I’m Canadian but have been living in South Korea with my wife and kids for the past 10 years. Earlier this year, I went back to Canada on my own for a few months to test the waters for a permanent move. While I was there, I interviewed for and was offered a job to start once I move back, and I enrolled my kids in school.
During my visit, I had several conversations with my family—my dad, my stepmom, and my sister—about the fact that I was probably moving back in July. I was open about it and made sure they knew it was very likely to happen. My dad even knew the exact day we bought our plane tickets.
After the tickets were booked, I made a Facebook post announcing the move. Since then, my sister and stepmom have basically ghosted me. I found out from my dad that they’re upset because they “found out through Facebook” and feel I should have phoned them personally to tell them the final decision.
Honestly, I didn’t think it was a surprise. I thought I’d already made my intentions clear back in February. I’m not particularly close to my stepmom or sister, and when I first told them I was planning the move, they weren’t exactly excited or supportive. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone—I’m just not great with social cues, and I genuinely didn’t realize this would come across as insensitive.
So… AITA for not personally calling my family to say, “Hey, I’m officially moving,” and just posting it on Facebook instead?
Comments
NTA at all! You don’t need to phone an entire registry full of people to let them know about what you’re doing with your family. And even then, you already told them.
No you’re not the AH if you were there looking at moving and talking about it with everyone it’s not a big deal. And if as you say you’re not that close with them I’m going to assume they also don’t contact you to fill you in on the goings on in their lives either.
Nope, totally been there. When you’ve lived overseas for so long, you start losing track of who you’ve told what. Between time zones, different social media platforms, and trying to keep everyone updated, things slip through the cracks. I’d say forgetting is more normal than remembering in these situations.
Oh boo hoo! Don’t worry about them & their feelings. Congratulations on your move. NTA
I’d shoot back with how “hurt I am that they obviously do t listen to me when I talk about my life, because I told them about this already.” They want to play the victim? Victim harder. You are devastated they don’t take an interest in your life. It’s the only way I’ve found works with manipulators.
NTA
The fact that they have selective listening should show you how much they are invested in what you’re telling them.
You don’t need to tell anyone anything. They can be upset all they want, if they chose to act this way it’s on them not you.
NTA! That is an intense reaction to an oversight!
They need to chill.
NTA..
They “found out on FB” so they unfriended you.
Okay. That means they have cut out that means for future news. lol
Don’t worry about them. They apparently have some growing up to do.
They can do it without you.
Huh? Why are they mad? Facebook IS you telling them. It’s not like you issued a press release and they found out through people.com or something. You told all your friends and family at once on a social media platform that was literally designed for sharing things like this with your friends and family all at once lol.
Do they always want to be the main character? NTA
NTA, they’re just trying to make it all about them!
No, they just being extra
NTA you told them. They just forgot and wanted an excuse for drama with you and to drive a wedge with your dad
Jeez. You told them it was likely happening. You have an international move to make with a family and new job… They knew enough. Did they ever call you and ask how the job thing or move was going? When I get big news from my family, I follow up!! “Hey, what did the doctor say?” “How’s the move going?” “Did the kids like the new trampoline?” WHATEVER. I follow up because I want them to know I listen and I care. And sometimes we’re scrambling and news gets blasted on social media to cross everyone off the lists at once. NTA
NTA
Could it be that they wanted to be the ones who posted about you for all of the social media likes? You doing it showed that they are not the center of your universe.
Yeah, I am jaded – thanks to certain family members.
It seems for the best that they have gone NC. They seem like drama queens, making your international move about them.
Let them go and focus on your stuff, you have a lot going on.
NTA
Fellow Canadian. Welcome home. 😊
My extended family found out I was moving to Japan through my LinkedIn update. Honestly thought I’d told everyone at Thanksgiving, but turns out I only discussed it with my immediate family. The passive-aggressive comments on my post were… interesting. Family dynamics are weird like that.
Hurt feelings….just hurt. Ya know?
AI…..love it!!
When you said family at first I thought you meant your wife and kids. Hearing it was your extended family who you literally already told? NTA
God, this would make me reconsider moving back. Your stepmother and sister sound like exhausting assholes. NTA.
They just found out that they are not in your inner circle of importance, that’s all. But that’s a lot and apparently it hurt. I found the same about my sister and her kids. I held them at a higher esteem while I was at best a punch line. When I found out (it was undeniable and nothing to do with Fb since I don’t do Fb ), I emotionally left and dropped contact. No one is an AH but it is really valuable info to learn you are not “in” when you aren’t. Life is too short. In my case, everyone wins. Well, I did.
NTA , it just ,they don’t want you back to be near your dad for whaterver reasons they have ,so they made up this situation for keep you away 🤷♀️
Honestly, does it matter? You are an adult. You are not required to hand deliver anything to anyone, particularly people you aren’t even close with. What an odd thing for them to get mad about.