I (24M) am Black and mixed (half Mexican), and my girlfriend (23F) is Japanese. We recently welcomed our first child, a baby boy, and he’s absolutely perfect. We decided to name him Nobu, which means “trust” or “prolong” in Japanese. The name honors my girlfriend’s heritage, and we both love its meaning and significance.
The problem is my mom. From the moment we announced his name, she started making unnecessary and hurtful comments. At first, it was subtle things like, “Oh, that’s… unique,” or, “Are you sure that’s a good choice?” But as time went on, her remarks became more direct and disrespectful. She called the name “too foreign” and even joked, “Why didn’t you just name him something normal, like Michael? He’s going to get bullied for this.”
The final straw came when she visited to meet Nobu for the first time. Instead of being excited to meet her grandson, she laughed and said, “Poor kid’s going to have to explain his name his whole life.” My girlfriend, who was there, looked so hurt by the comment. I told my mom to stop disrespecting his name, but she dismissed me, saying I was being too sensitive and that it was “just a joke.”
After that visit, I made the decision to stop bringing Nobu to see her. I refuse to have my son exposed to that kind of negativity, especially from someone who should be supportive and loving. Until my mom can show respect for the choices my girlfriend and I have made, she won’t be seeing her grandson.
AITA for putting my foot down and refusing to let my mom’s disrespect affect my son?
Comments
Your mom she’s auditioning for the role of ‘Most Outdated Grandma’! Nobu is a name that’ll have everyone asking where they can get some sushi definitely not bullied.
NTA
Good for you for sticking up for your family. Mom needs to learn that her opinion is hers but no one else needs to hear it. And that being rude, not “joking” because no one is laughing except her, is unacceptable. Stick to it until she learns her lesson.
NTA since she’s being disrespectful and the “too foreign” comment is definitely racist, but I will say that Nobu is a very well known (international) sushi restaurant and depending on where you live, he may get comments about that throughout his life.
https://noburestaurants.com/
NTA. You mom needs to rewatch Bambi and learn the lesson taught to Thumper. If you don’t have anything nice to say dont say anything at all. That isn’t really a name I see kids making fun. It’s kind of a play on the name of one of the most famous Japanese daimyos during the Sengoku period Oda Nobunaga. That is where my mind went when I read the name and thought it was an awesome choice by you and your wife.
NTA you’re standing up for your son and his name, your mom crossed the line with her disrespect
It sucks that she’s right, but she is. People like her who will think of it as weird and make-fun-able are plentiful in America. But these are also the same people who will make fun of a mixed looking kid named Michael anyway, so.
No you’re NTA. Nobu is a cool name. Do what you can to make sure he grows up mentally strong and with unshakeable self esteem.
NTA, she the main bully
NTA. TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!!!!!
NTA
You set a healthy, strong boundary. Now let’s see if Grandma behaves!
Wow. You’re wonderful!! Always protect your wife and kids.
NTA – your child has a great name and I hope he has a fantastic and successful life. Negativity can have a massive impact on a child, your mom needs to stay away until she can figure out how to not behave in such a way.
Unless Nobu is short for Nobunaga Oda, you have done your child a great disservice. You may as well have named him Sharkeisha. YTA.
It sounds like the only one bullying for his name is your own mom. If she didn’t like it, she’s free to feel that way, but constantly going on about it like that is not what she needs to do. Dismissing your comments is also a slight to you and the boy’s mother. I’d say, until she learns to act better around you rand your family, some distance isn’t a bad thing.
Imagine your first bully being your grandmother. That’s the real tragedy here, not your son’s name.
NTA
YTA for naming your child Nobu. Unfortunately your mum is right. Too many people try to be unique without considering how it will effect the child later in life. Although NTA for trying to protect your child from the inevitable teasing he will endure.
NTA at all
Your mom’s behavior is completely out of line. It’s tough but sometimes you gotta do what’s best for your family even if it means upsetting relatives
You’re definitely NTA
NTA. Your son’s name is meaningful to you and your girlfriend, and it’s not your mom’s place to mock it. A grandparent should be supportive, not dismissive or hurtful. If she can’t respect your child’s identity, it makes sense to set boundaries. Protecting your son from negativity is more important than appeasing your mom’s outdated views.
NTA, and congrats to both you and your partner on a great name choice.
Even if your mother promises not to denigrate your son and his name, please don’t allow her any alone time with him. There are so many Reddit stories where grandparents will use the name they prefer to address the grandchild, and that would be confusing for him. By making fun of his name, your mother is saying she can love and accept your son unconditionally. Your son deserves a better grandparent than that.
Congratulations both on a child and having courage to defend your child and his mother from your mother ‘s negativity insults and lack of respect. There are way too many men out there who would tell the woman don’t make waves. Just keep things nice. Better to be nice to her and smile through this. She’ll learn to get over it eventually and said you chose to put your foot down and say enough is enough. My child and his mother deserve respect. You will treat them that way or you won’t see them. I wish more men would follow your example.
Your mom has a point it’s a strange name and he will be picked on growing up with a name like that. And your being way too sensitive about it your mother is just trying to make you understand the repercussions of naming your child a weird name. Don’t be surprised if he changes or chooses to use a different name when he gets older.
Nobu has true meaning and is unique. You are doing the right thing.
Has your mom heard the actual names that black people name their kids? Some are considered ancestral or unique but hardly “normal”.
NTA
Nta
Always good to stick up for yourself and your family. If your mom isn’t normally the disrespectful type and this catches you off guard, I’d maybe talk with her more about it because rhe reality is kids do for sure get bullied for their names. Or get tired explaining it, and don’t like hearing their parents judged for naming them something etc. I think you gotta decide if your mom’s comments are genuine disrespect or genuine concern because you might just be feeling personally offended since it’s the name you guys came up with
NTA
I can be pretty harsh about some people’s name choices, but the one you picked for your child is from your child’s culture, spelled appropriately for that language, and does not require anymore explanation than, “I’m part Japanese,” or “My mom’s Japanese.”
It would be different if you’d named him something ridiculous like “Naruto,” but you didn’t.
NTA for drawing boundaries with your mom but YTA for saddling your kid with a name that will lead to bullying and make it harder in the business world. There’s a lot of discrimination in the world unfortunately.
Nope. Grandma can stuff it. She plays by your rules or you stay home. He’s your kid, it’s your call.
NTA. It’s about not exposing someone who is racist to a culture other than her own and being so narrow minded. Children aren’t born to be prejudice but raised to be that way.
Yes your son may very well spend a lot of time explaining his name to people.
But that’s the choice you and your girlfriend made. And your mom needs to respect that.
She should love your son unconditionally no matter what his name is.
NTA… you need to make decisions that’s best for your family.
NTA. You’re absolutely right to protect your child from negativity, especially from a family member. Your son’s name holds deep meaning for both you and your girlfriend, and it’s completely unfair for your mom to belittle that. Family should be supportive, not dismissive or mocking, and you’re doing the right thing by setting boundaries. It’s not about being “too sensitive”—it’s about standing up for your son and making sure he grows up in a positive, supportive environment.
NTA It’s funny how such blatant disrespect and casual racism is always dressed up as ‘just a joke’ and it’s always super obnoxious that the person who is being disrespected is always being ‘too sensitive’ and ‘should be the bigger person’ and ‘just let it go. Continue standing your ground against your mom on this and any other such issues that arise, especially when it comes to your wife and child!
NTA – I am also mixed and have a fairly unique name. But I can’t imagine being named after a restaurant although it is a lovely name.
I grew up in a super white area and still went to school with a brilliant kid named Nobu. To me, it’s a classic. NTA, your mom is being foolish and mean.
Those comments will lead to him having a complex, anxiety is not fun. The world is harsh enough, he doesn’t need it from Grandma.
NTA racist people hate being called on their racism. Weird how your mother insults her grandchild…then expects to be allowed to see them…
Tbh you’re literally showing her how you intend to protect your child from people dumb enough to mock someone’s name.
NTA
Cool the sushi place
NTA – your child is mixed and I love that you’re trying to honor his mom’s culture. The world is a melting pot and people who are still making a big deal about names being “foreign” are idiots. The fact is that your own family is a melting pot and honoring that with names.
I’m proud of you for putting your family above the stupid comments of others.
Your kid may get the normal “what does it mean” and “where does it come from” questions about their name, obviously.. It’s not a common name.
But it beats the so maniest kayileighh or kite-line (pronounced as kate-lynn ofc)..
what names lost to nobu
Aww, grandma is baby’s first bully!
NTA. She’s so concerned about bullying that she decided to be the first to introduce him to it??
Nobu’s mom sounds like a total btch for disrespecting that sweet kid’s name. I mean, come on, Oda Nobunaga was a major Japanese daimyo, not some random nobility. It’s like she thinks it’s weird ’cause he’s mixed race or something… Ugh, people can be real pieces of sht sometimes. Good for you OP, sticking up for your family and protecting your kid from her negativity
No. I’m sorry your mom is such an idiot.
Nobu is a dope name tbh. Unique but not weird or cringey IMO. Well done on the name, I hope you and your family have a wonderful life.
Also, NTA
NTA. Your mom literally said your son was a joke. I get she used his name as a way to frame it. Your mom shouldn’t have any kind of contact with your family. Go NC.
She’s not wrong though.
NTA You are choosing to protect your child and your wife, if your mom wants to be a part of that she needs to not act like a jerk around an innocent child.
NTA. Your mom had one job—be a supportive grandma. Instead, she chose to clown on a baby’s name? Nah. You’re protecting your son and your girlfriend from unnecessary negativity. Good on you for setting boundaries.
How sad that the first person bullying your baby for his name is his own grandmother.
Tell her that. Her worrying about him being bullied should start with herself. Does she not understand how culturally insensitive and just plain mean she’s being?
As he gets older, he will need that protection.
At the moment, you should be protecting your girlfriend, the mother of your child, from your mother. You are doing so.
Either way, you’re doing the right thing.
NTA.
Nta, but your mom is being one. I highly doubt he’s going to be bullied for his name, and yes, he will have to answer questions, but more than likely, just from curious kids wanting to know what it means.
Your mom doesn’t seem to understand her role and that she isn’t the parent and has no say in what you decide to name your beautiful son.
Youre NTA, you’re an excellent parent. As someone who was bullied by their grandma growing up, please keep her at arms length.
I also personally love the name choice and am dying over what I imagine your little man looks like. I bet he’s just the cutest 😍
NTA got a lot of mixed kids in my family. If someone made a joke in bad taste especially towards a baby in an obvious dig at them they can catch hands mom dad old people even the dog included
NTA
Tell your mom to quit being racist