I, (18F) am preventing mg (22M) boyfriend from going on vacation. The reason being is that I am pregnant, and the baby is due on December 16th, while he goes on vacation from December 20 to January 20.
The tickets were booked before we found out about the baby, and are unfortunately non refundable. It’s a vacation to the Philippines, our home country, and he hasn’t been home in 7 years which is why he wants to go home badly.
Everything it gets brought up, he gets angry and calls me selfish. I personally don’t want him going home because we live in his house. And although I want to move back in with my family, he does not want to. His entire family will be going home in December and I will be alone. I don’t know what’s going to happen in December, and I’m terrified at the thought of child birth and he knows this, but he says that’s he’ll only be gone for a few weeks.
It’s a constant argument, where he tells me I’m being dramatic. I genuinely feel as if he doesn’t know what can happen to me during the last tri mester, nor does he care.
His family keeps bringing up and forcing him to go back home in December, but I don’t know how to tell them that it makes me feel disrespected. His mom hasn’t stopped talking to him about it, but she knows that I am not fond of the idea of him going home so close to the due date ESPECIALLY since it is my first child.
I am terrified.
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I, (18F) am preventing mg (22M) boyfriend from going on vacation. The reason being is that I am pregnant, and the baby is due on December 16th, while he goes on vacation from December 20 to January 20.
The tickets were booked before we found out about the baby, and are unfortunately non refundable. It’s a vacation to the Philippines, our home country, and he hasn’t been home in 7 years which is why he wants to go home badly.
Everything it gets brought up, he gets angry and calls me selfish. I personally don’t want him going home because we live in his house. And although I want to move back in with my family, he does not want to. His entire family will be going home in December and I will be alone. I don’t know what’s going to happen in December, and I’m terrified at the thought of child birth and he knows this, but he says that’s he’ll only be gone for a few weeks.
It’s a constant argument, where he tells me I’m being dramatic. I genuinely feel as if he doesn’t know what can happen to me during the last tri mester, nor does he care.
His family keeps bringing up and forcing him to go back home in December, but I don’t know how to tell them that it makes me feel disrespected. His mom hasn’t stopped talking to him about it, but she knows that I am not fond of the idea of him going home so close to the due date ESPECIALLY since it is my first child.
I am terrified.
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> I feel as I am the asshole because I am preventing him from going on vacation. I need this to be judged about me, so I can know whether or not to ultimately let him know to go on vacation in the end.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your BF should not even be considering leaving you.
WOW NTA. Not just the husband, but the whole family abandoning a mother 4 days after birth.
I think that would be grounds for a divorce for abandonment.
edit: oops, its a boyfriend. You may need to look into filing for parental support.
NTA. He should not be leaving you. He should understand the situation and absolutely not put you in that position. If he does, bite the bullet and move in with your family. Cover your bases you do not want to do this by yourself.
NTA, he is clearly showing that he doesn’t care about you or the baby. Please move back in with your family, you are very young and need all the support available.
You can’t prevent him from going, even if he would stay, he will resent you and make your life a misery. Unfortunately you are not in a a supportive and loving relationship, you deserve better.
NTA. Not even a question. He should be there to meet his baby.
NTA, your concerns are valid. You’re quite literally having his baby and he doesn’t want to stick by you during the most important parts? He doesn’t want to help you recover and make sure you and baby are okay? He’s making you do the hard part alone. He doesn’t care about you
Nta. Due 16th December? Assuming natural birth the baby could be born anytime after that so he might not even be in the country for the birth. His baby could be weeks old before he even meets it?
Move back in with your family. You will need the support and he’s proved he’s not it.
You want to move home, you should do that while he’s on this vacation.
NTA move back in with your parents if that’s what you want, but leave him. If you feel safer, leave while he’s out of the country.
He will be the father of a newborn, not even a week old, and he thinks it’s okay to leave the country???? And leave you all alone???? You’ll be in recovery from giving birth, you can’t take care of a newborn by yourself! And that’s hoping everything goes perfectly!
This is the kind of father he plans to be. A selfish one who doesn’t care about you or your child’s well-being. The fact that his family is enabling this says all I need to know about them and how they treat you. This is not a safe place to raise your child.
NTA, but this is how it’s going to be forever: he’s not putting you first. He’s letting his family / parents come before you and his baby. If he wanted to go home that bad, he shoulda put a wrapper on it.
Move home to your family, you’re going to need someone’s support.
Realistic talk here: While I hope your birth experience is like mine was (epidural = PARTY!), and that you have no complications, you’re still going to be *tired*. You’re probably going to have some limit to how much you can lift, and baby + carrier may be more than you are allowed to carry the first week or two. You will need someone *there* with you in case of excessive bleeding.
This is a serious medical procedure, with serious risk, you should not be alone for at least two weeks after giving birth, and preferably six.
He’s not ready to be a parent, why stay with him?, you don’t have to?
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NTA. You are literally healing from an internal wound for 6 weeks postpartum. Having someone you love and trust there to help you is everything! If that feeling is not reciprocated; let him go. If he doesn’t think twice about being with you; let him go. If this is not the utmost priority for him; LET HIM GO. And then GTFO of the house and move with your parents. Those who love and support you.
If you ask him to stay and it’s not his idea, he may be an ass and not help at all. Do you believe that if he was there, he would help you? Is it worth the fight at this point to risk him being petty? You’re young, take the opportunity to have the help from your parents if they are willing to help. It really takes a village to raise a baby.
NTA.
You’re about to give birth, and he’s planning to leave for a month? That’s not selfish, that’s you needing support. He’s the one being selfish. This isn’t just a trip, it’s him choosing to miss a life-changing moment.
YTA.
Holy shit, the hysterics over your boyfriend wanting to see his family. If you don’t wanna be a single parent, then you need to relax and listen to your boyfriend.
NTA. Tell him that if he goes to visit the Philippines, you will go home to stay with your family. Do not promise to move back to be with him because, quite honestly, if he does leave you alone with a newborn, you will have some serious thinking to do and a decision to make.
I saw that you said it is non-refundable but is it possible to change the dates? Shalom you’re loved 💔
It’s kinda in tha middle…
Ur pregnant so I get it (ur whole physical & mental is outta wack & more or less amplified by 100)
Buh I don’t think too much will happen while he’s gone that wouldn’t have happened if he was there.
Again, totally get ur pregnant
P.s. I also get “aye u haven’t been there in 7 years… u could wait a tad bit longer. It’s literally not goin anywhere” (unless unfortunate events happens)
ESH. It was planned prior and non refundable but that doesn’t mean he can’t adjust the ticket. Has he tried to?
NTA, this is insane. Does he think the baby will pop up in +-5 min according to the schedule? You are not selfish, you are pregnant. Does his family know about the pregnancy? Do you have someone to help you around this time? His plan sounds very childish, and it looks like he does not understand the role and obligations he has as a father. It is hard to give meaningful advice without knowing his personality, but it seems like you need to talk more about pregnancy and the first days of parenting, you two as a family, and so on. Not in a judgmental tone, but rather how you see him as a great father and husband, etc. Hope real psychologists here will provide you with more adequate advice
Being a parent means making sacrifices in the best interest of your child. This is how he wants to start his relationship with his child? Jfc
NTA obviously
NTA. Tell him that if he chooses to go during one of the hardest months post pregnancy, you’re moving back with your family. You need support and love during this time, and if he’s not going to be the one providing, time to go to the people who will
NTA. As a new mom myself (Baby is a couple months now) I have to tell you that you will need a lot of help what if you have a C-Section you can’t really move do to the stitches. You have a massive wound in your body and you are supposed to be resting. You should not lift heavier than your Baby weighs. Who is going to go grocery shopping? Who is up keeping the house? Who is cooking?
Your boyfriend literally could have the dates switched some Airlines also grant you to cancel under very certain circumstances.
He chose his family and their vacation over you and your unborn child the Family he created with you. He is literally showing where his priorities are. He calls you selfish and dramatic during a very vulnerable time and he does not want you to go home to your parents. He sounds extremely toxic and you need to leave and Go to your parents. Rethink the relationship he literally throws so many red flaggs in your face.
I was in the beginning of my third trimester when my husband had to leave my home country for a week. We had no choice. He hated every minute of it but I had my family in the next town over and I was never alone if anything would have happened.
Your partner is alienating you. He is emotionally manipulative and does not care about You our your guys child. For your own sake leave him.
You deserve better and I Hope You realize that. If You need any advice about giving birth or stuff all around babys I am more then willing to be as helpful as I can you just need to Message me.
Leave him while he’s out of the country.
Go with him
having read through your previous posts –
if you have this baby, you will be for all intents and purposes be a single parent. so you need to think about your options.
in your place, I would leave immediately and go back to your parents. and think about what you want to do. you are already probably 24 weeks so your options are adoption or keeping baby I assume depending on where you are.
you absolutely cannot be by yourself when the baby comes or even after. you will need support for many months after as well. please look after yourself. and get rid of your useless bf.
NTA. Let him go. And when he’s gone, move home to your family. Actually, don’t want. Leave him now and move home to your family so they can help you during the pregnancy and after. A good partner would not leave his postpartum wife and baby like that. He’s selfish and clearly not ready to be a parent. He can pay child support.
Not to go to the extreme but if he’s this much of an ass and his family seems to be as well it definitely gives me crazy bad vibes. Is there a chance he doesn’t intend to come back? Could it be his and his family’s way of getting him out of paying child support?
Does his family like you? Is everyone openly and truly excited about the baby? Hearing what he wants to do and his family supporting it just makes me think the worst of him.
I’m probably just looking for the dramatic.,move back with your family and be ready to file for support when (if) he comes back.
NTA he and his family are being unreasonable and uncaring to plan for the father of the baby to be away just after your due date. Honestly I’d move back in with your family so you have actual support because you are not getting it where you are at the moment. Sooner the better as its harder to move the further you are along in your pregnancy. I hope your bf works out he is also going to be a parent and acts like one but in the meantime go back to your parents.
You had me in the title ngl