My nephew is 3 years old and I have been in his life and taking care of him since he was 4 months old, he’s my sil’s son and suddenly my wife and her sister both are asking me to become his legal guardian.
My sil is divorced, her ex husband would abuse her and he wanted to divorce her on the accusation of adultery my sil instead of fighting him agreed to a clean divorce because she wanted to focus on herself and her then newborn.
She wasn’t financially stable and lacked real support so she started living with me and my wife, it was my wife’s idea and I agreed.
We got closer to each other and I started bonding with my sil and especially with my nephew, I raised him and took care of him this whole time.
But both my wife and sil asked me if I could become a legal guardian to my nephew, I was caught off guard so I asked them why would they bring this up out of nowhere.
They said that since my nephew is of age to go to school and he’s growing up it’s better for him that he has a male guardian and would be an assurance that he has a man’s name on his certificates instead of a woman’s.
I said that I’m okay with being a father figure for my nephew and I love him but I feel uncomfortable becoming his offical guardian, we kept discussing back and forth for almost an hour.
When I lost my patience with them I told my sil that I have always welcomed her and nephew in my house and took care of them and they can stay with us for as long as they want so why are they forcing me.
She said she’s not forcing me she just wants me to consider it because my nephew needs me and she thought I also love him as a son and she’s grateful that I helped her unconditionally.
My wife said right after that we as a family should move forward and I said I will think about it, my sil said that she didn’t want to pressure me and I am free to do what I want.
My wife says that we both love him as if he is our own so we should become his legal guardian because she knows that I love him just as much as she does
Aita for refusing or would I be if I do refuse? I even thought of kicking them out if I refuse guardianship but I never said anything about it to either of them and I feel like ah for even thinking about that
Comments
Not the AH. Love ≠ legal obligation. You’ve already gone above and beyond, guardianship is a lifelong commitment, not a guilt trip. Stand firm
NTA
You are already providing a male presence and figure in his life. You’re also literally supporting his life. This is a legal maneuver, and I would be very suspicious of it. Because they reasonings make very little sense. But if you step up to become this child’s legal guardian you will also be financially responsible for him , which you already are, but you’re doing it out of the goodness of your heart. This would give you a legal obligation.
Brand new account. Fake story. And why is each sentence given it’s own paragraph? except for the last paragraph lol
NTA but think long and hard before kicking anyone out. That would be a move that could permanently alter the relationship between you and your nephew.
In order for you to become legal guardian, his mother is giving up her rights. Why would she do that? Is she dating someone who does not want children? Is she planning to move out without him? My suggestion is to find out why she wants to give up her rights.
NTA
By becoming a legal guardian, you become legally responsible for supporting him.
You are right to not make this move.
NTA. What they are trying to do is make you responsible for someone else’s kid.
NTA, it’s understandable. I mean, taking on guardianship isn’t something you’d just jump into, and honestly, it’s great that you’re thinking this through.
THIS IS FAKE! By someone who doesn’t understand what it means to take on legal guardianship and that it can’t be done unless BOTH parents have lost or given up rights!
Please ban these accounts!
YTA for making up this story.
NTA guardianship means you take all the financial responsibility. Is she getting child support from the EX? Maybe offer to take care of him in the evenings with your wife while your SIL goes to night school to improve her situation? In the US he is old enough for PreK and in other developed nations he is also likely old enough for some of the free schooling programs. I would just encourage SIL to up her life with schooling, training or certifications and try to help her live independently
Nta something isn’t passing the smell test. You said no and that’s okay. I would stick with helping but not taking on the legal obligation of being a guardian
NTA, do you understand that if you become the legal guardian she can screw you over with child support when and if she moves out?! She probably wasn’t faithful in her marriage and thats why she didn’t seek out child support on that end but if you do end up putting your name on the BC/being the legal guardian, you will be lawfully responsible for him. I definitely don’t think this is a good idea and your wife needs to have YOUR back. It’s been almost 3 years and she hasn’t figured out to level up and level out your house?? She’s definitely using both you and your wife.
NTA, be extremely careful with what you do, you could end up on the hook for financing his education, being a fun uncle who provides for him with no legal responsibility is giving just as much male support he needs.
Is it about the money that she thinks she will access if you are legal guardian….??
I like drama, so this is my theory.
Your wife is planning on leaving you, but they need your money to support the child, they know that if you two split up you will no longer help the child. This is the way they found to keep you chained for life.
(Again, a theory based on drama)
NTA
Nta, your wife is being fucking weird about this, there is literally no benefit or need for you to become guardian of this child, is your wife wanting to become the legal guardian as well? If you really want them to drop it because they keep pushing, just ask if you can sleep with sil if you become the kids dad, that should shut them up 🤣🤣
NTA but the word unconditionally really stands out to me. That has a WHOLE OTHER cogitation to it and makes it sound like she wants you for more than moral support. If you become his official guardian, you could be on the hook for child support until he’s 18 and financially responsible forever. I wouldn’t do it but I would try to get the heart of the real motive. You can be a supportive male figure without being legally and especially financially responsible for a child that isn’t yours.
NTA, with a caveat.
Your SIL needs some therapy is she’s not already in it. She has an abusive STBEX spouse, but she’s got a lot of trauma to process before being able to be confident on her own. Her crossing a boundary is one born out of fear for her son. Get her into therapy so she can get some perspective.
Is she trying to get child support from you or something? Just seems weird to me
You’ve already welcomed them in your home but the fact they tried to keep pressuring you is beyond rude and entitled. You’re doing more than enough and you don’t need to be the legal guardian to keep helping. Your SIL took no as an answer but your wife trying to pressure you is the real problem.
Could she be hoping to sue you for child support? What does your wife think about this?
This is suspicious.
Look.
Unless you’re sleeping with your SIL, too, and that’s what your wife meant by “let’s all move forward together as a family,” I see no reason for you to put your name on any legal documents. You’re already doing everything else for him/them.
Keep saying no… Because legal obligation isn’t the same thing as you volunteering.
NTA.
Updateme
NTA
Careful that SIL doesn’t try and force child support obligations.
Being a father figure and legal guardian are two very different things. Legal guardianship means you are legally responsible for his well-being, finances, education, healthcare decisions, and potentially even inheriting debts or being on the hook for major long-term commitments. It’s not just a gesture; it fundamentally changes your legal relationship and obligations. You’re thinking clearly by recognizing the weight of that.
NTA. But has your SIL considered the can of worms this may open? If you are in the US, the court won’t just give you legal guardianship because the mother wants it. As long as the child has a living biological father he would have to agree. And once the court involves him, there is no telling how he will react. The court will demand a paternity test whether or not bio dad wants it. Then the court will advise all parties that whoever has legal custody/guardianship has the right to get child support.
Most times this triggers the bio dad to request custody or shared parenting. Then all bets are off and the next thing you know it’s $$$ in attorney fees and a ton of drama and lost work to attend hearings you never signed up for.
Tell your SIL and wife they are better off letting sleeping dogs lay.
Check with a lawyer in your area.
In our area you can only become a child’s guardian if there are no parents or parents give up their rights.
Maybe she’s using the wrong terminology? Or she does’t know the law?
Maybe she wants you and your wife to adopt him?
But she would still need his bio-father’s agreement to any of that.
Or maybe she just wants him to be your heir – to inherit your assets.
The situation is weird and her request is weird,
so I would talk to a lawyer and make sure everyone understands what is being asked, what is legal.
Before jumping to conclusions or evicting anyone.
Good luck.
NAH
There’s something sketchy going on here. Does SIL think she’s going to get child support or an inheritance out of this? It doesn’t matter in the least which gender your parent/guardian is. NTA and I’d be highly skeptical of whatever fuckery is afoot.
NTA. Don’t do it, it will give an excuse to just disappear.
NTA. Please say no and kick her out. This is BS. She is trying to pawn her kid off on you
NTA. The only way this conversation would make any sense is if the boy had major medical issues and SIL had crappy insurance but the boy didn’t qualify for anything else and you, OP, have great insurance. (Assuming health care system like the US)
And once you legally become his guardian, you are responsible until he’s 18.
Don’t do it bro they’re going to hook you into child support. In my state it’s extended if they stay in school until 25. Don’t
Don’t
NTA. He doesn’t need a legal guardian, he has a mother and a father (out there somewhere). Are they going to both sign away their rights? And by certificate are you saying his birth certificate??? How is that even possible when a DNA test that most states would require to change the birth certificate would show you are not the father?
Tell them both no and then update us because this is so strange and I’m totally invested and need to know the outcome.
This is highly fucked up.
As soon as you claim guardianship the SIL will split and you and your wife will be raising him as your own.
NTA but for you to become nephew’s legal guardian his biological parents must relinquish their rights. Even if SiL is eager to do this, she would have to get her ex to do the same. Does she realistically think he’ll do this??
You know she could go after you for child support right?!?!? This seems really shady.
sounds like your wife and SIL made a side deal to get you on board with taking over legally.. Then afterward, the SIL disappears or something, leaving you with a kid.
Nta
you’re not wrong to take time and think about what guardianship would really mean. it’s okay to love someone deeply without being ready for that kind of responsibility. just be clear with them, and if you decide it’s not right for you, let that choice come from honesty, not frustration.
NTA I wouldn’t do it either once you politely said no that should have been the end of it I think it’s weird she and your wife are pushing it feels like there is something else going on and they aren’t telling you. Don’t be pressured.
NTA
Your SIL is planning to abandon your nephew if she’s given the chance. Unfortunately that seems pretty obvious right now
Were both of you asked or just you? How would it work? Sil and ex hubby give up their rights, has ex already? Why doesn’t she want parental rights? If it’s you and sil, how do you explain your dad/uncle in the eyes of the law? So many questions