My husband (38), myself (34), and my MIL (63) bought a house together five years ago. A couple years ago my MIL’s behavior became increasingly erratic and hostile to the point where we are currently suing her to buy her out of the home. (I could provide details but it’s not relevant here). She is stalling in every conceivable way because she has nowhere to go.
My MIL is a heavy smoker, both cigarettes and marijuana. My husband and I have a seven-month-old son. When we first started living together one of the first boundaries I set was that when she throws her cigarette ashes in our kitchen trash can it causes the whole kitchen to smell cigarettes, which at the time was just unpleasant. She complied at that time and disposed of her ashes in the outdoor barrels.
Now several years later she has decided she doesn’t need to be courteous to us anymore due to our current situation. I noticed that there was a strong cigarette smell whenever I open the trash can in our kitchen and saw her cigarette ashes and stubs in the trash.
At this point it is not only unpleasant but it could affect our baby to have cigarette fumes in the air. I printed out an article from Johns Hopkins about the effects of third hand smoke and taped it to the lid of the trash can so that there’s no way she could miss it. The next time she came in from smoking and put the remnants in the trash she paused and looked at it. She didn’t comment. I figured that even if she continues to do this, she can still look at the article every time, similar to a warning on a carton of cigarettes.
My husband supports me in this but I have an adrenaline rush which tells me that maybe this isn’t on the up and up. AITA for taking this indirect approach instead of an out and out confrontation? For what it’s worth I don’t believe she would change her behavior.
Edit: Because so many people are saying that we should do something to get her out we have tried a lot of things, including going to the police and reporting her marijuana use and hostile behavior with a baby in the home. They said unless she “hot boxes” the baby or assaults one of us there’s nothing they can do. They suggested consulting a lawyer which of course we have already done. We also never let her touch or interact with the baby in any way, and we have locks on our bedroom door and his nursery so that she never had access to him or his things.
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My husband (38), myself (34), and my MIL (63) bought a house together five years ago. A couple years ago my MIL’s behavior became increasingly erratic and hostile to the point where we are currently suing her to buy her out of the home. (I could provide details but it’s not relevant here). She is stalling in every conceivable way because she has nowhere to go.
My MIL is a heavy smoker, both cigarettes and marijuana. My husband and I have a seven-month-old son. When we first started living together one of the first boundaries I set was that when she throws her cigarette ashes in our kitchen trash can it causes the whole kitchen to smell cigarettes, which at the time was just unpleasant. She complied at that time and disposed of her ashes in the outdoor barrels.
Now several years later she has decided she doesn’t need to be courteous to us anymore due to our current situation. I noticed that there was a strong cigarette smell whenever I open the trash can in our kitchen and saw her cigarette ashes and stubs in the trash.
At this point it is not only unpleasant but it could affect our baby to have cigarette fumes in the air. I printed out an article from Johns Hopkins about the effects of third hand smoke and taped it to the lid of the trash can so that there’s no way she could miss it. The next time she came in from smoking and put the remnants in the trash she paused and looked at it. She didn’t comment. I figured that even if she continues to do this, she can still look at the article every time, similar to a warning on a carton of cigarettes.
My husband supports me in this but I have an adrenaline rush which tells me that maybe this isn’t on the up and up. AITA for taking this indirect approach instead of an out and out confrontation? For what it’s worth I don’t believe she would change her behavior.
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I’m not sure why you expect this to have any effect whatsoever.
She doesn’t care.
YTA for allowing your infant to live in this environment. Ben is she’s smoking outside, your baby is still being exposed from her clothes and hair at minimum.
You’re just going to let your infant live like this while you sue her to buy out her portion? Are you going to do anything to actually protect your baby or just let her continue to expose your child for the first several years of his life while you get around to getting her out?
If your MIL is erratic and hostile and endangering your child, consider asking your lawyer about a restraining order.
I would make her life as miserable as possible in the meantime.
Make sure any and all utilities are in your name, not MIL’s.
Change your wifi password and don’t give her the new one (assuming she doesn’t pay the internet bill ofc)
Likewise, lock down all your streaming services and put pin codes on them.
Install parental controls on all your tvs.
Keep your food separate and try to lock as much of it up in your own bedroom (obviously put a good lock on your bedroom door.)
Don’t do any of her laundry, don’t cook/share food, don’t let her use your car, don’t run errands for her, etc.
Make sure all your important documents are locked up in a safe, or better yet, keep copies in a bank safe deposit box. Do the same with your purse/keys/etc.
Also, you can start taking her cigarette butts and throwing them inside her bed sheets and pillowcase, as well as other annoying things. Maybe even put some in her dresser drawers!
You can also follow her around with a can of Febreze and when she smells like cigarette smoke, spray some in her general direction (not on her personally, as that could be considered assault.)
There’s lots of ways you can annoy the ever lovng shit out of her (legally) and make it to where she’s so fucking miserable she leaves on her own.
Also, NTA obviously
Yeah. Passive aggression. You’re both being passively aggressive. This isn’t going to get better while you’re evicting her.
She is going to burn the house down tossing butts into the trash.
Take the trash can 🗑️ outside. I could never have that in my house.
Get another one for outside her room. Use it for dirty diapers.
Pet mice. Free roaming pet mice.
Everybody is afraid of something. Get one of those. Spiders. Snakes. Pit bulls.
Let appliances “break” – oven, stove, refrigerator etc. She can pay for repairs.
Sprinklers that go off any time she is outside.
Do you have control of the thermostat? I have one I control over WiFi whether I am home or not. Temperature cycle her. Let her wake up freezing. Turn the water heater off “to conserve energy” at times she would use it.
REALLY SENSITIVE SMOKE DETECTORS (Like the ones on airplanes?)
Put the kitchen trash outside. It’s a little inconvenient, but better than living with the smell in your clothes, hair, rugs and curtains.
Of these, the only suggestion that would work with a baby in the house is moving the trash can outside. I’m going to do that.
Yeah, ppl who smoke (myself included) know full well what it can do to one and others. Your MIL is an asshole. Instead of doing that dumb shit you demand she doesn’t smoke indoors, period.
Why don’t you guys just sell the house?
Start flushing her weed and cigarettes down the toilet.
Empty the trash on the bed,let her deal with the smell. Sell the house now while the market is still good,buy something else.
I know you’re doing the best you can. I hope the lawsuit goes your way. Nta.
UpdateMe
You share a house so this is her home. Smokers gonna smoke. You need to get your own place.