So my cousin has three kids under 8 yrs old, I don’t have kids, and I’m perfectly happy with that choice. I’ve always helped her out here and there, babysitting for free when she needs a date night, emergencies, whatever. I don’t mind because I love my nieces and nephews.
But the other day, at our relatives dinner m my cousin made this comment in front of everyone. Someone asked me how work was going, and I said I was stressed because of a big project. She laughed and said, You think you’re stressed? You don’t even know real stress until you’re a parent. You wouldn’t get it, because you’re not a real adult without kids. Everyone laughed awkwardly, I didn’t let it get to me, at the same time it kept bothering me.
My cousin asked me if I could babysit all three kids for 6 hours because she and her husband wanted a day date. Normally, I’d say yes, but I rejected her, and I wasn’t available. She asked why, and so I finally said my feelings towards her, I don’t feel like helping out right now. It really hurt when you said I’m not a real adult because I don’t have kids. If you think I’m not a real adult, then maybe you shouldn’t rely on me for adult responsibilities. My cousin suddenly started bad mouthing me, and never asked me to baby sit her kids again. I love my nieces and nephews, at the same time I also don’t want to be disrespected and then expected to drop everything for her.
AITA for refusing to babysit my cousin’s children?
Comments
NTA. If I were you I would’ve told her “part of being a real adult is being able to find child care for your own children.”
NTA. She humiliated you, you refused. You don’t have any duty to babysit her kids.
Nta. She fucked up and she sound jealous of you.
“You wouldn’t want to leave your kids with someone who is not a real adult, would you?”
NTA. After all it’s damned irresponsible to leave a child to watch other children. She made it clear she views you as one so she’s either an extremely irresponsible parent or a hypocrite who only believes you’re an adult when it’s convenient to her.
NTA. She disrespected you for no reason. She was attention seeking and chose to humiliate you in the process. Never let something like that slide. Do not watch her kids again until she acknowledges her bad behavior and apologizes.
NTA. She should only have adults watching her children. She said you’re not one.
She can keep it moving. Just say you’re not available from now on. No need to go into details.
NTA. Your cousin can’t have it both ways, dismissing you as “not a real adult” while also relying on you for real adult responsibilities like free childcare. That was a condescending, unnecessary comment, and you were completely fair to set a boundary. Babysitting is a favor, not an obligation, and she lost the privilege when she disrespected you. Loving your nieces and nephews doesn’t mean you have to put up with her attitude.
You let it get to you.
NTA, she can find other real adults now.
NTA. It is puzzling why parents insult family members whose help they routinely use. What an idiotic thing for her to say. Life Rule: Don’t kick over the honey pot if you want honey.
People have different standards for what makes an adult, which are usually weird but make sense to them for whatever reason. Me i dont consider people real adults until the age of 25, and your only old when you have kids.
So i try to be more patient to people under age of 25, 25 and older i call out in stupidity more.
You are not wrong to put boundries for someone who you feel disrespected by. Even if you adore her kids some distance mighy be good.
NTA. Don’t do favors for people who disrespect you like that. It’s clearly long past time your cousin learns that her words have consequences just like her actions do. In this case, the lesson is “Don’t badmouth someone and then turn around and ask them to do you favors, because people tend to not want to do favors for jerks.”
NTA. Period.
NTA. She doesn’t get to insult the very person who helps her, then get mad when the gift horse shuts its mouth.
AI bots are terrible babysitters.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Both words and actions have consequences! The consequences can be either positive or negative and sometimes both! When in doubt DON’T!!!
NTA. Anyone who insults the person providing them with free childcare is not appreciative at all, and doesn’t deserve your time.
NTA,and that was a GREAT reply to her ignorant statement about your choice to be child-free. You don’t owe her, or anyone else, a reason for not doing something that you feel is being imposed on you. At any rate, you won’t be asked to watch her kids anymore. Win-win.
NTA! So she thinks she can insult you in front of everyone and then get a free babysitter? I’m glad you said that to her. If you aren’t a real adult, you shouldn’t be babysitting.
I know you enjoy the kids, but your cousin is taking advantage of you. See them at family events.
I smell bullshit in this post.
Since your sister has 3 kids shouldn’t it be “niece and nephews” or “nieces and nephew”? With only three kids you can’t have more than one of one kind of them.
Your account is 3 days old yet has negative karma. Where does this negative karma come from?
Are you karma farming to get your karma into the positive so you can post in certain subs?
NTA, why babysit for a “person” that disrespectful!! And tell your cousin that you deciding not to babysit was ALL on her and due to her nastiness towards you.
Honestly, do not let your cousin trash talk about you and retaliate in kind.
The children of your cousin are your second cousins.
NTA whatsoever. A ‘real’ adult takes care of themselves and their responsibilities instead of expecting and pushing them off onto others to do so for them. Such as expecting you to watch crotch goblins you didn’t bring into this world just because they don’t want to at that moment in time.
It’s a shame the kids are the ones who suffer from the crimes of their parents.
Tell her an adult would take care of her own kids. This child needs to go take a nap now cuz I can, B****
Your cousin’s children are not your nieces and nephews, they are your second cousins, much further removed than actual nieces and nephews, so feel free to tell your cousin to find her own childcare from now on. You were bullied and your life and feelings dismissed, so feel free to give the same back. Dismiss her for good and start grey-rocking her now.
The fact people laughed awkwardly when she flat out insulted you should have told her she crossed a line. NTA. You don’t owe her your time or energy after she insulted you and tried to diminish your life.
Your Cousin is the Beggar , with the big mouth-who thinks she’s also the Chooser.
You are NTA. But her kids are looking right At one.
NTA. Cuz is trying to flip the script to bc how dare you get the honor of free 3x child caregiver at their parents whim and get upset when she publicly humiliates you – narcissism 101- and she did not take responsibility for her actions. Don’t worry- they always come back before gifts giving events for their kids and/or when their adult choices to have children hinder their ability to do something they want to do- but won’t invite you bc then who would look after the kiddos?
Tell her since you’re “not a real adult”, she needs to pay you to babysit just like if she hired a teenager.
NTA. She sounds cruel. Thats a very strange comment to say at a family dinner. How dare she ask you to babysit after disrespecting you in such a vocal way with that many witnesses!! Now you can act accordingly. Visit your neice and nephew but dont do any free babysitting. Maybe u should charge her
Being a real adult is using protection against unplanned pregnancy if you and your spouse aren’t prepared to handle 3 kids
I will never understand the whole “you’re not an adult if you don’t have children” line, and I hear it a lot, especially since I am childless and middle aged. I still get it. It’s annoying. Also annoying: parents playing the child card to get out of work early or calling off from work all the time and getting dinged at work from the boss because you want a day off but a co-worker calls off every time and says “my kid was sick” and your boss expects you to pick up their slack. Because, “you don’t have kids”.
> She asked why
You didn’t even have to justify yourself. Your time (whether free or not) is yours. Just because you don’t have kids, it does not mean your time outside of work and house chores is meant to be parents’ to use.
> My cousin suddenly started bad mouthing me,
Ask her if the tactic of asking a favour and throwing a tantrum when told no is successful and to turn to the people with whom it is successful. Add that real adults with responsibilities don’t throw tantrums and are able to regulate their emotions when confronted with delayed gratification.
> never asked me to baby sit her kids again
lol. that’s what parents of young kids need. fewer available free babysitters. wish her good luck with her pettiness.
NTA
She had an opportunity to reflect on her high handed stupidity and apologize. Instead, she chose to double down by talking about you. She’s in the wrong. There are consequences for talking shit. It’s unfortunate that the kids are caught in the middle, but don’t let that jeopardize your relationship with them.
NTA. “Cousin. If I’m not a real adult then you shouldn’t be trusting me with you kids. How irresponsible of you. Find a real grown up.”
I really can’t understand why your cousin wants you to babysit since you’re not “a real adult”. If I had children I wouldn’t dare to leave them at the hands of a non- adult
You see, we people who are child- free by choice do exist and have REAL adult responsibilities
Although you can compromise with her in something 😈: tell her you babysit every time she wants IF she talks to the IRS on your behalf and tells them you don’t have to pay taxes because “you’re not a real adult”. If she achieves you get tax- free for life, babysitting is a deal!
Naaaa, she needs to own wtf she said. A simply “I’m sorry” would have sufficed but shes holding a stupid grudge. I absolutely do NOT call u An AH.
Make her learn that words have consequences.
NTA. She took advantage of you as a responsible and trusted sitter who never charged a dime. You happily made yourself available for hours and on short notice. Then she decides to belittle you at a family dinner for no reason, with a bizarre lie about stress.
“Your” punishment is that she no longer has you as an incredibly valuable resource, and her kids won’t have the same level of care. You get time back to go to a spa or do something fun to alleviate your work stress.
She sure showed you, lol.
NTA. She jut HAD to open her big mouth and say something hurtful. Well, cuz, enjoy paying a sitter.
NTA don’t bite the hands that feed you for free or for a whole lot less then a babysitter would charge you.
Nta. Ignore her calls/texts. She’s a taker. She FAFO.
Nta tell her a real adult takes care of their own children, and doesn’t pawn them off on other people.
NTA.
When they resort to name calling instead of apologizing they get nothing. Ever again.
NTA: only babysitting I’ll ever do again is my own grandkids, when they come along.
Well done! Everyone who heard her say that thought she was an ass clown. You put her in her place and the requests have stopped.