I live in a house with a 92 year old that is my boyfriend’s grandmother and she has caretakers. She cannot wipe her own ass after a bad fall and the 2 care takers I do not mind at all, but one I do mind as she actually refuses to wash her hands. I’ve seriously started to think she has a shit fetish or a soap aversion.
This caretaker does not wash her hands. And she touches everything. She is the only caretaker that goes in cabinets without permission, she is the only caretaker that tries to wash dishes, which she doesn’t use soap. She left ALL of the dishes she has washed dirty. One time I had to rewash every dish in the cabinets bc she went in them. Washing dishes was also never a task that was asked of her.
When I say she refuses to wash her hands, it’s actual refusal because she was told to wash her hands and nicely at that, not singling her out, and you know what she did? She rinsed her hands ONCE without soap. Prior to this, I had put up signs and I actually had felt guilty so I had stopped putting the signs up, but that bothered me that it went through one ear and out the other, because she does go through the kitchen without permission.
I ended up putting signs up last night, which I can tell she ignored again. I woke up to her here and I know she didn’t wash her hands because I watched her wipe the 92 year old and not wash or sanitize the hands. I know she went in the cabinets which I left subtle notes so she wouldn’t go in. My final straw was when she came up to me and said “oh I would’ve washed those dishes” but I was already so twisted I blurted out “oh we usually use soap”. She responded, “oh yeah (bfs name) told me that.” And it set me off more and I was like, “yeah we use soap when we wash dishes.” I just don’t know how she doesn’t get that she doesn’t get the hints that we took away sponges and put signs up so she wouldn’t wash dishes.
TLDR: AITA for putting up signs and taking away sponges from an unhygienic caretaker?
I know she has good intentions but I honestly think she is rude because she doesn’t wash her hands in a shared space and touches everything.
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I live in a house with a 92 year old that is my boyfriend’s grandmother and she has caretakers. She cannot wipe her own ass after a bad fall and the 2 care takers I do not mind at all, but one I do mind as she actually refuses to wash her hands. I’ve seriously started to think she has a shit fetish or a soap aversion.
This caretaker does not wash her hands. And she touches everything. She is the only caretaker that goes in cabinets without permission, she is the only caretaker that tries to wash dishes, which she doesn’t use soap. She left ALL of the dishes she has washed dirty. One time I had to rewash every dish in the cabinets bc she went in them. Washing dishes was also never a task that was asked of her.
When I say she refuses to wash her hands, it’s actual refusal because she was told to wash her hands and nicely at that, not singling her out, and you know what she did? She rinsed her hands ONCE without soap. Prior to this, I had put up signs and I actually had felt guilty so I had stopped putting the signs up, but that bothered me that it went through one ear and out the other, because she does go through the kitchen without permission.
I ended up putting signs up last night, which I can tell she ignored again. I woke up to her here and I know she didn’t wash her hands because I watched her wipe the 92 year old and not wash or sanitize the hands. I know she went in the cabinets which I left subtle notes so she wouldn’t go in. My final straw was when she came up to me and said “oh I would’ve washed those dishes” but I was already so twisted I blurted out “oh we usually use soap”. She responded, “oh yeah (bfs name) told me that.” And it set me off more and I was like, “yeah we use soap when we wash dishes.” I just don’t know how she doesn’t get that she doesn’t get the hints that we took away sponges and put signs up so she wouldn’t wash dishes.
TLDR: AITA for putting up signs and taking away sponges from an unhygienic caretaker?
I know she has good intentions but I honestly think she is rude because she doesn’t wash her hands in a shared space and touches everything.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I put passive aggressive signs up for a nasty caretaker and I made a rude comment out of the heat of the moment
2) I may be the asshole because I did make passive aggressive/rude comments to her
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NTA-I’m shocked anyone who is working as a caregiver isn’t washing their hands.
NTA for the valid concerns. But I think you are going about this wrong. If this person is a paid caretaker are they some kind of independent or via an agency? If they are independent fire them and hire a replacement. If they are through an agency start making formal complaints until they replace her. In either case you should be documenting everything.
Omg you people can’t do anything.
Why not just talk to her like an adult? Yes she’s nasty but you’ve just watched her do it time and time again like an idiot without saying anything😭
ESH
NTA. Can you replace this caregiver?
You should be direct. No signs or hiding sponges, no “we usually use soap”, just tell her directly she needs to wash her hands with soap and warm water. While it’s definitely gross and you would think people have enough common sense to know better, sometimes people really don’t notice or think about that stuff.
If she still refuses, then I assume your bf’s family has the ability to complain to whatever company the caretaker is working for.
Why are you putting up passive aggressive signs? Just report her gross ass. ESH.
ESH
She sucks because what she is doing is gross, no doubt about it.
You’re kinda the AH because notes, hints and ‘not singling her out’ are clearly not working. You can’t keep watching it happen and not tackle the issue head on. It needs a frank conversation at this point about how you’ve noticed she doesn’t wash her hands properly, and it is a safety concern. Explain that the notes are for her because everyone else is following proper hygiene practices. If it’s still not addressed, take it up with her employers.
NTA – Report that caregiver yesterday. I’m an RN and I would be livid if I found out that someone looking after my parent or grandparent never washed their hands and was snooping in places she didn’t belong. ETA: tell your BF that cameras should be installed so the caregiver’s behaviour can be documented.
Again?
Uhhhh, she should be wearing gloves when she wipes your grandmother.
NTA. just fire her already and hire someone else who does the basics like use soap when washing hands or dishes. Report the woman so nobody else hires her and please think about what happens to grandma if she gets an infection from that idiot.
NTA, and I would probably put locks on my cabinets to make her stop getting into them lol
Fire her and hire someone else. You can’t change ingrained ideals like she has.
I’ve seen this post before, but with pictures. Why copy?
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Why are you not speaking to the nurses boss/ company, and requesting a new nurse? You are in control of the situation (or at least I would hope someone who washed their hands is) so you/they make the decision to continue employment.
If she isn’t through an agency, go ahead and fire her. Does the family really want someone so unhygienic spreading disease to someone who’s health is compromised already?
Have you reported her to her employer? YTA for approaching this so childishly
NTA
Does this caretaker works for an agency or get paid through Medicare? You need to file a complaint with her employer and ask for a new caretaker
She is a walking health and safety issue. As someone else said fire her or report her to her agency AND change agencies. Totally unacceptable. BTW I’m a carer and have fired 2 agencies for untrained staff and had several recommendations for another agency – the one we have now – that has really good, professional staff.
You posted about this 7 times. I mean… What on earth could people tell you that wasn’t already said in the 6 others posts?!
YTA
INFO Why wasn’t this caregiver fired for ignoring work instructions immediately after the first hand washing incident?