I (M21) went on a trip with my gf (F22) 2 of her friends (F20s) my friend (M22) and a friend (M21) he brought (whom I never met before). The Airbnb was $56 per person and was paid through my gf’s credit card. Few days pass and I ask in an Instagram gc with my friend and his friend to send the money for the trip. My friend pays shortly after, but I get nothing from the other guy. I don’t want to rush him, so I wait cause of the benefit of doubt.
He texts me randomly through his phone number (which I didn’t give) to make some prank related to my work. I figured out it was him immediately and we just talked here and there throughout the day. He said that we should do another hiking trip with our friend, later on I ask for him to send the $56 to me. He asks “why?” and I tell him for the Airbnb. He thinks I am talking about the Airbnb for the “next” trip , then I tell him otherwise. He says he will get paid on the 17th and he will send it then, I say “okay” and let him be and my girlfriend also does not want to rush him.
Few days after the 17th I check up on him and he says he “accidentally” spent all the money he got paid. This is to the point where my girlfriend needs to pay off her credit card already. He asks for an extension and I say “okay, just do it as soon as u can cause the credit card gotta be paid off”, and he just says “you can’t pay it off yourself?”. Now as it is the 31st, I still have gotten nothing. My girlfriend does not know about the last message he sent to me, and I have not told my friend his friend owes me money as we are in the midst of a good friend’s death. I honestly don’t know what to do, and don’t want to cause problems. I guess the question is, as I being an asshole for hounding the guy to send $56?
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I (M21) went on a trip with my gf (F22) 2 of her friends (F20s) my friend (M22) and a friend (M21) he brought (whom I never met before). The Airbnb was $56 per person and was paid through my gf’s credit card. Few days pass and I ask in an Instagram gc with my friend and his friend to send the money for the trip. My friend pays shortly after, but I get nothing from the other guy. I don’t want to rush him, so I wait cause of the benefit of doubt.
He texts me randomly through his phone number (which I didn’t give) to make some prank related to my work. I figured out it was him immediately and we just talked here and there throughout the day. He said that we should do another hiking trip with our friend, later on I ask for him to send the $56 to me. He asks “why?” and I tell him for the Airbnb. He thinks I am talking about the Airbnb for the “next” trip , then I tell him otherwise. He says he will get paid on the 17th and he will send it then, I say “okay” and let him be and my girlfriend also does not want to rush him.
Few days after the 17th I check up on him and he says he “accidentally” spent all the money he got paid. This is to the point where my girlfriend needs to pay off her credit card already. He asks for an extension and I say “okay, just do it as soon as u can cause the credit card gotta be paid off”, and he just says “you can’t pay it off yourself?”. Now as it is the 31st, I still have gotten nothing. My girlfriend does not know about the last message he sent to me, and I have not told my friend his friend owes me money as we are in the midst of a good friend’s death. I honestly don’t know what to do. I guess the question is, as I being an asshole for hounding the guy to send $56?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Asking my friend’s friend to pay me money he owes
2. He might actually be short on money and I am not being understanding.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and it hardly qualifies as hounding. But you’re never going to get the money. I’d move on and put him in the ex-future-friend category.
Oh, hell no. You’re not the AH. You need to hound him and your friend who invited him in the first place. Him asking if you could cover it is utter BS.
NTA. For $56 you found an AH to stay away from. Honestly, a deal. I read a report of someone losing 300k to some asshole.
NTA. This guy knows exactly what he’s doing. You should tell your mutual friend what’s going on and make sure your girlfriend gets made whole. And take this as a life lesson that you never prepay on behalf of someone else,.especially some random.”friend of a friend.”
Ok, I doubt you are going to get the money.
Chasing it is completely up to you.
I somewhat hold your friend who brought him responsible as well. He opened to door for this to occur and introduced unpleasantness into the equation. I wouldn’t push that frame of mind though, making social connections via extended friend networks is valuable and important.
It’s just a life lesson unfortunately. It happens and you have learnt.
Next time, have people pay upfront, particularly if they are unknown. And perhaps ensure your friend is aware to be a bit more diligent as to whom he introduces into his wider social network.
NTA
Oh, edit to note: this new friend doesn’t get to maintain “joke” social connections with you while deliberately ripping you off. That’s not how life works.
He doesn’t send he doesn’t go simple as that. Give him a deadline and let your friend knows he’s trying to get out of paying. You can word it nicely in a group chat. Be like hey everyone with the trip being near we need to pay off the rental this is who still owes. If not we will have to downsize
You learned an important life lesson for $56
NTA – I’d include the friend who invited him on the next email, give him a few days to pay up. He will not, then tell both of them, you are done with them. My thinking, if the friend who invited him knows he is a dead beat, and owes you money, but won’t cover the person they invited, they are equally guilty and I don’t want either around.
The only way YMBTA is for taking over collections for your girlfriend. Make sure she knows and agrees with what you’re doing. It’s her money and she should be involved in getting it back.
So let’s say she agrees that you can handle it however. You seem to have this idea that you should never cause problems. But someone else is causing problems for you and in that case it’s totally fine to do things that would make them describe you as a problem that’s preventing them from stealing from you.
They’re thinking not paying is the easiest path and it is because like you said you don’t want to cause problems, you want to be a nice guy that gets the money, you don’t want to rock the boat, you want to let the payment happen when it’s convenient for them.
Its $56 they can no doubt borrow that from their parents or someone else. But they’ll only do that if they think that’s the easiest path. So… call mom, or post to the group chat, or whatever. Then watch them complain how you didn’t have to do that.
On a side note, you and your girlfriend both learned a very important lesson which is Don’t put stuff on your credit card until everybody venmo’s you.
NTA. This guy is a mooch. You will never see this money again.
All you can do is, in future, do not put yourself in the position where this guy owes you.
Rule of thumb with friends is never lend money to someone you wouldnt mind not getting the money back. Because sometimes it may end up choosing between friendship and money. He may literally be having money issues you dunno. Then again he should not be borrowing money he cant pay back. Thats a terrible habit that can spiral fast. Imo nta and def ask him again if you wish but def never lend him money or anyone else for that matter unless you are sure theyre good for it. Speaking from experience when I lent out hundreds to assholes and never got it back. Not talking to those people anymore
No, you are NTA.
You’re not “hounding” him. He is in debt to you, and you are entitled to ask for it.
Friendships go a lot more smoothly if one person is NEVER in debt to another.
What that means in practice is: don’t borrow ANY money unless you’re desperate. If you’re forced to, e.g. you’ve accidentally left your wallet at home, or you’ve spent all your money on a night out and need to borrow cab fare to get safely home, or someone is making a single payment for a group to make the transaction easier, pay back what you owe at the first opportunity.
This Friend of a Friend (FoaF) should have paid you as soon as the first trip was booked.
Do not go anywhere else with FoaF until this debt is paid. My gut feeling says it will never be paid no matter how much you ask him.
If I’m wrong, and FoaF does pay it, and you decide to include him in any future trips, and you (or your girlfriend) are making the booking, make it very clear to all the participants that you expect payment by a specified date.
An aside: you said you had never met FoaF before your mutual friend brought him along on the trip. Your friend effectively brought along someone who is a stranger to you. Who the hell does that?
Me, I need to be VERY sure about whether I like a person or not before I’m prepared to share living space with them, even for a weekend. FFS, I have a few people in my life that I know well and love, and STILL I wouldn’t stay in an AirBnB with them! Minor quirks turn into major irritations when you’re forced to share accommodation with them.
I sure as hell wouldn’t sign up for anything that involved spending close quarters with a stranger for any length of time. I’d want to meet them first at the very least. And you let this stranger take on a debt to you? I’d be asking for FoaF’s money right upfront, even before making the booking.
I won’t say that your failure to do that makes you the asshole this time, but you can avoid this problem in future by anticipating it and doing everything you can to prevent it. If you let this happen to you a second time, you would be the asshole.
Hound away.
NTA. Something similar happened to me…..the friend that brought the bum should pay for him.