask why you threw her older sister away. Just start preparing now for her reaction when you tell her you didn’t love her sister because she “wasnt really your kid.” Be prepared for her to question whether you just pretended to love her sister, whether you pretend to love her, and whether youd throw her away at the first opportunity if you could.
Speaking as another dude in a divorced blended family, I don’t envy the day you have that conversation at all. It was hard enough to explain that mommy and daddy don’t love each other without also explaining that daddy didn’t love your sister either.
YTA You treated her as your own for 4 years and now you just dump her like a hot potato? How do you think that makes her feel? Would it really be that hard to take her to the zoo with you sometimes? Buy her an ice cream? Here in NZ there is actually a provision in the child support act that you’d be obliged to pay child support for her. You would also have the same parental rights as the mother and therefore be granted access rights to her which is a great thing. So be glad you don’t have that where you live. But that’s actually not what’s important here, it’s about the feelings of the poor kid. Have a heart and step up and treat her better.
My question is: do you or did you have any feelings for Ella while you were together? Does Rlla have feelings for you?
Loving a child and them loving you and looking at you as a parent is a precious, wonderful thing. You should welcome Ella with open arms.
You don’t explain why you broke up, but sometimes there is a moral issue that rises above the marriage. I hope you re-consider.
YTA, but a gentle AH vote here. Ella was 1 when you got together and 5 when you split so you’re the only father figure she had. She isn’t your legal responsibility, though. Your ex should go after Ella’s bio father for child support as he’s the one who should be supporting Ella financially, not you.
However, you should spend time with Ella, take her to the zoo or playground with you. Kids don’t care about money, they care about people who care about them, spend time with them, teach them things. That is separate from the money issue. That is why I voted YTA. Take Ella with you to visit your mother, as they’ve got bonds going on too.
Child support should come from bio father, but Ella knew you as the “dad” role. Please spend time with her. That’s more valuable than money. Otherwise the poor girl will know she’s been abandoned by not one but two fathers. Kids don’t blame the adults, though, they blame themselves. That can mess a kid up.
Nta
Yes
ESH except the kids