I (18M) live in a house shared by three families, including my aunt’s. For most of my life, I’ve always been the “too nice” one. I rarely said no, I let people borrow my things without question, and I tried to avoid conflict even when I felt uncomfortable. But recently I’ve been trying to set some basic boundaries for my peace of mind.
There have been many small things over the years that built up. For example, my aunt’s family regularly took my phone charger without asking. It happened so often that once when they temporarily moved to another barangay (village), I had to go all the way there just to get my charger back. They still do this to this day. Her kids also frequently enter my room just to charge their phones. It might seem small, but it feels like my space is never really mine.
The worst situation involves one of her sons. He has, on multiple occasions, come into my room while I’m asleep and used or taken my phone without permission. Once I finally added a password, he woke me up just to ask me for it. Then he claimed, “I always ask you when I borrow it,” which is just not true. It made me really uncomfortable, but I didn’t know how to say no at the time.
There’s also the issue of my bike. People from the household used to take it without asking and break parts of it without repairing anything. I wouldn’t have minded if they asked or fixed what they broke, but they didn’t. So eventually, I bought a padlock and started locking the bike. As soon as I did that, people started asking to borrow it more often — almost like they were offended that they had to ask now.
Recently, my mom, who works abroad, sent me money and told me to use it to stock up on food — specifically non-perishable, cheap food like canned goods and instant noodles. I did exactly that, buying several boxes to make sure I’d have something to eat during hard times. Ever since, my aunt has started making sarcastic or passive-aggressive remarks like, “You have food now,” especially when I go out or buy anything else. It’s like she’s implying I don’t deserve anything more because I already have food, even though I used my mom’s money for something she asked me to do.
All of this has made me feel more and more uncomfortable in my own space. So, a few days ago, I decided to finally install a simple doorknob with a lock on my bedroom door. I didn’t make a big deal out of it. I just wanted some privacy, especially since people come into my room uninvited, even when I’m asleep. I didn’t yell or accuse anyone of anything. I just quietly made a small change to feel more secure in my own space.
When my aunt found out, she got visibly mad. She told me I was “destroying the wall,” said no one goes into my room except family, and told me I had wasted my mother’s hard-earned money on something unnecessary. To add to it, I overheard her gossiping about me to neighbors, clearly talking behind my back about the lock and the food I bought. It feels like she’s punishing me for setting boundaries.
For the record, I still try to be respectful. She’s older, and I understand that her family might not have as much as mine. We’re not rich, but I know I’m more blessed in some ways. That’s partly why I’ve let a lot of things slide for so long. I don’t want to be selfish. I just want a little bit of privacy and for people to respect my space and things.
So, Guys, am I the asshole for finally putting a lock on my door, saying no more often, and trying to protect what little peace I have?
Comments
Dude, NTA. You have every right to set boundaries and protect your privacy. You’re not being selfish, you’re just asking for basic respect. Don’t let them make you feel guilty for that. Stand your ground, bro!
not wrong for wanting to feel safe in your own space, people love calling it “family” to excuse that boundary crossing, like that makes it okay idk. Tbh you didn’t scream or shame anyone, just put a lock on a door lol
More info in the past where I didn’t had a bedroom someone stole stuff from me from time to time not alot but noticeable like
So thats why im trying to change myself from saying yes to everything to now sometimes say no without reason
NTA – they’re just mad because their gravy train is over.
When you are in the room sleeping, use a simple wedge under the door so none of your cousins can come in and take your phone. Who knows what else they might do while you are asleep?
NTA. You should start acting scare of your aunt and if neighbor ask, you tell them you can’t discuss because your aunt will do inappropriate things to you, you installed lock on your door because someone came in while you asleep and invade your privacy and made you really uncomfortable. Don’t use too direct words, just make them think your aunt touch you 🌝 when you really mean your cousin took photo of you
Your aunt needs to understand that boundaries are not just for fences. If she wants to borrow your stuff, she can start by borrowing some common sense.
Why haven’t you moved out by now?
Get a few of the dye packs that banks put in with robbery cash — preferably neon pink or orange.
Your family sounds like a bunch of childish, uncivilized, poorly raised jackals
NTA
This is the most Filipino thing I’ve ever read. IMO just do what feels right you’re clearly a good person who’s arguably giving too much already. Also talk to your mom about what’s going on!
NTA make sure they don’t get the key
Question. Who owns the house? If your mother is an owner she needs to tell the others living there to stop stealing your thy fa and to stop harassing you about protecting your belongings.
NTA People are greedy and they use the word “ family“ as an excuse for taking other people’s stuff. Good for you for making your own boundary lines and keeping what’s yours, but I think in the long run, they are going to try to break in and steal your stuff. Is there someplace else that you could keep it safe? a storage locker perhaps? I don’t think I would trust any of them not to take things.
NTA and you already know that you’re just protecting what yours. I bet your aunt locks her car when she’s not using it. Your aunt is the A. Sounds like she’s jealous of what you have. Now you know what to get your family for Christmas phone chargers
NTA. Talk to your mom and ask if it’s okay with her for you to tell your aunt that your purchase of non-perishable food and the lock for your bedroom was her idea. That will shut down your aunts claim that you are wasting your mother’s money on “something unnecessary” since she will be faced with the fact that your mother told you to do it.
Stand your ground, your aunt sounds exhausting.