I (30F) had my wedding a few weeks ago, to my wonderful husband. We both hate big weddings, so from the start we agreed to invite immediate family, close friends, and nobody else; the guest list turned out to be less than 20 people total. The only person who ended up not making it was my younger brother (17M).
My parents said he had gotten sick the night before, and while I was obviously upset, it made sense and I felt bad for him. The wedding was still wonderful, and I probably wouldn’t have remembered he wasn’t there if he really had just been sick that day. It wasn’t until a week ago that my husband said he had to talk to me about something, and admitted everything.
My brother does Twitch streaming, just playing games with his friends, and my husband follows him because he plays games too. My husband told me that, during the wedding, he got a notification on his phone that my brother had “gone live”, and started streaming. He hadn’t known how to tell me, or IF he should tell me. He didn’t want to ruin how happy I was all day, but he hated the idea of helping my brother keep it a secret.
At first I was willing to believe it was some kind of mistake, but he pulled up a video of my brother playing some game that day. My husband explained that the game was an “alpha” test that not everyone could play, and there was only a few days of it.
Even now I’m so, so upset about it. I always thought my brother and I were fairly close, and the fact that he not only skipped out on the most important day of my life but LIED about it is so unbelievably heartbreaking. I immediately called my parents, and he admitted to them that he lied. He’s in MAJOR trouble with them, but I was just so angry about it that I did something I probably shouldn’t have.
I went on Facebook and made a post about it, calling him a lot of very mean things and explaining how hurtful it was that he didn’t even think I was important enough to be honest to. I also admitted that I had picked him up from a party last year after he lied to our parents about it, and that he had been drinking there.
I took the post down the next morning, but the damage was already done. The entire family is arguing about it now, and it’s making what should be the first few weeks of the rest of my life so stressful. My parents are furious with me for making it a public issue and with him for how much he’s lied, and the extended family is split down the middle on whether I’m being rude by making this public or if he’s a little jerk that deserves this.
I know I shouldn’t have made the post, but I just can’t bring myself to regret it; knowing that my own brother that I helped raise couldn’t be bothered to show up for one day hurts so much, and I think he could stand to be humbled. At the same time, the entire family is in a tailspin about it, and I can’t help but feel like I made this into a much bigger problem than it needed to be. So… AITA?
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I (30F) had my wedding a few weeks ago, to my wonderful husband. We both hate big weddings, so from the start we agreed to invite immediate family, close friends, and nobody else; the guest list turned out to be less than 20 people total. The only person who ended up not making it was my younger brother (17M).
My parents said he had gotten sick the night before, and while I was obviously upset, it made sense and I felt bad for him. The wedding was still wonderful, and I probably wouldn’t have remembered he wasn’t there if he really had just been sick that day. It wasn’t until a week ago that my husband said he had to talk to me about something, and admitted everything.
My brother does Twitch streaming, just playing games with his friends, and my husband follows him because he plays games too. My husband told me that, during the wedding, he got a notification on his phone that my brother had “gone live”, and started streaming. He hadn’t known how to tell me, or IF he should tell me. He didn’t want to ruin how happy I was all day, but he hated the idea of helping my brother keep it a secret.
At first I was willing to believe it was some kind of mistake, but he pulled up a video of my brother playing some game that day. My husband explained that the game was an “alpha” test that not everyone could play, and there was only a few days of it.
Even now I’m so, so upset about it. I always thought my brother and I were fairly close, and the fact that he not only skipped out on the most important day of my life but LIED about it is so unbelievably heartbreaking. I immediately called my parents, and he admitted to them that he lied. He’s in MAJOR trouble with them, but I was just so angry about it that I did something I probably shouldn’t have.
I went on Facebook and made a post about it, calling him a lot of very mean things and explaining how hurtful it was that he didn’t even think I was important enough to be honest to. I also admitted that I had picked him up from a party last year after he lied to our parents about it, and that he had been drinking there.
I took the post down the next morning, but the damage was already done. The entire family is arguing about it now, and it’s making what should be the first few weeks of the rest of my life so stressful. My parents are furious with me for making it a public issue and with him for how much he’s lied, and the extended family is split down the middle on whether I’m being rude by making this public or if he’s a little jerk that deserves this.
I know I shouldn’t have made the post, but I just can’t bring myself to regret it; knowing that my own brother that I helped raise couldn’t be bothered to show up for one day hurts so much, and I think he could stand to be humbled. At the same time, the entire family is in a tailspin about it, and I can’t help but feel like I made this into a much bigger problem than it needed to be. So… AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I made a public Facebook post outing my brother for lying to our parents after he skipped my wedding to play videogames.
(2) I didn’t need to make the post, he was already in trouble with our parents and now the entire family is angry about it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA: Honestly, your brother massively disrespected you by faking sickness and choosing a video game over a once-in-a-lifetime family moment. At 17, he’s old enough to know better—especially when the guest list was so small. Publicly shaming him might seem harsh, but if he’s old enough to want an online presence, he’s old enough to be held accountable for his actions. Actions have consequences, and maybe this public call-out is what he needs to realize that family commitments matter more than fleeting online opportunities.
NAH. You cannot demand his presence anymore than he could demand an invitation. You invited him and he didn’t show. What consequences he suffers from you and others are on him, but it really doesn’t rise to AH behavior.
YTA…You are an adult, a married adult. By using social media, you acted the age your brother is. You should have gone to your brother directly and spoke to him about how hurt you were that he chose to not be included in your wedding versus playing video games.
And not only making a social media post but also tattling on him for something he did. Tattletales are for children.
YTA telling your parents should have been the final straw. He is 17. Also you don’t like big gatherings but you want to tell everyone on Facebook a personal problem for you and your family ? Telling your brother how this made you feel and telling your parents what you knew was where it should have ended. Yes he was wrong and needs to learn real life has moments you should prioritize. But you just wanted to hurt him back.
ESH No need to air the dirty laundry facebook. Post in the family group chat if you must
NTA – I don’t think the FB post was probably the greatest move, but it also doesn’t take away from the fact that he lied and skipped your wedding to play the game. He apparently had multiple games to play the Alpha and couldn’t compromise some of his time to attend your wedding? That is crazy. Also, super stupid on his part to stream it lol
This would be great on Smosh for Reddit Stories. If it ends up there, Hi Shayne! Hi Damien! Hi Spencer!
ESH he sucks for lying, you suck for being so self-centered that you decided to make a fucking scene online because your teenage brother did teenage shit.
No one is ever going to care about your wedding as much as you, but he is going to care that he can’t trust his sister. You just nuked that relationship, good job.
NTA, it was a shitty thing to do to you all on your wedding day. It probably is about time that he realises that actions have consequences and other people’s feelings can be hurt and relationships can be permanently damaged by them.
ESH
Your brother ITA for skipping the wedding but he’s 17, young and dumb
YTA for making it public and you are 30??!! Bruh
YTA. You set out to destroy his reputation by publicly revealing secrets because you were upset at him. You set out to undermine his relationships with your parents and other family members. And you did this out of spite.
I and others reading this would probably be tempted to rate it an ESH. I considered that. But I rejected it. Not because your brother’s behavior was fine. He does seem to have a problem with the truth. But your response is just completely and totally disproportional to his actions. Your response was so bad that I really do think this has to be YTA.
Being an asshole in a situation doesn’t mean you were always in the wrong or the other person involved was always in the right. Someone gets judged to be an asshole when their treatment of another person goes beyond the acceptable bounds of normal conduct. And that’s what has happened here.
He’s a teenager. He played video games during your wedding. Maybe he was really sick, maybe he wasn’t. His behavior was at worst stupid and childish. But it did not merit your nuclear level response. You needed to handle this like the adult you supposedly are. Have a direct conversation with him. Tell him how his actions made you feel. Offer him the opportunity to apologize and begin to repair. That would have correctly put the onus on him to change and mature.
Instead you decided to put him on blast in a attempt to get revenge and cause him pain. No, I can’t defend that. You went way too far here and you owe him an apology and some real repair. Show him how adults handle fixing their mistakes.
ESH your bro for what he did and you for making a bad situation way worse.
He’s 17. Yes it was probably pretty hurtful but what would you gain by bashing your 17 y-o brother on socials? lol what the hell ESH
NTA.
Your “brother” sounds like a little shit.
If he didn’t want people to know what he did, he shouldn’t have done it
YTA. You got him in trouble with the parents, what more did you need?
Thats just vindictive.
YTA, he was invited, not commanded to attend. He made his choice and you refuse to accept you’re not as important to him as you need him to be. Clearly he’s making choices you don’t approve of but maybe the issue is your expectations.
I’m going to say NTA, but making angry facebook posts about your family is very cringe, trashy, and old lady of you. Really not a good look for anyone involved, better to have just yelled at him directly, and to have just snitched on him to your parents directly. Airing out your family’s dirty laundry on Facebook is almost never the right decision.
ESH. He did something shitty, but you did something even shittier. Instead of talking to him, you decided to play the victim card and post it on Facebook. You are 30 years old for god’s sake.
I mean yeah clearly NTA, this would probably lead to something of an estranged relationship with a sibling if it happened to me. Why put effort into a relationship that clearly means so little to him?
YTA.
There are certain things you just don’t when it comes to family and resorting to airing dirty laundry in public is one of those things.
Imagine if your husband were to take to FB to air dirty laundry in your relationship. It’s super disrespectful to your parents, as it pertains to their children and calls into question the closeness of their family. If I were them I would be livid at the two of you! Given you are the grownup I would be most disappointed in you.
YTA – He’s 17, while the wedding was obviously a very special day for you and your family, a teenager isn’t necessarily going to recognise that or care. Yes when he’s older he might regret not joining but would you have rather he join and just play on his phone all day bored? Remember it was your special day and not anyone else’s – the ones that felt it was special too joined, no one else cares
YTA. You’re supposed to be more mature than him. He’s only 17 and cannot really understand how significant a wedding is, or how meaningful. He should have wanted to go, the fact he didn’t makes me wonder if the sister “who helped raise him” is an overbearing older sibling with a bossy complex. Using FB to shame him was 13 yo energy if I’ve ever seen it. You should have called your brother directly and let him know how hurt you were. Given him a chance to explain and apologize. Now you’ve alienated him for life. You embarrassed and humiliated him in front of his friends and family. That was totally unacceptable and unnecessary. Your parents are right to be upset. They’ve got a liar for a son and an immature brat for a daughter.
NTA
This is a classic example of actions have consequences.
Your brother is learning the consequences of his actions.
He was an immature inconsiderate jerk and hurt you deeply. It’s understandable that you lashed out, many of us would have done the same.
Hopefully he might reflect on his behaviour and change going forward, but there’s no guarantee.
YTA and that anyone would disagree is pretty wild to me. You’re a grown woman. I have my fair share of crash outs but on fb? Weird and embarrassing (for YOU and those involved).
I think ESH (your teenage brother gets a smidgeon of grace simply for being a teen) but you asked specifically if you were in the wrong and my opinion is a definite yes.
Yta. You’re an adult and decided to take a private issue with a 17 year old and make it public. You decided to hurt him publicly because that’s how it is in today’s society. Air everything online instead of addressing it as adults. You’re 30, act like it.
I’ll say ESH, but leaning more towards NTA. Your brother choosing not to be there is honestly unacceptable and really sucks. But after calling your parents, the Facebook post was unnecessary. You have to own up to it but I do think your brother was more in the wrong. But he’s also a kid so you can’t be too harsh on him I guess.
ESH. Mainly you though. You’re 30 years old. Popping off on Facebook and bringing up past mistakes (that have nothing to do with skipping your wedding) is kind of pathetic IMO. How desperate for attention are you?
Wasn’t enough for you to let your parents handle it? Say goodbye to any reconciliation with your brother.
YTA for posting your family business on social media. Obviously your brother doesn’t feel you guys are as close as you do. What he did was shitty. Bringing it to your parents was fine. The post, too far for this type of infraction. He skipped your wedding. He didn’t kidnap someone’s kid.
NTA. Your brother needs to learn that actions have consequences. He’s 17, and needs to grow up. Relationships matter, and he’s the one that decided to disrespect yours.
The stuff about picking him up drinking I probably wouldn’t have done but everything related to the wedding is 100% fair game and either way he needs to get his shit together before he’s yet another streamer wannabe eating Cheetos in his parents basement instead of focusing on things that matter away from a monitor.
He’s a child trying to avoid what he, almost certainly, thinks is a boring event to play a game he’s excited for. He’s immature, because he’s a TEENAGER
You’re 30 and publicly posted dragging a child on Facebook. Yea, YTA. And wildly immature. At least he has an ‘excuse’ for his immaturity. You certainly do not.
NTA, but you might consider your brother may have a problem. Video games can be addictive, and if he lied to stay home and play instead of coming to an important family event – a once in a lifetime event for his sister – it could be a bigger issue than just him being a teenage jerk.
I’m torn between E S H and Y T A (including being an AH to yourself). Yes, what he did was wrong and hurtful, but being a teenage boy he probably thought a wedding would be boring and sappy/romantic. Yes, he still should have sucked it up for the sake of his family (mainly you).
However you blew it all out of proportion and caused yourself more stress and drama than needed. Especially since he was being punished by your parents. If your parents weren’t doing anything about it that is a different story.
YTA. You crashed out over a kid acting like a kid. Sure what he did was a dick move, but what you should have done is to tell your parents and let them put a month long gaming ban on him. Let him write an essay about how hurt you are that he missed that once in a lifetime chance and how this damaged his relationship to you so he understands what he’s done and that his game wasn’t worth it.
Instead you went full scorched earth and started trying to get revenge on him with public humiliation? What kind of childish ass reaction is that? Are you also 17? Fixing for a month long ban from social media? Well-adjusted people don’t go on revenge trips over someone hurting their feelings, especially not if the person is a) a minor and b) their brother. Grow up.
NTA. Actions have consequences. His actions were hurtful and you have told people you were hurt. The people upset at you are just pearl clutching. I’d put the post back up. Let your brother live with the choice he made.
ESH – he’s a child, who (assuming this isn’t a source of income) made a dumb and selfish choice.
You , an adult, had the choice to have an uncomfortable conversation with him, but chose to put him on blast, and publicly shame him. It was incredibly childish and just escilated the rift.
ESH
Grow up. Nobody gives a fuck about you airing your dirty laundry on Facebook.
He’s the one who took it public when he started live-streaming during your wedding. You just shared the info to a different platform. NTA.
Omfg yes. Weddings suck ass, he’s a fucking teenage boy. Leave him tf alone, who would be mad at a 17yo boy not wanting to go to a gd wedding?
NTA but airing out personal drama on Facebook is incredibly trashy and childish, so you definitely embarrassed yourself too not just him
YTA. He hurt your feelings by doing a once in a lifetime event for a game instead of your maybe once in a lifetime wedding, so you retaliate by pointing out not just that but anything you have ammo on? You knew you were wrong for that.
YTA.
NTA
Sorry, your brother lied and chose a video game over his sisters wedding. That’s not normal, and, honestly, shaming is probably the only way he’s going to get that. He’s clearly at a point he’s comfortable lying to his family to do what he wants. Furthermore, you completely have the right to be hurt because he is your brother and chose a video game over you, and you likely unknowingly helped make his excuses at your wedding because you believed him. I don’t think he understands the lying was a huge issue, too.
His reputation is in the tank because he did something extremely shitty, as well, not because you made a Facebook post. 17 is old enough to know better, and he clearly knew it was hurtful, which is why he lied about being sick in the first place
All of you sound so immature. Your parents should have done better
I’m going to go with YTA (your brother is a bigger one, but he’s 17 and you’re a 30 year old married woman). You’re both experiencing the consequences of your actions, neither of which can be undone. Model some adult behavior for your brother and sit down, have a heart-to-heart with him and apologize for the post.
NTA. If your brother was comfortable telling the whole internet where he was on your wedding day by publicly streaming, he has no room to be pissed you shared what was already public. The Facebook post may have added detail, but his own actions are the ones that did him in.
He chose to hurt his relationship with you for a video game. He can’t now act surprised and hurt that, when you found out, you were hurt and lashed out. He’s 17, he’s almost an adult and he has to live with the consequences of his actions.
ESH. you were good until you posted on facebook about it?? are you 12??
You were N T A until this point:
‘I went on Facebook and made a post about it, calling him a lot of very mean things and explaining how hurtful it was that he didn’t even think I was important enough to be honest to. I also admitted that I had picked him up from a party last year after he lied to our parents about it, and that he had been drinking there.x
That was just vindictive. Totally unnecessary and, frankly, at 30, ridiculous behaviour on your part.
‘it’s making what should be the first few weeks of the rest of my life so stressful’
I’m afraid you caused this by choosing to publicly start a fight with your teenage brother.
YTA you lost me at the Facebook post. It’s not even worthy of ESH. Why? Idc if he’s your brother, you are the ADULT and he is the KID. What he did was selfish, but what you did was with intent to hurt. And a Facebook post? Really? Just airing out all your family’s dirty laundry? All over a wedding.
NTA. He’s 17. You probably did him a massive favor shaming him. He probably doesn’t have enough rules in place if he thinks it’s okay to skip a wedding even if twitch is his job. If you’re in the states, Memorial Day is coming up. If you have a party bring it up again directly. I’d put the post back up with a little more level headedness. Don’t let your parents bully you out of speaking.
I mean congratulations on nuking your relationship with your brother I guess 👏 if your intention was the beginning of a probably life long estrangement from your younger brother you absolutely succeeded. Care to elaborate on the lot of very mean things you said about him publicly?
YTA, maybe act like an adult ???
YTA Again. Do you even know what an alpha test is? Any gaming teenager would opt for alpha testing rather than a boring wedding no matter what relationship.
Reading these replies I can see that for a lot of people attending a wedding of a family member doesn’t seem to be very important. And yet exposing something publicly is seen as a dreadful thing to do. It really does come down to values. I think family is very important and even though her brother is 17 he is old enough to know that he skipped something really important.
While I say OP is NTA is this case and I can understand her feeling hurt, the facebook post was a mistake and she should own up to it and apologise. That is how she can model respect and responsibility for her brother. Let him know that you were hurt and lashed out but regret it.
NTA there is nothing wrong with public shaming a family member tbh. Nothing gets done when you’re quite about a family issue tbh. Sometimes public shaming is the way to go. Nothing wrong with ruining his image too.
If he didn’t get in trouble with your folks, I would have understood you posting, but you said he was in big trouble.
You also wouldn’t be wrong to go round to their house and tell him off but there was no need for the post.
Are you sure you’re 30 and not 13?
Yall both suck. The only good one here is your husband. He’s an AH for skipping out and lying. You’re the AH for blowing up online and making it everyone’s business. If you wanted to blow up about helping him previously when he was drinking, you should have told your parents, not the internet. Makes sense the family is divided.
Your brother sucks to be sure. But should you have made a public Facebook post about it? Public is the operative word here. And the answer to that is no. I don’t think you should have. So for that reason my judgement is YTA.
Question why your first instinct was to post on Facebook about your personal troubles.
I mean, thank you from the rest of us, but aren’t you embarrassed??
More petty wedding drama that has left a family divided. Only on reddit…
Your brother is an A-H for skipping the wedding to play video games, but he is a teenager so his immaturity makes him less of an A-H than you.
30 frigging years old and having a tantrum of FB and ratting out your brother to your parents. You don’t sound mature enough to get married.
YTA
ESH
He was being a dumb teenager who lied and missed his big sisters wedding for a game.
You are 30 years old and publicly shamed your 17 year old brother on facebook both for that and for something else he did wrong a year ago to maximize the shame and damage.
Yes, it was hurtfull of him to skip your wedding for a game. Yes, he lied about it and needs to learn about acountability. You also had a lot of other steps you could have taken before you went nuclear and made things like underage drinking public knowledge who easily can and will spread far beyond the people who have access to your facebook wall.
He might be a little jerk that deserves it, it might make you feel better, you dont have to regret it, and its not your responsibility to parent your little brother at all. At the same time, chances are your post did more damage than good if you were hoping for him to grow from this experience. Rebelious teenagers testing boundaries rarely do a 180 and repent their sins in the face of being publicly shamed and cussed out by their big sister.
NTA. Less than 20 person wedding. You spent money on him to be there. A 17-year-old isn’t a child. There is no point in infantilizing a 17-year-old. He chose an alpha game test over your wedding and went public with it himself. He was the one who was live-streaming for the world to see while skipping your wedding. He disrespected your parents, you, and your husband. He did so publicly and privately.
It’s 2025. Some people need to be publicly shamed especially ones who seek validation publicly like your brother who was live-streaming an alpha test. Sure, it can be viewed as trashy and retaliatory. That doesn’t make you TA. You stood up for yourself and your marriage when someone betrayed you.
It’s funny to me that people are coming at you for being a grown woman coming after a kid. A 17-year-old isn’t a baby. All around the world, 17-year-olds are professionally working, going to war, having children, doing drugs, committing crimes, etc. Your brother made an adult decision with adult ramifications.
Making a social media post to air out family drama is:
-trashy
-immature
-unhealthy
Did you even think about talking with him? Telling him you were hurt and would take a step back from your relationship with him until you were ready to forgive. Did you even entertain the thought of having an adult and mature conversation before using social media? YTA and your brother is also TA
YTA…..don’t air your dirty laundry on social media.
NTA It’s learning time for your brother. When he lies and disappoints people close to him, they stop being close people. That’s painful but true.
YTA. It’s the most important day of your life not his. There is also a 13 year age gap. You guys are not going to be as close as you think you are.
You went nuclear because why? Your husband is also an AH for even telling you.
You both seem the type to thrive on drama.
YTA weddings are boring and you publicly talked shit about him. He just told a lie to get out of going to a boring event.
NTA. He’s 17 and should be publicly shamed for skipping his sister’s wedding to game and lying about it.
However, you should apologize for the airing of dirty laundry outside that topic (the drinking incident and anything else not directly related).
Who the fuck uses Facebook in 2025 lmao fake ass post
YTA. If I was your brother, I would never talk to you again. You’ll be cut off as a sister. Our parents would never see us in the same room or function again and that would be the way it is moving forward.
Were you wrong in feeling upset about your brother’s actions. No. You told your parents and let them deal with it. Blasting him on social media was wrong. Some people deserve a public shaming this wasn’t it. Did you talk to brother and let him know you were disappointed? Did you tell him due to his actions don’t expect you to go out of the way for him? If other family says it’s unfortunate that he was sick you tell them the truth. You brought something to social media that didn’t need to go there. And the fact that you deleted it shows you did not stand by that post. YTA
YTA there was zero reason to post this on social media other than attention. He’s 17, sorry but you getting married just isn’t that important to him. Yeah it was your special day, yours not his. Would it have been nice if he went, sure. Was he obligated to, no. A wedding invitation isn’t a summons. No one is forced to appear. He probably lied because he knew you’d flip out and involve the whole family in a public hate campaign, exactly what you did. The only person who’s ruined your wedding joy is yourself.
How do you know, for a fact, that he wasn’t sick? It is possible to be sick and to play video games while recuperating.
“I made this into a much bigger problem than it needed to be.” You most certainly did by posting on Facebook and, at the same time, throwing him under the bus with your parents about the time that you picked him up from a party where he had been drinking.
Yeah, your wedding was important. But so what if someone doesn’t go? Is it an invite or is it a summons? == More importantly, did you enjoy your time with the people who actually went? If so, why are you letting someone’s no-show ruin the experience for you?
Not only were you accusing someone publicly of lying without giving him a chance to first explain himself to you; but also, you revealed something that you had helped him cover up from a year prior. YTA
YTA
So you decided to complete torch your relationship. Good work
I see no one mentioned this, but airing out that you picked him up from a party A YEAR AGO for drinking in this post is probably the most immature thing here. Even if he was drinking, he was responsible enough to call someone trusted rather than drunk drive, and he should not be lambasted for trusting you in that moment.
YTA and a big one at that.
I don’t understand. How exactly does playing video games mean he wasn’t sick? Seems like a great thing to do when too unwell to leave the house.
I mean, he admitted it, so asshole move.
But why did OP and her husband jump to lying about being sick when he was playing video games?
Well… he may well gain a ton of new followers on twitch after this, so you’re probably going to be even. If you hadn’t made the public Facebook post then you could probably have milked some kind of shameful little nickname for him for quite a while. As it is, you’re both probably going to be a bit justifiably upset with each other for a while.
YTA. It’s an invitation not a summons. He probably felt like he had to lie to you and that should tell you more about yourself than him. Noone owes you a celebration of your marriage and you sound self centered. Maybe he will make it to your next wedding.
ESH you’re right to feel upset but you way overreacted. The fb post was spiteful
YTA. He did what teenagers do. It doesn’t mean he loves you any less, he just prioritized the wrong thing.
You (30 years old, mind you) decided to blast him on social media, and make your personal problems with his actions a Family-Wide spectacle.
Don’t complain about the “first few weeks of the rest of your life” being stressful when you’re the one that made it that way.
Tell your parents, and let it end there. Don’t be even less mature than somebody almost half your age.
YTA. Your brother is a CHILD who acted like a selfish, bratty CHILD. But, you are an ADULT who acted like a selfish, bratty child. And publicly on Facebook? YTA.
Also, I’m sorry he hurt you on your special day.
ESH.
Sometimes, public shaming to spread awareness of a dangerous individual is helpful.
Your brother, however, is just a self-centred idiot.
All you had to do was tell him how deeply he hurt you and now that you know where your relationship stands, you’re going to treat him as someone you would no longer even invite to your wedding because you know they wouldn’t attend anyway i.e. an acquaintance you met on a cruise trip years ago and say happy birthday to sporadically on Facebook.
And then you should have left it at that.
The consequences of his actions are simply to keep him at a distance. If he makes the effort and shows initiative in supporting you and being present in your life moving forward , in such away that you can trust him to be there for you when you ask him to without worrying or needing to make a plan b, then trust will gave been reestablished and the wedding never needs to be spoken of again.
Otherwise, just remember he’s now just an acquaintance who doesn’t get an invite to things anymore. If he tags on as a plus 1, you’ll host him like you would anyone but otherwise, no invite, presence.
Wedding drama
immediate Family member skips
first post from OP ever (with no comments ever)
“whole family is arguing”, family is “split down the middle” (to say nothing of literally using the phrase “extended family”)
Overly dramatic (“family is in a tailspin”. Really? a “Tailspin”?)
Fake story BINGO
ESH for putting your family issues on facebook. Wash your dirty laundry at home.
YTA twice as much as kid brother for airing it on Facebook and coming here delusional.
Are you devastated that he missed it or was he a forgettable absence like in paragraph one?
You know you sound like a clown and put more and more spin into your hurt feelings the more you wrote.
You’re 13 years apart. You have never been close, and you’re burning bridges I bet he’s happy to see go.
You need to grow up. You’re acting like a child. Your brother is a teenager who chose playing with his friends over going to your wedding. This was not a terrible crime against you that required revenge.
Your actions also seem very controlling. Your wedding was a command performance and your brother failed to bend to your wishes.
This is especially troubling because you admitted that you didn’t miss his presence at the wedding. You had a wonderful time without your brother attending.
I’m giving your husband some soft side eye too. Your husband likely ratted out your brother to cover his own ass. He didn’t want to have your tantrum directed at him for keeping your brother’s transgression from you.
ESH. I didnt know ppl still used fb for public shaming.
Yta your wedding isn’t important to everyone
I see why he skipped your wedding.
ESH. Yeah, he lied to stay home and play his game, but honestly… your small wedding for a 17 year old boy is boring AF. Your passive-aggressive social media post, as an adult, is worse IMO. Did you actually just talk to your brother and tell him how you felt?
Wow. YTA.
Your brother definitely behaved poorly. Let this be a life lesson for him. He’s a teenager and teenagers do really selfish and stupid things sometimes. Truly, this was bad judgment.
You should know better. The Facebook incident was uncalled for. Such drama. You could have taken the high road and preserved the trusting and good faith relationship with your young sibling, but you advertised your family issue in a melodramatic way on social media which is so tacky I can’t even find words to describe it.
This is how you’ll get to remember your wedding.
YTA. Teenagers do stupid and self-centered things. You are supposed to be an adult but appear to be extremely emotionally immature.
Grow up , do the work and do better.
ESH – doing a Facebook post was way too far. What the hell is the point in that? You yourself admitted that the day was lovely, you apparently had no trouble marrying the man you love.
Telling your parents is a bit meh but your brother lied to them and he’s still their dependent so they should know.
You absolutely should have spoken to your brother. He hurt your feelings and basically treated you as less than a game. And you have lost trust in him.
Your brother was obviously an A H. At the very least he should have discussed what was happening and been upfront. At 17 he is old enough to understand doing things that he doesn’t enjoy (I am sure your wedding was lovely for you but maybe would have been boring AF for him) for the people he loves. He is also still a teen.
You can play video games when you’re sick. You shouldn’t go to a wedding if you’re sick. You definitely overreacted.
NTA
Actions have consequences. If a video game is more important than his sister, why should he even be concerned about what his sister says on Facebook? She doesn’t matter, right?
Also, the parents sound clueless. Maybe they need a little wake up call about what they’re letting this kid get away with.
ESH
Your parents for not keeping a closer rein on him. Specifically with the instance of nit knowing what parties he’s going to and not paying enough attention to figure out he’d been drinking.
Your brother for lying and sneaking.
You suck the most because you let your disappointment about his lying cloud your judgement. You publicly shamed him. Yes, you were hurt but that is no reason to go full blast. And you also helped him get home after drinking, which aided his lying. You can’t teach him that lying in one big moment is OK and then expect him to not lie in other big moments of life.
Your husband is my hero, though. He handled this pretty much perfectly. He knew it would upset you, and told you in a better time.
I have absolutely no problem in you making a social media post calling out your brother for prioritizing not important things over the relationship of a close family member. Of course some things should be kept private. I would be furious of a family member or a friend started posting online about my urological problems. However, there’s a strong possibility that the real problem here is your parents, just as much as your brother. Technology has done something to the brains of young people which makes it very frightening for their future. Your parents doing their best cut back on his electronic adventures is needed. I don’t think it’s really possible at this late stage of a teenagers life, but at least the attempt should be made. Having the gaming computer in the living room so the parents can see what is happening is ideal.
House rules limiting gaming on the computer is not A bridge too far. It also might be best for him to go a college and living at home at least the first two years of a college experience if that’s the path he takes . Your brothers maturity level is certainly in question at this point.
YTA. Seriously? He’s a dumb teenager and you’re pushing 30. People don’t need to care about your wedding and your dumb post just ensured he will never want much to do with you ever again.
ESH. You more than him. Yes, he skipped your wedding to stream his games. That sucks, but definitely checks out for a teenager. You, though, then ran to Facebook to shame him publicly and rat him out for previous things? You’re 30, you shouldn’t be playing teenage games.
your brother is 17. you’re 30. what exactly is your excuse for behaving this way? what your brother did was shitty. no one here is going to argue that, but to not only make it public, but to then bring up completely irrelevant shit, was no better. you’re complaining about how your married life is now full of stress, as if that isn’t entirely your own fault. I feel sorry for your husband having to deal with all of this because you decided handling this like an adult was apparently beneath you. ESH
ESH
Yta, your Facebook crashout shows me exactly why your brother lied and didn’t come to your wedding. I wouldn’t either. You went “I want to make sure my brother’s reputation is damaged because he didn’t come to my wedding and I assume he faked being sick.”
I have been too sick to go places but okay enough at home to play a game. Too sick for a wedding and too sick to sit on my couch and game are two different levels of sick.
You scream dramatic narcissist who does this stuff regularly. If I was your brother I wouldn’t come to another thing for you.
YTA straight up.
NTA. People saying ESH are absolutely infantilizing your brother. 17 is old enough to know better. Skipping your wedding for video games isn’t typical teenage shit, it’s the act of a fucking sociopath.
Calling him out was absolutely the right call. There’s nothing wrong with exposing the shitty behavior of bad people.
Is that a typo…no way OP is 30? YTA and so is your husband.
YTA. What you did was incredibly immature. Instead of talking to him and hearing what he has to say, you decided to make a fb post about it to publicly shame him. I understand being upset, I would be too, but that doesn’t give you the right to act like a teenager. You’re 30! Act like it!
I hope your husband knows not to get on your bad side, because I’m guessing the whole family will know about it since this is how you resolve conflict.
YTA
YOu are only shaming yourself. Everybody will just think: crazy bride, angrily badmouthing some who did not make it.
“and I think he could stand to be humbled.” … he wasn’t humbled, if any he got confirmation that not going was the better choice – you are not a nice person.
It is an invitation, and he is fine to decline. Looking at your behavior, it seems not unlikely he had good reason.
I (48M) have two boys, 19M and 16M. They have known since they were about 6 that the only thing that won’t be tolerated is snitching on your brother. Other than a sibling being in grave physical danger, there is absolutely no excuses for this behavior.
That rule exists precisely to preserve their relationship. Agree with other commenters, trust is gone if it hasn’t already left the chat years before this.
YTA for going public with your rant. Deal with him behind the scenes with the parents is all that was needed.
Also, being such a small gathering, did you plan anything that would have kept your brother entertained during the wedding (ie invited a friend of his or a close cousin). A 17 year old alone hanging with a bunch of adults-it is no wonder he skipped.
YTA. You chose to retaliate in the most nuclear way, tainting your “most important day” and overshadowing it with drama and damaging your relationship with your brother. What was wrong with just having a conversation with your brother about how much you wanted him to be part of your important day and how disappointed you are that he chose not to? What exactly did you hope to accomplish besides trying to get him in more trouble in revenge?
He is not right either, but in this situation you are the AH for stooping to petty public shaming for an interpersonal conflict that should have been handled between the two of you. You’re 30. Maybe it’s time to start handling things more maturely.
yta. it was unnecessary, you’re 30 and he’s a teenager.
Everyone sucks here.
While what he did was a very poor choice in his part, your choices weren’t the best either. Telling your parents I think was fine, but it would have been better if you had a small family meeting or just a conversation together about it. Posting it on Facebook for anyone to see…now you are just hanging out dirty laundry. He is 17 and a dumb teen. You are a 30 year old adult. You should be able to process these kinds of things better than he can.
You that AH. You are 30 and clearly have the maturity of a child.
“Praise in public, criticise in private.”
Massive YTA.
ESH… especially you… you’re 30, he’s 17. Yes, you were right to be mad and hurt that he skipped your wedding. That really sucks from him. But you’re an adult “putting him on blast” trying to get him in more trouble for old things you helped him with.
NTA
NTA for telling your family about what he did.
But an AH for bringing up the drunken incident when you had to pick him up from a year ago.
YTA
You publicly shamed a teenager for not going to your wedding when, by your own admission, you had a good time. And if the game really was limited time, of course he’s going to try and maximize the amount of time he has to play it. It sucks that he prioritized the game over your wedding,but, you’re a baby who got upset and threw him under the bus
YTA, you’re too old for this drama. Are you going to do things like to everyone who irritates you in life?
He is a kid, he didn’t want to go for whatever reason. You’re 12/13 years older than him… He probably doesn’t have the kind of brother sister relationship with you that you think he has.
You need to grow up first, before you can expect him to grow up.
YTA – I feel bad for your brother tbh. It wouldn’t have made a difference if he was there or not. Your husband should never have said anything to you about it. You had a good wedding, regardless of if your brother was there or not. People who count their wedding day as “the most important day of their life!!!!” are ridiculous. Don’t blame your brother for ruining your super-important first few weeks of being a wifey. You ruined them yourself.
Even without all the context you provided, YTA for posting family drama on Facebook. That alone says so much about you as a person.
30 years old and airing out family problems on Facebook…. Get a grip.
YTA
ESH but mostly YTA
He’s a teenager, he made a dumb decision.
You are a grown ass woman that decided to strain your family relations because your feelings were hurt by a child.
It seems to be a shared sibling trait because you both are the AH, ESH
Yeah ESH. He sucks for skipping your wedding, but he’s also 17. A kid. You’re an adult and you went on Facebook to make a post to shame your 17 years old (a child) brother, also bringing out something illegal he did; which can actually lead to legal trouble too.
Youre 30, grow up. YTA
Maybe he just really didn’t want to go to your wedding. ESH but honestly you’re worse than him at this point. Your wedding is an important event for like… you and your parents. Your LITERAL TEENAGER brother isn’t required to care or even go if he doesn’t want to.
If you are the type of person to publicly shame a child on social media for not doing what you want, I’d avoid your wedding too. Games sound like a better time.
YTA, do you even know that he wasn’t sick? People can play video games while sick. Also, you should’ve talked to your brother directly, not made a social media post about it, especially one that aired out secrets.
You handled this in a horribly immature way. For future reference, when you’re in a rough spot with someone, never ever make a social media post about it –talk to the person instead.
YTA
YTA. Your life has gotten more stressful because of your actions. Your brother kinda sucks for his actions, but a teenager deserves more grace than an adult in about every situation. Did posting what you did to Facebook even make you feel better? Weird!
You posted sensitive information about your brother out of spite. Did you expect things to slowly fall back into place after this? Obviously, him not showing up at your wedding was hurtful, but you did not take the time to get your facts straight, let alone to make sure he was actually sick. Again, if you were trying to make amends in the end game, you probably fucked that up. YTA.
He did a really shitty thing and you reacted emotionally to it, which is reasonable and human, but your reaction was escalating. Unfortunately, due to his actions, you’ll forever have that wound associated with your special day. Somehow you two will have to have a heart to heart just to get it all out there. You’re not the asshole, but I would refrain from posting important emotional things on the greatest of apps, the totally unpolarizing Facebook 😝
ESH. Although you brother is a teenager and sometimes they make foolish decisions, he is old enough to know better. This wasn’t a birthday party, it was a wedding. I hope when he is older he feels so much shame for his actions. I also hope that he offers you a grovelling apology.
However, you are right you shouldn’t have gone to Facebook about it. I understand, we are humans and we sometimes let our emotions get the better of us. The hurt you were feeling was real. However, it was still a mistake and you should apologise to your brother too for the public shaming on social media.
Sending a hug.
My opinion is not popular, I guess. But – NTA. Actions have consequences. And your brother is adult enough to experience the consequences.
Lie like this it’s extremely disgusting. If I were OP, I would be heartbroken, too.
YTA you are a 30 year old woman fighting with your 17 year old brother on facebook. That’s some childish stuff right there. He made a mistake and lied about the reason he didn’t go. Honestly who doesn’t play video games while sick. My 18 and 19 year old son do. They could have the Hersey squirts and vomiting while still finding a way to play.
Also airing out you had to pick him up for drinking a year ago is a low blow but also tells him he can’t trust you so if he’s ever in that situation again he won’t call you but who knows what will happen next.
Congratulations for 100% destory your own relationship with your brother… You are 30 years old and beefing with a teenager. YtA
I don’t think you are. That’s his choice and how you reacted to it is your choice.
ESH. It would’ve N T A if you didn’t post on Facebook, but you did. Very childish behavior that served no purpose other than to slander him and honestly shows that you have some issues with impulse control.
Youre 30 and posting about your teenage brother on FB because you’re angry?
ESH
It looks like your lash-out had more kickback than you expected.
I’d ask you what you learned from making a knee-jerk, rage-driven decision that you can’t take back, but it sounds like you’ve already decided to learn nothing.
While I do also think OP is an asshole, I do hate how some people are acting like what the brother did was just the acts of a child and aren’t a big deal. I’m sorry, he is 17, not 12. He is basically about to graduate. He skipped his sister’s wedding, a sister he must be close with if she’s who he called to pick him up from a party. And he skipped it to play a game. Those aren’t the moves of a child but the moves of a selfish young man. Not saying she should have publicized this, because no, that’s messed up. But I’m so tired of the weird redditor mentality of “you’re not owed my presence at your wedding.” Like no, you show up for the people you care about. And not showing up (if you don’t have a legitimate reason) is another way of saying I don’t care about you. So not showing up the day of to play a game?? Yeah, her brother is an asshole, and unlike how some people are implying, he is of an age where he made this decision cognitively. ESH.