My sister has two young kids (3 and 5). She recently started asking me to babysit every weekend so she and her husband can “have a break.” I work from home during the week, but I’m still exhausted by the end of it and use weekends to rest, clean, and have my own life.
When I told her I can’t commit every weekend, she said I’m being selfish because I “don’t have a real job” and “don’t understand how hard it is to be a parent.” (For context: I am single and don’t have kids.)
Now my parents are saying I should help because “family supports each other,” but I feel like I’m being treated like free childcare. Am I the asshole for putting my own time first?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
My sister has two young kids (3 and 5). She recently started asking me to babysit every weekend so she and her husband can “have a break.” I work from home during the week, but I’m still exhausted by the end of it and use weekends to rest, clean, and have my own life.
When I told her I can’t commit every weekend, she said I’m being selfish because I “don’t have a real job” and “don’t understand how hard it is to be a parent.” (For context: I am single and don’t have kids.)
Now my parents are saying I should help because “family supports each other,” but I feel like I’m being treated like free childcare. Am I the asshole for putting my own time first?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
The parents can babysit if family helps each other
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I refused to babysit my sister’s kids every weekend, even though she says I have the time since I work from home. She feels I should help her as family, and now my parents think I’m being selfish. I’m worried I might actually be wrong for prioritizing my own free time instead of helping her out.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Then your parents can watch the kids every weekend. Your sister had children, not you. They’re not your responsibility.
NTA. If you find this out of sorts for your sister, please head it as the call for help it is. If this is the type of sorts for your sister, please stop second guessing yourself.
Tell your sister that only works for you when you offer. Tell her she had those kids so they are her responsibility not yours.
She had the kids, not you.
They’re not entitled to a break. They are parents 24/7 for 18 years. They must deal with the decisions they’ve made.
NTA.
Sounds like you DO understand that it’s hard to be a parent, which is why you’ve chosen not to be one at this time
I’d love to know what the sister’s serious actual job is that is so much more important and real.
Also you don’t have to understand how hard it is to be a parent. You aren’t one. I would think one weekend a month would be plenty if you are feeling helpful.
NTA Let your parents step up and grandparent their grandchildren if they want to call you selfish.
You’re not the AH. “Working from home” doesn’t mean “free 24/7 nanny.” Your weekends aren’t a subscription service. She chose the parent life, not you.
This is unreasonable
NTA
of course you’re not the asshole. Let your parents know you’ll tell sis they volunteered to take the kids on the weekend.
And your sister is deluded – when we have kids, it’s our problem. It’s nice to help out if and when you can and want to, but that’s where it stops.
Absolutely NTA. I’m also child free and work from home and my brother would never ever demand the right to dump my niece on me. That’s selfish of HER to demand you give up your time like that. She made the choice to have children and you are under zero obligation to alleviate the burden caused by her own choices. You can choose to help every so often if you feel up to it, but you are in no way TA for refusing to do so, especially because she’s acting so entitled
Sounds like the parents just volunteered!
Tell your parents to babysit.
NTA if they have “real” jobs, then they can pay for a sitter
>she said I’m being selfish because I “don’t have a real job” and “don’t understand how hard it is to be a parent.”
Tell her she is absolutely right. You don’t understand how hard it is to be a parent because you are not one. She is. Her choice, her responsibility.
NTA
Your parents are right, families SHOULD support each other! Which is whhyyyy they should be offering to babysit for free, every weekend! Win – win situation haha
NTA
Tell her to get bent.
I might have time,
But I also have a life to live,
when I’m not sitting at home doing my not real silly job that only earns me monopoly money.
Help is occasional not booking my free time fully to work in childcare.
And before someone says you are punishing the kids, you are not .
You come for auntie time for fun .
It’s not fun to work .
They are not deprived of love and care.
Babysitting is work which is why us parents pay for the service especially if we need it regularly.
Nta
Grandma can work every weekend she is retired and don’t need down time.
Tell that since she has a “real job” she should be able to afford a babysitter. Otherwise, tell her that since you DON’T have a real job you will have to charge her $250 for a 1/2 day babysitting and $350 for full day of babysitting.
NTA. It seems like your sister wants to guilt trip you into babysitting so it doesn’t feel like she’s asking for a favor, and I honestly can’t understand the reasoning behind this strategy. People really need to learn to ask for favors instead of pretending others have an obligation to help them.
Also, babysitting every weekend is a major commitment. You probably don’t have children exactly because you understand the amount of work they require. But somehow your sister seems to think it means you’re available as unpaid help.
Like others have said, let your parents do this if they think it’s such a simple task.
NTA: watching toddlers/young children is an exhausting ordeal, whether it is babysitting or parenting. My mom gets tired within an hour of being with my 3 year old son even when I’m home with them. No parent should be expecting anyone else to be taking that on, especially every single weekend.
Job shaming you into babysitting is a big AH move by your sister.
NTA. When my sister had her first kid I was firm that if she wanted me to babysit she’d have to pay me. But still. Your sister decided to have children. Not you. So they are not your responsibility. Live it up on the weekend without any kids by doing whatever you want!!
Works out great your mom wants to babysit. Every weekend. Otherwise she would stay out of this one. You didn’t have kids why should your weekend be kids?????
NTA I’m raising three kids (1, 5, 9) without any help from anyone, I NEED a break and yet would never dream of asking anyone to babysit every weekend. Hell, I took all three kids with me to the emergency room the Sunday before last when I got sick because I felt too guilty to ask anyone to watch them for a few hours on a single weekend.
If your sister needs a break and your parents support her having a break, your parents should be taking the kids every weekend. For family is extremely rude, entitled, and totally wrong.
I would be asking her when is your break? You work and need down time also and time to take care of errands. Does your sister work? If not, then this is an even more outrageous request.
Give them a fuck off price for the work.
Oh great, your parents think that family should support each other. That starts with the parents supporting their children.
Tell you sister that your parents have volunteered to step up and babysit every weekend to support their favorite child (her).
This repeated story is getting old.
It sounds like your sister is the one who doesn’t “understand how hard it is to be a parent.” She chose to do it, assuming she would be able to continue having her weekends free to do what she wants. That’s not how it works, and I can only pray she’s not passing this entitled attitude on to her children. You are absolutely not even remotely in the wrong. It sounds like you’re also much more mature and self aware than your sister.
They’re not your kids. You are not obligated to help raise them.
They just aren’t your responsibility. These are her kids, and she and her partner need to figure it out
Your parents can babysit! Problem solved!
lol. Sister needs a break every weekend from parenting.
Start teaching them swear words and knife throwing.
NTA.
HER kids, HER responsibility. Being a parent is hard, but she chose this. She can ask you to watch her kids, but she has no right to demand it.
You have your own life to live. She is out of line for criticizing your job. Maybe you don’t understand how hard it is to be a parent, but that’s your choice.
If “family supports each other”, tell mom and dad how nice it is that they’re volunteering to babysit. I’m sure your sister will appreciate it! Also, the fact that she expects you to do it for free is just wrong. She can pay someone to babysit or deal with her own kids.
If you can work from home wherever, would it be possible for you to move far enough away that you won’t be seen as available?
NTA, I think it’s insane to insult someone while demanding that you do them a huge favor,
As a mom, 3 and 5 yr olds are a lot of work and I wouldn’t demand anyone to watch my kids. That’s wrong of her.
Every weekend is too much. Occasionally seems nice but I wouldn’t feel obligated after those insults.
NTA
Just curious, how much were they going to pay you? Maybe tell them your going rate is $50/hour per child and see how they react. If your parents are guilt tripping you, why don’t they watch the kids.
Enjoy your child free weekends… Don’t even feel bad about it. Having kids was thier choice, theirs no breaks when it comes to parenting unless you either pay for a babysitter or have someone that wants to babysit.
NTA. You have a life. Niblings are fun but not your responsibility. And if your parents disagree, they can provide free babysitting every weekend.
NTA. I’m sure your boss would love paying you to watch someone’s kids from home.
NTA
Tell her that parents don’t get weekends free of their responsibilities because they need a break. That’s not how parenting works. If they want to do things minus their kids, they need to hire a sitter. Not expect their sibling to give up their own free time so they can have theirs.
Having no kids or partner doesn’t mean you are undeserving of a break after your work week, even when it’s WFH. It’s still work.
Your parents can give up their time every weekend to babysit, for free, if they feel that its of utmost importance to support family.
My brothers would literally laugh in my face and tell me to FO if I asked them this.
NTA not your kids
NTA. You work full time and need your weekends to get your chores done, as well as decompress from a busy week, socialise, have some time doing things that are not work. Sometimes, you are happy to babysit, and when you are, then you offer.
If they want a regular arrangement of a babysitter / nanny, then there are plenty of paid services they can book so that they can have some time off. Parenting is hard, and you get very little time to yourself, just to breathe and be an individual – but that is a choice they will have made and a sacrifice they will have accepted when they chose to have children.
It is not for you to solve their frustration at realising that parenting is every bit as exhausting and all-consuming as the parents they spoke to before told them it was.
You’re the asshole for posting this silly bait post.
This exact same thing gets posted every week. Must have been your week.
Nta, f them and their kids
NTA
EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND. Is too far. Maybe babysit the kids in an emergency, fine. But EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND. Is too far.
I work in a warehouse mon-fri
Sat/Sun are my sleep in late days/farmers markets.
How often has this appeared more or less word for word over the last few months.
Almost as annoying as the countless “AIO for refusing to move from my booked plane seat”
I’m tired of these same, idiotic scenarios.
Someone asked me to do something. I said no.
Now my family/friends say {insert here: I’m being selfish / family supports each other / be the bigger person}.
This sub has turned to shit.
And this is why I live in a different state than all my family.
This is likely an AI post, as it’s the same as a million others.
But, sister shouldn’t have had kids if she didn’t want to care for them.
Of course a real person in OP’s situation would not be the AH and their parents (the grandparents) are welcome to have the kids at their house every weekend.
I’m a mom with three kids and a hybrid schedule.
I would never ask nor expect someone to take over parenting every single weekend.
NTA. You aren’t required to understand how hard it is to be a parent. They should have made that assessment prior to becoming parents.
>Now my parents are saying I should help because “family supports each other”
Sounds like your sister has found her childcare solution!
NTA you have no responsibility to give your sister a break. She and her husband will have to either pay someone or take them to your parents, since they are so keen on your sister getting a break every weekend. Her kids are not your problem.
Sounds like your parents can step up if “family supports family”
NTA. She’s being incredibly entitled
NTA. As a parent of two children, you are absolutely not the asshole. Having children means they are the parents’ responsibility, not anyone else’s. I would also point out that if you hypothetically had two children now or in the future the chance that your sister would mind them is slim to none. I would respectfully suggest if she keeps going on with this bullshit that you explain that since she pointed out that you have the time (and thank her for her help with this) you are going to sign up to something that takes up all your weekends so unfortunately you won’t be around on weekends any more.
Ha, your sister wants to have weekends off from her kids. HA!
That’s not how parenting works.
What an A H.
Not you OP, your fine, you’re NTA. Your job isn’t 24/7 weekends and holidays. Enjoy your time off.
Make some big plans to break the habit then say no from that point forward. If sister wants time away from her kids let her hire someone. Let her tantrum and cry to your parents. Still say no. They can’t take away your birthday and that might be a good day to treat yourself with a day off from all of them.
I’m sorry all your relatives suck.
Saying you dont have a real job just because you work from home, I’d never watch her kids again. It’s not your fault she spread her legs and had babies. If you wanted to be responsible for children, you’d have some. She can’t expect you to babysit her kids just because it’s convenient for her, she’s being entitled. I understand needing a break from your kids every once in a while, but every weekend nobody made her have kids if she didn’t want them and needs a break from them all the time she shouldn’t have had them.
This is bait, literally post from yesterday, too lazy to even edit.
NTA.
If your sister wanted to have weekends off, she shouldn’t have let hubby give her those couple ill-fated creampies.
“Imagine that, the consequences of your own actions!”
NTA. Sounds like your parents just volunteered to take the kids every weekend, refer your sister accordingly.
NTA.
Don’t consider doing this for even a second. They’re your sister’s kids. They are her responsibility.
Is it tough to have kids? Yes. But she has a husband and they both made the decision to have them. If your parents feel that your sister shouldn’t have to parent, why aren’t they stepping in?
It would be nice if you could take them out for ice cream or to throw a ball around at the park for a few hours once a month. Taking them every weekend is far too much.
This gets posted so much
NTA. Your parents can babysit. Just bc you don’t have kids doesn’t mean your time isn’t valuable. They chose to have kids. That’s a 24/7 job. They don’t get weekends off. Just say no and do not entertain it. The min you give an inch they’ll take a mile
If your parents think you should help because “family supports each other”, why aren’t they babysitting every weekend?
NTA
Tell them they shouldn’t have had kids if they can’t be there 24/7 365.
NTA. Not your kids, not your problem. If your parents are trying to guilt you, tell them to do it. Even better: Charge a going rate of like $50/hour per child, plus a $100/hour late fee. Working from home is real work. I work from home as well.
Fair warning: They may try and force the kids on you by leaving them on your step and then driving off. I’ve seen multiple stories on here like that. Tell them if they try anything, you will call CPS and the cops instantly.
“my parents are saying I should help because “family supports each other”
—Tell them if that is true, then they should be stepping up and taking on the task.
NTA. Neither your sister or your parents or anyone else has the right to tell you what you do or don’t have time for. Next time she makes this demand, simply say “No” and hang up or walk away. Offer no explanation–that just gives her the chance to argue. Just. Say. NO.
Y T A for posting a story that has posted about a billion times before. r/botsleuthbot
NTA. She decided to have kids not you and you have your own life to live. You should flip it on her and tell her she’s being selfish because she had kids without consulting you.
You weren’t ready to become an aunt.
NTA one of my biggest issues with modern parents is the complete entitlement with free babysitters and the “village”
So you’re supposed to give up your weekend break so they can be off every weekend.?
Sounds like your parents just volunteered! NTA
NTA. Your sister and your parents are MAJOR AH. Your sister decided to have mini-me. That is her responsibility and no one else’s. Your parents should have told her off for her rude behavior. I am guessing they won’t because they don’t want to babysit either.
It is a gift from you to her IF and WHEN you are willing to babysit. That is something she needs to learn.
NTA. Sounds like Grandma and Grandpa need to help out, since they can preach about it. Insulting your work and energy isn’t the way to get what they want. They all sound like entitled jerks.
I have a 5yr old and 1yr old. NTA, they need to figure it out. Childcare one day out of a month is very generous. Protect your time and your peace
NTA and since your parents are so big on “family supports each other” it sounds like they’ve just offered to babysit for her, and you should let them know. Also, since your sister has a “real job,” she can afford a babysitter.
As a parent of a small child I agree a break is needed every now and then,; however it’s not your responsibility to provide that regardless of how real or imaginary anyone thinks your job is. Tell her to kick rocks.
If “family supports each other” then why can’t your parents help out? NTA
What a strange family you belong to.
Parents don’t get a break, sadly. It’s lovely when family offers to give a break, and maybe if you have time you could offer to have the kids for an hour and do something enjoyable with them as a genuine Aunt, but you don’t need to have them and it’s absolutely unfair of your sister to demand that you should! She chose to have kids and this is the life, sadly. If your parents believe that your sister needs a break, why don’t they babysit? It would be more normal to expect a break from grandparents than siblings anyway. E.g., I’d ask my mum if I was overwhelmed (maybe like once a month) whereas I’d never ask my brother, who is single, works hard, and has his own life and instead just be extremely grateful if he asked to take the kids somewhere.
NTA, tell your parents they can do this. I mean: family helps each other
Every weekend? Insane request. Once in a while? Sure. But it sounds like your sister wants free childcare and is being a dick about it. NTA.
NTA. Find out what local babysitting companies charge for services and send them a quote for watching their children or links to the local companies they can procure services from.
Tell her hire a babysitter. Period. Stand on that hill. She’s ridiculous.
Why can’t your parents do it?
NTA
I work from home too, its longer hours and more intense than going into the office.
Counter offer with one day a month. That’s reasonable and still a big help to her ungrateful arse.
Every weekend is insane, and I bet she wants to leave them overnight. Pretty soon she’ll have you picking them up from school on Friday and dropping them off at school on Monday.
Didn’t I see this exact same story like… a week ago?
AI is really getting lazy.
Seriously?
NTA
Sounds like your parents have volunteed to look after their grand-children every weekend.
This sounds exactly like all the other AI posts lately.
If not, of course NTA.
Tell her to talk to your parents as grandparents love having grandchildren around.
NTA Parents with the “because family” excuse, and the lack of understanding that “Work From Home” is real work.
No one really cares if youre the asshole or not. same story been posted a million times with the same cliche catch phrases….
If I read this “family helps family” BS one more time FFS. Especially coming from family who should step in instead of guilting someone else. Tell your sister to F off
She’s invalidating your JOB. Don’t babysit for her EVER. Why the EFF WOULD YOU??
NTA
… why aren’t your parents doing it?
I’m fairly sure I’ve read a similar post every day for the last fortnight. To summarise:
No, childless people are not tributes to the Mighty Womb
If your mum and dad nag you again, tell them that now they’re old they have nothing better to do than to babysit their grandchildren and you’ll tell your sister that next time she asks
You’re single, you need your weekend time to mingle so you can find a partner to start your own family with.
Yes, having kids is exhausting, then don’t have more than one if you can’t handle it! And you don’t owe anyone babysitting. She can ask her friends with kids. She won’t because they’ll ask for reciprocation.
typical assholes, do not babysit at all moreover every weekend for free, ask for 20$ per hour if they need a nanny!
NTA, asking OP to babysit every weekend would be a definite no, with a good laugh in their face. Parenting is a 24/7 job, that is not OP’s responsibility. WFH can be just as stressful as an in office job.
OP’s parents can step up to help “family” if they feel their other daughter needs every weekend to be child free.
NTA
Tell your parents to do the babysitting, since they’re so into family helping family.
NTA. Your sister’s kids are hers to raise, not yours. If she wants a “break” every weekend, she should hire a regular babysitter at the going rate.
You know what’s selfish? Taking a weekend off from your kids on a regular basis and taking someone else’s free time for no pay. That’s the epitome of selfish—thinking about what you want instead of what others need. When you have kids, you put them first. There’s no out just because you’re tired of being a parent all the time.
Hold your ground. Holding family members accountable for their own choices is also a form of family support because it helps them grow up and be more responsible. NTA
Let your parents watch them.
I’m sure she knows where babies come from. If you want to help occasionally, that’s great, but you aren’t required to keep them every week.
That’s wild. Absolutely NTA.
It would be nice of you to take them once in a while if they ask you and/or because you WANT to, and as a side effect, it gives their parents a break. Being an auntie or uncle can be an amazing and fulfilling experience, and good for the kids too. But you are absolutely not obliged to take care of someone else’s children, regardless of your work status.
NTA. Her real job can pay for babysitter or she can kick rocks.
NTA Tell her you’ll be happy to stop working to have energy at the weekend, as long as she replaces your salary. As it’s not proper work I’m sure they’ll be able to afford it…
Um, no, you are NTA. She made the kids, she can take care of them. If you want to volunteer to watch them periodically, that’s great. If they’re really in a desperate pinch and NEED your help (I’m talking like someone is in the hospital or something), then yeah, you’d kind of be TA to say no. But not simply because they want a break. You need a break, too, from your own job and your own stresses. Let grandparents babysit (or pay for a babysitter) if they have so much to say on the subject.
ikr! why don’t they step up if they’re so concerned?
NTA – You have zero obligation to babysit ever. If you want to offer occasionally to help out, that’s fine. But a standing thing? Hell no. But DO NOT waste time justifying yourself to them. That just gives them space to argue. Just say “We already discussed this, not going to happen.” If they keep at it say “Sorry, gotta run” and hang up/ignore there texts/leave the room. Don’t engage them in a discussion about it.
“No” is a complete sentence.
If your parents think family supports each other, they can do it.
Not ths shit again. If your parents are so concerned, they can babysit. Put yourself first and NTA.
NTA. Her kids are not your responsibility. It is not your ‘job’ to give her a break from parenting her own children. She chose to have kids, she is now responsible for them. Period. She doesn’t have an automatic right to your time and energy. Being dismissive of your job is just ugh. Tell your parents to keep out of this and / or tell them that you are so glad to hear that they are volunteering to look after their grandchildren. You feel like you aren’t being valued because you are not being valued.
NTA! Not your fault or responsibility because she couldn’t have her husband pull out. Have kids…suffer the consequences!
I read this same story yesterday.
You’re definitely being treated like free childcare! And no, you don’t understand how hard it is to parent, because you don’t have kids. So why should you be made to suffer? You should be allowed to enjoy your childfree life. People who dismiss your work as “not a real job” don’t get perks. NTA.
This comes up in reddit almost every week. Read one of those posts and you’ll know your answer.
The only people responsible and obligated to provide childcare are the two people involved in creating said children.
Your sister is an entitled AH.
Do parents deserve a break? Yes. Does that mean childless family is obligated to give up their free time to watch the children? No.
They can hire a babysitter.
NTA
Anyone else tired of the AITA if I don’t let people abuse me, my time, my money, my home?
NTA as always
NTA, just because you do your job remotely doesn’t mean you babysit while working. Tell your parents they aren’t your children and if they think family needs to step up. Its their job as grandparents. Fill up your weekend with things happening where you live, from farmer markets to outdoor concerts.
NTA. She chose the kids, not you. Working from home is still working. Why should you never have a day off?
It’s nice to help family, maybe take them for the afternoon once a month or so, but every weekend is ridiculous. When do THEY spend time with their children?
Any family member shaming you, tell them that you’re SO glad that they’re going to take the kids every weekend since they’re family!
This very same scenario is posted at least three times a week. 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
NTA , tell your sister to hire a sitter like the rest of the world does . it is not your responsibility to watch them every weekend
NTA. Did not even have to read it. She has no say over what time you have. You don’t owe explanations. Even if you want to spend the weekend in your jammies in front of the tv, your time your choice
NTA, it is negligent as hell to ditch your kids every weekend. tell her you did not sign up to coparent with her and her husband.
Hang on a second. Do these kids go to daycare/school? If so, does she ever spend hours upon hours with them?
NTA and great that your parents volunteered
NTA. So they need a break every weekend? I have kids. I would never ask someone to cover my parenting duties 8-10 days a month. That is a ridiculous ask. I could understand 1-2x a month, which is what you offered. If your parents think that is not enough, they can step up.
NTA. Your parents can help if it’s no big deal.
NTA. Just because you spend most of your time at home does not mean that you are obliged to be your sisters day care service. She made the choice to have two kids, its her responsibility to care for them.