As a quick run down I’d like to tell you a little bit about my sister. She is 30F and is getting married in 2027. She is one of those women that follow every TikTok craze, from labubus to only wearing cheetah print, everything has to be designer, she has to be trendy, she has to be perfect.
Obviously this wedding has to be the most perfect, trendy event of the century, though she won’t be having a photographer, a wedding cake, dancing or walking down the aisle. According to her those things are too “cringe”. Now to my question. My sister has been really closed off about talking about the wedding, my whole family is really excited about planning it with her, but she won’t tell us because all of her ideas are way too over the top and expensive and she knows that we will call her out on it. She has already spent £17,000 (5000 on a deposit) on a venue and her and her fiancé 26M can’t even get the guest list over 60 people, 7 of those being hers.
As her bridesmaids, she was originally going to have me 18F and our other sister 25F. The bridesmaids dresses she wanted were going to black, we were allowed to wear whatever cut and length, it just had to be black. Then recently she changed her mind. She wanted every wedding guest to wear black and the bridesmaids were going to wear this taupe/beige colour. I do not feel comfortable wearing that colour, whilst both of my sisters are very tall and slim, I’m a short fat girl, i will look and feel horrible in a slinky beige dress. I suggested going back to the original plan but she lashed out, my mother suggested that maybe I shouldn’t be a bridesmaid and without a second thought she said I shouldn’t be. Was that an overreaction? She just lost one of the two bridesmaids she could scrape together over the colour of a dress?
Now I can understand that it’s her wedding, at the end of the day her decision is final. Though all of her decisions about this wedding are ridiculous, all of her ideas and decisions are completely over the top of expensive and all we want to do is help her. She’s in debt and can’t keep a job! Now she’s letting the colour of my dress ruin our relationship, she has barely 10 people to invite to this wedding including wedding party and she’s already cutting me and my mother off from being in the wedding party. AITA?
Would like to add some extra information (very sorry if this muddies the discussion or anything like that)
I will always support my sister, all of my judgements are just my internal feelings on the issue and anything I say to her will always be just trying to help her. I and my family feel my sister will never be satisfied and will always be changing her mind and in the end this wedding will not be everything she wants and she will end up hating it, that’s just who she is and that’s okay. Also would like to clarify that I am not “refusing” to be a bridesmaid, she has just said I shouldn’t be, dramatic title ig lol. Also she has banned everyone (including guests) to change for the reception or after party unfortunately. She has such strict expectations for this wedding, all I (and my family) are doing is trying to make it a little more lax. I appreciate every reply that has been sent and am taking all of them on board. Thank you.
Comments
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As a quick run down I’d like to tell you a little bit about my sister. She is 30F and is getting married in 2027. She is one of those women that follow every TikTok craze, from labubus to only wearing cheetah print, everything has to be designer, she has to be trendy, she has to be perfect.
Obviously this wedding has to be the most perfect, trendy event of the century, though she won’t be having a photographer, a wedding cake, dancing or walking down the aisle. According to her those things are too “cringe”. Now to my question. My sister has been really closed off about talking about the wedding, my whole family is really excited about planning it with her, but she won’t tell us because all of her ideas are way too over the top and expensive and she knows that we will call her out on it. She has already spent £17,000 (5000 on a deposit) on a venue and her and her fiancé 26M can’t even get the guest list over 60 people, 7 of those being hers.
As her bridesmaids, she was originally going to have me 18F and our other sister 25F. The bridesmaids dresses she wanted were going to black, we were allowed to wear whatever cut and length, it just had to be black. Then recently she changed her mind. She wanted every wedding guest to wear black and the bridesmaids were going to wear this taupe/beige colour. I do not feel comfortable wearing that colour, whilst both of my sisters are very tall and slim, I’m a short fat girl, i will look and feel horrible in a slinky beige dress. I suggested going back to the original plan but she lashed out, my mother suggested that maybe I shouldn’t be a bridesmaid and without a second thought she said I shouldn’t be. Was that an overreaction? She just lost one of the two bridesmaids she could scrape together over the colour of a dress?
Now I can understand that it’s her wedding, at the end of the day her decision is final. Though all of her decisions about this wedding are ridiculous, all of her ideas and decisions are completely over the top of expensive and all we want to do is help her. She’s in debt and can’t keep a job! Now she’s letting the colour of my dress ruin our relationship, she has barely 10 people to invite to this wedding including wedding party and she’s already cutting me and my mother off from being in the wedding party. AITA?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
This is a prime example of cutting off one’s nose to spite your face.
It’s one effing day. Wear the frigging dress for the wedding and change for the reception.
Just wear the dress. I’ve donned many a hideous bridesmaid’s dress in my life. this is your sister, and it’s HER day. If she’s overspending, I get how that’s frustrating, but again, it’s her problem
YTA it’s your sister’s wedding, not yours, you can bail or wear it and feel self conscious but it is you damaging your relationship if you don’t show not her. I can get the thinking things are OTT but it isn’t your money or your wedding you could just let her have her day but you are choosing not to
Don’t walk run away from the situation.
Don’t take it personal it’s going to be a disaster, you want space from this for sure. Be kind and bow out gracefully and grab the popcorn and the kleenex. Its gonna be a wild ride.
NTA
>I will look and feel horrible in a slinky beige dress
It doesn’t have to be slinky though? Your sister literally said “whatever cut and length.”
Sounds like you want to wear black (your comments about your weight make me think you wanted to wear black for it’s “slimming” effect), and now you’re upset because you’re being asked to wear a less flattering color.
It’s a color. Get over it. You’re free to say no to being a bridesmaid, but everyone will know that you’re refusing to be a part of your sister’s wedding over a color.
>she’s letting the color of my dress ruin our relationship
No… that’s what you are doing.
Which makes YTA.
I know it’s frustrating , but this will pass. You can find another too slinky dress that you will be ok in. Wear spanx.
YTA you’ve had nothing nice to say about your sister’s wedding, just judging it and being rude about it before it’s even happened. Brides always choose the colour of the bridesmaids dresses and the bridesmaids don’t always love the colour choice but wear it for the bride. Beige isn’t a horrific colour, you can try on different styles to find one that you feel comfortable in, you can have it tailored so it sits nicely on your body. Maybe try and be a little more supportive of your sister, if you want to be part of planning the wedding with her stop putting down all of her ideas.
I would be grateful to be out of that mess. Now you can wear whatever you and and not have to be near her on the big day. Sounds very peaceful.
Please tell her its cool to have an open bar and then you can get drunk too!
By 2027 she may change her mind again and again, depending on some stupid tik tok trend
NTA. You didn’t refuse, she uninvited you the second you voiced discomfort. Wanting to feel comfortable at your sister’s wedding isn’t some huge ask, and if she’s ready to drop you over a dress color, that says way more about her than you.
YTA, it’s her day and who cares if what she wants is to be on trend. (She shouldn’t spend money she doesn’t have to do it, but also not your business.) You’re the one letting a color come between you because you aren’t getting your way. She’s letting you pick the style of the dress, so don’t choose something slinky.
You didn’t refuse to be a bridesmaid, though. Your sister booted you at your mother’s suggestion. From the tone of this post, I suspect you actually kicked up a fuss over the dress color and sis was having none of it. That you keep banging on about how few people she can find to invite suggests you’re actually angry she kicked you out and you’re on the attack.
Quit acting like the victim and just go as a guest.
I agree that she sounds like a nutter. However, it is not your wedding. How much money she spends, her debt, her fascination with trends, etc do not matter. It is her wedding. She picks the dress color. You should have just accepted the change and said nothing.
2027 is a long ways off. She might change her mind again. You sound very judgemental of your sister, so why do you care if you are in the wedding or not?
YTA
YTA, I’m not a big fan of weddings, but if you choose to be involved the color scheme has nothing to do with you.
The colour doesn’t make it slinky, so unsure what your size has to do with it….colour issues mean it’s the wrong colour for your colouring but you’ve not said anything about that.
The overspending and trend following stuff is a completely separate issue to the dress colour. Her number of guests are also a separate issue. Bringing these things into your rant to make your sister look bad doesn’t change the outcome.
If you aren’t going to dress in the bridesmaid colour then you can’t be a bridesmaid. I’m unsure what you expect from you giving what seems like an ultimatum from your phrasing. Really it’s on you, tell her you let your insecurity get the better of you and wear the ugly colour or say you understand and will support her as a guest.
>Also would like to clarify that I am not “refusing” to be a bridesmaid, she has just said I shouldn’t be, dramatic title ig lol.
Dramatic but also exactly 100% opposite to the reality, apparently.
You’re not refusing to do anything; she’s removed you as a bridesmaid, that’s her decision, and she’s made it – you are no longer a bridesmaid. You’re clearly NTA for doing this because you didn’t do this, she did.
Enjoy the peace and quiet.
NTA. The people telling you to just wear it are weak people-pleasers. Brides who don’t at least try to pick something their entire bridal party will be happy to wear deserve to lose friends and family over it.
Edit: And it isn’t ~her day~, she doesn’t get a day and neither does anyone else, the rest of us are all still here.
YTA because this sounds more about how you dislike her than the colour of the dress lol
lol okay but who wants to wear beige tho?? i feel you and beige is a vibe killer
She’s not letting the color of your dress ruin the relationship. You’re the one doing that. YTA.
NTA and wait until not too long before the wedding, something else will be the latest trend by then.
NTA. Ignore the people telling you to suck it up. They’ve got a wishbone in place of a backbone. I’m willing to bet she never makes it down the aisle.
Yta it’s one day wear the dress be there for your sister on one of the most important days of her life . The reason why your not In bridal party is you have nothing but negative and judging every single one of her choices and had tantrum over the dress
So many people did not read the post. The title should be different, obviously, but people should still read the whole thing. NTA. You voiced your discomfort about it, you got dropped. It was like she was waiting to drop you. Maybe you should have said nothing but she’s literally your sister, most siblings would be able to have that conversation, especially the very first time discomfort was brought up.
I was 2 months PP at my little brother’s wedding, my dad and step mom brought a dozen dresses over to my house, it was obvious when I felt uncomfortable and without saying anything they said NEXT! Nobody in their right mind wants their bridesmaids to look or feel ridiculous. Is there a line? Yes, you can’t veto every single dress, but if you’re uncomfortable and you can’t tell your sister without hell fire scorching your relationship, I don’t know if you had much of a relationship at all. It might be better to be away from that mess.
My sister literally picked my pink Marilyn Monroe looking dress as her MOH. I didn’t care. I was happy to be a part of her special day. Idc if she made me wear something ugly or too revealing (which I do NOT wear) I would wear it just to keep her day special and 1 less issue for the bride
Don’t think you like your sister, it’s probably a good thing you’re no longer part of the bridal party. You’ve not had one good thing to say about her or her wedding.
NAH in my opinion because there is no conflict.
I wouldn’t say YTA but you’re being a bit awkward. It’s her wedding day and it’s her choice what the bridesmaids where. You can make suggestions but if you’re a bridesmaid and she wants her bridesmaids to wear the most disgusting tartan dresses the world has ever seen, then you better wear the dress or not be a bridesmaid. Simple.
YTA. You say you want to help her but what you mean is that you want to help but only if it’s with the things you personally like. But since she has a different taste all you do is judge her and throw a tantrum over a dress. If you want to help her then do what she wants. A beige dress isn’t something outrageous, it’s pretty standard for a bridesmaid dress. As a bridesmaid your job is to help her have the wedding she wants. Instead you alienate her and your family over a dress color. Grow up. She isn’t a bridezilla, you’re just unsupportive.
YTA
Saying you are trying to help someone because you won’t look good in a dress colour doesn’t make much sense. You are not trying to help her. You dont like the dress. It won’t suit your figure. You literally said that. It has nothing to do with helping her.
Tell me 1 way that her wedding day will improve by changing the dress colour for you?
NTA
You didn’t refuse, she removed you
However…
The comments about “the color doesn’t include the style” are true, so if she gives you a 2nd chance look for a style that’s flattering & plan to have it dyed later
Plus, she’ll probably change her mind again before too long
I stopped at Tik Tok mega fan who isn’t having a photographer. Something doesn’t ring true imo.
I Wonder what would happen if the next trend is to elope the minute before the wedding…. too much effort to be “trendy” imho. It’s ok to set boundaries too. An invite isn’t a subpoena.
NTA.
ESH a bit I think, but tbh I wouldn’t fight any battles over the details of the wedding. I would be shocked if she doesn’t change things 100 more times before the wedding and there’s every possibility that the wedding resembles nothing like she’s currently planning or that it doesn’t happen at all.
YTA. Wearing an unflattering dress is part of the job you agreed to do when you became a bridesmaid. (There are unicorn bridesmaid dresses that are flattering on everyone out there…but those aren’t the norm.) It is exceptionally common for brides to choose horrible dresses in horrible colors for their wedding party. Because style and color preferences are a matter of taste, and people’s tastes vary widely. That is literally the risk you take when you agree to be someone’s bridesmaid. If you aren’t willing to let a bride put you in a dress you think is ugly and that you’d never chose for yourself, don’t agree to be a bridesmaid in the first place.
ESH.
Sheesh, your sister sounds like hard work, and I think many of her demands for the wedding are hard work. That said, wearing the bride’s choice of dress is part of being a bridesmaid. It is not uncommon to have to wear something that is not your favourite colour or style, and, TBH, she’s throwing you a bone by allowing any style but specifying only the colour.
Nobody’s going to force you to be a bridesmaid, but it’s a bit much to make the decision purely based on dress colour, IMO.
NTA Beige makes me look like I am ill. So I understand why you have issues with the dress.
It’s reasonable to have some boundaries about what you are, and are not willing to wear in support of another person. If you feel that her vision has crossed the line from quirky, to dressing you in an outfit that is embarrassingly unflattering, and as a result will cause you to feel humiliated in front of friends and family, then it’s reasonable to say no if she can’t find a workable compromise.