I (20F) wanted to celebrate my 20th birthday in the best way possible with my friends while not wasting too much money.
Our first idea was to book a hotel somewhere in our country near the beach but the prices were ridiculously expensive and bc most of us are still uni-students, we couldn’t afford it.
I still wanted to make my birthday special since I never really celebrated it properly (the last time I did anything special was when I was like 11) and to have the chance to bring the friend group back together for a few days since we’ve all grown apart.
I opened a group chat to discuss our options and the best one was to take an Airbnb that’s big enough for us all that would also be near the beach. We found the best Airbnb we could find, the price was good and the house by itself looked great.
But then, my friend Mia (21F) have announced in the group that if we decide to go to an Airbnb and not a hotel she’s not gonna go. I asked her why and she said she found Airbnb’s disgusting and non-classy. (Her exact words, she also said “I wouldn’t even step into an Airbnb because she doesn’t trust they even change the sheets.) I told her I’ve been to multiple Airbnb’s and they were all clean, and the reviews on the one we wanted were all good. She continued to argue so I told her that it’s my birthday and as much as I want everyone to be in it, I’m not going to bend to her conditions and pay a lot of money im trying to save.
There was a big drama (because everyone disagreed with her), we all have stopped talking in the group which made me think that now our plans would be cancelled because everyone were upset by the argument.
I shared my bf (24M) about the situation and he decided to pull some strings and use some of his connections. He got us a huge discount on one of the best hotels in our country, but their condition was that we can’t be more than two people in each room. (They basically didn’t want us to take the big rooms that were meant for groups).
Without Mia, we were exactly six people so it was perfect. I told everyone about the situation in the group chat and for some reason Mia was sure one of our friends would give up their place so she could go.
I’ve had enough with her attitude, so I straight up told her i don’t want her to come because if she does, we will be an un-even number and we will have to go to the Airbnb anyways. She cursed at me, left the group and haven’t talked to any of us since. We’re going to the hotel in two days and I just feel really bad with what I did and with how everything turned out because it was the last thing I wanted to happen. We are MIA’s only friends and all of us will be together without her.
So, AITA?
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I (20F) wanted to celebrate my 20th birthday in the best way possible with my friends while not wasting too much money.
Our first idea was to book a hotel somewhere in our country near the beach but the prices were ridiculously expensive and bc most of us are still uni-students, we couldn’t afford it.
I still wanted to make my birthday special since I never really celebrated it properly (the last time I did anything special was when I was like 11) and to have the chance to bring the friend group back together for a few days since we’ve all grown apart.
I opened a group chat to discuss our options and the best one was to take an Airbnb that’s big enough for us all that would also be near the beach. We found the best Airbnb we could find, the price was good and the house by itself looked great.
But then, my friend Mia (21F) have announced in the group that if we decide to go to an Airbnb and not a hotel she’s not gonna go. I asked her why and she said she found Airbnb’s disgusting and non-classy. (Her exact words, she also said “I wouldn’t even step into an Airbnb because she doesn’t trust they even change the sheets.) I told her I’ve been to multiple Airbnb’s and they were all clean, and the reviews on the one we wanted were all good. She continued to argue so I told her that it’s my birthday and as much as I want everyone to be in it, I’m not going to bend to her conditions and pay a lot of money im trying to save.
There was a big drama (because everyone disagreed with her), we all have stopped talking in the group which made me think that now our plans would be cancelled because everyone were upset by the argument.
I shared my bf (24M) about the situation and he decided to pull some strings and use some of his connections. He got us a huge discount on one of the best hotels in our country, but their condition was that we can’t be more than two people in each room. (They basically didn’t want us to take the big rooms that were meant for groups).
Without Mia, we were exactly six people so it was perfect. I told everyone about the situation in the group chat and for some reason Mia was sure one of our friends would give up their place so she could go.
I’ve had enough with her attitude, so I straight up told her i don’t want her to come because if she does, we will be an un-even number and we will have to go to the Airbnb anyways. She cursed at me, left the group and haven’t talked to any of us since. We’re going to the hotel in two days and I just feel really bad with what I did and with how everything turned out because it was the last thing I wanted to happen. We are MIA’s only friends and all of us will be together without her.
So, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my friend I don’t want her to come to my birthday party, it might make me the asshole because I’m leaving her out of our friend group.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
been through something hella similar. one friend kept acting like the rest of us owed her something. i wish someone told me earlier: not everyone’s meant to stay in every chapter. sometimes ppl leave themselves out and call it your fault.
NTA
This wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t refuse to come in the first place. By acting that way, she almost ruined your party and spoiled the mood. It’s totally valid for her to not want to come but she shouldn’t have tried to set conditions and change plans when everyone else was okay with it.
So yeah, when it came to uninviting someone, you thought about her and I get it.
NTA. She gave an ultimatum for YOUR birthday and it backfired spectacularlly. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
(NTA) mia seems like quite the control freak, it wouldn’t surprise me if she was the cause for the group losing contact, she is trying to put herself above everyone else and considering basically everyone disagrees with her, you arent in the wrong for not wanting her to dictate where you go for your own birthday
p.s happy birthday!
NTA.
When booking something for a large group (whether it’s a venue, food, accommodation, or activity), it’s really difficult to settle on something that absolutely everyone likes. There will inevitably be some people for whom this would not be their first preference but they’ll tolerate it for the sake of group harmony. And occasionally there will be someone, like Mia, for whom it is a deal-breaker.
Mia likes to pontificate on what’s “classy” and what’s not. Well, Mia, the classy thing to do when the group decides on something that is a deal breaker for you is to say “OK, I’m going to have to bow out of this one because it’s just not my thing. If I went, I think I’d be a drag on your weekend. I wouldn’t be happy, and you wouldn’t be happy. So I’ll sit this one out, and hopefully I’ll be able to join you for your next trip. Have a wonderful time!”
It is NOT classy to cause such a commotion in the group chat that everyone gets upset and stops talking about it.
Consequently, it is not surprising that Mia got left out of the alternate plans. Even if the hotel could accommodate an uneven number, I have a feeling that the friction Mia caused in the group chat would not make for a happy weekend.
Go with a clear conscience. Enjoy your birthday.
She made this happen, shes an idiot. You don’t need her