I (36M) recently lost my job a couple of weeks ago. Let’s just say I was forced to resign from the company, as they were going to dismiss me anyway, alongside the rest of the team that were suspended for some gross misconduct allegations they’re claiming that we have committed. I personally think that the new area manager has it in for us, as we’re not a bunch of yes-men who agree with everything she does. But that’s not the point of this topic.
So last week, I was over at my parents’ house to have dinner with them, alongside my brother and his wife. Whilst chatting, my father mentioned that he came into my shop a couple of weeks ago, since he occasionally does his shopping in the area where I worked. He thought he might see me for a bit, but noticed I wasn’t in (obviously, I was already suspended). He also brought up that my other colleagues, whom he had seen before, weren’t there in the shop either (again, they are suspended too), and he saw a bunch of new faces instead. I figured I might as well reveal the truth regarding my suspension and resignation from work. After telling them the story, my parents got pretty worked up about this, and they also weren’t happy that I didn’t share my problems sooner with them or my brother. I mean, I don’t know why I need to share every aspect of my life with my family, but okay…
A few days after that dinner, my mother called me, suggesting that I should move back to live with her and my father so I won’t have to worry about paying rent and bills. I told her this was not necessary, as even without a job, I still got money to cover my expenses. With all the excessive overtime I did, I have even saved up at least two years’ worth of emergency funds, when situations like this happen.
Today, I found out my father had asked a friend of his if he could get me a job as a decorator in his company. I knew about this because when I went grocery shopping this morning at my local supermarket, I bumped into my father’s friend, who said he knows about my current situation and is referring me to his boss. I ended up calling my father after this, sounding annoyed that he went behind my back to do this and that he had best tell his friend that I’m not interested in that job.
Soon, my brother messaged me, having a go at me, saying our parents are only looking out for me, and why I’m being so adamant to refuse their help. His basically implying that I’m being childish and that beggars can’t be choosers. Like, it hasn’t even been a month yet that I’m out of work, but it seems my family is behaving like my situation is so bad that I will be evicted from the flat and starve to death pretty soon…
So, AITA? If so, I put my hands up.
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I (36M) recently lost my job a couple of weeks ago. Let’s just say I was forced to resign from the company, as they were going to dismiss me anyway, alongside the rest of the team that were suspended for some gross misconduct allegations they’re claiming that we have committed. I personally think that the new area manager has it in for us, as we’re not a bunch of yes-men who agree with everything she does. But that’s not the point of this topic.
So last week, I was over at my parents’ house to have dinner with them, alongside my brother and his wife. Whilst chatting, my father mentioned that he came into my shop a couple of weeks ago, since he occasionally does his shopping in the area where I worked. He thought he might see me for a bit, but noticed I wasn’t in (obviously, I was already suspended). He also brought up that my other colleagues, whom he had seen before, weren’t there in the shop either (again, they are suspended too), and he saw a bunch of new faces instead. I figured I might as well reveal the truth regarding my suspension and resignation from work. After telling them the story, my parents got pretty worked up about this, and they also weren’t happy that I didn’t share my problems sooner with them or my brother. I mean, I don’t know why I need to share every aspect of my life with my family, but okay…
A few days after that dinner, my mother called me, suggesting that I should move back to live with her and my father so I won’t have to worry about paying rent and bills. I told her this was not necessary, as even without a job, I still got money to cover my expenses. With all the excessive overtime I did, I have even saved up at least two years’ worth of emergency funds, when situations like this happen.
Today, I found out my father had asked a friend of his if he could get me a job as a decorator in his company. I knew about this because when I went grocery shopping this morning at my local supermarket, I bumped into my father’s friend, who said he knows about my current situation and is referring me to his boss. I ended up calling my father after this, sounding annoyed that he went behind my back to do this and that he had best tell his friend that I’m not interested in that job.
Soon, my brother messaged me, having a go at me, saying our parents are only looking out for me, and why I’m being so adamant to refuse their help. His basically implying that I’m being childish and that beggars can’t be choosers. Like, it hasn’t even been a month yet that I’m out of work, but it seems my family is behaving like my situation is so bad that I will be evicted from the flat and starve to death pretty soon…
So, AITA? If so, I put my hands up.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1). I refused help from my parents as I feel it was kind of overbearing and not needed. (2). I could be the AH for maybe not looking at the big picture and understanding they’re only looking out for me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I don’t think you’re an A here. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, your parents seem extra protective though. I don’t think you have to take anything from them. Tell them you appreciate the offer but you’re more than capable of finding your own job and doing just fine on your own.
NTA
Your parents aren’t assholes either.
Sit down with them and let them know you’re ok. Do not tell them how much money you have saved up.
Let them know you love them and are grateful they are looking out for you but you are 36 years old and if you need help you will ask for it.
NTA. I’d simply tell your parents, “Thank you for your concern, but I’m fine doing things on my own. If I need help, I’ll let you know.”
NTA and your parents aren’t either. They’re just trying to help, and you’re politely declining. Only your brother is out of line.
NTA. But please know, your parents will never stop worrying about you.
Maybe there’s something they can do that will be helpful for you but also meet their need to feel like you’re being taken care of?
YTA – I wouldn’t have said that until you got to the part where you called your dad and told him he “best tell his friend” something. You have no obligation to take a job, but getting mad at family/friends who are simply reaching out to their networks to check for openings to potentially help you is quite rude.
YTA you r dads subject until you leave his house actually? Seriously you do know that hes a working man to and the struggling dispartion you face is a reflextion of his life too🙌. Honeslty you should work for youre friens dad and vice versa
NTA, but don’t be a fool. If your family has a lead for you, accept it gratefully!
You don’t have to follow their advice but you can graciously accept the offer. As to the job offer from a family friend, at least take an interview. Who cares if it came through networking? It’s at least worth looking into.
I don’t think there is a real Ahole here, but if I had to choose one, it would be you?
No, they didn’t listen to you, and they shouldn’t have spoken about your situation to others.
Wanting to help their child isn’t the worst thing I have heard of… especially if they aren’t helping to hold it over your head or to manipulate you. It can be hard for parents of adults to ‘help’ – especially if they raised self-sufficient kids. To get angry at them for offering assistance or trying to network (though badly) feels like an over-the-top response.
NTA. It is a huge overstep for your parents to go job hunting on your behalf without even asking/consulting you first. You are 36 years old. You’ve been an adult now for almost 2 decades. Remind them of this.
Their intention is in the right place even if their execution sucks. So thank them for caring and let them know that you are not above asking for help if or when you need it but you don’t need it right now.
Not necessarily an AH, but you have to accept your family is worried and trying to help you.
ha, funny part is most people would love to have parents such as yours, I hope you see that someday.
NAH I would gently tell them how much you appreciate their concern and willingness to help but remind them that you haven’t asked for help yet; reassure them that if/when you need help, you know you have their support.