So, I’ve attend group therapy for about 4 years now and I’ve made a lot of friends and I have contact with a few people outside of group via social media. A new kid came in and they stopped me when group was over and asked for my phone number so we could support each other outside of group. I have never spoken to this person before so I declined it and told her that we technically aren’t supposed to talk to each other outside of group (which is true but no one listens to that rule). I feel like an asshole and two-faced because I’m a support system for 3 people in the group but only because I’ve been friends with them for years.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
So, I’ve attend group therapy for about 4 years now and I’ve made a lot of friends and I have contact with a few people outside of group via social media. A new kid came in and they stopped me when group was over and asked for my phone number so we could support each other outside of group. I have never spoken to this person before so I declined it and told her that we technically aren’t supposed to talk to each other outside of group (which is true but no one listens to that rule). I feel like an asshole and two-faced because I’m a support system for 3 people in the group but only because I’ve been friends with them for years.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Not accepting to be someone’s support system
2. Because I’m other people’s support system in the group
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA I’ve been in this situation before. I would absolutely never give someone my number in a group therapy setting again.
NTA. It’s not your job to play amateur therapist for a stranger.
NTA it’s better to be authentic and say no than to say yes and do a half-hearted job.
NTA especially since you’re already helping three other people manage their struggles.
NTA. Everyone is entitled to their own privacy when they are in support groups. You have developed relationships with peers in the group and you have connected. You’re within your rights to give your info out to the people you trust. I struggle with boundaries in the same way. No is a complete sentence. It’s harsh, yet gets the point across in a clear effective manner. I look at myself after these types of situations to figure out why I’m getting upset about it.
Gentle YTA because it would have simply been more honest to say you don’t feel comfortable having that kind of relationship with someone you’ve literally just met. If that person continues in the group, they’ll likely find out at some point that that rule is one people do break, and in fact you are one of them. It would have been better to be truthful here because it’s an incredibly sensible position to have anyway, to not want to be close right away with strangers—and closer, in fact, to your actual reason.
NTA, it’s not your responsibility to go out of your way for this new person who you don’t know super well yet. I don’t know how much help you would even be at this point, because you don’t even know their background/story. Maybe in time you will become friends, but maybe you’ll actually find out you hate them. You never know so no numbers until you do.
NTA, it’s not your job to be their full time therapist, you need rest and by doing so it might affect your peace in the long run
NTA. You did the right thing. You need to get to know this person first before you decide whether you want to offer them further support.
NTA. If it’s a group therapy, then it needs to be just that-a group. I would give this person a chance with being part of your group, but definitely be careful who you give your number out to, otherwise you’ll be everyone’s on call therapist. Trust me. I know…..
NTA – You have to stop giving spoons out somewhere.