I have a neighbor that I have seen at parties three times ask me to cat sit for a couple of days.
The message originally went like this: “I have a crazy question actually– we have 2 cats. The person who was supposed to come over once per day fell through. I know it’s a lot to ask since we just met but since we are right down the street was wondering if you could help with a couple days of helping with feeding them? I can pay you for your time!!”
I responded back with “Happy to help out if possible. How long are you planning to stay? We should be here this weekend but not next weekend. Bummer they had to cancel on you on such short notice!!”
The neighbor then went on to say they were coming back Saturday (which was two days away) and asked me to come once a day for a couple of days and that they would find others to help out. I didn’t think much about it because I assumed they were just covering all their bases for the two day trip. I never said no the compensation but also didn’t feel right asking for only two days.
Between meetings and dropping kids, etc I drove to their home to find a huge pile of cat food sitting out. I told them it was overkill for two days and they laughed. They preceded to show me the litter box and told me I needed to come twice a day for two weeks so the cats don’t get queasy eating too much and take out litter, etc. (mind you I don’t do litter even at home).
I was in such shock I did not say much in the moment except that I had plans and was only told about a couple of days. I felt bad for them and told them that I could try to feed them once a day but that they need to get a back up. It was very uncomfortable as I was running late for another meeting and they had their small kids there. Once I had a second to digest, I offered, in the spirit of being neighborly, to take care of their cats for one week and they agreed to find someone to take on the last week.
I have texted the other person multiple times to set up a time to give them the key and no one has confirmed. In two days, I will reach my week of helping and I’m worried that they will think I’m an asshole because I will leave the key under the mat and they will have to figure it out. The whole scenario feels exploitative and like a bait and switch. Am I wrong for putting my foot down?
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I have a neighbor that I have seen at parties three times ask me to cat sit for a couple of days.
The message originally went like this: “I have a crazy question actually– we have 2 cats. The person who was supposed to come over once per day fell through. I know it’s a lot to ask since we just met but since we are right down the street was wondering if you could help with a couple days of helping with feeding them? I can pay you for your time!!”
I responded back with “Happy to help out if possible. How long are you planning to stay? We should be here this weekend but not next weekend. Bummer they had to cancel on you on such short notice!!”
The neighbor then went on to say they were coming back Saturday (which was two days away) and asked me to come once a day for a couple of days and that they would find others to help out. I didn’t think much about it because I assumed they were just covering all their bases for the two day trip. I never said no the compensation but also didn’t feel right asking for only two days.
Between meetings and dropping kids, etc I drove to their home to find a huge pile of cat food sitting out. I told them it was overkill for two days and they laughed. They preceded to show me the litter box and told me I needed to come twice a day for two weeks so the cats don’t get queasy eating too much and take out litter, etc. (mind you I don’t do litter even at home).
I was in such shock I did not say much in the moment except that I had plans and was only told about a couple of days. I felt bad for them and told them that I could try to feed them once a day but that they need to get a back up. It was very uncomfortable as I was running late for another meeting and they had their small kids there. Once I had a second to digest, I offered, in the spirit of being neighborly, to take care of their cats for one week and they agreed to find someone to take on the last week.
I have texted the other person multiple times to set up a time to give them the key and no one has confirmed. In two days, I will reach my week of helping and I’m worried that they will think I’m an asshole because I will leave the key under the mat and they will have to figure it out. The whole scenario feels exploitative and like a bait and switch. Am I wrong for putting my foot down?
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> I believe that some might think that being a neighbor requires helping others in their time of need but I’m setting boundaries.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You neighbors are AHs and knew exactly what they were doing.
NTA.
YTA to yourself, for helping out even for a minute. Once you got the “switch” part of the bait & switch, should have noped right out. But better late than never.
They conned you.
Tell them the other person is not speaking to them and they need to get home to care for their animals.
NTA
NTA. There is no other person. There never was. In two days, they are going to message and guilt you by insisting you are bailing on poor innocent animals. I would bet money on it.
NTA – bait and switch. Using guilt to get what they want.
NTA but they definitely are. What a crappy way to treat their cats and you.
NTA. As someone with a family pet sitting business I would either absolutely put the foot down and say no, or require extra emergency pay for the second week. Anyone being compensated for pet care, whether as a profession or as a favor, still deserves the same standard of communication.
NTA. These people are assholes.
When someone asks for a little help and quietly stretches it into a full-on job, that’s not being neighborly, that’s being manipulative. You agreed to a couple of days and suddenly you’re knee-deep in litter duties you never signed up for, rearranging your life like you’re the one on vacation. They laughed it off because they knew exactly what they were doing and figured you’d just roll with it. You didn’t volunteer to be the backup plan’s backup plan, so leave the key, keep your boundary, and let them deal with the mess they created. If you have a location of us nearby, come on in and see us and we’ll make sure apps are on us.
ESH if you abandon those poor cats. Personally I’d care for them then sue in small claims court for pay and damages. Or report them to the local ASPCA for animal abandonment.
But if you just leave the key under the mat, those cats could die. Even if you leave a ton of water and food out, they could tip over the water, and without water they would die in a few days.
The owners are far worse than you for setting up this nasty situation, and deserve consequences. Those poor cats don’t.
NTA text them and say that you are bringing their cats to a shelter as you are away for all next week and can’t feed them. I guarantee you will get a response from them
NTA, except for agreeing.
NTA. My neighbors tried doing this to me. Asked for cat watching for a couple days. When I came over before they left, they started telling me how to run their sprinklers and what plants needed watering. I said no. That i agreed to take care of their cat (for free) and that’s all I was willing to do. They weren’t happy about it but no way I was going to be responsible for that other stuff.
NTA, they took advantage of you. They’ll probably try to guilt trip you so be prepared for that. This is why you should have said no up front… NTA.
NTA. You agreed to two days. Not two weeks.
You didn’t owe them taking their cats in for a week. That was their problem to solve, yet you kindly offered to do it anyway, and now they’re ghosting you assuming that you won’t ditch their cats after the first week.
You’re not wrong at all for putting your foot down. They have abused your kindness and generosity.
I think you should tell them you’ll call animal control after the week is up because otherwise they’ll ignore your messages and expect you to do the full two weeks.
YTA:
“They preceded to show me the litter box and told me I needed to come twice a day for two weeks”
followed by “I was in such shock I did not say much in the moment except that I had plans and was only told about a couple of days. I felt bad for them and told them that I could try to feed them once a day but that they need to get a back up. It was very uncomfortable as I was running late for another meeting and they had their small kids there. Once I had a second to digest, I offered, in the spirit of being neighborly, to take care of their cats for one week and they agreed to find someone to take on the last week.”
“I was in such shock” — you sound like a drama queen.
Why didn’t you immediately back out?
Use. Your. Words.
NTA that was a dirty move on your neighbors part!
The neighbour is TA but if you don’t feed those animals for a week just to prove a point then you’re an even bigger AH. Don’t take it out on the cats.
NTA
text them: After the week, you will STOP going. But if they don’t tell you who takes over, you will call animal control for their abandoned pets.
NTA but uh
>mind you I don’t do litter even at home
Do you have cats of your own? And do you just … not change their litter?
that cat is adorable, love it
People are so horrible at standing up for themselves these days, in fear of being “impolite”, that your neighbors even counted on you being this way and abused your good will
The question is whether you keep letting yourself be used, or do you actually draw a line?
Leave the keys, let them know you’re done helping, check in a few days later. If nobody showed up since, tell them you’re calling Animal Care & Control
I had something similar happen to me once. Not quite the bait-and-switch that OP describes, but just as inconsiderate.
My next-door neighbor knocked on the door and asked me to take care of their pets while they were away.
“Sure”, I said, thinking they were talking about a few days, a week maybe. I had done it before, I didn’t mind doing it again. “How long will you be away?”
“Four months.”
“FOUR MONTHS??? But… but… what about food?” (Their pets were herbivores who needed fresh vegetables daily.) “And who is your vet? I need their number in case there’s an emergency. And what if I need to be away from home myself? Who is your backup person?”
“Oh, look, our taxi to the airport is here. Gotta go. Bye!”
And that was it. They were gone.
To their credit, when they returned four months later, they did reimburse me for all the food I had bought, plus a bit extra for my time and trouble. But I never did find out the number of their vet, I couldn’t go away on vacation myself because I had no backup person to hand this task on to, and I really could have done without all the stress and anxiety.
Moral of the story: don’t do that sort of thing. It’s not neighborly.
OP, you are NTA.
Here’s what I would do:
Call the police department and animal control/humane society and report them for animal abandonment. You can honestly report you have no idea when they are returning and you did not agree to this. (You never know, once it’s known they did not set up proper care for their animals the animals may be taken out of the house.)
Contact the owners and let them know you have reported them.
Inform all your neighbors what has happened and ask if anyone can lend assistance (in the best interest of the animals). This will also pre-empt any attempt of theirs to do this to another neighbor.
Investigate what the going rate is for pet care/sitting and take them to small claims court for the full amount.
feed and water em once a day and leave the litter box alone