I (35F) have wanted to get a tattoo since I was 18, the same year I started dating my now husband (37M) but I’ve never went through with it party because my husband hates tattoos. I recently decided I was finally going to get one and booked an appointment for next week. Since then my husband has made it abundantly clear exactly how much he hates tattoos, how he thinks their trashy and how he thinks people that get them are seeking attention and told me it was beneath me to get a tattoo. He’s also told me that he may not even want to look at me if I get one, doesn’t know if he can be intimate with me after and has jokingly talked about divorcing me after (honestly not so sure he’s actually joking) He brings it up every day. I honestly had no idea how strong his feelings about this were until now and how judgmental he is about people who have tattoos. I knew he didn’t like them but this is on a whole other level. I’ve cried, been heartbroken and angry that he feels this way. I still plan to get the tattoo, it’s something I’ve wanted for almost 20 years and not a decision I’m taking lightly. So am I the asshole for still planning to get a tattoo even though my husband is so against
AITA for planning to get a tattoo even though my husband hates them?
r/AITAH
Comments
Nah, you’re not the asshole. Your body, your choice. The real issue here isn’t the tattoo it’s how controlling and judgmental he’s being. It’s one thing to dislike tattoos, but threatening intimacy, making you cry, and joking (or not) about divorce? That’s a massive red flag. If he can’t respect your autonomy over something so personal, what else does he think he has a say over? Get your tattoo, and maybe take a hard look at how he treats you when you make decisions for yourself.
YTA. He hates tattoos. You know this. Now you’re getting one. He clearly thinks it’s ugly and a big deal and you don’t care.
This isn’t about a tattoo. It’s about control. Get the tattoo but be prepared for his reaction.
NTA. It’s crazy to me, that after what, 17 years, he is ready to discuss divorce over a tattoo? Like, sure, you don’t have to love it, but where is his deeper lover and affection for you.
YTA He can’t control you but he made his boundaries known. If he leaves you or stops being intimate with you don’t complain about it. Those are your consequences.
NAH. It is your body and your choice, but whether he stays is also his choice. You can choose to do this as long as you’re ok with the consequences. I’m shocked it would be worth risking you marriage over. Presumably you’ve also wanted you’re husband for twenty years and don’t take marriage lightly either. I’m afraid you’ll be back with “my husband left me over a tattoo!” Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Kinda sounds like you’re calling a bluff rather than considering he might impose consequences. If he leaves, it will be about the disrespect, devaluing his opinion, etc, and not about the tattoo itself. If you had to choose between happy marriage and tattoo – you only get one – which would you choose? And if you choose tattoo, why would husband stay knowing his low priority?
NTA. Your body, your choice. I don’t like tattoos either, but I wouldn’t divorce my wife if she got one (she doesn’t have any) because I love her and wouldn’t try to refuse her anything that is her choice and meant something to her, as this does to you.
NTA. But you should ask yourself if getting a tattoo is worth losing your marriage. If it is, you should have already been divorced. If not, you need to cancel your appointment. If he’s otherwise been a good partner, are you sure you can find as good/better?
It’s YOUR body! If he hates tattoos more than he loves you, than that’s a huge red flag! Sounds super controlling and toxic.
Go ahead…. Get a tattoo if you want one…. But don’t come back on Redit in 6 months whining that your husband doesn’t fancy you anymore. He warned you. He’s actually not trying to dictate to you…. He’s trying to warn you he won’t find you as attractive
YTA. Your tattoo is more important than your marriage.
NAH but if there’s is one, I’m thinking it’s you. He’s never been ambiguous about how he feels about tattoos. You’re insisting on getting one despite that. It’s your body and your choice but you already know he thinks it’s grounds for divorce. Do you think he’s going to suddenly warm up to it after you’ve permanently put it on yourself? No, he isn’t. He’s going to say you care more about the tattoo than him and he’d be right. That tattoo better be more meaningful than your 16-years relationship because it might be all you have at the end of this. You should show the design. I’m willing to bet it’s the cringiest thing anyone’s ever seen.
NAH. Lots of people saying that the husband is being controlling, but I don’t see anywhere where he’s tried to tell her what she can or cannot do – what he has done is to be VERY clear (perhaps a little too strongly at times) about his own feelings and reactions to this choice. People are entitled to their preferences, and if he feels that he can’t be intimate with someone who has a tattoo or look at them in the same way, that’s his prerogative. Lots of people (including me) may think this is a weird thing to draw a line over, but to him it’s that important.
That said, OP has every right to do what she wants with her own body, and she can make the decision if she wants to. If she deliberately makes a decision that her partner has repeatedly expressed makes them uncomfortable, though, she needs to be willing to live with the possible outcomes.
ESH. But especially you.
My husband also dislikes tattoos. When my father died, I wanted something to celebrate his life.
So I got branded. He had no problem with that.
You are flying in the face of your husband, doing something he’s going to have to look at forever. It could well be a breaking point for him. I think he could lighten up but doesn’t sound as if he will.
NB: I’m in a PE relationship so I do as I’m asked, out of respect for him.
If you want a tattoo more than you want a husband, and you said you do, its time to get divorced, tattoo or not.
This is a tough one. I’m of the opinion that people are allowed to end a relationship over anything they want, so if tattoos are his line in the sand that’s his choice. I personally think tattoos aren’t something to be bothered by, and I do think (based on what you’re saying) his responses are rude and a little extreme.
Your body is always your choice, but I do personally consider my partner’s preferences when getting cosmetic things done. If I wanted to shave my head but he didn’t find that attractive, I’d probably choose a different style. I don’t like kissing with beards, so he doesn’t grow his facial hair long. If I wanted a tattoo and he was very against them, I….probably wouldn’t be with him in the first place lol.
You’re allowed to get a tattoo, he’s allowed to break up with you over it, or find it ugly, or whatever. Just be prepared for those potential outcomes if you get the tattoo.
Hmmmm. Is this the first time you’ve communicated your desire for a tattoo with your husband? You’re not just dropping this on him after 19 years of being together, right?
Be aware that people of low emotional intelligence hide behind jokes quite regularly. Prepare for him to start dropping the joke part of the divorce threats once it’s clear you’ll be doing what you want with your body.
And in my honest opinion, if the IDEA of a tattoo has him already acting like he doesn’t love you, he never did.
NTA
You were with him for 17 years and that may end because you’re getting a tat?
Now just so you know it’s your body, your choice unless you’re republican then it’s your body, my choice aparently. But let’s say it is still your choice and he’s not stopping you from doing it but he is saying what he thinks about it and you know all this ahead of time.
Is the tat worth the disolusion of marriage? If it is then the marriage isn’t worth saving in the first place.
I don’t like piercings or tats which is why I chose not to have either of those things. My partner has one earing in each ear and that’s it for piercings and tats. My partner can change her body however she likes, it’s her body. If one day she had a giant tat on her chest and a bunch of piercings then that would probably be it for our relationship. I’m just not into that which is my choice. Now if she gets a huge burn scar from a workplace accident or something that would not be the end of our relationship.
So yeah your husband is telling you what he is and isn’t ok with. You both have choices to make.
NTA OP.
Your skin. Your body. Your choice.
Your husband wants to be a bratty baby about this then he can go sit in a playpen, wear adult version of baby clothes & go suck on his big toe.
Your husband sucks. Get the tattoo and drop him. NTA
NTA. Your body your choice
Be careful when I was younger I dumped someone for getting one when then knew how I felt . You can get one if you want but he can leave you if he wants . You know how he felt for all these years and you want to get one now cause you’re convinced he will get over it . Your playing a dangerous game of chicken
YTA for acting like you’ve been blindsided when he’s apparently been clear about this from the beginning
You aren’t wrong to want a tattoo, just as your husband isn’t wrong to hate them. But that’s an obvious incompatibility. If you’ve longer for a tattoo all these years, why on earth did you marry someone who you knew hates them? It seems like you hid your intention from your now-husband, which is really not on. The purpose of dating is to find someone compatible. Don’t pretend to be perfectly-matched to someone you like, then marry, then do all the things you know they hate. That’s a waste of everyone’s time.
NTA for getting a tattoo, but YTA for the bait-and-switch.
You understand your relationship better than anyone here and have to live with the consequences. People on reddit will tell you what to do and then won’t be around when there is a price to be paid.
That being said, the best path it to understand where henis coming from and helping him understand how you see it and that tattoos dont necessarily mean what he thinks.
People have preconceptions, associations or trauma dictating why they feel so strongly about something that may seem so trivial like a tattoo. If you just do it and he feels like you disregarded his feelings – then there will be no turning back.
There are ways where you end up doing this thing that is important to you without ruining your marriage.
However, lets say that he never changes his mind. Is a tattoo worth your marriage?
You do whatever you want… but right or wrong the consequences will be yours.
If the tables were turned and you left him with a similar ultimatum say, you don’t want him to wear t-shirts as you find them distasteful-cheap and trashy. What would his response be? If you threatened various outcomes such as leaving him, withholding sex, etc would he acquiesce to your demands? Think about it.
Youve been crying and hysterical over a tattoo and your husband not wanting you to ruin your skin?
I dont quite get this tattoo mania myself either. On 95% it looks horrible + what they choose as tattoo is horrible.
There are lots of things we want in life but cant get..get over it, youre 35.
Well, you clearly have a choice and it’s your choice to make. You know the ramifications.
NTA. You are just as free to get a tattoo as he is to divorce you over one.
People here call him controlling, but you are also making it abundantly clear that you value a tattoo way more than you value him.
The only tip I have for you is to take him seriously, and both a sexless marriage and a divorce is on the table, and he would also be NTA.
NTA but you’ll need to be prepared for the fallout. Your husband has made it very clear how he feels about them, and it sounds like it will affect your relationship. Is it worth it?
NAH. My husband (we’re 31) doesn’t like women to have short hair. But he doesn’t control whether I cut my hair or not and he loves me for who I am, regardless of me cutting my hair or not. He also despises the color green, but doesn’t care a lick if I dye it that color or put up green decorations in the house. He cares more about my happiness, and if doing those things makes me happy, to him that’s all that matters.
Now, I typically keep my hair long, but have cut it twice since we’ve been together (10 years) and I do try to keep green in the house or in my hair at minimum out of respect for him. There are things I dislike, but ignore or let go of for him as well (they’re just not body-image related).
Marriage involves compromise, but overall it’s your body, your choice. But if he’s so adamant on this that he’s willing to divorce you or bully you over it, it may be time to have a serious sit-down and discuss the future of the marriage.
Tanking your marriage over ink. YTA
You can get the tattoo but he can stop fancying you with it.
Every single comment saying “get the tattoo” comes from a woman. Take that how you will.
YTA You knew he hated tattoos. You’re not the victim. Why would you marry someone who felt that way about tattoos if you always wanted one?
Maybe explore temporary tattoos, you can get them that last 10 days to 1 year and see if your husband might not mind it and if does could just let fade out. But if your willing to risk divorce over a tattoo I think there is bigger problems in your relationship that need to be addressed.
NAH.
You want a tattoo. Your husband has made it abundantly clear how he feels about tattoos. You’re free to get the tattoo, he’s free to no longer find you physically attractive.
Everyone has things they like or dislike. A tattoo may give him “the ick.” Things that turn people on or off aren’t always completely logical.
I’m more curious why you are hellbent on getting a tattoo that you know can potentially ruin your marriage. What caused the marriage to be in such a bad state that you’re choosing clip art for your skin over your spouse?
NTA – to me (F43, divorced after 17 years), any person who threatens divorce in any fashion, is just waiting for a reason to leave. They will not invest in the relationship, they won’t want to work on things. It’s very “be who I want you to be or I’m out”. Marriage doesn’t work that way. We grow and change over our lives and you either see it as a way to learn and grow together, or it pushes you apart. It sounds like you two have grown apart and don’t align anymore. To threaten divorce is so hurtful after all those years together. One meaningful tattoo makes your whole life together irrelevant? Means he doesn’t love you anymore? That’s disgusting and I’m betting if you really reflect, this has been a pattern for a long time. (At least that was my experience). Ironically, he also hated tattoos and while he didn’t mind the few small ones I had, since we’ve been divorced I’ve done hours of work, absolutely LOVE my ink, and am out of the box he’d kept me in my whole adult life without me even realizing it was happening.
Does he just think everyone who has a tattoo is trash? I think that’s a pretty substantial red flag on its own, wtf??
NTA. Do not stop yourself from experiences in life because your partner, the one who is suppose to love you no matter what, can’t get his way.
I’ve been there. I made so many sacrifices in my marriage to make him happy that I was miserable. Mind you, in my case it was like dealing with a 3 year old having a temper tantrum but it was always about him and what he wanted.
I had a double mastectomy after breast cancer and wanted to get my newly constructed breast tattooed to hide the scars. He hated the idea and actually wanted me to go through more surgeries to get nipple reconstruction. Like he wouldn’t let it go. He would not accept that my breast not look like HE wanted them to.
He is dead now and I am happier than I have been in a long time. And I got my breasts tattooed the way I wanted and it looks amazing.
Don’t dim your light for someone else. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, it’s just a number and it means nothing. If he can’t accept that you want this; have wanted this for 20 years and threatens to leave then I’m really sorry but he doesn’t love you the way you think he does. If his love is contingent on your submissiveness, it’s not love. It’s ownership.
My two cents.
When my daughter was still engaged to her now husband she got a tattoo. He is the most mellow human I know but he blew a gasket! I didn’t even know he could get that angry and it shocked everyone. My daughter after getting over the shock calmly told him she was not going to marry anyone that dictates what she does or does not do with her body. I was stunned and proud. After about 2 months of them talking it out they got back together and are happily married. You on the other hand already know how your husband feels. Do you, because if you don’t you will have a resentment that you don’t need. Good luck with the tat.
He’s allowed to not like tattoos and you’re allowed to get one. Understand your marriage is over though.
NAH. You’re NTA if you get the tattoo. But he’s NTA if he ends up divorcing you over it. He can’t be expected to stay with someone he’s no longer attracted to.
If he brings it up everyday ,100% he’ll ask for a divorce. Get your ducks in a row and if you don’t mind being single again, go for it.
NTA. If he is willing to divorce you over something so minor, he doesn’t seem to love you much. He has made this a huge issue. It didn’t have to be.
I don’t love every tattoo my partner has, but I love him. It’s his body. He gets to do what he wants.
NAH
You are not an A H if you get a tattoo. However, you have to be ready to get divorced if you do.
NTA. Your body, your choice. It really is as simple as that. If he doesn’t like it, that’s too bad. Perhaps he isn’t the supportive and loving husband you deserve if he makes such a big deal out of such a simple thing.
NTA!
Your body, your decision. But be aware he may divorce you. I (f41) have 7 tattoos my husband (m54) has zero and doesn’t plan to ever get one, but he loves mine as they all mean something to me. Do tattoos have to have a meaning? No, but for me mine do.
Maybe if you discussed exactly what and where on your body and the size of it might help?
What is the tattoo? Is it something he would find really offensive.
Unless this anti-tattoo sentiment just popped up recently, the begged question is why, if this is the hill you apparently wish to die on, didn’t you chalk him up to irreconciliable differences and keep it moving instead of jumping the broom with this guy?
I mean, go for it, and whatever backlash comes from it should be worth it, right?
NTA per se.
“I’ve cried, been heartbroken and angry that he feels this way.”
That seems rather immature for your age.
“So am I the asshole for still planning to get a tattoo even though my husband is so against”
I don’t think I would call you an asshole for that. I think you’re gonna fuck around and find out. Good luck with that. I hope some ink on your skin is worth the trouble.
You can do what you want.
As long as you’re prepared for the consequences.
your body your choice. But dont expect him to change his mind about tattoos.
You can get the tattoo. However, just know that it can and has resulted in relationships and marriage ending before. If the tattoo is that important to you then sure. However, go into this knowing that it could result in your relationship ending. Don’t be all surprised Pikachu when he follows through on the thing he told you he did not like
Your wants are different. You will resent him if you can’t get one and he will resent you if you do.
NTA. At the end of the day, your husband is allowed to be a judgmental prick. That alone would be enough for me to want to leave. But it’s your body. Do what you want with it.
Your body. Your choice. Your consequences. Think long and hard if the tattoo is worth a divorce. I suggest trying a temporary tattoo just to try one first.
Your husband is a moron.
Get the tattoo and tell him to pull his pretentious head out of his ass.
NAH
He’s telling you he finds them so unattractive that he’ll find you unattractive, and that may eventually lead to divorce.
If you’re willing to toe the line, and risk it go for it. He may come around, or he may no longer be attracted to you.
A tattoo is permanent, more so than any several legitimate reason to lose attraction and get a divorce.
People like to say “your body is a temple” as an excuse to not get pierced or tattoos, but even temples are decorated.
It’s your body, your choice. He can close his eyes and look away. Tf
NTA his stance on tattoos is ridiculous and insulting. If he ends your marriage over you getting a tattoo, hes not worth it and shallow af.
NTA I have a HUGE problem with shit like this. What a small man. Get the tattoo.
My wife got a tattoo even after I told her that I did not want her to. She did not like them when we got married but had a change of heart. It’s been years, and I’m still not happy with her decision. Did I leave her? No. Have I done things she does not like as well? Yes. Being married is a tough thing sometimes.
People giving the not his body, not his choice are correct, but the thing that is making op hesitate getting this tattoo, is that she will have to face those same words back, not her body, not her choice, so he has a right to leave.
No matter if you do or don’t, one of you will be unhappy, so just divorce.
You shouldn’t have married someone whos gonna give u shit for doing something hsrmless tht makes u happy and he shouldnt have married someone who likes tattoos if he doesnt
If this is real can we get an update. I would really like to know how this played out.
I’m of the opinion that you don’t threaten divorce unless you really mean it. NTA for that alone, but you guys need to have a very real, BIG conversation.
He can go swivel, it’s your body not his. You go get that tattoo!
NAH. You’re allowed to do whatever you want with your body, but he’s definitely allowed to divorce you over it, and considering how strongly he feels about this issue, you should go into this expecting it to end your relationship. Which means more to you, your new tattoo, or your marriage?
NTA, but you may wish to consider a few sessions of couples’ counseling before getting the tattoo to try and understand where he’s coming from, like why does he feel this way? And also to help him understand why you want one.
End your relationship. Get Your tattoo.
Which is more important to you: your marriage or a tattoo? You are the only one that can answer that question. You have to know, not think, you are ready for the consequences if you keep the appointment.
You aren’t an asshole for wanting or even getting something you want, especially if you wanted it before you ever met your husband. Sounds like he married you knowing you might want one down the road.
It’s your body and you get to adorn it however you want to. He’s allowed to have preferences and not like it. He’s even allowed to end the relationship over it.
Bringing it up every day, talking negatively about why other people do this, and trying to control what you do with your body, on the other hand? Feels excessive and like crossing a line to me. If he mentioned it once or twice in response and expressed concern he might find you less attractive in a more respectful way than it sounds like he did, totally understandable. It’s coming across more like he feels entitled to control how your body looks, though, which feels like an unhealthy way to view a partner.
Which is most important to you, your marriage or your desire for a tattoo? Only you can decide that.
If you decide that your husband is being controlling, get the ink and see if he’s bluffing.
If your marriage is good, you might decide it isn’t worth the risk. I can’t tell you what to do so I can’t call an AH either way.
Remember, your body, choice; also his feelings, his choice. Both are valid.
He has a lot of prejudices against people with tattoos and that line “tattoos are beneath you” says a lot about how he processes views about other people: to him there are people worthy of his attention and there are people he finds contemptuous for simply existing. It’s his way or the highway. Is he like this with other things? In other areas of your lives together? With other people? Do you believe his views on tattoos or people with tattoos are founded in reality? In real interactions with people who have tattoos? He has probably interacted with people and liked them well enough without even knowing if they have tattoos.
I didn’t notice you saying it’s a cultural issue for him? Like people in Japan not liking tattoos because they were historically tied to the Yakuza. Anyway it stands to reason that his views have no basis in reality in this day and age and that if he really loved you as a person with their own agency, intelligence and body that he would still be able to respect you even if he disagrees with you.
Nah. Do what you want. Dont be surprised if he leaves. He can also do as he wants.
NAH I am covered in tattoos and frankly I have them because I like them not because I want attention. I would get the tattoo.
NTA
You married to young and clearly did not communicate boundries in your relationship very well.
Now clinically a boundry.. is a psychological demarcation that protects the integrity of an individual or group or that helps the person or group set realistic limits on participation in a relationship or activity.
He has told you his boundary. If you get the tattoo, this will break it. He now must organize other boundaries you have no cheating, pets, kids etc. It will take time to level set this.
Since he is adamant against tattoos whether religious, or historical his reaction is genuine. He got some issues with them..probably want to professionally explore that… me thinks abuse… or yakuzza ties.
He said divorce and disgusting so it is real. You will be disgusting to him both inside and out. He will not trust you.
Thus do it I say 70% divorce. There is nothing you can do once it is done. It will be 100% his response.
On the good side women normally file..so expect indifference until you file.
I would suggest counseling before you do it… might go better for you in divorce hearing.
I got my first tattoo at 40. Always wanted one and it had to have meaning to me. Heartfelt. Be sure and get an artist that you’ve researched! Each has their own style. No two are alike. Make sure you have seen his/her work and it is what you like. Do not just make an appointment with a parlor and accept who they give your appt too. I’m 62 now and have 13 tattoos. Each has meaning & I love everyone of them. You do you. 🌠
NAH. I do think the judgy “trashy/attention-seeking” shit is a bit much, but he has been pretty clear on where he stands.
I will say that I’m curious whether this is the only thing that he is judgy/controlling about? I know that personally I got a lot more radical and self-possessed with age and my now-ex started complaining I “wasn’t the woman he married” anymore….because I was less accommodating and patient with his lack of initiative and collaboration on things in our lives.
If you’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo for 17 years, maybe you should ask yourself some questions about whether you’ve been tamping down your natural self just to stay in this relationship. Life is short, it’s not worth staying with someone who is fundamentally incompatible.
Given the current political climate, anyone thinking about getting a tattoo should reconsider.
NTA
However neither would be your husband of after getting he , he divorces you die to whatever views he has on them. He’s made it very clear he’s not a fan.
So you do you but there cold be consequences
If he stops wanting you because of a tattoo, he’s only using you.
I dont like tattoos on women. But when my wife wants one i tell her to get it. I still tell her i don’t like them and proceed to call her a chipotle bag.
Toxic people set you on fire 🔥 and then ask you why you’re burned. If I tell you it’s a sign of affection, it’s a sign of affection-I can’t help it if you’re flammable.
Get the tattoo. Get two!
Take him up on the divorce. What a tool.
Very weird to have such strong judgements about the character of people who get tattoos. He’s needs to get over himself
Your skin, your decision. If he hates them so much, he doesn’t have to look at it.
I hate tattoos also. But I told my wife right away. Poor communication for sure on you and your husband’s part. But is it worth it to you to possibly get a divorce over a tattoo? Does he mean that little to you? Questions you need to answer your self
If that’s all it takes for him to divorce you, good riddance. He’s trying to control you, and it will pop up in other areas if you bow to it now.
NTA.
But do take him seriously when he says it will affect his attraction to you.
Tatoos do nothing for me. Would I leave my SO over it? I hope not, probably not.
Not the asshole. At all. And if he is being this passive-aggressive controlling, over his personal preference, it’s time for this kind of come to Jesus moment with him. Is he gonna grow up and stop trying to control you? Or is he gonna throw a toddler tantrum because he didn’t get his way and divorce you?
What’s this dude’s religious background/history?
This extreme aversion/revulsion doesn’t come from nothing… 😕
Your body, your decision. He needs to accept who you are or not. You waited 20 yrs and without good reason. You have evey right under the sun to BE YOU. please be You.
If that’s not a statement about how he’d treat you if any other body change happened, I don’t know what is.
Best hope you don’t change weight. Or get stretch marks. Or change your hair.
Dude sounds like a real catch.
NTA
Go ahead and get your tattoo if it’s more important than your marriage. The money would be much more beneficial towards counseling. I don’t think this is actually about a tattoo.
NTA! Your body, your choice!
It’s childish of a grown man to act like that, don’tlet him controll your body like that. Maybe you’re dodging a bullet?
If your husband divorces you don’t come to Reddit to complain for your bad decisions.
Here’s the deal. When you get married, all of your choices are now for both of you. What if he decided randomly to get his head shaved and keep it that way? What if you hated it?
NAH, but when you get married, it is no longer just your decision. If you get a tattoo, prepare for consequences.
So I guess maybe get ready to get the divorce papers after you get the tattoo?
Does he know where his intense feeling about tattoos comes from? Have people he loved and needed been snarky or looked down on tattooed people? Why? Would you show him the designs you are looking at and share where you would put it and get down to the brass tax of what is ugly and bad and why? He knows your character, does he think you will all the sudden change by having a tatt? Just so many questions. I would try to help him get past it IF all other parts of the relationship are healthy. If he is generally controlling, an exit plan would be prudent.
NTA. Divorce him. From this post alone you can tell he lacks the mindset to be the same caliber of a person that you are.
Have you talked to him about what and where the tattoo will be? They can be done well and poorly, some are trashy, some are works of art. I like girls with tattoos but if it was like a burning cross with klansmen across your back or about anything on your face or neck, even I’d say this gonna negatively affect the relationship to say the least.
He’s looking for a way out at this rate. If he’s leering towards an ultimatum it’s because he already weighed the pros and cons of being with you and wants a “last straw” because he’s too pssy to just do it.
Get the tattoo. Then get more. Be with someone who isn’t so bigoted too when you’re done healing. I love all 8 of mine and I’m only 26.
I can see the valid point of him saying he finds them super unappealing and would prefer you didn’t.
What I’m hearing, though, is him saying everything else about you and your relationship is of so little value, he’d dispose of you and it altogether should you get one. So you, your mind, your heart, your smile, your history together, your love for him, his supposed love for and attraction to you all go in the garbage because you get a little picture on you? Something you wanted 20 years and would make you happy would make him despise you enough to divorce you? If that’s actually true, get the tattoo.
NTA
Your husband should not get a tattoo himself. You should also not treat him like he’s your parent, giving them the perceived impression that it’s up to him.
Ask him if he hates tattoos more than he loves you. If he says no, then remind him that the tattoo will become part of you. If he says yes, or shows the answer is yes through his actions, then you have bigger problems.
ETA: NTA
??What if he grows a beard, eats carnivorian diet, refuses to shower, wears diapers to bed, smoke cigarettes, and refusing to stop this no matter how bad you hate it??
So while you are totally allowed to get tattoos, body piercing, refuse to shave, shave your head, etc, no matter how upsetting to your husband; you might LOSE your husband and marriage for doing so,
Please prioritize logically scientifically pragmatically because sometimes a choice will cause a choice
If your husband divorce you for getting tattoos then he is NOT guilty of bullying stalking and neither are you
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It doesn’t matter why he hates tattoos, he does hate them. He’s also clearly told you that getting one would jeopardize your marriage. Is it worth it?
NTA for getting a tattoo but YTA for expecting your husband to like it or for expecting it won’t impact your relationship.
NAH. He is overreacting, IMO. Tatts are intimate for a lot people—it’s about their meaning to the person getting it done. I got my one and only at 65. It’s visible bc I want to enjoy it. It has family in it. It was done by someone important to me and it’s all mine. My daughter has a couple and one is my mom’s name. The others are smaller and she doesn’t tell people what they mean. They are for her.
You’re not the asshole for getting tattoo but you’re the asshole for knowing how much he dislikes them and expecting he’d be ok with it.
Don’t get into relationships with people thinking they’ll change, or thinking they’ll change their opinions ‘because it’s me!’.