I (22F) yelled at my dad (50M) yesterday after he lit up firecrackers indoors, feet away from us while we’re having dinner, he’s not mentally ill.
Hearing yelling itself gets me super anxious let alone hearing the sound of firecrackers couple feet away from me, I yelled at him and told him to grow up, which isn’t like me at all, I never lash out or get angry, but right there I lost control. He although, looked at me with a grin and said “the next one will be aimed at you” i looked him dead in the eyes and told him to try, in my head I was sure he won’t do it, but he was about to actually do it, but mom stepped in and threatened to leave the house.
He stopped after my mom yelled at him, and acted like the victim, now is giving everyone the silent treatment.
My mom told me today that i should apologize for raising my voice at him, I refused and she said “he’s your father, doesn’t he deserves an apology even if you didn’t do anything wrong?” I was speechless. I know I’m not in the wrong here.
I’m sick of apologizing for not doing anything wrong, low grades, not greeting him properly first thing in the morning, hiding bad grades, hiding good grades cuz it’s never enough, laughing loud, making jokes, laughing to myself…im done, this is ridiculous.
Edit: I can’t move out, I’m a full time student, the only time I get to be away from home is being at uni dorms, I came back home 4 days ago after being at the dorms for 5 weeks(i try to stay as much away as possible). Also it’s culturally known here that girls and boys don’t move out of their parents house until they get married so after graduation im living back at home with them. Last time I had a conversation with my mom about moving out she said “how about you also find a man and propose to him”
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I (22F) yelled at my dad (50M) yesterday after he lit up firecrackers indoors, feet away from us while we’re having dinner, he’s not mentally ill.
Hearing yelling itself gets me super anxious let alone hearing the sound of firecrackers couple feet away from me, I yelled at him and told him to grow up, which isn’t like me at all, I never lash out or get angry, but right there I lost control. He although, looked at me with a grin and said “the next one will be aimed at you” i looked him dead in the eyes and told him to try, in my head I was sure he won’t do it, but he was about to actually do it, but mom stepped in and threatened to leave the house.
He stopped after my mom yelled at him, and acted like the victim, now is giving everyone the silent treatment.
My mom told me today that i should apologize for raising my voice at him, I refused and she said “he’s your father, doesn’t he deserves an apology even if you didn’t do anything wrong?” I was speechless. I know I’m not in the wrong here.
I’m sick of apologizing for not doing anything wrong, low grades, not greeting him properly first thing in the morning, hiding bad grades, hiding good grades cuz it’s never enough, laughing loud, making jokes, laughing to myself…im done, this is ridiculous.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I yelled at my dad, told him to grow up, it’s not like me,
felt like someone else was talking, not me
2) I never did that before, I’m always respectful to the point
don’t even look him in the eyes, so yelling at him is straight
disobeying even if he was in the wrong
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
? This is actually insane? Someone could have seriously gotten injured, not to mention the house could’ve been set on fire. Your reaction was totally justified.
NTA. But sounds like you have a bizarre home life that you need to address. Time to work towards moving out.
NTA for getting upset because it’s careless to light them in the home.
It does sound like it’s time to strike out on your own.
I think your dad is in fact mentally ill. NTA.
NTA. He’s abusive and your mom’s an enabler. Don’t apologize.
NTA. I’m sorry you’ve just discovered your dad is an overgrown child.
It sounds like your parent’s house is no longer a comfortable space for you to reside. Do you have options for moving out? Not sure if your Dad is this kinda guy…any chance he’s keeping these behaviours up hoping you’ll move out? Maybe it’s time for a conversation about where else you can live and how your folks can support you to make that happen.
NTA your father threatened to hurt you while he was setting off fire works inside, which could have burned the house down. Your priority is to move out of that insane asylum of a house.
NTA he literally could have burned the house down or seriously maimed you and your mother wants you to apologise to HIM? Talk about enabling
Does your dad usually act in such an abusive way? Your mom is totally nuts to ask you to apologize.
“Doesn’t he deserve an apology even if you have done nothing wrong”
No.
Apologies are not free. Give them when you have genuinely wronged somebody.
Do not give them because someone is upset or sulking.
In this case the apology is a humiliation, meant to determine who ‘wins’.
He lost his standing because (a) he was wrong (b) he was told so in public by someone lower in the hierarchy.
Your dad is trying emotional blackmail to get the apology which will restore his standing.
That is not what apologies are for.
On apologies: If you really did something wrong, learn to make a proper apology.
Too many people feel an apology is a humiliation and avoid giving them.
It’s like that way in your family.
Your father should give an apology and he probably does not know how to properly do it.
It’s acknowledgement you did something wrong, caused someone harm and you are sorry about it. It is not an explanation, it is not downplaying the damage, and it is not victim blaming (‘but you are soo sensitive!’).
Here’s one for your dad: “I am sorry I set off firecrackers in the house, which hurt your ears an upset you. It was a mistake.”
It is not: “I am sorry you got upset when I lit a FC in the house” (see the subtle victim blaming?)
Nta