Me (F25) and my boyfriend (M27) have been together for 2 years. The sex has always been.. fine. Not amazing, but fine. The problem? He never actually gets me there, but gets SO proud when he thinks he has. For months I’ve been faking because it was easier than dealing with his bruised ego when I’m honest.
Last night, after yet another disappointing round where he immediately rolled over saying “That was incredible, right?”, I snapped and said “Actually, no. I haven’t come with you in months.” He got super defensive, said I was emasculating him, and now we’re not speaking.
AITA for finally being honest? I’m tired of performing pleasure just to protect his feelings, but maybe I should’ve kept pretending?
Comments
YTA for making this a fight instead of a loving discussion
YTA for making this into an argument
WTF is wrong with you, YTA yes.
YTA. Why were you lying to him about finishing in the first place. Should’ve been talked about it and worked together to fix it. You led him to believe he was doing a good job, you don’t have any room to snap at him.
YTA for being dishonest for months and then snapping at him about it, but you conveniently framed this as you being a saint for finally being honest with him.
YTA
Relationships are a 2-way street, sex included. You need to maturely communicate what works, and what you like. You’re also fully able to master your own orgasm during sex, working with what he is doing.
Again, YTA
We will call your response blunt 😂
Key to any relationship is communication and not communicating you’re not satisfied, although out of a place that seems you were trying to not hurt his feelings initially you probably ended up doing so after months of being left without the end product.
NTA but also kinda TA in the moment.
Just talk it out!
You’re TA but not for refusing to fake an orgasm. There’s a time and place for that conversation and you held on to those feelings until you couldn’t anymore. Be direct and let your boyfriend know how you feel when you both are at a place to have that conversation. Don’t keep it in till the last minute.
NTA and YTA, you shouldn’t have lied to your partner to begin with. Your partner just needs to learn what foreplay is and you need to be more vocal with what works.
You see a precedent by pretending for this long. YTA because he went from thinking he always satisfied you to you getting upset. You should have communicated better. You’re nta for wanting to finish lol
NTA- u were being honest, he cant satisfy you and theres nothing you or him can do about it.
Making an argument about it is totally understandable cause i would assume your fed up with all the pretending. I woldnt blame him cause he didnt know but its also not your fault for not knowing how to explain it.
If this doesnt bother you i assume you two will sort it out, but if it does bother you i would say go look for a new partner.
totally YTA for snapping at him out of nowhere; he has no idea. Rather than pretending you should talk to him and help him/tell him what you need. Pretending for months so he has no idea and then snapping is..yikes…
You’re NTA for being honest but there was definitely a better way to say it and faking an orgasm in a long term relationship never ends well. I think you need to have a conversation where both of you are being more caring and understanding than you were in the initial incident. Are there things he was doing that made you feel like you couldn’t be honest? Do you have internal feelings that have made it difficult for you to approach the subject? Was there a change in your relationship or what he was doing that made you unable to orgasm?
If he really cared, he’d ask how to make it better, not just expect applause. Sex is a team sport and it’s time for his reality check
Nah, totally NTA here. Ur BF gotta learn it’s a two-way street. Can’t just crown himself the king of the bedroom if he ain’t takin care of ur needs too. Fake it till u make it doesn’t apply to orgasms. Peace. 💯✌️
Honestly, many women do this. Is it a good thing to do? NO!
If everything else is good (which I’m just going to assume because you have been together for two years), maybe get toys? If he’s super against it, he ain’t the one anyways.
Toys are a man’s help not their enemy.
Definitely the AH tho for lying to him for so long. If it’s not good, then it’s not good, faking it isn’t going to make it better.
Have him do different things that you think could help.
Divorce
NTA for finally telling the truth, but you could have done it differently. You wanted him to know that you weren’t getting there, but it seems clear he can’t tell the difference between an actual orgasm and a fake one. You’ve got to be willing to have a conversation with him about it (and continue having conversations) because while you were trying to protect his ego, you also frustrated yourself to the point of combustion… and not in a good way.
In my early 20’s, I was told, “Never fake an orgasm. He’ll think what he was doing was great and will keep doing it.”
[deleted]
YTA for the dishonesty and choosing what’s best for his ego without consulting him and then getting mad somehow when he reacts negatively to the sudden shock that you’ve been taking it and lying to him about something he’s proud of for weeks or months.
Telling him there’s a problem is fine. Hiding it and then lashing out is not. It’s bad communication.
YTA.
Why would you start lying to him about the sex and then after months of lies suddenly blast him with an upsetting truth you chose to withhold and then act confused as to why that would piss him off? He didnt ask you to lie to him. You werent doing him a favour by doing it or anything. Im not sure why you “snapped” over doing something you decided off your own back to do.
Youre the one who lacked the wherewithal to just have a grown up conversation with him about your sex life to try and make things more to your liking. Sometimes in relationships sex takes a bit of work and conversation to keep it good for both partners and if youre not communicating your needs you cant blame other people for not meeting them.
YTA
You fake it for months and then snap at him lmao. Honestly he should dump you
YTA maybe have a conversation with him? And if he’s too immature to handle that, then what the actual fuck do you see in him?
YTA for not being honest in the first place only to snap at him and it’s ridiculous and shitty for you to of this as you “performing pleasure just to protect his feelings” when deceiving him has nothing to do with being considerate towards his feelings.
No. you should’ve told him the truth, tactfully. you certainly didn’t do that, but you have a right to have a sexual relationship that’s satisfying to you as well if he needs something to you beyond sex then perhaps you should approach the conversation again and start with an apology for being so blunt then you should tell him how you really feel. Many men have a real problem with understanding that they’re not satisfying their women but if he cares about you, he’ll want to. Teach him what you like and maybe you’ll get there. Good luck!
No, but YTA for being dishonest with him from the start.
He’s not blameless – he’s 27, not 16 and should know better… but how can he possibly improve if he thinks he’s getting the job done?
Probably should have said something a while back or just bounced
YTA – how about you communicate and help me do better? Is he supposed to read your mind and know what you like/dislike? It’s not *his* job to make *you* come. Sex is a partnership.
Interesting that the only 2 options you see are insulting and belittling him, or keep lying to him.
I’m a guy. You are both being arseholes.
First, don’t fake orgasms. It’s dishonest and this is where it leads. And it’s never going to actually make sex better. You cheat yourself, and him, out of a better sex life.
Second, if I was him I’d try to pull up my big boy pants and see what I could do to make things better in bed. The journey is half the fun but you want to complete the trip. Put a band aid on your bruised ego and do the work. You might even end up enjoying your day at the office.
Updateme
ESH. You’re the asshole for not telling him this before and just pretending for his own wellbeing and he’s the asshole for acting like a cry baby 💀
“emasculating him wtf”
Orgasming is not the goal, it’s the journey that matters.
May be you should more open and your likes and dislikes and guide him more to improve the intimacy. And he should listen and think more about your pleasure.
The only person you hurt here was yourself. Good job.
I’m sad that many are saying you’re the asshole. You are NTA. Many women have been in this situation because men react exactly that way some times when you say the truth and it insults them. That being said, this should be an open conversation, not a passive aggressive comment naked in the bedroom. U should dump him tho lol, get some good pipe and a worthy man.
YTA – for lying to start and then deciding to drop it in a way that could only make someone feel like shit – you deserve sexual satisfaction but he deserves a little kindness.
you could have done the same thing with “It was fun, but I don’t seem to be having penetration orgasms as easily these days , can we (break out a toy, have you go down on me, try something different)”
YTA. You’ve lied and misled him for months. You’re really dishonest.
NTA. It is better to be honest and hopefully through communication you two can figure out what gives you both pleasure. If he is mature about this he will learn what brings you pleasure. It shouldn’t be viewed as emasculating, its hard to make someone feel good without proper communication.
eta/nta – why not talk about it… not in like a serious (unless you want it to be) way but you two should know what each other want sexually. you’ve been together for two years, personally I think thats kinda just as important in a relationship as everything else
NTA. You need to be honest and not worry about his bruised ego. Do you really want to be in a relationship with crappy sex. Stop pretending. Tell him what you like and don’t like.
I feel like women are taught to appease men, and faking orgasms is a part of that. I faked every orgasm with one of my partners, and it cost me the chance at a fulfilling sex life. Sex with him so bad I didn’t see the point in telling the truth because there was no shot at him becoming better at it. I tried giving gentle guidance sometimes, but he was so awkward and clumsy that I just gave up. I still loved him, so I didn’t mind that our sex life was bad. I get the pressure to lie in the moment, but I think you should have told him gently and not snap in the moment. It’s not his fault that he didn’t know. You were reenforcing a bad sex life.
ESH, but at least you said what needed to be said. Could it have been handled better? Sure. But if he’s strutting around thinking he’s god’s gift, he probably isn’t actually paying attention. An adept partner would be asking you if you’re getting what you need, rather than telling you that you just got what you needed. Yes,it was an asshole move to spring it on him in the bedroom and should have been handled in a less vulnerable moment, but he wasn’t paying attention. Now that you’ve said it, though, the burden is on you: either show him what needs to happen to get you there, or move on if it’s not going to happen. Don’t worry about bruising his ego.
YTAH.
I will preface this by saying that you wanting to also.be completely pleasured is very understandable. Sex is a two way street and the drive cannot end with only one person reaching their destination.
Like others have pointed out, you made the decision to “protect his ego” by YOURSELF and you cannot be upset that that decision has consequences. You CHOSE to lie for months about this and then suddenly open the flood gates about how your needs are not being met. You cannot be upset over his feelings of upset over his partner lying to him about such a serious relationship issue and the feelings of thinking he was doing a good job when he wasn’t. You lied and he is now upset that you lied. This isn’t a “should I have continued to lie to him?” situation, this is a “I chose to lie to my partner instead of telling them that there was an issue in our relationship regarding my needs not being met, stopped lying, and are now dealing with the issue that I was trying to prevent in the first place” situation.
You were trying to prevent him feeling emasculated when you didn’t know if that was what he wanted and now he does feel emasculated and you are trying to make yourself seem innocent.
Girl, you’re never going to have a good sex life if you don’t learn to communicate your needs in a healthy way.
Do NOT pretend relationship has to be transparent and if he dosent know how to pleasure you it’s not helling anyone he just needs to do some personal growth and get over it but I’ve been with my fiancé for 9 years now and I don’t make her irgasm 100% of the time, but it’s prob close to 80% but it’s because we know each other so we’ll and talk about it 🙂
ESH
NTA. It’s his job to please you, and he’s failed. He clearly doesn’t care about you.
no you are not
Shoulda told him after the 1st. You wrong . Cause he thought he was Superman when he was even Robin. U didn’t esmaculate but you sure have been lying . Words of advice. When you in ya next relationship tell him to make you cum 1st before he does then you will be good
No. Leave him if he cant satisfy you let alone especially HEAR YOU but chooses his ego over it
YTA for lying, snapping at him and not teaching him how your body works. Your orgasm is YOUR responsibility. It’s crazy and juvenile to expect a stranger to KNOW how you get there.
Honestly I doubt youre all that great either as you seem to have no self awareness. 90% when men finish it isnt because women are good in bed, its just easier for us
Sorry but it seems that YTA. You should have been honest with him after the first few times you didn’t get off. He had no clue and now you’ve snapped at him out of nowhere and he’s hurt. It sucks that you didn’t enjoy the sex, but that’s what communication is for, to improve things. Try talking to him, starting fresh, and both being open about what does (and doesn’t) make you feel good. Good luck!
No. You shouldn’t have to fake your orgasms. But a lot of sex is about communication. It sounds like it’s difficult to communicate with him.
A lot of women (most?) won’t get there from piv stimulation. If he wants to make it better he should be going down on you until you’ve had at least one (maybe more if you can).
Different positions are also better. My wife can’t get there with me from missionary very often, but can from riding me or from doggy sometimes. Her main ENM partner is bigger though and she can get there just from missionary with him.
You have to try things out and he has to be willing to work with you. But you also have to communicate. A sex coach isn’t a bad idea. They can help with the communication and with ideas.
YTA for your choice of delivery, NTA for refusing to fake orgasms anymore
“AITA for finally being honest?”
No. YTA for not being honest in the first place.
YTA for lying to him for months and then dropping the ball on him. Most people (both men and women) will get upset in that situation.
“He never actually gets me there” Yeah well thats on you too.. No man will ever understand your needs and how you like it the most if you don’t communicate with your partner and works on getting both of you there together. Know your angles.
So your also TA for putting the full responsibility for your orgasms on him.
I reckon you’re both wrong here. Faking it is never the right answer. That is dishonest and lying directly to him. How would he change or get better at pleasing by you if he thinks what he’s doing works? As a man I can see how he would feel but, I know how upset and frustrating that must be for you. It isn’t on you to support his ego but it is on both of you to communicate and figure out things that work for both of you. Honest and open communication is needed in all aspects of a relationship even if sometimes it means having uncomfortable or hard conversations
Have you ever discussed what works for you?
If not, YTA for lying all this time and snapping at him.
Nah, you deserve to get there too. He needs to do better.
NTA for finally being honest.
But YTA for not being honest the entire time. If you communicated and offered suggestions on how he could satisfy you better and just generally helped him learn your body, you wouldn’t be in this situation. You literally created this situation.
And yes, i get it, bruised ego. But if you were honest right from the start the bruising wouldn’t be so bad. He’s got years of lies added to the sting of not satisfying you now. And that’s on you.
You aren’t the A for finally being honest, but you ARE the A for not speaking up a loooooong time ago. I understand faking it. I do. It *is* whole lot better than dealing with a bruised ego.
BUT
If he gets a bruised ego over not giving you pleasure instead of doing his best to learn what *does* give you pleasure, then he’s not a man you need to be with. This is why you need to tell them earlier. My husband had the initial ego reaction. But then he started learning what worked for me, just like I had to learn what worked for him. I don’t always finish, but I’m a difficult problem child in that area so unless it’s really important to me, I don’t tell him I’m not satisfied. If I feel the need, I can do something later. If it is important to me that he does give me a release, then I let him know and he does his best. It’s the effort or lack thereof that makes the difference.
ESH.
You suck a little more than he does in this situation because you let it go on for months, so he has more of a right to be upset when he is only learning about this now.
Signed
A married woman who has never faked it because if I don’t cum or aren’t feeling it, they deserve to know.
I know this is going to ruffle a bunch of feathers, but many, and I’d even venture to say most, men just aren’t capable of regularly bringing their female partners to orgasm. I’m a 60-year-old woman with a plethora of women in my life whom I’m comfortable speaking with about this very subject.
While it is incredibly common and even normal for women to fake their orgasms, as part of giving pleasure/enjoyment to her male partner, this does leave the woman unsatisfied. What the OP could have done after having faked it for several months, was to cover up her initial white lie with another one saying that she has recently developed some issue coming to orgasm and she’d like to try toys and vibrators together. If he’s a caring partner, he will be very eager to please her even if it means using the toys. And he’s never the wiser.
I just thought I would end this with a reminder that many and most do not equal all. Thank you.
Well, you could have handled it better, but no you don’t have to pretend. You were obviously hurt after suppressing your feelings so long and not expressing them in a timely fashion. I think I would sit down with my boyfriend and apologize for the way you snapped and talk about what you need and see if he’s receptive to making some changes in your sex life. If he isn’t, you have your answer and it’s time to move on.
You’re kind of the AH. A very important part of intimacy is communication. I’ve been with my husband 11 years and we wouldn’t be here without communication. Your boyfriend is not going to push the right buttons for you if you don’t tell him. Faking it all this time will undoubtedly make him very upset.
Yta
Your relationships are doomed. It doesn’t matter if it’s this one or the next, or any.
You wanna go ahead and bottle up issues and be upset about it, go ahead. It’s unhealthy but you can do it. Taking it out on your partner isn’t fair though.
You could actually use your words before it’s an issue and… COMMUNICATE with him and tell him what you enjoy, how to get you there. Apparently you’re an adult, but you don’t act like it.
If you can’t talk about sex, you shouldn’t be having it. You just crapped on him for not knowing anything was wrong when you were faking it for months. Is he supposed to be clairvoyant, a mind reader?
Yta OP
Either learn how to talk to people, which isn’t hard. Or just don’t date them and you’d be saving yourself and them the headaches.
YTA for faking it all that time and expecting him to not be offended when you pull the rug out from under him. YTA also for snapping and telling him this right after sex. This should have a sit-down conversation outside of the bedroom.
YTA for ever faking to begin with. If he’s couldn’t get you there and you didn’t communicate what was lacking and help him help you, then did you ever even really try?
Not sure yet. Other than faking it, how else have you been communicating what you want or don’t want, what feels good or not good? Have you asked him to do things differently or to let you masturbate with his participation so you can both get there? Have you made any other efforts?
If this was the first he could have known you haven’t been fulfilled, YTA for snapping (although I empathize, as the feeling of being used as a fleshlight while my needs were ignored and I had to finish myself off while the guy was in the bathroom or snoring next to me definitely made me ragey back in the day).
It would have been better to say, “Hey…I have to confess that I am making sounds as though I’m climaxing because I love it when you feel good, but I am not actually having orgasms from sex. Can we try [x], [y], or [z] to make sure I’m fully aroused and that we can both get there?”
He could get you off first, or you could go solo, or find a position where you can give yourself the stimulation you need during the act (doggy while on your knees and balancing with one hand and maybe a strategic pillow while your other hand handles your needs?).
Esh because he’s probably faking the relationship
This is what happens when we try to be nice and take care of other people’s feelings without making sure our own needs are met.
It’s like politely telling someone, “This is delicious!” when they’ve cooked you a dinner you didn’t actually enjoy, but then they think it’s your favorite meal and fix it for you all the time, and you have to choke it down on your birthday and anniversary until you finally have to say, “I’m so sorry, but I actually don’t really care for [meal], but I like you so much that I said I liked it the first time you made it. I didn’t know how to tell you I didn’t really like it without hurting your feelings. I’m sorry I lied and that now I’m hurting you more. Is there anything I cook or do that I think you like but that you don’t actually like?”
YTA for the timing.
Maybe be a bit more gentle instead of lying for months then truth bombing him to depression when he’s post-orgasm happy?
He can’t get better if you don’t tell him what you need. If you told him and he’s ignoring it then ESH.
G’day. I heard some words years ago that I more than agree with after I thought about them a little and they are – the only way a man ever truly becomes a Lover, is at the hands of a Woman.
Your bloke sounds like a typical young male, his ego fragile and matched only by his immaturity and although thst sounds a tad harsh, I don’t mean any bad by it at all. I say that because I knew the feeling myself of being a beetroot in my early sex life. Beetroot- short for deadbeat root. Trying so hard to be the ‘man’ and knock my girls socks off so she can run and tell her friends later what a guy I am. My ego matched by my cluelessness which was understandable back in the 80’s without the internet at my fingertips chocko-block with porn to make sussing things out easier and making for better sex for her as well as I. I knew fuck all because I was inexperienced and too worried about things not even worth worrying about. Like your bloke I was also no mind reader and it took uninhibited communication thst needed my ego, just like our clothes to be left on the floor and not get in the way of the goldmine of information as well the demonstrations she was guiding me with and not what could so easily be taken as criticism and a personal attack. When we go out for tea (which is the word for the evening meal here in Oz and dinner is the midday meal) at a restaurant , when the food arrives it is exactly what we desired and wanted not because the waiter is a highly gifted clairvoyant, but because we told him what we wanted and ta-da! There it is. Communication both verbal and physical are the keys thst can open so many wonderful doors in so many ways. But yeah, not meaning to sound crude but don’t wait for him to fuck you, push him down on his back or whichever way and you fuck him. Fuck his brains out like there is no tomorrow, do what you want to do, grab his ears literally or figuratively and don’t let go until you get what you want which obviously is an orgasm abd it won’t be the last, ride and grind his face until you cum before you jump on top and be the Woman that took him from the landof dud to be a true Lover. It isn’t being selfish and unless he has a bad case of heatstroke or something similar, believe me, he won’t mind at all. If he does, thst is being selfish and in my opinion you will forever be left wanting and your thoughts will start to wander which isn’t good. And don’t let other people’s opinions dictate your own personal way of doing things. Only the opinion of those thst matter to you matter, and I also often say this- words have no power other than thst which we give them. Don’t ever let them clip your wings, but spread them wide, fly high and be free, free to be you. . Fuck the negative souls off out of your life and embrace the positive, don’t settle for less and just exist. Live your life how you choose to, be a good person and don’t hold onto the bad energy thst so many people do. Let it go and restore the flow.
Happy people attract other happy people and so it goes . 🙃
You’re 1000% the only AH in this situation.
you should truly emasculate him and peg him. you’d probably get more pleasure out of that than his efforts it sounds like.
YTA hardcore, I’m a woman and I’m vocal as heck with my partner about what I love and want, how the hell else would I expect him to know? We even use “I love you” as a code word for when one of us orgasms so neither of us has to interrupt the mood wondering if we’ve both gotten there or not, it’s a great way to know whether to keep going even if you’ve already finished without disappointing each other. If you don’t want to have an adult conversation with a partner, stay single instead of destroying someone’s self esteem because they aren’t a mind reader.
Nah. Be honest. Get a vibrator to share together. Or date a lesbian. Women know women better. Lol
NTA for being honest but certainly the TA for doing it how you did.
It should have been an honest conversation for you both to be able to feel comfortable to speak an work towards finding better.
Instead you blindsided him (granted. He asked for it) but still could have been more tactful in your words following.
Though.. I can also understand the frustration of having no release for months while you pleasure someone else.
Please sit down now an have a mature conversation with him about how he could improve sexually and perhaps apologize for being rather harsh in bringing it up.
Your feelings and pleasure is valid as of course are his.
You should never have faked an orgasm in the first place. If they don’t know, they can’t fix anything. You need to sit down with him and talk about how you can work together to satisfy both of you. You know your body best. You need to guide him during the act and tell him what you like or where he should go or what to try next. Unfortunately, men are not mind readers. I would feel completely dejected if my boyfriend had been faking orgasms for months and then suddenly snapped at me like that. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute. That was definitely unfair on your part.
Imagine if he figured how to get you there instead of waiting
He can get you there
For a long time he thought everything was fine and then he got harsh criticism. What did you think was going to happen? Of course he got defensive. I think the fact that you snapped at him says that you didn’t like faking it. And all this was building up inside you so that you would burst out at a random moment. But everything can still be fixed. If a guy is willing to listen to you, you should help him learn to do it the way you like. No one can read minds, so he’ll need your help here.
YTA if you seriously didn’t discuss this with him ever and then just snapped at him out of the blue. I would have been just as offended
YTA for letting him think you were satisfied just to avoid a confrontation. Then when you finally said something you were mean about it. Do you even like him? Sounds like you are done. You need to communicate your needs. I wouldn’t talk to you either. Like where are you supposed to go from here?
YTA , you are a grown woman, why hide that he wasn’t making you O, pull on those big girl pants and talk too your partner and grow together.
If you gave him some pointers and what makes you tick long term would be worth it. Gone the wrong way about it for sure
YTA for lying to him and letting him think he was doing well when he wasn’t. Honesty and communication should ALWAYS be the priority.
I don’t blame him for being pissed at you
Stories like this are so hilarious to me. It’s not hard at all to make a woman cum. Like, are my fellow men that dumb?😂
Woman to woman – stop faking orgasms then building resentment you don’t cum. YTA.
Next guy, tell him from the start what you like, or say you are still exploring and will be giving out directions. If he gets upset, then he’ll be the a-hole
Yta for faking in the first place.
Your orgasms are your responsibility. YOU’RE the one with the problem, not him.
Figure out how to cum and guide him in bed, use toys, use your hand etc and enjoy the sex.
Why are you expecting someone else to make sex enjoyable for you?
Instead of faking it, just tell him what you like 🙄
If he’s not interested, you’re not sexually compatible and you should move on.
You betrayed his trust in a vulnerable and intimate part of your relationship. You might not be mature enough to be dating and having sex if you’re lying about stupid things like that to someone
YTA. Learn to communicate with your bf.
Your BF thinks he is getting you off from just penetration? Not many people get off that way, so why don’t you actually, instead of having him flop around like a beached whale, sit down and enjoy some foreplay together, actually show him/tell him what gets you off. That way you can both have better sex. He also needs to understand, him penetrating you and finishing is only half the job.
YTA. Learn to communicate with your bf.
Your BF thinks he is getting you off from just penetration? Not many people get off that way, so why don’t you actually, instead of having him flop around like a beached whale, sit down and enjoy some foreplay together, actually show him/tell him what gets you off. That way you can both have better sex. He also needs to understand, him penetrating you and finishing is only half the job.
I’d be willing to bet this didn’t go the way you thought it was gonna 😂
YTA for not talking with him about this and for “performing” instead of actually talking and taking more control of your own needs.
Would your boyfriend melt down if you wanted to use your hand or a toy during sex? Then he’s a terrible person and you shouldn’t be fucking him. Do you think he’s 100% responsible for your orgasms during sex? Then you’re a terrible person and he shouldn’t be fucking you.
Why do so many women think that they shouldn’t have to tell their boyfriends what feels best in bed? We always make fun of men who “can’t find the clit” but if women are just constantly lying to these men and telling them they are making them orgasm, it’s no wonder these men have no actual clue how to please a woman.
Be honest with your partners. Pretending helps no one.
You’re not the asshole. You should never have faked orgasms with him. Had you asked, “AITA for faking orgasms with my boyfriend?” Then you would have had it coming. So you cleverly asked for our opinion. Kudos!
Geeze, do you forget how to talk when you are having sex?
You know your body, guide him to the things that work for you. If you give the cue that what he’s doing is working, you are only lessening your enjoyment.
You should never have started faking it. In your defense any man who can’t tell isn’t going to get you off anyway. Buy a toy. Show him how you like it. I understand why faking is tempting – SO much easier than dealing with a whiny bruised ego.
So NTA to him but you are to yourself.
It takes two to tango. He wants to please you. The idea makes him feel powerful and successful. Maybe try communicating. Watch porn together, especially one with what you want to happen in it. Have some grace and reward what you want him to do. Crazy female
YTA for lying and then being a bitch about it. Esp after sex. Just dump the poor guy.
NTA for being honest. YTA for not being honest in the first place. Poor guy probably feels super deceived and embarrassed and has every right to feel that way because you gave him mixed signals then were somehow surprised that he never got to the destination… Make it make sense, dude.
If you want him to improve, try communication instead of quiet resentment.
He’s TA. It’s a mutually enjoyable experience, he should be asking you what turns you on and flicks your switch. Teach him the location of your wail button, if you don’t know where it is, experiment on yourself, masturbate and learn your body so you can teach him.
See I feel like your kinda a asshole because if the sex was bad in the beginning why not tell him instead of lying all this time I mean i get it believe me nothing worse then not finishing
You created this problem by faking it. You should have been honest from the beginning and expressed what you want/need. Noe you are blaming him for a situation you created. YTA
This should have been title “Am I the asshole for finally being honest with my bf after 2 years?” Either way, the answer is yes YTA. You let it go this long and then got mad at HIM because you got tired of lying. Communication is important to a good and healthy relationship.
Of course you are not. Why would you think its wrong to give your partner false thoughs and than blow up in the worst possible moment to bring the truth.
You would be wrong if ylu talked this like and arult and try to see a solution that will work for both of you
YTA. You said you just didn’t want to deal with his bruised ego, but now look at what position you’re in. Was it really easier to ignore things? This all sounds like it comes down to your terrible communication skills.
I don’t think YTA for telling him he’s not pleasing you, I think YTA for the way you told him.
Unfortunately I think most women have faked it but if you’re in a relationship you plan on staying in, you should be honest.
It sounds like you may have tried to talk about it before. If he can’t handle it or try to make an effort, than you have to decide if this is a relationship you want to be in.
I wouldn’t apologize for what you said, but how you said it.
OP, is this what you expected to happen when you wrote this post 🤔?
Yta, you have been lying to him for years and he couldve been trying new things to get you off
You literally called it fine and then you said it was disappointing. You lied to us, i can only feel for him. If you like him and want to stay. Go on amazon get some gels and toys,w.e is needed and discover how to right this.
YTA for faking an orgasm in the first place…
You wanna fake it here or there cuz the performance wasn’t great or you got too in your head and it wasn’t his fault you didn’t get there, that’s acceptable faking.
You’ve been faking it for two years straight. The man can’t fix what he doesn’t know is broken. How is he supposed to get better at something you don’t tell him he’s not doing right? You don’t wanna deal with a bruised ego so you just lie for two years and then get mad when nothing changes?
WHY WOULD ANYTHING CHANGE IF HE THINKS EVERYTHING IS GREAT!?
You blindsided him after lying for two years, and you wanna be mad? YTA so hard it hurts.
Grow up and learn to have a hard conversation.
NTA for stopping faking, YTA for faking in the first place. If you don’t tell him how to get you where you’re going, how is he supposed to get there? Assuming that someone is supposed to magically know how to get you off with no instruction is wild.
Tell the truth and try to work it out.
If it were me, I would want to be told I wasn’t hitting the spot . Faking an orgasm is almost worse than just not having a orgasm I would want to improve and be better
Well no defo not in the wrong but you have defo destroyed his ego!!
Info: wanna know if any attempts were made to improve this via productive communication prior to the faking to prevent bruised ego or if the deciding to lie about finishing was your first solution, I’d say that’s pertinent information to your judgement
YTA for faking then blowing up about it. But you shouldnt fake either. Tell him what will get you there. He should WANT to do that
He’s probably mad because you showed him how not to please you, and now he doesn’t know what you like and he needs to unlearn all the lies you told him. I understand is frustration. For every woman who fakes, you deserve bad sex, because that what you teach them.
YTA for faking it to begin with tbh
YTA for lying in the first place
aitah For being honest? Lmfao b***h when were you honest? You were lying for two years straight and then you had an outburst where you also lied to him insinuating that he was previously getting you off.
Lmfao you’re actually such an asshole, not just to him but to yourself that I’m surprised yall had any kind of sex other than anal.
You were honest, but you weren’t kind.
NTA obviously. The fact that he is giving you the silent treatment pretty much confirms that this is all about his ego and not about you “lying” to him.
Different women like different things… Like sometimes if I’m really gentle with my fingers for example, she’ll put her hand on top of mine to make me use a bit more pressure, etc..
I appreciate that as I then know to use a bit more pressure without hurting her etc.
Win win situation as she has a better time.. And I know I’m doing a better job. You really need to communicate what you like, even if it’s just subtle stuff like that..
YTA for not conveying that information from the get go. I get faking on occasion to spare his ego, but realistically you two need to communicate (COMMUNICATION IS KEY IN ANY GOOD RELATIONSHIP)
YTA
You know you should not have kept pretending, this is your fault. How he is she supposed to know it’s not incredible if you make him think it is every time?
You are entirely to blame for this getting to the point it is. Of course, it’s not an easy convo to have with a partner that you aren’t orgasming after sex, but if you have the conversation early on maybe you could have changed some things together.
It sucks he got defensive, but he is probably feeling like a bit of a fucking loser right now because he just found out his GF hasn’t been having amazing sex for months like he though, give him the slightest break.
Sit back down with him and try to discuss it, talk about what you like, what you two could try.
“Finally being honest” glosses over lying for a considerable time. And clearly you have built up resentment.
Nobody has been emasculated. If he’s unwilling to spend time and effort pleasing you and you are unwilling or unable to say what you want and he’s unable to hear anything he perceives as criticism, I’d say you are fighting a losing battle.
YTA for not communicating, because how is he supposed to read your mind and know what you like, but he’s also an asshole for his disproportionate reaction. In general, you wouldn’t be the asshole for finally standing up and wanting the situation to change.
YTA for lying to him for months. You should have been honest, figured out what you needed him to do to get you off, and then communicated that to him. You’re mad at him for believing you and that’s super fucked up.
ESH. You should have been honest wth him much earlier and brought it up at a different time.
He shouldn’t be giving you the cold shoulder. Also he should have been paying attention more and should work out what works for you.
Yeah you could have done that better. He may be acting proud, but he’s acting that way because you faked it. Should have sat him down while NOT mid coitus and just talked to him gently about it. Dudes are sensitive about sex stuff, especially with their partner.
You need to ask for what you need. Allow him to do the same. People aren’t mind-readers. It’s awkward, but if you’re both invested, it’s well worth it.
YTA for lying and making your resentment over your own lie his problem
NTA. I’m sorry, but these Y T A votes are absurd. The fact that he got so butthurt, and whines about being “emasculated”, proves that she was right to hide the truth from him. If he were an emotionally mature person, she could have shared the truth. Good for you for finally having the courage to be open with him finally
NTA for being honest, but you are for having lied to him about it for so long rather than communicating. Because he may be hurt that he wasn’t satisfying you, but you’ve also added that you don’t think he’s mature enough to handle the truth and have a discussion. ( and if he really isn’t, then you don’t need that in your life )
Nope. He needs to do better and communicate. But so do you.
Have you tried telling him what you need to make you cum? You’re NTA for not faking it. But ESH for a lot of different things, you can’t expect him to know how to get you there if he apparently never has. He can’t get so upset after learning he hasn’t made his partner cum. Please just be normal ppl and talk to each other.
YTA. The other comments tell you why.
Not the nicest way to do that. You weren’t honest, you were mean.
Obviously the honest thing to do was never to have faked in the first place. But you didn’t want to have to deal with the annoyance. (And if he really would be impossibly annoying, maybe not an acceptable partner.)
You pumped up his ego, never corrected that, and then deflated it, right after having sex with him. At his most vulnerable.
That was a pretty AH thing to do.
You should have told him outside of sex. Or when he asked you, just say, no sorry, didn’t happen this time and then talked about it in more detail.
This story makes you sound too emotionally immature to be having sex.
It’s not that you should’ve kept pretending; it’s that you never should’ve started pretending. He has to know whether he’s doing well or not. For real. If he isn’t getting you there he needs to figure out what does. If you’re faking it he has no way of figuring anything out because nothing is real.
Nah twin you should’ve told him earlier that you didn’t feel satisfied. Now he’s upset and you’re fed up. Big lesson about miscommunication eh ?
For fucks sake, OP. You’re NTA but you’re an idiot for having faked in the first place.
Y kinda TA. Women who fake are the reason men are such horrible lovers. Or think it is easy and effortless to get us there. Even worse, some men actually make you feel like shit about yourself as a woman and partner because you aren’t able to, so they just give up like it’s your fault.
It is good you stopped, but now you are kinda screwed. Good luck though…..I get it 🙁
Sex is supposed to be nice, fun and forming a bond. There is no communication. If you really liked him you would share what takes you there. Not redicule him on social media. If you told him and he doesn’t listen then you are both aholes. Stop looking at TikTok for advice and seek professional help if you guys want to stay together.
Can you not teach him a few tips and tricks to help?
nta for not wanting to fake. yta for how you communicated your needs