Throwaway as not to doxx myself.
I am a classically trained chef and I work as a personal chef, back in May I decided that I would take a day off, some of my relatives were in town at my mom’s house and some others at my brother’s house, so my family decided to have a party at my brother’s house, well, it’s been some time since I have been in contact with some of my family so I decided to join them.
When I arrived everything was going great and people were having beers and snacks, but as soon as I had settled people started to ask me to cook something
I declined with the excuse that I was tired.
That’s when things started going south, some saying that I thought I was the next Gordon Ramsay and that my “simple cooking” had gone to my head.
I got up and made it to the kitchen quietly, I mean, since they are family, might as well do something small and be done with it, right?
Wrong, the kitchen. omg the kitchen. it was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen, I don’t mind a dirty stove top, we’ve all cooked and something spills, but wow. this was like MONTHS of dirt and spills on top of each other. it was “Crusty”. and the rest of the kitchen was an ABSOLUTE MESS!!!!
All of her kitchen towels were moist and smelly, like when you get a rag wet and leave it there for a month wet, that kind of smell. There was a mold smell lingering.
I went outside, I refused to enter that kitchen again, when a barrage of requests started coming again.
They said things like, “I thought chefs loved to cook in their downtime”, to which I responded that she has been watching too much tv and that we usually just have pizza or leftovers.
The straw that broke the camel’s back came when my SIL started attacking me directly, “What? is a simple kitchen like that too small for your majesty to cook in?”
I broke, I said “Maybe if your kitchen wasn’t so disgusting and you cleaned it once every while I would be able to cook in it, or maybe that’s why you guys eat takeout everyday? because you have no fucking idea how to cook and the kitchen is just for decoration?, let me tell you, get a better decorator because that shit is disgusting as fuck”
One of my SIL’s friends said “Well maybe she can hire you to cook for them since you are so high and mighty” and I said in my sassiest voice “Oh honey, you will never be able to afford me”
All hell broke loose with people taking sides, I just got up and left.
Now my family is all broken, my mom is blaming me, my dad is just laughing his ass off, and now there are two sides on this, the ones that have seen my SIL’s kitchen and seen their “livestyle” and are taking my “side” and the ones that say that she is a hard working woman that doesn’t have the time to take care of her family 24/7.
My brother wrote and says I am an AH because I could have said this in private and not make a show of his family, I told him that I refused to cook several times until his wife attacked me directly.
So… AITA for refusing to cook?
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Throwaway as not to doxx myself.
I am a classically trained chef and I work as a personal chef, back in May I decided that I would take a day off, some of my relatives were in town at my mom’s house and some others at my brother’s house, so my family decided to have a party at my brother’s house, well, it’s been some time since I have been in contact with some of my family so I decided to join them.
When I arrived everything was going great and people were having beers and snacks, but as soon as I had settled people started to ask me to cook something
I declined with the excuse that I was tired.
That’s when things started going south, some saying that I thought I was the next Gordon Ramsay and that my “simple cooking” had gone to my head.
I got up and made it to the kitchen quietly, I mean, since they are family, might as well do something small and be done with it, right?
Wrong, the kitchen. omg the kitchen. it was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen, I don’t mind a dirty stove top, we’ve all cooked and something spills, but wow. this was like MONTHS of dirt and spills on top of each other. it was “Crusty”. and the rest of the kitchen was an ABSOLUTE MESS!!!!
All of her kitchen towels were moist and smelly, like when you get a rag wet and leave it there for a month wet, that kind of smell. There was a mold smell lingering.
I went outside, I refused to enter that kitchen again, when a barrage of requests started coming again.
They said things like, “I thought chefs loved to cook in their downtime”, to which I responded that she has been watching too much tv and that we usually just have pizza or leftovers.
The straw that broke the camel’s back came when my SIL started attacking me directly, “What? is a simple kitchen like that too small for your majesty to cook in?”
I broke, I said “Maybe if your kitchen wasn’t so disgusting and you cleaned it once every while I would be able to cook in it, or maybe that’s why you guys eat takeout everyday? because you have no fucking idea how to cook and the kitchen is just for decoration?, let me tell you, get a better decorator because that shit is disgusting as fuck”
One of my SIL’s friends said “Well maybe she can hire you to cook for them since you are so high and mighty” and I said in my sassiest voice “Oh honey, you will never be able to afford me”
All hell broke loose with people taking sides, I just got up and left.
Now my family is all broken, my mom is blaming me, my dad is just laughing his ass off, and now there are two sides on this, the ones that have seen my SIL’s kitchen and seen their “livestyle” and are taking my “side” and the ones that say that she is a hard working woman that doesn’t have the time to take care of her family 24/7.
My brother wrote and says I am an AH because I could have said this in private and not make a show of his family, I told him that I refused to cook several times until his wife attacked me directly.
So… AITA for refusing to cook?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to cook in my SIL’s kitchen because it was disgusting
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<My brother wrote and says I am an AH because I could have said this in private and not make a show of his family, I told him that *I refused to cook several times until his wife attacked me directly.**>*
NTA
Also, guests should never be invited/pushed to cook.
That’s just bad hosting…
“My brother wrote and says I am an AH because I could have said this in private and not make a show of his family”
Well, SIL has made it a show herself, she also could have said about “your majesty” in private. NTA and I’d also be laughing my ass off, just as your dad)
NTA. Case of if you can’t handle the heat get out of the kitchen. They started throwing shit and you threw back!
SIL started it. You finished it. Anyone who leaves a kitchen in such a disgusting state has no reason to lash out at others. Do not apologize for anything. NTA
ESH harassing people to cook for you is lame. So isn’t trying to shame /embarrass people into doing it for you. SiL sucks. You don’t get a pass though because you went full on and in front of others. She was making digs but you laid in to the extreme and just on her.
NTA I’m a cook and every time I visit friends or family, they want me in the kitchen to “help” or give advice. Nobody in the house can peel potatoes except for me? I don’t accept meal invitations anymore.
NTA.
Perfect example of fuck around and find out.
Info: why do you call it your SILs kitchen, when it’s just as much your brothers kitchen?
NTA. You did right.
NTA. Could you have made the comment in private? Sure. Could she have made her comment in private. Absolutely-fucking-lutely. She made it into a snark-fest.
FAFO.
Why do family assume because you have chosen a certain profession that you want to do it whenever you go out…That’s like asking your plumber brother to fix your toilet at your wedding reception, or hey George, you’re a doctor, can you take a look at this? Have a little class. Just because I’m an accountant doesn’t mean I’m going to do your taxes.
NTA.
Plus if SIL can’t manage house and kids, get help. A filthy kitchen is not a good environment for any of them.
NTA, when is a guest expected to do the cooking? Mind you you could have just left after your SIL’s first comment.
Does your brother not know how to clean?
It sounds like your SIL works outside the home. The mess in the kitchen is just as much on your brother’s head.
NTA
I’m surprised they even allowed people to come visit with the kitchen that bad.
If someone doesn’t want to clean their own environment, that’s one thing. It’s not okay to expect someone else to function in that environment.
NTA your SIL berating you and calling you “your majesty” deserved a clap back. I would be even more petty and suggest a group gift of a house cleaner for the next holiday.
I’m sitting with you at the next party. Laughing with your dad. NTA.
NTA and I’m Team Dad!!!
Two places in the house that have to be clean – CLEAN! – are the bathroom (s) and the kitchen. Other rooms can be forgiven for a little chaos, but not those two! My opinion anyway.
NTA
You were publicly shamed and mocked for refusing to cook so you have every right to publicly justify your decision not to.
I worked full time for 34 years. My stove was always immaculate. I cannot stand a messy stove and I cannot stand dishes in a sink. I also hate stinky dish cloths. After drying dishes or using a cloth, I always hung them out to dry on my clothes line off the back porch. I’m not saying my kitchen was perfect, it wasn’t by a long shot. And it was a really old kitchen, 1930s. But because it wasn’t fancy didn’t mean it couldn’t be clean. How can anyone stand to cook on a dirty stove in a dirty kitchen. Yuck.
You did the right thing. Your SIL didn’t need to make the snarky comments that resulted in your responses. I’m surprised you maintained calm as long as you did.
Hope this gets sorted out for you, but you did nothing wrong. Your SIL deserved what she got.
YTA for your sexism. It’s your brother’s house until you reach the kitchen?
Really. ESH.
What id say if i were you lol
“I cook for a living, not for leisure. I came to be part of the family, not the catering staff.”
“I’ve worked in places that could be shut down for less. I wasn’t trying to shame anyone.. I was protecting myself from a professional liability and personal disgust.”
You are not the a hole. They shouldn’t of put you on the spot if they don’t want it shined back at them
NTa
don’t give in to the pressure from these entitled AHs.
NTA it’s a classic FAFO situation.
She practically begged for it.