My girlfriend has depression and is currently in a low period. Things worsened a couple of days ago. I got back from work and tried talking to her and she just didn’t even react to me being in the room ,she was just sat scrolling social media. I tried again a short while later and got the same response.
After being ignored for the third time, I then went into the living room and put the tv on. I played video games for around an hour then when I went back into the bedroom my girlfriend was asleep so I went back to play video games. When she woke up she came into the living room and saw me playing.
She asked if I was serious and I asked what she was talking about. She said while she’s sat in there feeling awful I’m sat in here gaming.
I asked what she wanted me to do since she wouldn’t even acknowledge I was in the room when I tried talking to her. I asked if I was just supposed to sit in the bedroom getting ignored while she paid more attention to her phone.
She said I was being unfair but I just pointed out she’s started an argument over nothing and is expecting me to feel shitty just because she’s feeling low.
I said if she wanted me to spend time with her she’d have put her phone down and actually spoke to me when I got home.
She said I was being unfair and having a go at her because of her depression but I just told her that’s not what’s happening in the slightest. I said her depression didn’t force her to ignore me then start an argument when I didn’t just stand around being ignored.
AITA for playing video games when I got in from work?
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My girlfriend has depression and is currently in a low period. Things worsened a couple of days ago. I got back from work and tried talking to her and she just didn’t even react to me being in the room ,she was just sat scrolling social media. I tried again a short while later and got the same response.
After being ignored for the third time, I then went into the living room and put the tv on. I played video games for around an hour then when I went back into the bedroom my girlfriend was asleep so I went back to play video games. When she woke up she came into the living room and saw me playing.
She asked if I was serious and I asked what she was talking about. She said while she’s sat in there feeling awful I’m sat in here gaming.
I asked what she wanted me to do since she wouldn’t even acknowledge I was in the room when I tried talking to her. I asked if I was just supposed to sit in the bedroom getting ignored while she paid more attention to her phone.
She said I was being unfair but I just pointed out she’s started an argument over nothing and is expecting me to feel shitty just because she’s feeling low.
I said if she wanted me to spend time with her she’d have put her phone down and actually spoke to me when I got home.
She said I was being unfair and having a go at her because of her depression but I just told her that’s not what’s happening in the slightest. I said her depression didn’t force her to ignore me then start an argument when I didn’t just stand around being ignored.
AITA for playing video games when I got in from work?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Played video games after getting in from work after my partner ignored me repeatedly
She said I was having a go at her for being ill and that I’m wrong for sitting playing games while she feels low
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and this is from someone with depression. You tried talking to her and she ignored you.
NTA
Her scrolling social media (which exacerbates depression) rather than interacting with you is worse than you gaming while she doesn’t want to interact.
NTA
We are not mind-readers, ladies.
NAH. You both meant well but miscommunicated. If she was well, ignoring you and then yelling at you when you do the same would make her the asshole but I choose to give her a one-time free pass because of the depression.
The important thing now is that you both stop looking for “whose fault” and start looking for solutions. What can you do next time when you see she’s badly but not up to acknowledging you? How can she better signal she needs you, instead of expecting you to be a telepath?
If she sees a therapist for her depression, if necessary you could ask their help figuring this out. (And if she doesn’t, maybe she should, if you can arrange for it.)
You both need to sit down and have a conversation about expectations. neither of you are mind readers. When you’re both calm, ask her what she needed from you at that moment. Explain what your thoughts process was at the time and how her reaction made you feel. Then figure out, together a strategy for how to handle this in the future.
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NTA. You tried 3 times, and she ignored you each and every time. You gave her space and tried again for a 4th time, but she was asleep. During any of that time, she could have easily went to where you were and tried talking to you. She could have just sat in the living room with you if she didn’t want to talk. But she didn’t. She sat there in another room, scrolling through social media, took a nap, then decided to pick a fight with you because you weren’t sitting there making miss Drama Queen feel better.
Are you sure she even has depression? Sounds more like she’s just using that as an excuse to ignore you and cause drama. If she does have depression, then she needs to see a doctor and get medication.
NTA. GF needs to get a grip.
Normally, no. If someone is literally just ignoring you and on their phone, there’s nothing wrong with giving them some space and doing your own thing whether that’s tv, video games, being on your phone, whatever. Now if your gf has depression, it’s possible you ought to do specific things when she’s in a low period. You would need to work with her to find out what those things are because they may not be intuitive. And then you’d need to decide whether or not you want to put in that required effort.
NTA, because she was ignoring and then fell asleep.
But full disclosure from me, I have no tolerance for my partner being into video games( dealbreaker for me).
BUT-I do have experience with a partner and family members with depression. It’s hard and I sympathize both with you and your gf.
So aside from her getting medical attention, therapy, possibly meds…
What I do – I ask questions.
So when she was talking about being in the other room, “feeling awful” … I ask what is making you feel awful? What are you feeling now? What can do to help you be more comfortable?
So I just try to ask lots of open ended questions about their feelings and their experiences. For me, it helps diffuse from getting blamed, or attacked with negativity. I say this because caregivers need to protect themselves from getting dragged down the dark tunnel.
I try to do all the things. But I reserve some peace for myself too. Sometimes it just survival mode.
NTA – depressed people are among the most selfish people. I say that as someone who battled it and recognise how I treated other people.
As someone with a diagnosed Anxiety disorder and Depression, I get why she’s saying what she’s saying and she’s wrong. I do and have done the same things to my partner of 10 years.
She may need to wallow in her own self pity for a while, sometimes it’s necessary, I do it myself, but you can’t be expected to just read her mind about what she wants.
This needs a discussion about what she would like from you in those moments and what you also feel comfortable with too and find a compromise.
Sometimes setting a time limit of maybe ‘while you’re here in bed I’ll play on my game and give you space for an hour, text me if you need me in before then, I love you’, then go back after an hour and she’ll be expecting you.
NTA
Is her depression diagnosed? Is she going to therapy? Tbh it sounds more like a procrastination issue that stems from anxiety rather than depression but I’m not a psychiatrist, just someone who has a similar issue.
NTA, no matter what her mental illness is, it doesn’t give her a right to act this way.
NTA. Grown people should have more emotional intelligence and learn to communicate their feelings. It’s completely valid for her to be depressed and it’s even completely valid for her not to want to talk. HOWEVER, the least she could do is acknowledge you and not ignore you.
Greeting you and telling you she’s not feeling well but would like for you to stick around… is not an otherworldly effort. If it is for her, she’s not capable of having a mature relationship.
NTA, tbh as someone with a mood disorder and ADHD, I’d have read that as your girlfriend needed some alone time. If she’s not telling you she’s feeling awful and wants some company, you can’t be expected to know that.
NTA … That behaviour is not depression. It’s something, but depression isn’t her only issue.
Is she taking antidepressants? If not, she needs them.
If yes, they aren’t working, she might not have depression at all so she needs another type of medication for her real issue.
I think your title should say AITA for not playing her stupid “games” when I get home from work?
It’s a lose-lose situation. If you’d have stayed with her while she was ignoring you during her doom scroll she’d be upset you were irritating her instead of leaving her alone.
NTA – depression or not, she was rude and bad mannered. And then turned it on you. Thats got fuck all to do with depression.