I (30F) have been married to my husband (35M) for three years, together for six. We’ve been saving for a house together for over two years. We both work full-time and have been putting money into a joint “home fund” account. I even picked up extra freelance work on the side to speed things up.
We recently found a house we both loved. During the buying process, I noticed he was doing a lot of the paperwork and insisted I didn’t need to come to every meeting with the realtor or lawyer because he was “handling it.”
That felt off to me, so I started asking more questions , and eventually found out he was planning to put the house only in his name. When I asked why, he got defensive and said it was “just easier” and that he “made more money anyway” so it’s “technically more his investment.”
I was stunned. We both contributed. We both planned. And now suddenly I’m not even going to be listed as an owner of the house?
He told me I was overreacting and that he would “always take care of me,” but that’s not the point. I told him I’m not signing or putting another dollar into a house that’s not legally mine too.
Now he’s upset, says I “ruined” our chance at this house, and that I’m making this into a bigger issue than it needs to be. But my gut is telling me something is off.
AITA ?
Comments
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absolutely NTA. you didn’t “ruin” anything.. you protected yourself. he tried to make a huge financial decision that directly affects both of you without transparency or fairness. the fact that he was doing it behind your back then downplayed your concerns with “i’ll always take care of you” is a major red flag. this isn’t just about paperwork.. it’s about trust, respect, and legal security. you’re 100% right to pull out until you’re both equally protected. your instincts are spot on
So he’s backing out of buying it altogether because he won’t put your name on the deed? Extremely sus, he seems to want you fiscally dependent on him.
NTA. Trust is built on transparency and fairness. You both saved, you both should own. No ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’.
He’s manipulating you, do not go ahead with this unless your name is on it as well. It should be non-negotiable, NTA.
NTA – You didn’t ruin your chance at getting that house, according to his logic it wasn’t yours anyway.
🚩 red flag. OP I would withdraw your contributions to said account and file for divorce. For him to feel justified in this matter suggests he does not value nor respect your contributions!! Get out. Stop wasting time with him.
Only in his name yet you’re his wife of 3 years something is definitely sketchy with what he’s pulling, you both agreed to buy a house yet he’s making it like it’s party of one buying and owning it, if i were you i honestly would have a serious talk with him not with his BS of oh he’ll take care of you, you need to know why you’re name he doesn’t want on there, because yes it is a big issue a house doesn’t have just a 30 day return policy, this is a long commitment it needs to be discussed.
Girrrl. Hurry up and get to the bank. Remove the 50 percent that is YOUR MONEY from the joint fund so your husband can’t do anything with YOUR money behind your back. If he wants to be petty be petty right back. Your money is your sole asset and he doesn’t deserve a dime if this is way he thinks. Your money should not be funding his some assets at all. If you put money in that’s a joint asset period.
NTA.
It’s a given that you should be 50 / 50 in home ownership.
It is VERY concerning that he sneakily tried to get it only in his name.
Especially when you have both been saving for deposit.
Something is going on here?? What is that ??
Isn’t it yours anyway because your married and anything acquired after marriage is 50/50 or am I mistaken
Get your money out of that account.
Definitely not. Take your money out of the joint account and open your own savings with your parents or sibling as joint owner so he has no access to it
Absolutely not. This is shady as hell. It may be that he’s not necessarily planning to do something nefarious, until the chance the two of you ever decide to split….
If your married it’s a asset of the marriage . In Canada even I deed in one person name and married the spouse has to consent .
See a lawyer as something weird going on , my guess is gf feels if something goes wrong then he can ask you to leave or sell it
Nope…I’d have serious trust issues to after he tried to pull this on me!
He’s upset because you disrupted his plans. What else has he been doing behind your back?
Tell him that you want a post-nup. ” In the event of divorce, We split the house evenly”
Oh, girl when you find out what this fool is up to you better UPDATEME
Im “invested” in this now.
Red flag
Get a lawyer. Gut check is good. Get a lawyer.
You didn’t ruin anything. You guys very much still have a chance at getting the house. All he has to do is write your name on the paper.
NTA. I wouldn’t be interested in moving forward with this guy either.
I don’t know if this is true, but if it is you should ensure he doesn’t have access to your money in case he decides to do it anyway without informing you.
NTA. Tell him to put you on the deed and he can be on the mortgage all by himself if it’s just easier.
You are right, he was trying to pull a fast one. If your savings and paycheck is going into buying and maintaining this house, your name should absolutely be on it.
Updateme
You can’t trust him. Imagine what else he’s hiding from you.
NTA. He’ll always take care of you until he doesn’t. Putting that house in his name only means he can sell it out from under you in the blink of an eye. Reclaim the money you put into the house account and open an account in your name only. He’s up to something and you need to protect yourself here.
Sounds like gaslighting to me. Hope you don’t have children.
Immediately remove the portion of the house fund you contributed and put it in a new account under your name only. Make sure all your income goes into your private account. Each month, transfer only enough money into the joint account to pay 1/2 of the monthly household bills (utilities, rent, food). Good luck with your marriage to this shady fuck.
Babe, you better get yourself a seperate bank account today. This man is trying to leave you high and dry. Run.
Please take your money from any joint accounts now, and put it in an account in a completely separate bank.
You can’t trust this man.
At the very least, he doesn’t trust you. Even if he has nothing nefarious planned, he doesn’t trust you so he’s protecting himself. Surely, you can see that this is the least of what is going on, and it might be a lot worse.
DO THE SAME THING RIGHT NOW.
He’s actually literally stealing your money.
Take your portion out of the joint account, ASAP
NTA – that is super shady behavior!
How is he taking care if you when you are also contributing? That is not taking care of you, thats you giving him your money and hoping he doesn’t screw you. Don’t hope high because he is already sneaking around and doing things behind your back. Withdraw your money and when he gets mad just reassure him that you will always take care of him since apparently that’s how a marriage works.
NTA and I would pull all the money you contributed to that joint account and open your own account at a different bank (that is important) and lock down your credit. This is shady AF. He is not taking care of or protecting you by not putting your name in the house, he is protecting and taking care of himself.
I hope you made him give you the money you put into that fund back. What he did was sneaky, and frankly, sounds like he planned on getting into the house and telling you to leave. That’s an assumption, of course…..but NTA.
INFO: Are you in a stats that has dower law? If so, it’s still yours. But as married people with you contributing, he’s acting shady. Your name goes in the title with both of you having “full rights of survivorship”.
Take your contribution out of that joint account asap
UpdateMe
NTA and I would be moving all of your money into a separate bank account at a different bank and ensuring he has no access to your phone or internet banking
There is no credible reason for him to do this.
This feels like financial abuse/entrapment so that you can’t leave him if he does anything
Damn he hate you.
NTA. But in the state I live in, him putting it in his name would mean nothing because you own equal interest anyway. But he was being sketchy.
You know what would be even simpler? If the house were in OP’s name only!
No, you’re not. But you are married, so his buying a house in only his name I could see as only looking after himself. Consult a lawyer and have documents showing how much you invested. Otherwise, you’re screwed if the marriage breaks up and will lose what you’ve invested. I hope you’ve kept documentation of your contributions as well.
NTA. Something is suspicious about this.
You need to asap take your house money, that your contributed and put it in your account. Protect yourself and sorry to say, your husband is a AH and I would have left his ass if my husband did this.
You have a husband but you do not have a partner. He is trying to take advantage of you. He is literally taking your money and putting you in a completely vulnerable position. That is selfish and essentially stealing from you. This is a dealbreaker here. I don’t see how this marriage survives in a healthy way.
NTA. My husband is the breadwinner in our relationship and he would NEVER put a house in only his name. Not only was your husband not going to put your name on the house too, he was trying to keep it a secret from you! If you wouldn’t have pressed so hard, it seems like he never would have told you this.
You’re his wife, not his tenant or his roommate, and you deserve to be treated as such.
I’d take back out what I put in that house fund and use it to divorce him, the rat
This should say ex-husband.
if this isn’t rage bait…file for divorce. He doesn’t give two fucks about you!
Ewww I’m sorry but it’s time to divorce his ass. That’s a massively bold and deceitful attempt in his part, likely not the first or only such things by him
Definitely the asshole if you haven’t filed for divorce a week from now
Run OP, run away as fast as you can
Time to take out your portion of the money from the account and file for divorce. He’s proven you can’t trust him.
NTA, i would fully expect my wife to leave me if I tried pulling this. You’re either a team or you’re not.
You only ruined his chances to divorce you and come out of it with a fully paid house without you. Or to be able to remortgage at will without you.
NTA, but he was basically trying to commit financial sneakiness. I’d start therapy if you think it is worth saving. However, I would seriously question his commitment to the relationship.
Draw a hard line, you go 50:50 on the house or he buys it and you live mortgage and bills free.
NTA. He was doing shady shit.
NTA serve him divorce papers , get your half of the money back, and buy a house of your own! Your husband is super shady and dead wrong! What else is he hiding?
OP– 100% red flag, listen to what people are saying get your money out of the joint account ASAP not tomorrow right now today. Then speak to lawyer, 100% whilst not necessarily criminal fraud at this stage, this is relationship betrayal on a very high level and you should seriously consider ending the relationship
Your husband is an AH. He wants it only in his name in case you guys break up, then it would be his. Dont put another dollar in the account and take out the part of the money you contributed. He’s a liar and a controlling AH.
NTA get your money out of that joint account and put it into a separate account. He is trying to rob you.
NTA. That man was going to take your money and your house. “Off” doesn’t cover it.
Go w/ your gut. Your gut tells you he’s being shady, believe your gut because he is being shady.
NTA
Run.
Not the AH by any stretch. He tried to put one over on you.
NTA this doesn’t smell like a good thing, but I’m pretty sure in divorce that you’d have access to all post marital assets.
Updateme
No way is this the only thing he’s hiding from you.
Girl get your money and run.
Sounds very suspect.
Do you have credit issues that would cause the payments to increase if your name is used ?
If he says he will take care of you, get it in writing. If he wants the house only in his name make sure to get your contribution in writing.
If he wont give you that in writing, run to the next exit.
Updateme!
Question: do you happen to have bad credit? Or worse credit than his? Depending on the location: it might be cheaper for him to get a loan in his name alone and he might be able to put you on the deed……
Get your money out of that account now. It might already be too late.
Take all of your savings back and put them into your account too . What an arse
Listen to your gut. It sounds like he has bigger plans and you may not be involved in them.
NTA
Pull out all the money you put into that house account. Put it in an account only you have access to.
NTA. Trust your gut. Full transparency on all expenditure going forward. He was actively hiding this, the shady mf.
Yikes. Nta
NTA, always follow your instincts. Take your money from the joint account and put it into your savings account with a high interest rate and buy your own home. This guy isn’t looking out for you in the long term or your security, guarantee if it came down to divorce you would be leaving empty handed. Trust me, I left everything in my divorce even though it was all jointly owned. And I have swore to myself that I will never remarry nor will I co-own any thing with my SO again.
When you said you wouldn’t contribute to a house not in your name did he then stop going forward with the purchase altogether?
If there’s nothing suspicious going on then surely he won’t have a problem adding your name on now that you’ve made your feelings known.
NTA
NTA I wouldn’t go into this house or put one dime into it if my name wasn’t on the house. What happens in the case of a divorce? Especially a nasty one? He can change his mind and that “I’ll always take care of you could go south , you’ll find out who someone really is during a divorce very quickly.
It’s called CYA cover your ass and make sure you do that because you did not “ruin” anything he tried to pull a fast one on you and it didn’t work out in his favor because you caught him. This is a huge red flag 🚩 I’d look over your other financial matters to see if he’s been sneaky with them as well.
NTA hubby is just being TA he really thinks that it’s YOUR FAULT? It’s his FAULT for stating such flubbery. If you’re contributing, then you should be on the deed. If hubby doesn’t want that, then there’s more for you to consider.
Of course you’re NTA.
You have a problem though. You married someone selfish and all about control. You may have seen these signs before, you may not have. Nonetheless, you are now.
I’d probably be having a conversation about your marriage with him. He don’t like your name on contracts huh? Maybe we look at ending another deal with him?
OMG what the ever loving fuck?? NTA. What the hell is wrong with your husband that he thinks this is ok?
I suspect he thinks he’s protecting himself in case of a divorce, or he was intending to use his sole-ownership of the house as leverage to control you in some way.
Has he been spending time in the manosphere? Those guys are anti-marriage and anti-sharing financial assets because they’re convinced women will take every penny from them in a divorce and that only women benefit from marriage.
In some states, it’s illegal for a married man to purchase real estate without his wife being a co owner. Check into that.
Sounds like husband has been listening to those red pill podcasts
OP- and seriously OP, your gut is saying something is off, really!!!! The guy is trying to con you, think about it, you could’ve put years of income into the house only for him then to find a new girlfriend leave you and you’d be left with nothing. Your gut is telling you something is off…. wake up OP.
WTF… In my state you can’t even do that. A joint/marital home must belong to both parties.
Go with your gut. You also need to figure out what else is going on…
NTA and pull your half of the money from that account YESTERDAY.
Personally, being married means we are in EVERYTHING together. If someone pulled some shit like that with me, I can assure you I would immediately withdraw my house contribution money, half of any joint account money, and contact a lawyer. There’s some reason he didn’t want your name on it, and that makes for REALLY shaky ground causing……the red flag to wave.
NTA. Please take out all the money you put in the joint account ASAP. Your husband is only looking out for himself and trying to manipulate you with his bs remarks about “always taking care of you” and saying you “ruined” things. Don’t let him convince you into letting him use YOUR money for a house he’s setting up to only be his. There are some major red flags here that I think you need to spend some time seriously thinking about. This is NOT how a partner who truly loves and respects you acts. Get that money out and into another acct now!!!!
I had a client whose husband took care of all the finances. He was a “ oh here, I just need your signature”. He had second and third mortgaged their house, she found out there was “no” house when she divorced him. It was horrific. Everyone is right. Get those assets in your own name. He is not going to take care of you.
Nta. You’re under reacting. Not only would I have pulled out I would have gone to the bank that instant and pulled out my half of the money and put it into a different account in a different bank before he goes and moves it or spends it and he gives you the “he is re investing in your future” meaning he spent it and your never seen a penny of it again. Your husband just told you that’s your not smart enough. He feels it’s okay for you to give money for a home but he doesn’t see you as an equal partner. You need to rethink the entire relationship. And it’s not easier. He is just planning on leaving with nothing when he leaves you. Your husband has some nerve to take your money and leave you out of it. Lock down your credit so he can’t forge your signature. And make sure he can’t touch any of your money.
Not the asshole
NTA This is a massive red flag 🚩
Your husband has demonstrated that he does not consider you an equal partner in the marriage and intends to ice you out of the home if you divorce.
I would quietly go to the bank and open an individual account in your name only funding it with the amount you contributed to the home fund and don’t tell him.
Turn the tables on him by keeping your money separate and let him buy the house in his name only using only what he contributes without your help since he is willing to take care of you, in the event that you divorce he will likely face community property division.
NTA, I think your husband probably follows influencers from the manosphere.