So recently my (now ex) boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me. He said for the past 3 or 4 months he just hasn’t had feelings for me. Not even attraction. But was just hoping those feelings would come back. We still care about each other as friends; the spark just isn’t there anymore so we’re trying to be friends but we still live together and I’m still hurt by the whole thing. The next day he told me he has feelings for my current closest friend/coworker we both work with. He’s already kissed her since we’ve been broken up (he’s being annoyingly transparent about what’s going on) but he said I was TA because it “hurt” him hearing about the ridiculous dating profiles I’ve been coming across. He’s actively asking my advice on how to pursue my friend and kissed her in the first week we were broken up. AITA?
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So recently my (now ex) boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me. He said for the past 3 or 4 months he just hasn’t had feelings for me. Not even attraction. But was just hoping those feelings would come back. We still care about each other as friends; the spark just isn’t there anymore so we’re trying to be friends but we still live together and I’m still hurt by the whole thing. The next day he told me he has feelings for my current closest friend/coworker we both work with. He’s already kissed her since we’ve been broken up (he’s being annoyingly transparent about what’s going on) but he said I was TA because it “hurt” him hearing about the ridiculous dating profiles I’ve been coming across. He’s actively asking my advice on how to pursue my friend and kissed her in the first week we were broken up. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for trying to laugh at dating profiles with my now-ex a week after the breakup? About 2 weeks ago, he sat me down and we discussed how our feelings changed and how we’ve changed as people and what we want since we got together almost 2 years ago, and he broke up with me. He said he hasn’t been in love with me in about 3 or 4 months and has spent that time trying to make the spark come back and appreciate me more, but has quietly been going through getting over his feelings for me etc and is no longer attracted to me, even. He still cares about me as a friend (and we have been more open as friends since breaking up, admittedly) but the next day I was still hurt (the whole thing blindsided me because between his bursts of effort and my tendencies to overthink, I’d convinced myself the signs were in my head) so I was lashing out at him a bit and in a fit of anger he admitted that he has developed strong feelings for my best friend/coworker and plans on pursuing things. He’s since asked me advice on how to go about things and within a week, had already kissed her and told me it was “the best kiss I’ve ever given and that’s thanks to what I learned from you.” I waited a week to wallow and then after his confession I lost anything I felt for him because I can’t love someone that would put that much hurt on me and not try harder to think of my feelings. So I got on a couple dating apps and figured if he was asking my advice on moving forward I could laugh at some of the ridiculous profiles I’ve come across with him. He told me it bothered him and called me an asshole. Was I the asshole for trying to joke with him while moving forward?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, he’s just being a childish boy. Says he didn’t have feelings and then proceeded to feel hurt. Child behavior btfo
Sorry, it maybe be because of my poor English, but he already kissed your friend, told you he likes her and he is mad you’re in tinder? If that’s the case, then he is a narcissist.
And I don’t recommend you to get in a relationship right away, you need to heal first and take your time.
NTA
30 seconds after breaking up would have been fine.
And: how could it not be ok when he is already dating, too?
“but he said I was TA because it “hurt” him hearing about the ridiculous dating profiles I’ve been coming across.” .. that’s ridiculous. He gives you raunchy details about his amorous adventures with your closest friend, and chastises you for doing the same?
what the two fo you need is DISTANCE.
NTA
Get a new apartment, new closest friend and new bf.
NTA, seems like he’s only going to be happy if he thinks you’re publicly mourning the end of your relationship. He ended it, he no longer has say in your life. I’d make MORE dating profiles and just live my life. Also? Stop talking to him. It’s over.
NTA – he’s a toxic AH who makes moves on someone close to you and has the audacity to complain about your dating profile, tell him to FO and cut off speaking to him.
It hurts him because he wants to be able to kiss your friend AND keep you pining for him. You are not friends, you are exes. Maybe one day you can go back to being friends but that time is not now. Focus on moving out, stop entertaining his conversations about this other girl, and start finding other people to spend time with. You’re NTA but you do need to start putting up some boundaries to protect your peace, he’s not going to do it for you.
Of course there are exemptions, but seeing an ex is usually is not a good idea for a reason. Find another place to live as soon as possible.
Quit trying to be close friends right now. One of you needs to move out. You both need some physical and emotional distance. ESH
How is this even a question? This is obvious emotional manipulation. He is not a friend, he is actively trying to hurt you as much as possible
NTA
He doesn’t not have feelings for you, he has more feelings for your friend because it’s new. He’s also probably thinking that you’ll still be there if this new situation doesn’t work out. Don’t be there.
NTA. He either wanted you as a backup plan, wanted you to still pine for him while he moved on as an ego boost, or he wants to stay ahead of you in whatever weird game he’s playing in his head. Whatever it is, he’s no friend of yours.