My sister’s birthday is coming up and she planned a weekend trip with her friends . Sounds fun except her plan for child care is me .
For context , I’m a work from home mom of two little angle ( ages 2 and almost 1) . My days are already chaos , zoom calls with a baby in hand , cleaning up messes , chasing a screaming toddlers , barely holding it all together. It’s not like i sit around with free time.
She asked me to watch her toddler for three full days while she’s out of the country . I told her no , because I’m already stretched thin with my own kids . Adding a third child , solo for an entire weekend ? That’s not a favor , that’s a survival mission .
She got mad and said I was being “selfish ” and that it’s “just one weekend.” But to me, this isn’t small . It’s not few hours of babysitting it’s round the clock parenting responsibility that she is try to dump on me .
I suggested asking the child father to babysit while she is away but the flat out refused , I even offered other alternatives : I’d help her find a babysitter , or I could maybe cover a few hours her and there if she could split care with someone else . She refused saying sitters are “too expensive” and “family should step up .”
Now she has been ignoring me and posting cryptic stuff online about ” some people don’t know the true meaning of family and sacrifice .” Meanwhile , I’m over here sacrificing daily just to keep my two kids alive and job intact
So reddit , AITAH for refusing to her kid while she goes on a birthday trip ?
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My sister’s birthday is coming up and she planned a weekend trip with her friends . Sounds fun except he plan for child care is me .
For context , I’m a work from home mom of two little angle ( ages 2 and almost 1) . My days are already chaos , zoom calls with a baby in hand , cleaning up messes , chasing a screaming toddlers , barely holding it all together. It’s not like i sit around with free time.
She asked me to watch her toddler for three full days while she’s out of the country . I told her no , because I’m already stretched thin with my own kids . Adding a third child , solo for an entire weekend ? That’s not a favor , that’s a survival mission .
She got mad and said I was being “selfish ” and that it’s “just one weekend.” But to me, this isn’t small . It’s not few hours of babysitting it’s round the clock parenting responsibility that she is try to dump on me .
I suggested asking the child father to babysit while she is away but the flat out refused , I even offered other alternatives : I’d help her find a babysitter , or I could maybe cover a few hours her and there if she could split care with someone else . She refused saying sitters are “too expensive” and “family should step up .”
Now she has been ignoring me and posting cryptic stuff online about ” some people don’t know the true meaning of family and sacrifice .” Meanwhile , I’m over here sacrificing daily just to keep my two kids alive and job intact
So reddit , AITAH for refusing to her kid while she goes on a birthday trip ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> refusing to babysit while my sister goes on a trip for her birthday . this day is her special day and she might have cancel her plan
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NOT the A. She’s not in the hospital without childcare, or something like that. The kid has a dad who could do it, and you’re already stretched to the limit. She’s trying to make her fun your problem. Stay strong and don’t do it.
INFO: does she ever babysit for similar lengths of time? If she’s trying to guilt about “family and sacrifice”, is she doing this ever for you?
From the info, NTA as it sounds like you’re being upfront that you just cannot properly care for her child for length of time and she doesn’t have the budget to plan for alternative care options which is her own planning fault.
NTA:
You didn’t just say “no.” You suggested her child’s father, offered to help find a sitter, and even offered partial help. That’s generous. “Family should step up” often really means “I want free childcare.” But being family doesn’t mean sacrificing your health or your kids’ needs so someone else can take a luxury trip.
So she planned the trip before sorting childcare and then trying to guilt and manipulate you because her plan to offload her child didn’t work? Lord, the audacity.
Family should step up? The child’s family is their father. What is her excuse for not asking him? You’re not the substitute parent just because she is incapable of getting along with her ex.
> Now she’s ignoring me
Perfect! Problem solved. Who gives a crap about her cryptic online posts. She needs to grow up and learn that she can ask, but people can say no. Personally, I’d never babysit the kid again. She made her bed, now she can lie in it.
NTA.
She’s right. Family should step up. And the most immediate family to that child is the father. If your sister chose to procreate with someone so useless that she can’t have him “babysit,” that’s her issue. NTA.
It’s so weird to me how some people ask for a favor but get angry when told “no.”
NTA. She is correct that family should step up, so her baby daddy can be a parent for a few days. They would be family stepping up. If she can’t figure out a suitable babysitting arrangement that isn’t telling you you’re selfish for saying no, that’s a her problem. She is a parent so fun girl trips take a back seat to parenting her child. It sucks that she doesn’t have a partner to help, but not a bit of that is your problem. And does this child not have grandparents? They too are “family” who can step up.
NTA – she is responsible for her kids
NTA and she obviously realizes the value of what she’s asking you to do, since she acknowledges she’s too cheap to pay someone. This kind of care would run in the hundreds at least with a qualified sitter. The audacity of her asking you to do it, and for free at that!
I’m kind of dumbfounded whenever somebody says no they feel the need to offer to help pay for it, or let the person guilt them or call them selfish when all fingers point to them. I get offering suggestions that they might not have thought of but in the end, they’re so entitled allowing their choices to affect so many people.
NTA
If she can’t afford childcare while taking a child-free vacation she can’t afford a child-free vacation.
Word of warning though, if she has in the past ever babysat for you while you went on vacation, don’t expect her to ever do that for you again. Don’t even ask.
Would she do the same for you, right now with your kids at these ages?
NTA. You don’t owe her child care at all, most certainly you don’t owe her free child care. Say no, keep saying no, if she just dumps the kid call CPS or the police and report that she abandoned her child. As for the Dad and ‘babysitting’ – Dad’s don’t babysit – they parent. If he can’t or won’t parent his own child for a weekend, or if there is some issue like drugs, criminal activity, etc that prevent him from being a parent that is for your Sister and him to deal with.
Just let her pout and act immature. She needs to get over her herself. NTA.
NAH. Or at least not between you and your sister. The real AH here is the father. Taking care of your own kids is not babysitting, men.📢📢📢
It’s unreasonable to expect someone who is a WFH employee to babysit. You have a job that will be affected.
NTA bit she’s going to dump the kid anyway.
Fuck her. It’s NOT your problem.
NTA. You aren’t her nanny. The child has a father. It’s his job to parent his kids. This is a ridiculous ask! Stand strong in your “no.”
NTA. And you are on the fast track to burnout…
NTA. Maybe she should have budgeted for childcare while she was planning her trip instead of just assuming you’d do it.
Also, you are in no way obligated to “make sacrifices” so that she can go on holiday without arranging or paying for childcare.
Oh the family helps family baloney!!! Lol. Entitled people are the only ones who use that and it is almost always a huge ask! Ridiculous! You are right! The baby has a dad and that’s who should be asked. Stay firm with your NO!
Ask if she will do this for you the weekend before. In her home. You stay home and chill; you do something with friends, go for walks, to the museum, see a play. Travel somewhere, even if it’s only an hour or two drive away and do the fun thing that town has, or cabin in nature.
Maybe she says yes and you get a break and watching the child is worth it and she then understands.
Or hold your ground. NTA for a flat no thank you. You offered help. The child’s father is “family”.
Nta. She really does to get the father involved. Stand your ground.
You need to tell her you already gave her your final answer.
Warn her if she tries to just leave him on your property and run, you will call CPS immediately on her
Let her know the consequences
NTA
Meaning of family and sacrifice ? Well she had the child so she can sacrifice her holiday !! They can easily spend the evening at her house to celebrate. It doesn’t need to be 3 days away !! She is the AH not you
NTA – she is the mother, she is responsible for her own kids. She should have figured it out beforehand.
You do not owe her childcare, unless she has taken care of yours frequently.
Her ex does owe childcare as he is the father.
You should not risk your job. Now if she is willing to replace those funds and insurance until you find a better job, that might be different.
I would respond to the post, yeah family should step up, she can ask the child’s dad. She won’t. I can’t handle 3 solo and work at the same time. I can’t risk my job for her to go play. Family should respect family. Respect would have been asking family before plans were made, and assumption made.
Then here is the kicker. Her child is family and family should come first. She did not make sure her child would have care, so she came first before the child. She did not step up for her family, she tried to dump her child.
NTA – just ignore her posts and passive aggressive comments and get on with your life. She’s making her own drama,you don’t need to be in ringside seats.
NTA
Tell her when she starts stepping up to babysit for you, you’ll return the favor.
But not for three days.