see edit at bottom
I, (19F), and my boyfriend, (19M), recently moved into his family’s house (paying rent, etc.), about 8 months ago. We never really had any issues with his family/family’s actions until recently. For privacy reasons, no names are going to be named.
It all started at the beginning of the year when everyone started getting into “routines” and such with each other. BF’s older sister (23F) regularly has her boyfriend sleep over, hang out, almost live here, in a way. One day, after her boyfriend had left, she started absolutely SCREAMING at me and my bf about her mouthwash, saying we had used all of it, that we were “rude and disrespectful”, and needed to buy a new bottle. I tried explaining to her that I had my own *prescription* mouthwash, that neither of us had used it or touched it, and maybe to ask her boyfriend if he had used it. She refused, staying adamant about it being us that used it, that her boyfriend would never do that. Long story short, we dropped it for the time being, but found out she had taken MY mouthwash to her room and started using it since we “used hers”. Didn’t even ask. (Spoiler: sister’s bf confessed that it was in fact him, but didn’t want to tell her)
Well, fast forward to this morning, and it continues. Both of us were woken up around 5:20 AM to her screaming AGAIN outside our door about how “we’re both a**holes” and the babygate had fallen on her dog. A babygate that we have never touched. She kept going for about 10 minutes outside our door until she broke the doorknob to our bedroom door, knocked the chair holding the door shut to the floor (the dogs can usually push our door open, and it’s just not something we want to have to deal with, but new door handle has been ordered now.), and threw the babygate right next to our faces, then slammed the door and left, going to her bf and talking about how we’re so inconsiderate, etc.
There’s so much more that I could get into, but I quite frankly don’t want to. I just feel like I’m walking on eggshells 24/7, rushing to make sure everything’s in it’s place when I see her car pull in. I don’t know what to do anymore, as we’ve already had multiple discussions about her behavior, but nothing changes.
TLDR: Bf’s sister keeps lashing out on me and bf for things we didn’t do, then steal/break our things over it.
**EDIT: i understand I left some things out, i’m trying to write this on my break at work.
- Basically why this is even “AITA”, is because when she starts yelling, i unfortunately match energy after a certain point. If it’s been 5 minutes and she’s still screaming, not talking, I will get louder and then she makes it feel like my fault. I have very thin skin, so of course then I start feeling like it’s my fault and second guessing myself
-after she did all these things, yes I did confront her about them. Those confrontations went 0-100 quick, where yes, my bf did step in and tell her she needed to stop reacting this way to everything, and that he would bring it up to her parents, in which case he did, and they told her to fix it or move out.
(sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’m bad with words)
Comments
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I, (19F), and my boyfriend, (19M), recently moved into his family’s house (paying rent, etc.), about 8 months ago. We never really had any issues with his family/family’s actions until recently. For privacy reasons, no names are going to be named.
It all started at the beginning of the year when everyone started getting into “routines” and such with each other. BF’s older sister (23F) regularly has her boyfriend sleep over, hang out, almost live here, in a way. One day, after her boyfriend had left, she started absolutely SCREAMING at me and my bf about her mouthwash, saying we had used all of it, that we were “rude and disrespectful”, and needed to buy a new bottle. I tried explaining to her that I had my own *prescription* mouthwash, that neither of us had used it or touched it, and maybe to ask her boyfriend if he had used it. She refused, staying adamant about it being us that used it, that her boyfriend would never do that. Long story short, we dropped it for the time being, but found out she had taken MY mouthwash to her room and started using it since we “used hers”. Didn’t even ask. (Spoiler: sister’s bf confessed that it was in fact him, but didn’t want to tell her)
Well, fast forward to this morning, and it continues. Both of us were woken up around 5:20 AM to her screaming AGAIN outside our door about how “we’re both a**holes” and the babygate had fallen on her dog. A babygate that we have never touched. She kept going for about 10 minutes outside our door until she broke the doorknob to our bedroom door, knocked the chair holding the door shut to the floor (the dogs can usually push our door open, and it’s just not something we want to have to deal with, but new door handle has been ordered now.), and threw the babygate right next to our faces, then slammed the door and left, going to her bf and talking about how we’re so inconsiderate, etc.
There’s so much more that I could get into, but I quite frankly don’t want to. I just feel like I’m walking on eggshells 24/7, rushing to make sure everything’s in it’s place when I see her car pull in. I don’t know what to do anymore, as we’ve already had multiple discussions about her behavior, but nothing changes.
TLDR: Bf’s sister keeps lashing out on me and bf for things we didn’t do, then steal/break our things over it.
(sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’m bad with words)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole because sometimes when she starts yelling or saying we do things we didn’t, I get defensive out of habit and sometimes match her energy. It wasn’t added to the post but this morning when she came in, i yelled at her to get the f out and we could talk about it later, then shut the door in her face
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. That’s not “quirky sibling energy”, that’s aggressive and unstable. You can’t fix her, and your bf’s parents clearly aren’t stopping her, so the solution is distance
NTA, but living with her sounds dangerous. How much longer before she hurts one of you for some imagined slight?
>she had taken MY mouthwash to her room and started using it
And you did what about it?
>threw the babygate right next to our faces, then slammed the door and left
And your response was what?
You say you’ve had ‘discussions’ but I’m not seeing any obvious signs of any negative consequences for her when she behaves this way.
You’re asking if you’re an asshole for “reaching my breaking point” but you haven’t described what (if anything) you actually did when you “reached breaking point”. Did you do anything?
NTA. She sounds super unhinged, and her own boyfriend is terrified of her. It’s such a hostile living environment, perhaps you both should find your own place together away from psychotic, toxic people as that’s no way to live. Since you’re already paying rent, it might be better to live where someone’s not falsely accusing you, or stealing your stuff and breaking your door knob.
Good luck!
You don’t mention your bf. Tell him to grow a spine and kick her out or you’re leaving. Then STICK TO YOUR WORD!
NTA. As paying renters, you could try to talk to your landlords – BF’s parents presumably – about this in hopes they can make it stop. But the answer might be to get out, quick. She’s obviously being a huge AH and frankly sounds quite unhinged, but if you can’t get away from her and you can’t control her, you don’t have a ton of options. You could install locks and things to protect yourselves, your stuff, and your space, but that’s only going to solve a small part of the problem. Answer is prob to move out and reduce contact with the sis.
NTA
The only solution is to move out. It’s not your house or hers and none of you can make rules for the other unless you all agree. Where are the parents when all this nonsense is going on? Do they allow this to go on in their house?
you didnt do anything here. how are you the asshole??? if you did nothing like you said, obviously you arent. it sounds like you just wanna vent and bash your bf’s sis instead of actually being concerned of being in the wrong. obviously you aren’t, but like??? girl talk to her? fym she’s throwing shi at you n’ stealing your stuff and you let her walk away???
😭😭i’m too aggro that baby gate would fly right back over her fucking head.