I was out to dinner for a special occasion with my family and was sitting across the table from my brother. I forgot about his “shellfish allergy” and ordered the lobster bisque. My brother was extremely upset, saying that I could kill him by ordering lobster and he refused to eat any of his food when it arrived saying he was worried about cross contamination. He left the restaurant to go sit in the car. This kind of incident has happened several times, especially because I love shrimp and forget it’s considered shellfish.
Here’s the thing: I am certain my brother is not actually allergic to shellfish. I know for a fact he has never had an anaphylactic reaction to anything, nor has he ever had any other traditional allergy symptoms: Hives, tongue/lip swelling, itching, etc. This all stems from one incident about a decade ago when he ate soup with lobster in it and vomited hours later. Since then, he has had a “shellfish allergy.” I have tried telling him multiple times that this is not an allergy, it is possibly an intolerance at most. However, no matter how many times I’ve tried to explain it or reason with him, he refuses to change his mind. Moreover, he is convinced that if anyone at the same table as him orders shellfish it can give him a reaction via cross-contamination or inhalation (comparing it to a peanut allergy).
My family was unhappy with me, saying I should have just ordered something else because it’s upsetting to him, even though they all know it’s not a real allergy. My brother is convinced that I don’t care about him if I prioritize my desire to order lobster over his well-being. I love him very much, but I also love lobster and I don’t want to continue to enable his anxieties. I know he’s not in any danger when I order it, but AITA for ordering lobster even though it upsets him?
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I was out to dinner for a special occasion with my family and was sitting across the table from my brother. I forgot about his “shellfish allergy” and ordered the lobster bisque. My brother was extremely upset, saying that I could kill him by ordering lobster and he refused to eat any of his food when it arrived saying he was worried about cross contamination. He left the restaurant to go sit in the car. This kind of incident has happened several times, especially because I love shrimp and forget it’s considered shellfish.
Here’s the thing: I am certain my brother is not actually allergic to shellfish. I know for a fact he has never had an anaphylactic reaction to anything, nor has he ever had any other traditional allergy symptoms: Hives, tongue/lip swelling, itching, etc. This all stems from one incident about a decade ago when he ate soup with lobster in it and vomited hours later. Since then, he has had a “shellfish allergy.” I have tried telling him multiple times that this is not an allergy, it is possibly an intolerance at most. However, no matter how many times I’ve tried to explain it or reason with him, he refuses to change his mind. Moreover, he is convinced that if anyone at the same table as him orders shellfish it can give him a reaction via cross-contamination or inhalation (comparing it to a peanut allergy).
My family was unhappy with me, saying I should have just ordered something else because it’s upsetting to him, even though they all know it’s not a real allergy. My brother is convinced that I don’t care about him if I prioritize my desire to order lobster over his well-being. I love him very much, but I also love lobster and I don’t want to continue to enable his anxieties. I know he’s not in any danger when I order it, but AITA for ordering lobster even though it upsets him?
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> 1. Ordering lobster even though it upsets my brother because he thinks he’s allergic to it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA
NTA; your brother’s a loon. Stop going out to eat with him. Such individuals cannot be made to see reason.
NTA.
It’s possible to have an allergy with stomach upset as the only symptom – I have a shellfish allergy, confirmed with a blood test, and I’ve never done anything but feel terrible and vomit excessively after eating shellfish.
That being said, he’s being ridiculous. It doesn’t sound like he has an actual diagnosed allergy, and even if he did, it certainly isn’t airborne. I’m not sure why he thinks you ordering shellfish makes his food more likely to be cross contaminated.
Just FYI you can actually have a reaction with shellfish similar to a peanut allergy by being in close proximity to it, or it having touched surfaces. Not saying your brother has this, but you’re already wrong on one count so it’s possible there’s another thing you’re wrong about. I think you’re an asshole if you do this again without actually confirming with your parents that he’s never seen a doctor about it. You’re not an asshole right now, but surely you go out with people other than your brother and can simply just eat lobster another time? Like of all the low level inconveniences, not getting to eat a luxury food around a specific person is up there.
Sounds like he maybe got food poisoning the first time, which isn’t uncommon with meats and seafood. NTA, but I’d encourage him to go get allergy testing done for the 8 or so main food allergens-one is shellfish and settle it for good! It’s like small skin pricks and he’ll either react or not. Maybe he’ll be able to join you if he can admit / prove to himself it’s ok.
NTA. If “cross contamination” is such a fear for him, why would he even risk it by eating at a restaurant that serves shellfish in the first place?
NTA, if he actually had an allergy, he wouldn’t be ordering anything to start with
Hello! Someone whose father (ironically his birthday is the same day I’m typing this post) DOES have a shellfish allergy, and a deadly one.
To put things simply you’re NTA. I’ve gone to Red Lobster (known seafood restaurant) with my brother, mom, and dad plenty of times in the past and my pawpaw (mom’s dad) orders trout at a steakhouse we go to on our yearly vacation. If he’s that concerned about cross-contamination he should bring an EPI. My dad just gets steak at these places and eats ham during Thanksgiving as he’s also allergic to turkey. (He’s also allergic to chicken, which is actually how he found out about the allergies but that’s a whole nother short story). You don’t need to restrict yourself for him, especially since he’s not even actually allergic if ywhat you claim is true.
…Basically, you love lobster more than your brother.
Cool. 🤷♀️
YTA
> I forgot about his “shellfish allergy”
> This kind of incident has happened several times
His allergy is so much of an issue that you have tried to talk to him about it many times but you still forget about? You are an unreliable narrator.
YTA and nausea/vomiting can actually be signs of impending anaphylaxis when symptoms coincide with more than one body system (heart, skin, airway, and/or neurological). You’re not a doctor. Hopefully your brother has or does consult one, gets allergy testing, and acquires emergency epi pens to carry. If someone says they’re allergic, respect it. It’s not hard. Each and every exposure to an allergen can also increase risk of more severe reactions & anaphylaxis in the future, btw…
As someone who has shellfish/shrimp/lobster allergies, your brother doesn’t understand how normal precautions for allergies or cross-contamination works.
If you go out to a restaurant and have serious allergies, those allergies and cross-contamination are on the front of your mind. Cross-contamination doesn’t just happen because you ordered shellfish at the same table, it constantly exists because it’s a restaurant that serves shellfish.
If he’s actually concerned, he needs to be telling the wait staff and they’ll make sure the kitchen cooks things for him on unused pans and will refuse to serve him certain things if they can’t guarantee no possibility of cross-contamination (they’ve refused to let me order fries before for this reason.)
NTA for that.
NTA
Did your brother tell the staff he was allergic? Also, have your parents gotten your brother a full allergy test panel done to confirm it? If not, why not?
Your brother is possibly genuinely terrified. The way people react to bad experiences and how they cope or manage it will be different from other people. It’s genetic and environmental.
I wouldn’t belittle your brothers’ fears if they are that. And getting a full panel allergy test done to confirm either way what he is allergic to wouldn’t hurt and may even help calm his fears.
I think NTA for ordering it, but YTA for insisting you know his body better than he does. I am sure my brother doesn’t know all the stuff I maybe allergic to, because I developed these allergies as an adult. even people who I know like me sometimes forget and make special things for me that I can’t eat. and when people I am irritated with give me gifts of food I can’t eat, it is disappointing 8n a different way.
apologize to your brother. you can eat lobster when you aren’t with him, it clearly bothers him.
Tell him to prove the allergy and that proximity to the allergen would cause a reaction. Say you won’t eat shellfish around him if he can confirm the allergy and that being near shellfish could cause a reaction
What happens if the next table over offers shellfish. Does he have a reaction then?
NTA
YTA
Not all allergic reactions are the same. Getting sick and vomiting can be because of an allergic reaction, and allergic reactions can be unpredictable – you mught get hives from one exposure, and get full-blown anaphylaxis the next.
He’s being careful, and unless you are someone’s doctor, you have no business telling them what they are and aren’t allergic to.