I (17f) have a little brother (almost 15m) and I have two stepsiblings (15m and 13f). Mom married their dad two years ago and they’ve had bad finances since. One of the things that changed was how we could eat and what we could afford to eat. The high school me, my brother and stepbrother goes to has two separate lunch menu’s. One is for the free school lunches program and the other is for those who have money in their lunch accounts. I started earning money to pay into mine because the free lunch menu is shitty and when my brother started high school last August I paid into his account even though my mom though he was getting the free lunches like my stepsiblings. But I wanted him to have the better lunches.
My mom and her husband didn’t find this out until July when my stepbrother and stepsister complained about the two of us getting the paid lunches. My stepbrother told my stepsister and she was upset because she’s also on her middle school’s free lunch program and doesn’t like that she can’t get the better menu options. My stepbrother said he was stuck with lame crap all year and we got burritos and rice bowls and all kinds of better stuff.
Mom asked me how my brother was getting the paid lunches when he didn’t have a job and I lied and said I didn’t know. She said the only way that would be happening is if I was paying because she certainly couldn’t afford that. She asked me how I could justify only buying for him and I told her he’s my little brother and I’ll always look out for him. She said what about my other brother and my sister. I told her I don’t have another brother or a sister. She said I do and I said I have a stepbrother and a stepsister and if she got divorced tomorrow they would no longer be my stepbrother and stepsister and I said it’s not my job to look out for them.
My mom’s husband wanted to know why I couldn’t have told them so they could make sure his kids got the better lunches and I told him they would have stopped me because they don’t have the money. Then he said it was bad enough I was getting them but at least that was me paying for myself. He said if I pay for one I should pay for all and I told him that doesn’t work when I’m paying for my sibling not just anyone. He tried to argue all three are too but I told him the same thing and I used the real sibling argument.
With school starting back soon mom told me I better pay for all three if I don’t want to turn into an awful person who divides our family. She said or I could stop paying for them all and just accept the free lunches.
AITA?
Comments
NTA you do what feels right .. the step siblings are not your responsibility , and how you spend YOUR money is not anyone’s else’s business
NTA and you are a great big sister!
NTA – You are only 17 and only working part time – you have the right to get yourself something nicer and its a kid gesture to help your brother. It is not your responsibility to upgrade any of them. It is is not like they are not getting fed.
You are giving your brother who you are blood related to and have bonded with extra as its within your means but its not your responsibility to give them the same especially as its only been 2 years. If you were an adult and working full time it may have been nice for you to give them the same but you are not obligated either way!
why are they trying to parentify you ?
Does stepfather contribute towards your costs? Though even if he did it wouldnt make you A Ahole
Your money your choice: NTA
Your mother and stepfather are whacko. You’re a minor, it’s not your responsibility to provide food for ANY children, that’s their parent’s legal and moral obligation. Since your mom has failed, you’re being an angel to take care of your brother. The steps are their father’s job to feed.
You’re NTA, the so-called adults are.
You’ve had bad finances since your mom got married. Wonder how bad his were before then?
You do you, boo. You owe no one. If you want to treat your bro, then do it. You and bro have been together for 14 years. Your stepsibs are not your responsibility. I do not understand why people expect their children to bond because of a wedding. Bonding comes through time and from shared experiences. NTA
NTA. Take care of your brother. Everyone else is not your responsibility.
Oh well I imagine you have just become a bad person then (based on your mom’s comment).
Is not your responsibility to feed everyone in your family is theirs, so if she says anything you can say you are welcome to pay for the other 2 I have been saving you money all this time already.
Good luck OP
You are a goddess and a legend, and your brother is lucky to have you.
Tell mom and stepdad to feed his kids. It isn’t your job. NTA
NTA make sure they don’t have access to your accounts and that it’s only in your name. Also make sure you don’t ever keep cash or your banking info anywhere in their house.
NTA. And here’s my take. If your mom and step dad aren’t paying for your step siblings to eat decent food then they better not be getting nails done, buying any clothes over their minimum requirements. Buying any alcohol, eating out, stylist appointments, social activities for themselves, leisure travel, gaming … nothing above the bear minimum.
Kids require some sacrifice. Not sibling sponsorship. Your mom and step dad should be ashamed of themselves.
NTA. Your stepfather should get a second job to pay for his children’s lunches and his debts. His children’s nutritional needs are not your responsibility.
Why isn’t stepbrother getting a part time job to feed himself and his younger sibling then? Wouldn’t that be most fair?
NTA Your mom divided the family choosing to marry a guy drowning in debt. She could have chosen just to co-habit until he’d paid off his debts, but no. She decided having an irresponsible man was more important than being a responsible parent. Make sure your money is somewhere safe that she can’t access it.
If it’s such a big, fat deal, let Dad pay for his kids. Your mom should be glad that you take care of your brother like that. NTA.
NTA. You do what you want with your money and you are a great big sister. You have only know your step siblings for 2 years, and you have known your brother his whole life. If your parents want your step siblings to have the better lunch, they can pay for it.
NTA. Your mother and her husband should get second jobs so they can afford the children they have chosen to raise. As for dividing the family? I’d take ownership of that and say “yeah, it’s me and my brother against the four of you and I’ll take that.”
Your mother chose to marry that man, and take on his children. She has a moral obligation to be their stepparent. You did not choose to marry anyone, you did not choose to take on any children. You have no obligation to consider them siblings. Your parents can choose to extend their family, not yours.
It’s hard to believe that the school has two separate menus. When my husband was out of work and my daughter was on the reduced lunch program it was the same exact food. Something isn’t right about this story.
NTA. The 15year old step brother can try (and I say try) because he’s fifteen to get a job and pay into his/sisters lunch. Or, OP’s mom can cut back and pay into two lunches.
OP is not the parent and can spend his money however he chooses.
Hate to ask, but is your dad in the picture for you or your brother?
NTA. Is your dad in the picture? Could he get them to back off?
NTA, its your money to do with as you please. Even if the step siblings were getting no food at school, that still isn’t on you to make it right, its on your mum and step-dad
OP,It is your stepfather job to cover his kids life costs,not your responsibility.
Unless you freely choose to kick in to your stepsiblings accounts
NTA
> My mom’s husband wanted to know why I couldn’t have told them so they could make sure his kids got the better lunches
Hang on – how? Either they have the money or they don’t. How would they have suddenly been able to pay for it if they’d known you two were getting the better lunches??
If they actually do have enough to pay for 2/4 kids, then can they put on some money towards all four of you, so you decide if you’re going to have the nicer meals every other school day, or top up the difference, or could you have the free meal with e.g. a paid side?
NTA, they can get a job and work too, lawns still need mowing, and snow neededs shoveling, cars need washing, leaves need racking…