I found out I’m pregnant about 2.5 months ago with my first baby and I’ve told close family brother, sisters, mother, father etc. my sister had her first baby in March we are pretty close and I love her son like my own, she was really excited when I told her I was pregnant and couldn’t wait to be an aunt.
We were talking yesterday and I told her I’m gonna do a pregnancy announcement to the rest of my family (uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents etc) on Mother’s Day as it seemed fitting. She got super upset and asked why I would even think of doing that. She said it’s her first Mother’s Day and I want to take that away from her. That was not my intention at all I just thought it would be a super fitting and cute day! She continued to say I don’t care about her feelings considering this is her first Mother’s Day and that it’s rude cause she had a miscarriage right before this baby. I get where she’s coming from and postpartum is a tough place so I was super understanding about it and nice to her despite her yelling at me accusing me of not caring about her feelings.
Now I don’t know what to do I was really excited to tell everyone on Mother’s Day cause technically it is my first mother day too but I suppose I could tell everyone separately on another day?
I feel like I could be the asshole for not thinking about that before bringing it up to her but I also feel like she shouldn’t be but hurt over it and it could be a day we celebrate together.
What do we think am I the asshole?
EDIT: Mother’s Day is being held at my grandparents with my whole family to celebrate the mothers in the family.
I also see comments about announcing on Easter which is a great idea although she gave me a warning about Easter too as it’s her baby’s first Easter and we’re getting together as a family like we would for Mother’s Day.
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I found out I’m pregnant about 2.5 months ago with my first baby and I’ve told close family brother, sisters, mother, father etc. my sister had her first baby in March we are pretty close and I love her son like my own, she was really excited when I told her I was pregnant and couldn’t wait to be an aunt.
We were talking yesterday and I told her I’m gonna do a pregnancy announcement to the rest of my family (uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents etc) on Mother’s Day as it seemed fitting. She got super upset and asked why I would even think of doing that. She said it’s her first Mother’s Day and I want to take that away from her. That was not my intention at all I just thought it would be a super fitting and cute day! She continued to say I don’t care about her feelings considering this is her first Mother’s Day and that it’s rude cause she had a miscarriage right before this baby. I get where she’s coming from and postpartum is a tough place so I was super understanding about it and nice to her despite her yelling at me accusing me of not caring about her feelings.
Now I don’t know what to do I was really excited to tell everyone on Mother’s Day cause technically it is my first mother day too but I suppose I could tell everyone separately on another day?
I feel like I could be the asshole for not thinking about that before bringing it up to her but I also feel like she shouldn’t be but hurt over it and it could be a day we celebrate together.
What do we think am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Thinking about announcing on Mother’s Day knowing it was her first Mother’s Day could be an asshole move since it is her first mother day after all
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Kinda yeah unfortunately YTA.
>cause technically it is my first mother day too
Barely, and it seems like you realise that by including “technically”.
>Now I don’t know what to do
Don’t take away from this being her first Mother’s Day.
NTA. Mother’s Day isn’t just about her. If it was her bday or her baby’s first birthday I could agree with her…but not Mother’s Day lol announce your baby, and congratulations!
YTA if you go through with it knowing that one of the mothers being celebrated has an issue with it.
Info: Are you all planning to spend the day together as one big family or are you all celebrating the day separately?
NTA.
Your sister can’t be blamed for her feelings, whether influenced by postpartum shenanigans or not. But Mother’s Day is for all mothers, not just her.
Gently YTA it’s her first mother’s day after giving birth and I can totally understand her wanting the day to be about her, the baby and your mother now being a grandmother.
You could literally plan a family get together on any other day after mother’s day. Also congratulations on your pregnancy I hope everything goes well for you.
YWBTA. Just wait.
NTA…(after reading edits/updates).
Your sister cannot call every holiday this year for her child’s firsts. When exactly are you “allowed” to tell everyone about your pregnancy?
I say, stop talking to her about it. You do not need her permission. It seems when you announce is never going to be good enough for her. Announce on Easter towards the end of the festivities or Mother’s day.
It is not your first Mother’s Day. That happens when the child is born. Or at least in my world.
Your sister does not get to call the holiday because she is a first time mom.
How exactly is telling the rest of the family going to impact her first Mother’s Day? Are you all spending the day together? Are the other relatives all going to text/call to congratulate her?
On Mother’s Day, I would acknowledge my mom and MIl, my children acknowledge me, and maybe a FB to all mom’s, but other that, our family did not personally congratulate every mom in the extended family.
If anything, I would compromise and maybe not send out a post until later in the day. “Next Mothers Day, there will be another little bundle of joy!”
NTA.
You can’t “take this first Mother’s Day away from her” because it’s still Mother’s Day for her…and (presumably) your mom, her mother-in-law, your grandmothers, aunts, cousins, friends, etc. Mother’s Day is not like a birthday or wedding where one particular person is centered; it’s a celebration for ALL moms, and you deserve to be celebrated, too. Go forth with your announcement plans, but be warned: while people will be happy for you, pregnancy news won’t outweigh in-the-flesh new baby in terms of excitement/attention (something you could tell your sister, too).
INFO: How are you going to tell them? Are we talking a social media post or an announcement at a brunch or something?
Edited for judgment: NTA. When the spotlight is on all moms, you’re not taking away from any one mom by stepping into it with them.
NTA but clearly this first Mother’s Day means a lot to your sister, and it would be very kind of you to wait a few more days before announcing your pregnancy as not to take the spotlight away from her. (It sounds as though she has experienced some significant trauma and loss in getting to this point and it’s an important day of healing for her.)
It doesn’t really matter what day you tell other people — it’ll still be a v special day for you.
YTA – let her be the center of attention on her first Mother’s Day. Next year will be your first Mother’s Day.
NTA. She’s only the mother in her own immediate family. Everyone else has mothers to celebrate, too – she doesn’t get to claim the whole day. It’s not all about her, this year or ever. Is she expecting the extended family to make a fuss over her? Because I suspect she’s going to be disappointed.
That said, I really like someone else’s comment that suggested holding your announcement until later in the day. That seems like a great compromise.
YTA- you are not a mom yet.
NTA. You don’t owe your sister anything on Mother’s Day because she’s not even your mom. She needs to get used to the fact that she has to share Mother’s Day with literally every other mother on the planet. It’s perfectly fitting for you to announce that you’re going to be a mom on Mother’s Day.
ESH. You both seem to like drama a lot. You want to be a center of attention and she wants to gatekeep Mother’s Day.
NAH.
Especially since the whole family will be together for Mother’s Day, your pregnancy announcement will definitely make the day all about you, whereas otherwise it would be about all the mothers and especially your sister.
You’re not AH for wanting to announce at that time, but also your sister’s feelings are quite valid.
Since your mother already knows, it’s possible that a lot of your family knows. But regardless, I’d suggest you not make the announcement. Certainly not at the beginning of the gathering.
A good compromise might be to tell everyone at the end of the day, when the first guests are starting to leave. That way they can spend some of the time oohing and ahhing over the new baby and your sister.
I think you don’t announce this on Mother’s Day. Do it on Easter. If you go ahead and do it on Mother’s Day. YWBTA.
It’s not your first Mother’s Day – it’s your sister’s first Mother’s Day. She’s right. You are sucking up the attention – you’ve already told everyone. Just let her have this day – yours will be next year. YTA.
YTA. You are not a mother yet.
Just tell everyone on another day. Let her have this day.
I hope this is satire. Yes YTA 1000000x over if you do this.
YTA- gently. It’s not your first mother’s day yet, that will be next year. If it’s bothering her that much, just let it go. There’s no reason you need to do some big pregnancy announcement on a certain day. Just tell everyone and don’t worry about a “super cute” announcement. I hate to break this to you but nobody cares as much as you do. They’ll all say hey congrats and then move on with their day. I think you’re expecting more from an announcement then you’re going to get.
NAH. Suggestion for a solution: ask her if you can tell the family towards the end of the day, so she will still get all the attention that people will give her, but you still get to tell them all when they are all together.
Perhaps you can even agree that she will announce that you have an announcement to make when she feels she has been honoured enough for being a new mother.
(In my bubble, we don’t do mother’s day this way (or even at all), so perhaps I am missing something).
NTA………..but now that she has stated that she will get upset, I wouldn’t.
I completely understand. I announced my pregnancy on Mothers Day during a party at my house. A cousin announced her pregnancy at the following years Mother’s Day and it certainly didn’t bother me.
However, your sister has said this will upset her. Do you really want your announcement to be followed by a family fight?
I would just let her have this one. Either announce your pregnancy before Mother’s Day if you are far enough along to really need to announce it. Heck Easter is this weekend, announce it then. Or if it’s still early, just wait a week or two after Mother’s Day.
NTA. Mother’s Day is for celebrating all mothers, and you won’t be diminishing “her day” because you are now an expecting mother. Plenty of families have women have babies in the same year and share the same first mother’s day.
But you also now know this is something she’ll be sensitive about, and that she was hoping to be celebrated. So you should make your plans in such a way that you are a costar of the day, not completely overshadowing her and the other mom’s in your family.
NTA. In an extended family, Mother’s Day is a big old group day for honoring the various mothers of all ages. Your sister is framing it like a birthday or wedding, but that is not what it is. It is a shared day of celebrating motherhood, and, as far as I’m concerned, a fabulous time to announce your pregnancy. However lovely your plan might be, though, it’s probably not worth causing a big schism with your sister, so keep that in mind.
If the roles were reversed and you had had your first child and this was your first mother’s day with the family and your sister did this: how would it make you feel?
I understand both of you. Talk to your sister and try to find a compromise: If you are going to brunch, let her enjoy the lime light and at a later point in time do your reveal.
Maybe bring her on board, you with a mommy to be shirt, her with an aunt to be one? Letting her bask in the spotlight a bit and then taking over might be something you both can be happy with and have a wonderful whirlwind of a day? Win/win so to speak?
NAH.
Your entire immediate family already knows, most likely extended family does too.
The question is; next year do you want to enjoy your “first” Mother’s Day? Then be considerate of what your sister feels.
I wouldn’t hide your pregnancy, but hijacking the entire event to make an announcement is a pretty self centered move.
YWBTA
NTA but is that a hill you want to die on?
Nta it isn’t a day that’s automatically anyone’s. My husband had planned to propose (years ago) on Mother’s Day since all the moms, aunts cousins and my mom would be around so his sister announced her pregnancy a few days prior knowing his plan so that the attention wasn’t taken away from me. Pretty nice and classy
YTA. Mother’s Day is to celebrate the moms in our lives and give them some much deserved love and appreciation on their special day, this should be your focus with your family instead of trying to get all of the attention for yourself which is selfish especially since you have already informed others that you are pregnant so don’t be that person that makes everything about themselves.
NTA. This seems like a group affair with multiple mothers. I think your sister is setting up that she will be disappointed by the lack of attention she will get on Mother’s Day. Unless there is some tradition or something celebrating the newest mother, I see nothing wrong with a Mother’s Day announcement.
YTA, especially with the comments about the cutesy sweater reveal. This will very much turn the focus of the day on you.
Why don’t you let her have most of the day and announce at the end? Like, hey this was fun, next year I get to join!
But wait, your a mom too now, so wtaf? NTA
NTA – Mother’s Day isn’t “owned” by a singular person/couple like a wedding day. Your sister has joined a club; your mom and grandma, etc are still being celebrated too. Personally, I feel the focus shouldn’t just be on her all day just because it’s the first one. You’re excited too and should be able to share happy news.
Also bonus points for being flexible and willing to see if you’re being an ass. Not enough people are willing to self reflect during these types of situations
Congratulations! I hope you have an uneventful pregnancy and delivery!
NTA i think its a good time to announce it because its a family gathering for all the moms and not just 1 sp2cific thing like a birthday or wedding, but maybe once all the moms have had a chance to be celebrated.
You are “technically” not a mom yet either. You haven’t given birth yet and are pretty early in your pregnancy. Don’t count you chickens before they hatch
YTA here based on your comments. You kinda buried the lede by not explaining that this is going to be a big family event where you spend the day together and you planned to surprise everyone by wearing a shirt announcing your pregnancy.
You’re not a mom yet and it’s not your first Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, the reality is that being pregnant is only a possibility of having a baby, not a certainty until they’re in your arms and declared healthy.
This is your sister’s first ever mother’s day and you would absolutely be stealing the spotlight and making the day about you.
Be more mature and less selfish here. Next year is your turn as your first mother’s day, don’t turn this into a fight and a competition with your sister.
Why not skip trying to announce on a holiday and simply have a party for yourself and announce to your family that way
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YTA
Dont do it on Mother’s Day, don’t take away from the already mothers
What is with all these people who think that they can co-opt holidays for themselves and no one else?
She does not own Mother’s day. Nobody owns Mother’s day.
Tell her to grow up and stop being so childish and selfish.
It’s not your first Mother’s Day. I do get where your sister is coming from. People will not reach out to her as much when she is actually a mother since they’re too busy congratulating you on your pregnancy. That being said, NTA if you ask the host (your Grandparents) for permission to hijack the day to make your annoucement.
EDIT – After reading your update. ESH. I still understand why Mother’s Day is important since it truly will be your sister’s first Mother’s Day, but your sister can’t call dibs on all “baby first” holidays just because she had a rainbow baby. I would go with Easter, as long as you have the host’s permission to make the announcement. This way, you get to be the center of attention for a day. Baby is not going to care about their first Easter. And the news of your announcement will have died down a little bit in time for the Moms in your family to be recognized on Mother’s Day.
NTA but it sounds like you’ve already told most of the family. I think your sister is a bit unreasonable that this is “her day” since it sounds like lots of other mothers will be there. Maybe tell her you want to announce it while everyone is together but you’ll wait until the event is wrapping up. She gets to bask in the limelight for most of the day but you’ll still get to make your announcement. It’s called compromise.
YTA. Save the attention seeking behavior. Your first Mother’s Day is next year.
NTA
She doesn’t own Mother’s Day, but I can understand that she wants it to be special since it is her first one.
That being said, she is being completely ridiculous about gatekeeping Easter. That has nothing to do with motherhood.
ESH. I think Mother’s Day is for all moms — not just you, not just her. At a celebration of many moms, no one should make themselves the center. Announcing might do that, even if unintentionally.
NTA imo. Does she think Mother’s Day is going to be all about her? There are other mothers in both of your lives. It’s weird for her to make it “her special day”. If you’re not going to make it “all about you” either, I don’t see why it should be that big of a deal. It’s a celebratory day. It does feel appropriate and cute to do.
I have seen people say you can announce it at the end of the event/day, which sounds like a good compromise. As a nice fun wrap-up for everything.
Like, I love my mom, but I don’t spend all day worshipping her. We celebrate. We give gifts. But then it turns into any other celebration, where conversation moves on and everyone just enjoys spending time together.
NTA unless you are the only mother in the world you don’t get to gatekeep Mother’s Day.
NTA especially since you added that your sister warned you to not share the news on Easter since that’s her baby’s first Easter.
It isn’t your first mother’s day, but since this is a big family get together that seems like a perfect time to share. She won’t be the center of attention at a family event since there’s a lot of others there to celebrate and interact with.
For anyone who cares about facts, OP’s post history used to show that she only tested positive in the last 5-8 days, not 2.5 months ago. When asked about it in the comments, she deleted the other posts from her post history.
ESH
it seems like this all comes down to who gets to have “the spotlight” at an extended family event that is intended to celebrate all the mothers. ugh. it sounds like most of your family knows already so why don’t you just let everyone know before Mother’s Day? You can be included in the celebration with everyone else without turning it into your pregnancy announcement party.
Firendly reminder. It is also your first mothers day.
You’re pregnant so you’re a mother also! Congratulations, I think it’s a great idea! NTA.
Yes, you’re the asshole.
Not for being pregnant. Not for being excited. But for looking at a day that clearly means a lot to your sister and deciding you deserve the spotlight too.
She just had a baby. She’s hormonal. She’s recovering. It’s her first Mother’s Day after a miscarriage and you think it’s a “cute idea” to center the event around your announcement? That’s not cute. That’s self-centered dressed up in baby booties.
You already told the close circle. This isn’t about informing people. It’s about making a moment. And you chose to make that moment on a day your sister clearly needed for herself. Now she’s upset and instead of owning that, you’re calling her “butthurt” and asking if you’re the one being mistreated.
You can announce literally any day of the year. But you picked the one day she told you mattered. Why? Because “technically it’s your first Mother’s Day too”? You’re pregnant—not a mother yet. That’s like showing up to someone’s wedding in a veil because you’re engaged and technically about to be a bride.
Final verdict: Yes. You’re the asshole. You didn’t have to hurt your sister’s feelings—but you chose to. And now you’re asking Reddit for a pat on the back because “you didn’t mean it.” Intent doesn’t erase impact. Be better.
NAH, but if it’d upset her so much to announce on Mother’s Day, I wouldnt.
Honestly though, I’d ask her if she might compromise a bit. What if you spent the entire event not mentioning it until the VERY end, and then have her be a fundamental part of the announcement? Something like having her say “oh wait, before you leave, I realized I forgot to open a mother’s day gift!” and then have her open a onesie for her baby that says “Cousin #1” or something?
IMO it’d be more fun and special if she was part of the conspiracy, and then the whole event (except the literal goodbyes) would still be about her.
If she’s against it, then don’t announce. It’s not worth it. It sucks to miss the chance when everyone’s together, but private announcements are fun too, or you can plan a picnic for June or something.
I would prepare her emotionally for the risk that someone might clock that you’re pregnant at the party, though. 3.5 months is early but some older ladies have the eagle eye. My mom clocked a pregnancy at 1 month because of the way her niece’s veins looked. 😅
I would do it on Easter rather the Mothers Day. She doesn’t get to claim every holiday this year with the reasoning it’s “her baby’s first…”
NTA.
1- I am starting to see a pattern in your sister’s behavior. She cannot make all first holidays about herself and her baby.
2- mothers day is for celebrating all mothers. It’s not exclusively for her. I had a pregnancy loss years ago early in the year and when Mothers Day came around I had some family members reach out even though I wasn’t holding a baby in my arms (or womb), I had one in my heart. It was very touching! You can celebrate Mother’s Day as an expecting mom is my point here.
Another poster pointed out waiting until closer to the end of the event (perhaps your sister may even leave early!). I think that is a good compromise. Or if your family is on SM maybe you can make a post around the end of the day. Talk to her. Tell her you are willing to work with her but this is how you want to do it. It’s not her wedding. Her birthday. The child’s baptism. It’s Mother’s Day. She’s not the only first time mom celebrating.
But your sister is starting to toe a dangerous line making everything about her/her baby. I hope she isn’t always like this. And if she is, start setting boundaries now. Don’t even ask her in the future. Just do it.
A lot of people announce on Mother’s Day. Congrats!
I’m reserving judgment for now. I think you should not announce on Mother’s Day. I understand your point, but let her have that day, as well as the other mothers in your family.
She doesn’t want you to announce on Easter because it’s her baby’s first, but I think Easter is better. Tell her it’s either Easter or Mother’s Day. Whichever day you choose I would wait until later in the day to announce. That way it doesn’t overshadow the whole day.
INFO: I just thought of a question. Does your family all get together a lot? Like, are these the only two days everyone is together for a while or are you getting together for family dinner all the time?
NTA at all. You’re allowed to celebrate this amazing news on Mother’s Day. You’re going to be a mom! It doesn’t take away from her also being a mom. All of these people who are saying you’re not a mother yet must have never been pregnant because you can feel like a mom the minute you find out. I’m sorry so many people are putting a damper on this great thing!
NTA – tell her she can’t claim both holidays and that you are announcing on one of family events.
You won’t be a mother yet.
Your sister’s “first mother’s day”? Lmfao, who cares, is her new baby going to sing her a song and make her a drawing?
It’s a day for all mothers, if you idealise it. If you don’t, it’s a purely commercial thing to make people buy flowers and a hassle for teachers who have long been fed-up with pasta necklaces that nobody will ever wear.
Sorry OP, but YWBTA if you did this on Mother’s Day. But Congratulations!
As another pointed out, you aren’t “technically” a mother yet; Mother’s Day is to celebrate true mothers, motherhood, and a mother’s impact on culture and society; not pregnant women. Let the mothers in your family enjoy their day and celebration in peace.
Easter would be a much better time to announce your pregnancy. And tell your sister to screw off – following her logic, she could claim every holiday this year for her child… could you imagine? “…but it’s my babies first 4th of July! It’s my babies first Memorial Day! It’s my babies first Arbor Day!” Where would that crap get her? In my house, it would be a big ol’ can of SHADDUP! with fries on the side.
Besides – Easter comes first and is more appropriately in-tune with [re-]birth – announce then, get your kudos then and let the other ladies enjoy the Mother’s Day holiday.
Good Luck!
YTA.
YTA. You are co-opting an event meant to celebrate all the moms and turning it into your own spectacle. You cannot honestly be dense enough to not recognize that pulling this will immediately turn the event from a brunch for all mothers to your own celebration party. First Mother’s Day or not, this is quite rude. If you want a party for your announcement throw one yourself.
NTA- if she’s going to be this much of a hog about it and worry that attention is going to be taken away from her precious little child and all its firsts, ask if he can be the one who “makes the announcement.”Maybe toward the end of Easter celebrations or Mother’s Day celebrations, she can claim he’s messy and change him to a shirt that says, “my aunt is giving me a cousin!”
The fact that you felt it necessary to say that it’s technically your first Mother’s Day suggests that you’re looking for a way to leverage the family gathering for a “big reveal” that will, of course, center on you.
The fact that you posted elsewhere that you only discovered your pregnancy in the last week or so (and then deleted that post) suggests that you aren’t being completely honest in this post.
YTA.