So I (16M) live with my aunt and uncle, and their daughter (my cousin, 28F) and son (21m), who still live at home. We’re currently not on speaking terms, and honestly, this has been building for a while.
This all started during the school holidays. My sister (15F) and I were doing the dishes, and I heard ducks making noise on the roof of a nearby 5-story apartment building. I sometimes imitate animal sounds just for fun, and apparently my cousin thought it was me. She snapped at me, telling me to “STOP MAKING THAT SOUND.” I calmly told her it wasn’t me — it was the ducks. She never apologized or acknowledged it. I left it, but from that day on, I stopped talking to her.
Later that same week, I was packing away dishes and needed to open a drawer she was standing in front of. She looked at me and didn’t move. When I tried to go around her, she asked, “Why can’t you ask me to move?” I told her, “You never ask, so why should I? You can’t want respect when you don’t give any.” I also told her how she always picks fights with me but never sees when she’s wrong.
I even phoned her mom (my aunt) to explain what was going on, but she did nothing. That same day, my cousin only washed her own dishes and left the rest for others — which she often does.
Fast forward to today: She left her dirty dishes on the kitchen island for two hours and spilled coffee on a chair — just walked away and left it. When she came back and saw it was still there, she looked visibly annoyed but didn’t say a word. She ended up cleaning it herself, but it clearly bothered her.
Later, my aunt got home and asked me (with attitude) why I hadn’t mopped the floor. I genuinely forgot, and as she was scolding me, I saw my 28-year-old cousin smirking like she was enjoying it. She even gave me a dirty look when she noticed I saw her smirk.
And this isn’t new behavior. Every school holiday, she finds a way to start drama with me. It’s like clockwork. She does nothing all holiday, just sits around, but somehow acts like we’re the ones who need to go. She literally treats me and my sister like intruders, even though we live here too. One time I asked if I could use a little cheese to make something for her brother (older than me), and she said “no.” When he came to ask, she flat out denied ever saying it.
She lies, plays victim, talks over me when I try to explain, and constantly tries to make me look crazy or unstable.
I know she doesn’t want me in the house — and I’ve accepted that. So when I eventually move out, no one better act surprised.
Anyway, AITA for refusing to clean up after her or treat her with respect when she constantly disrespects me?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
So I (16M) live with my aunt and uncle, and their daughter (my cousin, 28F) and son (21m), who still live at home. We’re currently not on speaking terms, and honestly, this has been building for a while.
This all started during the school holidays. My sister (15F) and I were doing the dishes, and I heard ducks making noise on the roof of a nearby 5-story apartment building. I sometimes imitate animal sounds just for fun, and apparently my cousin thought it was me. She snapped at me, telling me to “STOP MAKING THAT SOUND.” I calmly told her it wasn’t me — it was the ducks. She never apologized or acknowledged it. I left it, but from that day on, I stopped talking to her.
Later that same week, I was packing away dishes and needed to open a drawer she was standing in front of. She looked at me and didn’t move. When I tried to go around her, she asked, “Why can’t you ask me to move?” I told her, “You never ask, so why should I? You can’t want respect when you don’t give any.” I also told her how she always picks fights with me but never sees when she’s wrong.
I even phoned her mom (my aunt) to explain what was going on, but she did nothing. That same day, my cousin only washed her own dishes and left the rest for others — which she often does.
Fast forward to today: She left her dirty dishes on the kitchen island for two hours and spilled coffee on a chair — just walked away and left it. When she came back and saw it was still there, she looked visibly annoyed but didn’t say a word. She ended up cleaning it herself, but it clearly bothered her.
Later, my aunt got home and asked me (with attitude) why I hadn’t mopped the floor. I genuinely forgot, and as she was scolding me, I saw my 28-year-old cousin smirking like she was enjoying it. She even gave me a dirty look when she noticed I saw her smirk.
And this isn’t new behavior. Every school holiday, she finds a way to start drama with me. It’s like clockwork. She does nothing all holiday, just sits around, but somehow acts like we’re the ones who need to go. She literally treats me and my sister like intruders, even though we live here too. One time I asked if I could use a little cheese to make something for her brother (older than me), and she said “no.” When he came to ask, she flat out denied ever saying it.
She lies, plays victim, talks over me when I try to explain, and constantly tries to make me look crazy or unstable.
I know she doesn’t want me in the house — and I’ve accepted that. So when I eventually move out, no one better act surprised.
Anyway, AITA for refusing to clean up after her or treat her with respect when she constantly disrespects me?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to clean up after my 28-year-old cousin, and I stopped speaking to her after she falsely accused me of making noises and kept disrespecting me. Some might say I’m the a-hole for not being the bigger person or for not doing basic chores like mopping, but I feel like I’m just setting boundaries after being mistreated.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Sorry, she’s 12 years older than you and is acting like that? It seems like she’s being petty and immature for the sake of it than anything. Sorry you have to deal with that.
NTA. Jealousy, envy, whatever the cause of this adult cousin, her behavior is awful. There’s something not right with her. She sounds petulant and resentful. Not a good look on a 28 year old.
I am sorry your aunt doesn’t back you up. It would be nice if you could have a heart-to-heart talk with your aunt, because your home life sounds difficult, but only if it would promote change.
Short answer no ☺️
Your cousin seems toxic; it’s good you’re standing up for yourself. Keep your distance.
NTA. It would be great if you were able to talk with your aunt and get her to do something about it. But since she won’t, I guess you’re on your own. Do what you gotta do to make it there, until you’re ready to leave.
NTA she is embarrassing. Keep your distance. The problem with those people is that as soon as she realizes that you ignore her antics she will escalate. Keep yourself safe. Maybe start recording the interactions just in case.
But then she will still find a way to turn this around on you. Stay safe find someone who you can talk to and who will listen. Make a plan to escape this.
Respect is earned, there is not entitlment to it. If she isnt going to treat you like a human, you have no obligation to do the same. But your aunt will probably always side with your cousin.
Keep standing your ground. Match her cleaning engry. It sounds like you getting the harry potter treatment. Is there someone you confind in like a close friend or another family memeber. Try and hang in there till you can move out
What the actual fuck, she’s 28 and acts like this? Lmao.
Can they provide you a place to escape too just for an hour or two or a night. Just so you get a bit of time away.
28 and still living with mom? Picking on teens? What a loser she is.
28 and still living with mom? Picking on teens? What a piece of work she is.
I would walk around pretending to be on FaceTime while recording her lazy arse as proof, catch out that bullshitter full swing in her lie, she’s a vile child
NTA, i had step siblings like this. i ended up moving out when i was 15, just dont take their bs, say whatever you want and do whatever you want, shes the one whos pushing 30 and still living with her mummy
NTA As others said do what you can to survive for a bit longer.
Just remember this when you are 28 and she is pushing 40 and still a loser living with her parents acting like a teen and she asks you for money or something.
Your cousin is a lazy, overgrown child. Don’t do a single thing for her. If she’s purposely standing in front of a cabinet drawer, either yank the drawer open to get her to move, or place the item on the counter and tell her she can put it away. The problem is your cousin’s mom raised an entitled brat. Be the adult here at 16 and refuse to play into her power trips. She wants people to cater to her, clean up after her, and just roll over and deal with her attitude and disrespect. Her mom doesn’t sound too much better. Just refuse to play along with this crap. Where are your parents on all of this?? Why don’t they talk to her sternly about respecting the house and cleaning up after herself? Do your parents think that it’s your job too?
NTA. Start recording her.
She’s 28 and still lives at home. ….
There’s your answer. NTA.
Why are you long with your aunt ?
What a loser. I’m sorry you’re dealing with her. What chores does she do? Does she contribute at all? There’s so much going on here. I’m guessing you don’t have the option to live with more stable people. I don’t see why you kids are cleaning up after everyone else. Your aunt did a terrible job raising your cousin. She a full grown woman still living and acting like a toddler. Take solace in knowing you won’t end up like her.
NTA
She’s an adult and needs to act like one