So for context, I (23F) have a very strained and rocky relationship with my bio dad (45M). When I was young, he cheated on my mom (45F) and basically abandoned me and my little sister, Belle (21F), for his new wife, Amanda (35F). My mom remarried to my stepdad, Jason (48M), when I was 10 (two years after my dad left) and Jason has been more of a dad to us than my bio dad ever was.
My bio dad didn’t come to my wedding, so honestly I don’t even know why I’m typing this, but here we are.
I recently married the love of my life, Daniel (24M), on August 1st. The day was magical. Jason walked me down the aisle, and it meant so much to me. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon, and when we got back, our photographer sent us a sneak peek of our wedding photos. Obviously, I posted a few, including one of Jason walking me down the aisle.
An hour after I posted, Belle called me and asked me to take that particular photo down. She said our dad had called her, saying it was “disrespectful” to let another man walk me down the aisle. She told him, “Well, you weren’t even at the wedding.” He apparently responded with, “I would’ve gone if she’d let me walk her down the aisle.”
For the record, there was absolutely no way I was going to let him do that. He hasn’t been there for me in years, and Jason has been the one who’s actually acted like a father.
Now Belle says I’m being petty and rubbing it in his face by posting the picture, and some extended family have started making comments about how I “shouldn’t air family drama online.” I don’t see how posting a photo from my own wedding is “airing drama,” but now I’m wondering if I’m missing something.
So Aita?
Comments
You didn’t air drama, you celebrated your wedding. His guilt isn’t your burden to carry.
Of course you’re NTA
I would even double down on this and post a follow up thanking your step dad not only for walking you down the aisle, but for being there for you raising you. Any of your bio dads flying monkeys who call you can be blocked.
NTA
A fine example of someone having to live with the consequences of their actions.
NTA. Leave it up.
NTA… And, your dad did walk you down the aisle. Just because he’s not related by DNA… Doesn’t mean he’s not family. As you said bio male was MIA. Jason stepped up….. and took over. That’s a true parent.
Of course you’re NTA, bio dad is playing victim when he is the villian.
You can’t abandon a family and expect to still be treated as such when someone else steps up.
I don’t understand why he has a problem with your dad walking you down the aisle… He could have been a dad to you instead of a bio father but that’s on him.
LOL absolutely NTA. They can sit and spin.
Fuck everyone ! If that’s your fatherly / dad figure u sure the hell post ur pics sister !!! Fuck ur bio dad and everyone else’s feelings.. ur day ur feelings ur decisions. Congratulations and I hope you keep ur photos posted !!! 🤘🤝
NTA bio dad apparently can’t take the consequences of his actions. Tell your sister exactly that, and if it offends him so much there’s an easy solution you can block him on social media, then he won’t have to see it.
NTA
NTA. The man who stepped up as your dad and was there for you when you needed him was obviously going to walk you down the aisle. The fact he wasn’t even invited to the wedding shows how far away from being in your life bio dad was.
You made the right decision, and if bio dad and wife have a problem with that then it’s on them not you. It’s going to be the same issue whatever you do in life. Have a baby? It’s disrespectful SD is holding the new born when BD hasn’t even met the child. The fact you don’t want your BD to meet the child or have anything to do with it is beside the point. Somehow you’re the villain.
Blood doesn’t make a family. Jason has taken on the responsibility of being your dad and deserves every praise and memory. Your bio dad just wants the tingle of getting the praise without putting in any of the work. I’m surprised you are even this low contact. I’d use this opportunity to cut him and his wife out completely. It’s all about the optics for them. They don’t want to have to explain to people why Jason is getting dad duties and he isn’t.
NTA, and I mean, what the hell did he expect to happen considering he wasn’t even there? He can fuck all the way off with his entitlement lol he didn’t earn that spot
Leave the picture up. It’s your wedding and your decisions about what/who u want to post. It’s totally rediculous that your bio Dad thinks it’s disrespectful for you to post pix of you and the man who has been your Father for most of your life. Your bio Father is suffering the consequences of his own actions of not being a Father to you growing up, so now he doesn’t get to enjoy the perk of walking you down the aisle. It would have been disrespectful to Jason to have your bio Father walk you down the aisle. For those who give you flack over it, ask them where your bio Father was while you were growing up, and remind them Karma is a b itch!
NTA tell your “dad” to kick rocks
Your dad doesn’t have to be a DNA match, he has to be someone who supports you and loves through the years, sounds like stepdad did that and not bio dad. It was your wedding, your choice. Tell bio dad to take a walk, he hasn’t been there and no need to protect his feelings.
NTA, I was a stepdad who “ took on” two young kids after their father left after cheating on their mum. I raised them as mine and was lucky enough to walk them down the Aisle. Your bio dad didn’t even attend the wedding! You did nothing wrong choosing the person who raised you
If you’re going to get the flak might as well really disrespect him with a follow up post detailing all that he just did as well as why you have a strained relationship. Now that’s airing family dirty laundry
NTA. Don’t take it down, you might hurt your real good dad by doing that, let everyone see what a shitty dad your sperm donor is and if anyone ask, tell them the whole truth 🤷🏻♀️
Nta
Your family is making it dramatic by making a stink over it. If he knew you were getting married and the sperm donor didn’t say anything about it beforehand he’s only mad now because his ego is hurt. Someone probably asked why he didn’t go, got butthurt and now has ammo about how he’s the victim. It’s telling he called your sister and not you directly.
The thing with narcissistic behaviour is that the more you feed into it, the bigger it grows. You don’t have to be salty, but domt engage. If the sister becomes more aggressive over the matter consider low contact.
Shame on your bio dad for calling your sister and guilting her to contact you to take down a picture. Your bio dad is such a coward that he can’t call you himself? That statement told me everything I needed to know about your bio dad.
Unfortunately, it sounds like Belle is caught in the middle and is trying to play peacemaker. Let her know this is not her battle to fight. It would be good for her if she has counseling to deal with her guilt regarding your father.
NTA for you, and block anybody who says otherwise
Congratulations on your wedding! It is a picture of you on your account and if someone doesn’t like it they can unfriend you or keep scrolling! You do you!
Has bioDad contacted you personally since your wedding? Is he in regular contact with your sister but not you? Maybe your sister has more invested in that relationship than you do.
Just block him on whatever social media you use, and ignore.
NTA. Your Dad did walk you down the aisle; your sperm donor got the exact recognition he deserved.
NTA – and you need to tell Belle that you aren’t responsible for your father’s feelings when he didn’t even bother to come to your wedding and makes that “I would if…” AFTER the wedding. She has the right to have a different relationship with him, but she should afford you the same respect. You can agree to disagree when it comes to him. If he has a problem with the picture, he can contact you. Going forth, for the sake of your relationship with her – you would prefer that she not be his messenger.
In re: social media – you can block individuals on individual posts on Facebook if that is where you shared it. I block a certain relative that I don’t trust not to show up at the tail end of my week long vacation, etc. Out of respect, I also block her from posts that involve another relative who wishes to be low contact.
I would just make sure he’s forbidden from seeing your wedding photos.
Nta. My brother did invite his biological father to the wedding, to avoid drama since he actually did want certain other members of that side of the family there. He was largely indifferent to the idea of Steve (biological father) being there. He wasn’t in my brother’s life from the age of 4 until his 20s.
He threw a fit when my brother wouldn’t let him on stage for the family photos.
NTA! This was your wedding. Your stepdad was more of a father to you than your sperm donor.
And the only way he would have come is if you asked him to walk you down the aisle??? In other words, he would have only come to have his picture taken and everyone all misty eyed that he was walking his little girl down the aisle. He didn’t want to be there to see his daughter get married. He only wanted a top spot.
Don’t take it down. Let him be mad. And tell your sister she can have him walk her down the aisle if she’s so concerned with his feelings.
NTA. Your bio dad can avoid the picture or the whole site. Your sister should just say “Not my problem” and stay out of it
You did right. Your stepfather was there for you from the beginning. Your bio father(not dad) decided a long time ago that he doesn’t want to be a part of your lives. You honoured your stepfather by treating him as your real father, which he is. Your sister doesn’t understand loyalty. And your other relatives are idiots. Blood doesn’t always count and it’s not always thicker than water. Your bio father only wants the credit and not doing the work. You continue to spend time with family that matters.
YTA
You did nothing disrespectful. Keep the pic up
Updateme!
“ if you are more upset by me having a man that supports me walk me than you are about the man that should have been there abandoning me, please reflect on your own feelings and actions. I’m happy with mine. “
Belle can let him walk her down the aisle.
U R NTA.
Also, you were not disrespectful of your bioDad, nor are you airing “family drama.”
Your family cast of characters is what I is. It is filled out by people who entered your life through the actions and behaviors of the adults around you.
Respecting Jason does not equal disrespecting your bioDad. If bioDad feels shamed by your love and respect for Jason, that’s his problem to work out through honest introspection. It is not on you.
Best wishes on your recent marriage. May you have a lifetime of happiness.
OP, you’re absolutely NTA here. Nor are you airing any dirty laundry.
Your father had the chance over the years to be a father to you. He was the one who chose not to and is now learning actions, or in his case, inactions have consequences.
Any man can be a father. It takes a good one to be a Dad.
Your Step-Dad stepped up to the plate while your father didn’t. Earning him the right and honor of walking you down the aisle.
As for any one of the family flying monkeys complaining about airing dirty laundry, they can got get bent. Your father has only himself to blame for missing out.
Congratulations on getting married, and may your life together be filled with lots of health, wealth, and joy!
NTA whether you posted the photo as part of a group of photos or deliberately called out your dad. If he’d made an effort to be in your life, he’d have probably walked you down the aisle and wouldn’t be feeling shitty
NTA, Actions have Consequences and he is experiencing them right now. Walking you down aisle is for the father of the bride, not the sperm donor who abandoned you.
nta and i would add to that post of him walking u down the aisle as thank you for always being there growing up or something like that.
I think you need to tell Belle how you feel. It’s possible that since she was younger when bio dad left her feelings are way different.
NTA Yes, block the folks harassing you. Your Bio dad holding you hostage for a seat at the table he wasn’t even offered is ridiculous and a good indicator your Mom made a better choice.
Best wishes
NTA the fact that he didn’t go to your wedding and even after says “well I would’ve gone if I could walk her down the aisle” tells you he’s a shitty father who never deserved that honor. He should wanna be at his daughters wedding no matter what not only wanna go so he can show off and play good dad for everyone. You had the wedding that made you happy and anyone who doesn’t like it can fuck off.
NTA- he should’ve been a better Dad if he wanted to walk you down the aisle. Jason was there for you when you needed a Dad.
Your dad walked you down the aisle.
Your sperm donor can take a long walk off a short pier.
NTA
NTA but your bio dad is, and so is Belle for not having your back! You did nothing wrong in sharing photos from your special day. Tune out the negative comments and life your best, married life in the way that makes you feel happy. Congratulations on your wedding!
I’m reeling at the fact that someone who didn’t even care enough about you to want to go to your wedding and witness your special moment thinks they’re deserving enough to walk you down the aisle.
I could maybe see a little bit of his point of view if he’d actually come to the wedding and then felt hurt watching someone else walk you down the aisle. But he didn’t even bestir himself to show up.
This is definitely not a you problem, and you are NTA. You continue to post pictures of your special day and completely ignore his BS.
If anybody else says you are throwing drama or even implying in any way that you should have chosen your biodad or not chosen your stepdad – just shake your head bewilderedly and say, “I don’t understand why people expect me to give preference to someone who abandoned me and was a negative influence in my life over someone who was always there for me and was a positive influence in my life.”
If they keep on, just double down and say, “Why are you trying to force me to be nicer to someone who hurt me than the person who always helped me?”
And be sure when you post pictures to always caption stuff as if there was never any problem about your stepdad been an important part of it and there was never any mention of your biodad not liking it. Just move forward as if none of this drama was a thing. People will move on eventually.
You did great. Fuck everyone who criticizes you
OMG. NTA! . Tell these “family members“ to stop being embarrassed by you and do so with the one who wasn’t there for you. Post even more photos! Be proud of your step father and how he showed you love. bio-dad’s supporters are dealing with the realization that Bio-dad is a slug of a man. Bella needs to take her head out of the clouds and come back to reality. Bio-dad ain’t doing a thing. OP, I am glad you had a solid relationship with your step dad who showed you the love you deserved and you in turn recognized it by asking him to walk you down the aisle. Congratulations on your marriage!
Bio dad missing the bigger point of actually being there as a father while his daughters are growing up 🙄
What family drama you posted a photo of the man that step up to be your dad walking you down the aisle everyone already knows your sperm donor step down and out of the picture. If he doesn’t like the image it portrayed he needs to better himself because that’s what he walked away from
Why are you even posting this here? OF COURSE you’re NTA.
I would ask the extended family in question, “who do you think you are to tell me what I can and can’t do with photos of myself at my own wedding? Who do you think you are to tell me who I feel was paternal to me and who wasn’t? Where were you when I was 10 years old and needed a father figure and he abandoned me?”
NTA. Ignore anyone who is more concerned with your absent “father” than celebrating your marriage.
NTA. Your dad did walk you down the aisle. The man wo showed up every day, supported you, and loved you. Your Dad. He was there and walked you down the aisle. Your sperm donor can cry around all he wants. You’re too busy living your best life with your new spouse. Personally, I would block everyone who has a problem with this. And your sister, I would explain to her that the sperms donor does not deserve any sort of time, effort, or energy from me. So please stop doing his dirty work. He’s an adult. His feelings are his own to manage.
Absolutely NTA, leave that photo up.
Your bio dad had his chance to be a father and blew it the fuck up. It sounds like Jason earned the privilege to walk you down the aisle time and time again by being the father you needed and deserved. I’m afraid you really need to explain this to Belle and also the fact you are not causing family drama, your father, and any people stupid enough to act as his minions are…..
You are NTA in any way.
People who have done shitty things or supported shitty people get really fidgety and nervous when something happens and they can’t spin it and pretend they were not aware of the problem.
You posted a photo from your wedding. They see a photo that is clearly not bio dad and people wanna know why. That’s their problem.
NTA. They can all go suck an egg.
OP, you’re NTA. Okay. So don’t 2nd guess yourself on that score.
it’s not your sister’s business to make demands about a wedding that wasn’t hers nor make demands by proxy of a nonentity who couldn’t be bothered to be a parent.
it’s not the nonentity’s business to get really nosy about your post when you didn’t want anything to do with nor want that nonentity at your wedding.
the noise makers doesn’t have the right to make any noise about your wedding posts either for a nonentity who couldn’t be bothered to be a parent from the start.
Your wedding. Your rules who earned the right to walk you down the aisle.
not your monkeys, not your circus, not your drama, NTA
NTA – why should Bio Dad have the honour?
Why is Belle siding for him? Don’t take the picture down.
I guess nobody missed biodad, he has to live with the fact that he abandoned you and that this action had consequences.