My sister (31F) is staying with me temporarily after leaving her husband. I (29M) have a small apartment but I let her move in because she had nowhere else to go and she’s six months pregnant. I wasn’t very pleased about this situation but she is my sis afterall.
The main issue has been food. I’m pretty disciplined about what I eat because I am in bulk stage and hitting the gym regularly. I portion things, label them and plan for the entire week. But every other day something’s gone. Makes me crazy.
She’ll drink all my expensive shakes, polish off meals I’ve prepped for work, eat snacks I’ve saved for post run, and even finish leftovers I was planning to turn into new meals. When I bring it up, she shrugs and says things like “Cravings hit hard” or “Hormones” or “You are being mean”.
I asked her to replace things she finishes or at least ask before taking something. Or hell, manage her own food for god’s sake. She refuses to do anything about it.
So last week I ordered a small mini fridge and set it up in my bedroom. It’s just big enough for my meal prep, snacks and drinks. I didn’t make a scene about it. I just quietly started putting all my stuff there.
She noticed two days later and got pissed. She said I was being “childish,” “dramatic” and “treating her like a thief.” I calmly told her I was tired of my groceries disappearing and that this was the easiest way to avoid fights.
Now she’s sulking and has told our parents after her failed marriage, her brother is also alienating her. And she is just a burden for everyone. My mom called and said I should “pregnancy isn’t easy” and especially for her situation.
I don’t think I’m being cruel. I’m still letting her live here rent-free, and I’ve even offered to order food or cook together, but I just want my food to be left alone. A part of me understands she is going through trouble. But, at my expense?
AITA?
Comments
She doesn’t appreciate the effort it takes for you to put together specific meals and uses her pregnancy fatigue as the reason.
Honestly – take her out shopping, have her buy the groceries she wants/needs. This is what she has access to for herself, and continue to lock yours up.
You may also want to have a direct conversation with you. She views herself as a long term stay guest with room and board, but you’re just offering the room.
NTA. You’re treating her like a thief because she’s acting like one. Cravings can be rough, but they don’t completely take away your control. She’s choosing to eat your food. If your mom thinks her actions are fine, tell her your sister can live with her.
She is a thief. That’s why she’s being treated like one. Give her a move out by date. Sounds like mom is volunteering to take her in.
She sounds dreadful. Of course she ought to realise that she’s taking your carefully planned meals: she’s being mean. I have been pregnant and have several children and I never got cravings or blamed anything on hormones or pregnancy. She’s clearly just buying in on this “I’m super special because I’m pregnant “ bullsh**t. She’s old enough and mature enough to get her act together. Having a baby doesn’t make you a princess.
NTA. Being pregnant doesn’t take away one’s self control. She’s using it as an excuse to be a thief. I would start locking them in a box in your room and keep the key with you so she can’t get them.
She’s 31, she can go do her own grocery shopping and eat her own food.
You are doing her a favor by letting her stay with you, the least she can do is not eat or drink your expensive stuff without permission.
NTA But…
I think you’re an awesome brother. Hands down, amazing. Even with the BUT I said, you’ve done more than a lot of brothers would do. Kudos for being the brother she needs!
But… maybe approach it differently. And I’m only saying this to help you with some future issues that might come up. You are not wrong in anything you’ve done. Please don’t get me wrong.
You need to sit down with your sister and discuss expectations. Not just of her but you as well. Here’s an example…
“I have certain dietary needs, as do you, so let’s figure out a way to make this better without hurt feelings. I am willing to purchase a separate fridge and put what’s most necessary for my dietary needs in there so that you’re not tempted. I’d also like to make sure you’re comfortable and have your dietary needs met. Would you like to contribute to the grocery bill, and I can have double of what I have so you can have some too? Obviously, you like my food, and that’s great, but I can’t deviate from my diet. But I am more than happy to make double.”
It’s so unfair because you’re her brother, not her husband. As someone who has been pregnant, I can look back and slap myself in the forehead for my behavior. I was such a handful, and I’m embarrassed about it now. My husband literally had to treat me like I was a child. And I wasn’t even in her situation.
She should probably name her child after you. Oh, and your mom needs to recognize what sacrifices you are making for your sister. Privacy, possibly your sanity…etc.
NTA. You need to have a conversation with your sister about what it means to share space with you. Not a passive aggressive conflict avoidance set of moves but an actual conversation where you set out how much she should contribute to your household (which may be $0) and whether she is responsible for getting her own food. If she can’t manage that you should probably ask her to leave.
She should go live with your parents if you’re so awful.
NTA, Tell mom that as she understands how hard pregnancy can be sis can move in with her.
NTA
You’re not the asshole. She’s upset you treating her like a thief, but she is one. You’re not alienating her and you’re telling her to grow up. It’s likely her husband told her the same thing and as part of their issue. She’s welcome to move out and live elsewhere. You gave her a place to stay. It is not your job to also feed her for free as well.
If your parents are happy for her to eat everything in their home even if they’ve prepped it for a specific meal / need of their own then they can have her go and live with them. That are her parents, after all, not you!
You are already doing her a huge favour having her live with you (why is she, btw?).
The least she can do is to respect your boundaries and buy / eat her own food.
Frankly, the reason you’re treating her like a thief is because she’s behaving like one.
NTA
Curious if this kind of entitlement is a big reason behind her failed marriage?
You are being extremely generous , allowing her to live at your home rent free. However , her pregnancy doesn’t give her a pass to eat you out of house and home. She’s contributing nothing and if your parents have a problem with how you’re dealing with this situation then they can take her in themselves. It is not unreasonable to ask her not to eat the food you’ve prepared for yourself. She is now taking absolute advantage of you. Don’t back down and don’t give in to pressure from your parents. Tell them since they think it’s so easy they should take her in
Mom can pay.for her food or take her in herself. Either that or stay out of your business.
You should probably sit Sis down and ask her what her plans are, because she can’t mooch off you forever. I’ll bet she hasn’t made any. This may get through to her that she has to figure out something instead of expecting you to shoulder her burdens in perpetuity.
Let her go to your Mom’s since she is so sympathtic
NTA. If mom is so worried about her pregnancy cravings she can take sister in and feed her what she wants.
she IS a thief.
NTA. Tell her to move back in with your parents. If she doesn’t want to be treated like a thief, she should buy her own food and stop eating yours.
Tell MOM to take her grocery shopping!!! Make sure you lock up your expensive stuff and pre-prepared meals and leftovers.
Nta she is being a thief and just because she decided to grow a human doesn’t mean she can do whatever she likes
NTA. Is she working? She is being a burden. You offered her compromises, and she refusing to comply. If your parents are so concerned, she can go and stay with them.
NTA but I’d have kicked her ungrateful self out by now.
NTA
But, what’s your long term plan? In 3 months (which will fly by), there will be a screaming, needy newborn baby.
The two of you need to have a very detailed, serious convo. And, you need to do it immediately.
NTA- You’re letting her live there rent free. Doesn’t she have a job? Can’t she cook for herself? You aren’t her personal chef! She’s being selfish and taking advantage of your kindness. If your mother disagrees, your sister can move in with her and then your mother can cook for your sister. See how that goes.
NTA. Why doesn’t she go flop at Mom’s house, sit around all day, eat all of their food and not contribute to anything including rent and groceries?
Pack up her shit, drop her off at your parents’ house and let her squat there and they can figure it out.
Being pregnant is not a passport to safety and you don’t get to sit around like a lump, eat up everything in the house, be disrespectful and whine about being a victim just because your life is in the dumpster.
NTA, you are nicer than me. I would have told her to stop or GTFO.
She needs to go live with your parents. NTA.
NTA. I’ve been pregnant twice and wouldn’t dream of acting like her
NTA. You’re treating her like a thief because she is a thief and she is treating you like a free vending machine. Pregnancy is hard and cravings do hit but you still have self control and it’s not an excuse to steal. She wouldn’t get away with that in a store and she shouldn’t in your home she is squatting in.
Her pregnancy is HER medical condition to manage and it’s not anyone else’s job or duty to provide whatever she wants or to put in all the preparation efforts and money to feed her. If she can’t face that, she is not mature enough to be a parent and should start looking for an adoption agency to take the kid now.
NTA i hate food pirates a the worst kind of people – why nit ask? to shy for that?
nope
NTA!
Cravings do hit hard but this isn’t cravings. This is plain theft. Considering she’s got free room and board, she can buy her own food. If she were financially helping with the grocery bill and occasionally took one of your snacks, she could blame that on pregnancy cravings. Eating your food without replacing or contributing to the purchase costs? Nope.
Good luck!
UpdateMe
Ungrateful mooher. Get a small fridge with a LOCK. She IS a THIEF. SHAMELESS THIEF
Sister can buy her own food or move in with parents. The evasive bullshit is weak and sign of an inconsiderate moocher. No Shame.
NTA. She can buy her own food.
NTA. Send her to your parents if they want to enable her so bad. She’s pregnant not cognitively impaired.
NTAH and her ‘me, me, me’ attitude might be why she’s no longer with her baby daddy. Stop dancing around the issue and tell her she can eat only food she has purchased or you have agreed to share, or she can leave.
Sister’s husband dodged a bullet.
NTA and this is coming from someone who.left an abusive husband pregnant with 2 other kids already. She needs to get it together ASAP.
You’re treating her like a thief because…she is one.
Her staying with you doesn’t mean you’re supporting her or in charge of feeding her or anything else.
Maybe she’ll need to be self sufficient and go live elsewhere. Like with Mommy.
NTA
I’m sorry but the bigger problem is that there is going to be a baby in less than three months. Who is going to feed, clothe, and care for the kid. Do you even understand what it is like to have a newborn and postpartum woman living with you? Sounds like it’s time to have her move in with your mom for the help she is going to need and to free you from the responsibility of being a stand in father.
She can also be pregnant at your mums house, if your mum feels that strongly about it!! She’s a guest at your place, therefore she should treat you, your place and your rules with respect! Or else, she knows where the door is! NTA
You know that she is living with you permanently right?
Mom said,” Pregnancy isn’t easy”
OP replies, ” But I’m not pregnant Mom”
Ask your mother when your sister is moving in with her.
Tell mom to start bringing over meals for her. Problem solved.
She sounds like a spoiled brat. You might lick your bedroom.
Send her to live with your mother since she’s telling you ti put up with her shit.
Billions of women since the dawn of time have been pregnant, many had cravings. This did not turn us into entitled thieves. Ship her off to your parents so they can coddle and feed her.
NTA. Is there a reason she can’t stay with your alls parents? I’d say if they have an issue with it then they can help supply her groceries or offer for her to move in with them.
So, um, what went wrong with her marriage?
“She said I was being “childish,” “dramatic” and “treating her like a thief.”
–She IS a thief. Kick her out or at least charge rent and tell her why.
I mean you didn’t get pregnant and she can stay with your mom. If mom isn’t an option, mom can shut up.
I’m sorry but are you supposed to be gifting room and board? Does she have any money? And are you thinking she has somewhere to go the minute after she delivers or will you be getting another roommate?
Why on Reddit does everyone’s family seem to expect to live with family for free? Forever?
Sounds like my SO.
NTA..Honestly, she seems lazy and entitled not surprised her marriage is failing
UpdateMe
NTA. Kick her ass to the curb. SHE got knocked up. SHE left the husband. SHE has no job. SHE pays NO rent. SHE pays NO groceries. She’s a freeloader. Tell her to go home to hubs or mum and dad’s!! Not your problem. HER problem!!
Nta. Send her to your parents. Greyhound, or Uber.
You are NTA! Tell your sister to go down to the county office, I’m sure she qualifies for food stamps. Then she can buy her own food. Just because she is pregnant is not an excuse for her to take advantage of others. She should be thanking her lucky stars that you let her live with you! When she has this baby she will need to get food stamps for formula etc, she also needs to apply for child support from the father of this child!
”How dare you treat me like a thief just because I take your food without permission after you specifically told me not to!”
Google the definition of thief and show it to her.
NTA. Your sister is forgetting you are not her husband. Honestly, I would tell her she has to respect me or she is out of my apartment. You need to be firm. You don’t need to be worrying about your food in your own home. Your mom should take her in instead. You’ve been gracious to take her and she accused you of crap. I can see why she is alone. Wait until she gets even more pregnant; then give birth. You’ll have the responsibility of being a husband and a father.
NTA – Send her to your parents’ home.