Ok, so I (49f) was on vacation with my husband (51m) my son(18m) and son’s gf(18f). We were in Bermuda, where wild chickens are kind of everywhere.
We went to one of those touristy attractions so the kids could do a tour. Hubby and I have toured this attraction enough over the years so we just gave the kids a ride and were waiting outside.
Before the tour started, the staff directed us to sit under a tent and wait for the guide. There were a few chickens about. A couple of hens had very young chicks. Other people showed up and seemed to like the chickens but weren’t interested in them.
Then a family of five came. Mom and dad on their phones. Oldest son too cool for his siblings. Daughter (12ish) declared that she was going to catch a chick. I knew this was unlikely as they are good at disappearing in the brush. Well, daughter got too close and the mother hen squawked and jumped at her. This upset the youngest son(10ish) who started chasing the hen, swinging a stick at her. She was clearly panicking and desperately trying to get away.
I immediately rushed over (as I was on my way, the kid threw the stick at the hen) and told him not to throw things at animals. Then told him to go to his parents. I was very firm in my statement.
I returned to my family as the kid’s father was asking him if he threw something at an animal. Since the kid denied it, I said, “Yeah, he just threw a stick at a chicken.”
The dad didn’t say word one to the kid about his actions. Instead, he snapped at me saying, “we’re his parents!” Indicating himself and the kids’ apparent mom.
So I replied, “Good. Then parent.” I admit I was matching his tone. He just shook his head and said “wow” over and over in a really angry tone.
I felt that I was right to address the situation directly with the child as it was quickly escalating into violence and I was sincerely concerned for the safety of that mom and her babies. But was I TA? Should I have asked the parents to notice and prevent their kid’s actions?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
Ok, so I (49f) was on vacation with my husband (51m) my son(18m) and son’s gf(18f). We were in Bermuda, where wild chickens are kind of everywhere.
We went to one of those touristy attractions so the kids could do a tour. Hubby and I have toured this attraction enough over the years so we just gave the kids a ride and were waiting outside.
Before the tour started, the staff directed us to sit under a tent and wait for the guide. There were a few chickens about. A couple of hens had very young chicks. Other people showed up and seemed to like the chickens but weren’t interested in them.
Then a family of five came. Mom and dad on their phones. Oldest son too cool for his siblings. Daughter (12ish) declared that she was going to catch a chick. I knew this was unlikely as they are good at disappearing in the brush. Well, daughter got too close and the mother hen squawked and jumped at her. This upset the youngest son(10ish) who started chasing the hen, swinging a stick at her. She was clearly panicking and desperately trying to get away.
I immediately rushed over (as I was on my way, the kid threw the stick at the hen) and told him not to throw things at animals. Then told him to go to his parents. I was very firm in my statement.
I returned to my family as the kid’s father was asking him if he threw something at an animal. Since the kid denied it, I said, “Yeah, he just threw a stick at a chicken.”
The dad didn’t say word one to the kid about his actions. Instead, he snapped at me saying, “we’re his parents!” Indicating himself and the kids’ apparent mom.
So I replied, “Good. Then parent.” I admit I was matching his tone. He just shook his head and said “wow” over and over in a really angry tone.
I felt that I was right to address the situation directly with the child as it was quickly escalating into violence and I was sincerely concerned for the safety of that mom and her babies. But was I TA? Should I have asked the parents to notice and prevent their kid’s actions?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took it upon myself to redirect a child’s ban behavior in spite of the fact that his parents were nearby and I didn’t talk to them first.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
You were an adult around children when children were doing something they should not have been doing. You interrupted and handed it over to their parents as soon as you could. All good.
No need to worry about what the parents feel or think about it. Managing their feelings is not your job.
Maybe you could have refrained from the “then parent” and matching his tone and whatnot, but that’s minor.
No, you are definitely NTA! And good for you for speaking up when that kid decided to mistreat the chickens. His parents have absolutely no reason to be angry with you for doing what THEY should’ve done instead. But with “parenting” like that, no wonder that boy didn’t know any better~
NTA. Takes a village! Sadly the father is the village idiot.
NTA, I would have done exactly the same.
I normally don’t like when people try to parent another person’s child BUT if it could lead to someone (human or animal) being hurt… step in! Who knows what that mama hen could have done to that child if said child would have hurt the mom or one of the chicks. You prevented a violent situation. Soooo NTA!!!!
NTA! Next time, it will be someone a lot less kind than you were that will intervene. Some think “it’s just a chicken, ” but that’s a terrible mindset. I was expecting to be upset by the title… But you’re the hero in this story, OP
“Then parent” was an excellent response!
NTA. I wouldn’t worry for even a second about preventing animal cruelty.
If they weren’t harming something I would say YTA, but you did the right thing.
I always teach kids, “Don’t chase animals, cos someday one of em is gonna chase you back.” NTA.
Oh man, I wish I could come up with something as good as, “Then parent!” on the spot. I usually get flustered. (NTA)
NTA. You are awesome and if I had witnessed this, I would have stood up and given you a standing ovation. I wish I had the quick wit to shoot back an answer like you did. 10/10 A+ work!
Good for you for defending the poor animal!
NTA
NTA you did the right thing. Bad parents should be called out. I would have replied back ” wow is right, they are old enough and should know better.”
NTA, plus they probably would have been offended by you pointing out the kids behavior anyway. No way to win with the parents so who cares if they were offended?
ESH – You should mind your business. First of all, a stick thrown by a 10 year old is not likely to harm some wild chickens, and I’m sure they encounter worse daily and know how to escape. Second, these were wild chickens, not your pet. You are aware people eat chickens right? If you are outraged by the stick wait until you hear about factory farming. The point in all this is to say that throwing a stick at an aggressive chicken is not objectively wrong. I happen to think it’s wrong and you think that as well, but it would seem this family did not, or at the least they weren’t that concerned about it, and it’s not your place to impose your morals and rules upon someone else’s 10 year old. You especially went too far when you answered and said “Yeah he did!” injecting yourself into someone else’s conversation with their child. If he wanted to hear your thought on it, he would have asked you.
But they are also TA because of everything you described. So ESH
NTA, shitty kids with shitty parents need to be humbled
I applaud you for trying to stop the violence. NTA.
Completely NTA. Those kids shall be a real treat when they’re grown.
NTA. Should have grabbed his phone and thrown it as far away as possible. He could then watch his kid instead of having his nose in his phone.
Never the asshole when protecting an animal!
NTA if they were being attentive parents, you wouldn’t have had to jump in and correct these kids.
Generally speaking, if a kids behavior isn’t affecting others, no need for anyone to intervene but once it starts affecting others (I’m including the chickens here, just as I would a dog or cat or bird or any other animal), I have no problem intervening or with other people intervening. And for the record, I fully support this happening to my own children in my absence or lack of attentiveness.
NTA
He had to repeat the word Wow several times because he had absolutely no defense for his lack of parenting.
You were making sure that a defenseless animal was safe, you did nothing wrong.
NTA. Twelve and ten are far too old to not know how to behave around animals. Dad is mad his shitty parenting- raising a kid who resorts to violence and then lies when caught- was put on blast… no wonder his own son also can’t take responsibility for his actions.
NTA. The father reacted that way because he was humiliated, but you did the right thing. Maybe next time he will, indeed, parent.
NTA at all! Anyone who tries to hurt or terrorize an animal, no matter the age, deserves to be put in their place.
NTA. Cruelty to animals/birds is never okay.
NTA
THANK YOU FOR STEPPING IN.
NTA.
I always step in when animals or the kids themselves could get hurt.
Wild chickens are not to be messed with. Heck even domesticated chickens aren’t to be messed with, my cat avoided them like the plague back in the day.
If the dad wants to be a parent then he should’ve said something. He doesn’t want someone else doing his job, then do it himself.
I’ve told off countless kids for chasing geese and swans. One family was watching smiling like “awe look at him go!” and I yelled “they WILL bite him!” and they looked shocked and hurried him away. Like hello??? Also don’t chase animals it’s mean.
I probably would have been more harsh. I will not tolerate animal abuse, and have a hard time being polite to people who don’t discipline their children.
NTA
OP, let it gooo.. let it goo.. as in – You’re my freakin’ hero right now and you don’t need to overthink this. So many parent’s suck and as a result there’s a whole snot worth of awful kids these days. I admire you for looking out for the animals and I have also in the past politely told parents to watch their wild sprog – I don’t hate kids – but the bad ones and the lazy parents. You can probably bet this is a pet free home since the children don’t admire that they are living creatures. GOOD ON YOU. Never change 🙂
NTA.
Hey parents this is part of the “village” that y’all are always crying about losing. It’s not just free babysitting
You are me when I have my kids at the park lmfao. Parents sit there on their phones while their kids terrorize other kids and I’m the first so say something. And my response is usually ‘I wouldn’t have to be parenting your child if your face wasn’t stuck in your phone.’ So a BIG NTA from me
I’m you. You’re me. Rock on!
NTA
I was at the NOLA aquarium/bug museum, and they have a walk through butterfly pavillion.
You don’t touch the butterflies.
So, kid about 12 decides to start petting one that had landed on the ground.
The Attendant was politely, but quietly, asking the kid to stop touching the butterfly, and was being ignored.
So, I puffed up my 6’2″ 250 pound self, and loudly spoke, “Hey kid! Don’t touch the butterflies!!!”
He jumped up about 2 feet, and ran off, while his mom, who had been watching the whole thing, slunked out of the room.
NTA, you weren’t telling the kid to stand up straight or get his finger out his nose, you were stopping him from hurting an animal. You weren’t mean, you were firm, and you weren’t overstepping a boundary, you were addressing a safety issue. That kid can not be going around thinking throwing things at animals is okay. Not only is it cruel, but animals do, in fact, fight back, and he’s never gonna know which one is gonna bite until it’s too late. Yes, chickens are not particularly intimidating, but you still don’t want to be chased by one. Getting nipped by a chicken is going to be scary if you’re ten, even if it doesn’t really hurt.
It sounds like his dad focused on the fact that someone had told his kid “no”, and wanted to defend himself/his child, instead of looking at the actual facts of the situation. Sure, it’s aggravating if someone’s trying to parent your child, but that’s not what you were doing. You were keeping the area safe, which is the responsible thing for an adult to do. As for your response, you’re not wrong, he wasn’t parenting. If he were addressing the situation you wouldn’t have stepped in. You matched his tone, you didn’t call names or throw insults, he was just being very immature.
NTA. There should be some more speaking up going on.
Another parent here. You stopped him from hurting animals, possibly stopped the kids from getting hurt too, didn’t raise your voice, and didn’t get the kids kicked out of the place.
Those folks should be thanking you.
NTA at all. Dad was embarrassed he was caught not-parenting in public and chose to take that out as anger directed at you. Being defensive is always a giveaway that you’re the guilty party.
Wow.
Kids lucky that mama hen didn’t have a go at him. Those claws ( is that the right term) could be sharp.
I know exactly where those chickens are located, and I have also had to intervene when kids got too close or intimidating to them. Parents definitely need to parent, especially when living things are in danger. Otherwise, we will just have to keep calling out bad behavior and shitty parenting. NTA!
NTA, but I’ve found the best go-to phrase is “What would your parents say if they saw you doing that?” I said that to one neighbor’s kid and she said “Ugh, you sound JUST like my dad!” and I said “He sounds like a smart guy, you should probably listen to him” to which she stormed off, and her dad, who caught the end of the exchange, laughed his ass off
NTA. This is a perfect example of “it takes a village.” Firm, gentle correction and sending the child back to their parents was completely appropriate. Children need to learn, as they grow, they do not live in a vacuum, their actions have consequences, other people are going to intercede, and being respectful of other people AND animals is vital to a peaceful society. Good job!
NTA
NTA
They get even more mad when you call out their bad behaviour, but it doesn’t make you wrong.
NTA
It’s always ideal for that kind of admonition to come from the parents instead of a stranger, but another living creature was at stake here. A firm tone was warranted, this was an urgent situation and sometimes kids need to hear a firm tone to interrupt bad behavior because they’re not as attentive to their surroundings as adults.
If your estimation of the kids’ ages is accurate, they’re old enough to comprehend that throwing things at a a living creature can hurt and scare it. A gentler approach would only be appropriate for a <5 year old who can’t fully grasp the issue; ‘they were just playing’ or ‘they didn’t know they were causing harm’ doesn’t apply.
I think any reasonable parent would have been mortified and thanked you for intervening, especially because either of them could have gotten hurt if they managed to get their hands on that chicken. If you let your kids roam free in a public space without keeping an eye on them, you should be prepared for any random adult telling them off.
HARD NTA!
As a parent something that bothers me is when other people don’t parent. I am constantly apologizing if my daughter is doing something she shouldn’t be or is in people’s way.
Not paying attention to your child is a one way ticket to them getting taken. It drives me absolutely bonkers when parents ignore their kids and watch their phones. At that point, what’s the purpose of having children?
NTA.
NTA. He was embarrassed to be called out.
NTA. If I have to parent your kids — you might not like how I do it
NTA, plenty of other adults “parented” me and every kid I knew growing up. If you see something, say something. If people aren’t paying attention to their kids in public, anyone who sees a dangerous, criminal, cruel, violent act in progress better speak up
NTA
The father is a moron.
Nah, not an AH, you did good. Don’t mess with chickens!
NTA. If you would have done nothing and the kid or the hen got hurt, someone will ask why you didn’t let the parents know or stop the kid.
NTA
I would not mind if a bystander scolded my children for harassing the chickens. Then, after the bystander told me that my children were harassing the chickens, I would thank the bystander for the information and then scold my children myself.
Nope. Perfectly done. Good job. Only thing better would have been vocal agreement from another stranger backing you up. “Yeah, WOW! Get off your phone and mind your kid, WOW!”
I’d of done exactly the same , I’m frequently told I’m an asshole .
NTA. Honestly, you stepped in when no one else did. The dad was too busy being defensive to actually parent, so you did it for him.
It takes a village… and villages have idiots who are also capable of having babies….
NTA. He’s raising his kid to be a sociopath.
NTA
Definitely TAH, but sometimes the AH is needed. Good job 👍🏼
The chickens are the real a-holes here… annoying bastards clicking their heads off at 4 in the morning (frequent traveler to Bermuda with a severe chicken loathing)
The father is a very close second.
You are NTA.
Daddio is lucky my mother’s generation isn’t around down here anymore. She would have snatched the kid by the arm, frog marched him to his parents, and then given them all a lecture they would not soon forget.
Totally NTA. Animal abuse and endangerment needs to be stopped as soon as you see it.
NTA at all. Thank you for doing the right thing. ☺️