I’ll try to keep this simple because I’m exhausted and still hungry, but I (f) have been helping clean and prepare a relative’s house (with my mom, sister, and boyfriend) while our family travels. We’ve spent weeks working, and I’ve also been the primary caregiver for a seriously ill family member, overnight stays, medication schedules, hospital runs, everything.
Today, none of us had eaten all day. I suggested we finally get food and everyone agreed on Varsity (the only burger place I can eat at safely due to allergies). I couldn’t go on the errand run due to space in the car but was told we’d go once they returned.
I hop in the car when they get back and suddenly my mom says she doesn’t want “fatty food” and suggests hotpot (which I’ve told her before I don’t like). I reminded her, she sighs, and “gives in” saying we’ll stick to the original plan.
Halfway there, we stop for another errand that takes 20 minutes. Now she complains that Varsity is too far and too late, even though they close late. I say we can choose somewhere else. She changes her mind again, says we’ll still go. Then halfway there, she asks if I’m okay with another restaurant. I agree, I’m starving. Turns out that restaurant is closed.
Back to Varsity. But now she’s moping, saying she’s compromising and thinking of everyone else. I said calmly that it feels like I’m the only one not being considered and I’ve been suggesting options the whole time. That’s when she snapped: told me to “shut the hell up” and stop talking to her.
After that I was just done. I said I wasn’t hungry anymore. She got passive-aggressive, trying to pull into Hungry Jack’s saying I was acting like a spoiled child. I told her no one else had to change their plans for me, I just didn’t want to eat now.
My boyfriend said I was wrong and should’ve just kept quiet.
Maybe it seems small, but this isn’t about burgers. This is a long-standing dynamic of my needs always being brushed aside, especially when I speak up.
So AITA for refusing to eat and saying no after being told to shut up? Should I have bit my tongue?
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I’ll try to keep this simple because I’m exhausted and still hungry, but I (f) have been helping clean and prepare a relative’s house (with my mom, sister, and boyfriend) while our family travels. We’ve spent weeks working, and I’ve also been the primary caregiver for a seriously ill family member, overnight stays, medication schedules, hospital runs, everything.
Today, none of us had eaten all day. I suggested we finally get food and everyone agreed on Varsity (the only burger place I can eat at safely due to allergies). I couldn’t go on the errand run due to space in the car but was told we’d go once they returned.
I hop in the car when they get back and suddenly my mom says she doesn’t want “fatty food” and suggests hotpot (which I’ve told her before I don’t like). I reminded her, she sighs, and “gives in” saying we’ll stick to the original plan.
Halfway there, we stop for another errand that takes 20 minutes. Now she complains that Varsity is too far and too late, even though they close late. I say we can choose somewhere else. She changes her mind again, says we’ll still go. Then halfway there, she asks if I’m okay with another restaurant. I agree, I’m starving. Turns out that restaurant is closed.
Back to Varsity. But now she’s moping, saying she’s compromising and thinking of everyone else. I said calmly that it feels like I’m the only one not being considered and I’ve been suggesting options the whole time. That’s when she snapped: told me to “shut the hell up” and stop talking to her.
After that I was just done. I said I wasn’t hungry anymore. She got passive-aggressive, trying to pull into Hungry Jack’s saying I was acting like a spoiled child. I told her no one else had to change their plans for me, I just didn’t want to eat now.
My boyfriend said I was wrong and should’ve just kept quiet.
Maybe it seems small, but this isn’t about burgers. This is a long-standing dynamic of my needs always being brushed aside, especially when I speak up.
So AITA for refusing to eat and saying no after being told to shut up? Should I have bit my tongue?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m worried I let myself get hangry and my boyfriend could be right
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Your mom is selfish and seems to change her mind every second. While your boyfriend sounds like a coward who can’t habe your back.
NTA
OP, you are 100% NTA
The fact that your mother dismisses your wants, especially after you’re tired and also contribute a lot for a relative’s house while also taking care of a family member. I think this was your breaking point where you felt that you didn’t want your mother to dismiss your concerns, and after a long day of being tired and not eating, I think it’s fair that you get to go eat at where you want. It’s also rude for her, even if she’s your mother to say “shut the hell up
I hope you have a nice meal OP, don’t let your mother ruin your day.
NTA again
NTA. Boyfriend and mom both seem horrible and dismissive. When a person has food allergies, you don’t keep demanding to go where those allergens are.
So why is she not considering your medical needs? NTA. And in future bring a packed lunch
Absolutely NTA. I think from now on mom is completely on her own for food.
Your mother is toxic. NTA. Don’t rely on her when you want/need to eat.